HOW TO REDUCE STRESS with COURTNEY ELMER

Hey, bonjour YouTube. Today I am with Courtney and I'm so excited to have this discussion about stress management, like how stress is impacting our productivity. What is stress by the way? What is stress and how this impacts our productivity, how it impacts how we manage our time, how we are seeing life in general. It's going to be a little bit on mindset. It's going to be also very tactical. She has a lot of tips, strategies to share with us and I'm so excited for you to see. If you are interested in this kind of topics, if that's the first time you come here, welcome, bienvenue, and feel free to subscribe to the channel so that you see more content like this twice a week. Hey, bonjour. I'm Hugo and I help busy professionals be more productive and get back in control of their own time. Hey guys, I'm Courtney and I help high achievers achieve more while doing less so they can have the bigger impact they want but without the overwhelm and the overwork that so often takes them out of the game. Oh wow, a lot of overwhelm and overwork. So what does it mean exactly and how does it relate to stress? Yeah, so stress really affects our productivity and it really is something that a lot of people don't realize because they think that stress and overwhelm is just a normal part of life, right? Everybody feels stressed. Everybody feels overwhelmed. That's not necessarily true. And so when we really allow that belief to kind of cloud our vision and thinking that stress and overwhelm is just a normal part of life, well, it really can start to do some damage in how we show up and in how we're living our life and really prevents us from stepping into our role as our best self, you know, no matter what it is, in our job, with our family, and in our personal life. Before getting into the details and very tactical things, what is stress and where does it come from? Yeah, I think stress is something that everybody feels differently. Everybody processes differently but I think we all have a general idea of what stress feels like to us. Sometimes it can feel heavy, like a weight you're carrying around. Really what it is, is it's your body's fight or flight response. And you think about your body's fight or flight response. It's not there just for the sake of being there. It's there to indicate when there's a problem, when there's danger around, right? So we can start to think of stress showing up in our lives not as just something we have to deal with or this weight we have to carry around or a pressure that we feel, rather an indicator that's showing us there's danger. Hey, pay attention. You know, there's something going on here that we need to really get attuned to and pay attention to. It's kind of your first line of defense. So, okay, I see a danger coming my way so I'm going to stress. But how is that positive? So your body reacts this way. It should be in the direction of positivity to do something good to protect you, right? So how stress is actually negative? So it's negative because we're not designed to be in stress all the time. Yet, with the way that a lot of us live our lives, we are in a stressful state, a state of survival or a state of response, right? That fight or flight. And so we tend, when we're in that state without realizing it, a lot of times it's hard for me to get out of it because we don't realize we're even in it. So our body, I understand that our body is not used to like feel this stress all the time. So we need to find some ways to actually reduce the stress, to keep some good positive stress to make us make progress because being outside of your comfort zone is positive. It's a sign of growth, right? And that can bring stress. So we want to keep this, but there is some part of the stress that you may want to reduce. How can we do that? Yeah. So a couple of things. Like you said, stress can be positive. It can drive us and a lot of times it does. But when it becomes chronic, when it becomes something that we have all the time, that can be dangerous. So one of the first things I tell people is to get really present whenever you feel stressed and to just take a step back, take a deep breath and just ask yourself, what do I really need right now? It's a very simple thing you can do in the course of your day. And a lot of times the answer might surprise you. Sometimes it could be, let me just go outside and get some fresh air. Sometimes it might be, oh, I need to eat. You know, these simple things that when we're just driven and we're just working on a project or something that we often forget to do. Simple way to do that. But in speaking a little more generally too, just to be aware of when you are feeling stressed, when you are feeling overwhelmed and what is that telling you where you've gotten off track? Yeah. Is it your personal life you're neglecting? Is it your physical health you're neglecting? Something's being neglected there that needs to be taken care of. So I understand that one critical piece in order to reduce stress is to first being able to identify it and to identify your patterns. So we all have different patterns and we know that we have sometimes some triggers that can actually bring stress. Do you know any way, any tactical strategy to help reduce these triggers? I don't know. I'm asking that pretty openly if you do. Yeah, that's a great question. I think one of the things, you know, we're not aware of how often we complain in the course of the day and where your focus goes, your energy flows. And so if you're focusing on the negative, oftentimes that can just create more of the same, which can lead to stress and this feeling of overwhelming pressure. So I often tell people, keep a complaint journal. You know, at the end of the day, jot down a few notes and say, okay, these are the things that I complained about today, whether it was the traffic on your way to work or whether it was, you know, a fight that you had or something that went on with the coworker, whatever that came up that you were complaining with about today. And then asking yourself and recognizing, okay, I've been part of the problem here, you know, and I've been focused on the negative, but how can I be also part of the solution? And then how can I change this? So we know that accountability is so important and just keep complaining about things and feel like the victim will not help you in any way. So accountability is such a key factor. I really like the journal thing. We have some friends here that want to be part of the movie. So we need to acknowledge that. So yeah, I really like the journal thing. Don't you think that having a complaint journal will not actually put too much focus on the negativity? Well, it's interesting because that's, that's a great point. And if you choose to, sure, you can realize, oh my gosh, I'm complaining about all these things. My life's a mess and just choose to stay in that victim role. But you can also recognize that you have personal responsibility. That is a choice that we all make. And if we're not taking a hundred percent personal responsibility in our life, then we will live at a place of effect where we place the cause of our life and we blame other things for our lack of results. This could be other people, we can blame time, we can blame any sort of thing. So by getting present to that and just coming at it with the approach of, okay, these are the things that I am complaining about. This might be the areas I'm focused on negatively, but that doesn't mean I'm a bad person. That doesn't mean anything about me. It simply means that these are some areas that I need to shift and change in my life. Because when you do, you're going to free up that energy that's been focused on the negative and be able to shift it into the positive, which will also relieve stress and pressure. Okay, so we were talking about complaints and having a negative vision about what happened, like this is what is complaining. And then what can you do about it? So it's all about perception. Perception of how you see things, but how you see yourself, your own worth, right? Do you want to touch on that? Yeah, absolutely. I think as high-achieving driven individuals, a lot of times we find our worth in how much we do or how much we don't do. If I get all the boxes checked by the end of the day, I'm doing a great job. Or if I don't get all the boxes checked by the end of the day, I'm doing a bad job. We kind of equate this all or nothing thinking, and that can be really dangerous as well. And it can cause a lot of stress without our realizing it. And what we've got to start recognizing is that our work does not equal our worth. And when we have our worth wrapped up in our work, we're never going to be able to free up the energy we need to actually create the life we want and achieve the results that we want, big or small. So that could be a result that by the end of the day I want to have X, Y, and Z accomplished, or that could be a result for your life that you're hoping to create. Being busy will not make you a more important person. I see that all the time. Some people that are, look, I had seven hours of meeting today. Quoting, look how important I am. In my mind, I see the opposite. What are you trying to achieve by just filling your calendar? What do you want to prove? So that may be like some root cause, and that is to be behind. But being busy doesn't equal being productive. It's completely different. And we are currently at BBD Live. You guys know Business by Design Live from James Wedmore, and we're having a blast, right? Yeah, it's been awesome. And we had Jen Casey that said something that was really mind-blowing, and that's really related to what we just said. And she said, I'm not going to quote her very accurately, but she said, staying busy is actually the opposite of making progress, or something around these lines. And I think that's a really important message that a lot of people need to hear. Actually staying busy on the things that are not really important will prevent you from making progress on what is important for you. And you know what's the definition of something important. You know that from this video here. Important, urgent. Important is that activity or project that contributes to making progress on your own goals, not other people's goals, right? So focusing on being productive towards your goal is actually helping you making progress towards this goal. So that's the point I wanted to make. Yes, great point. And I think a lot of the, you know, busyness is praised in our culture, especially in the Western world. You know, we praise a high level of busyness because we equate busyness with significance. We equate busyness with importance. But if seven hours of meetings is not actually, you know, you take a look at the end of that day, right? Going back to that great example, and it's, how did I actually get closer to the things I truly want in life? You know, did those seven hours of meetings help me accomplish that? Or could that have been reduced in some way? Or was that really necessary? These are the questions we've got to start asking ourselves. And just, you know, as James says, we know the quality of our life is determined by the quality of questions we ask. So if we're asking ourselves the wrong questions, you know, not why am I so busy? Or when can I catch a break? Or, you know, when am I going to take that vacation? It's, you know, how can I do less and still have the same impact? And really recognizing that your work doesn't, it's not, doesn't equate to how much you do. I just wanted to touch one last time on something that we talked about earlier. Stress is an indicator, right? So what, what do you want to say about that? Yeah, I think that's one thing, you know, if you have one takeaway from watching this today is to remember that when you feel stress is indicating something deeper is going on, it's not normal. And chronic stress that's on a high level is not what we are meant to be experiencing. It's not how we're meant to be experiencing our life. So getting really present to that, by getting present to that, I mean that when you notice that stress, A, starting to become aware of it, identifying when it's happening, and then B, asking yourself, okay, what do I really need right now? And how can I be part of the solution here? And redirect that energy. That's really key. And then also just remembering, you know, put this in the back of your mind, write it on a sticky note and put it on your mirror so you see it every day that my worth is in who I am, not in how much I do. Thank you. Thank you so much. I think, I, I hope you had so much value with what Courtney just shared with us. Are you ready for Tata Tats? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah? Okay. I'm going to bring the questions. You guys know what Tata Tats is. I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions. Quick fire. I don't have my beret. As you know, we're in BBD and I didn't bring my beret, so it's not going to be completely fresh. Okay. Dogs or cats? Dogs. More money or more sleep? More money. Sweet or salty? Sweet. Mornings or nights? Mornings. Favorite YouTube channel? Of course. How many cups of coffee a day? Two. Morning or afternoon? Morning. Favorite cheese? I don't eat cheese. You don't eat cheese? No. Okay, maybe we should cut this video. White wine or red wine? Bubbly. Bubbly. Okay. Most famous French person that comes to mind? Louis Antoine. Oh, yeah. How many hours of sleep do you get every night? About seven and a half or eight. Okay, good. Say something in French. Oui. Come on. Mon ami. What else do I know? Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq. What's next? My mom taught me this when I was very young. It's like calling back the memories. Stereotypes about French people? They hate Americans. Yes, that's what we think. My partner and my son are both Americans. I used to. No, that's not true. That was just for the joke. What's the book currently on your nightstand? The Road Back to You. An Enneagram Journey to Discovering Your True Self. And it is forever on my nightstand. It's an excellent book. Okay, I'm going to link it right here. And by the way, I just want to touch back on hating Americans. You guys saved our ass during World War II, so we can't hate you. It's not possible. What's your mantra or the phrase you leave back? Stress less, live more. Oh, that's your motto, right? Yes. What's your kryptonite? Stress. Is that a cop-out? No, it really is. What's your biggest pet peeve? Oh, getting rained on. I hate to get rained on. It bothers me. Where did you live again? New Orleans. New Orleans, yeah. You should definitely move to San Diego. Yeah, yeah. Do you have a pet? We do. We have two dogs. Okay. If your pets could talk, what would they say about you? Oh, they'd probably say that Daddy likes us better than Mommy. My husband feeds them and takes care of them. He bathes them, goes for walks. I just kind of pat their heads and say, I love you. But yeah, no, I do love them, but he's more involved than I am. Yeah, but you have a family. I do. I have a son that I'm more involved with him. So the tether test is over. How can people find you and see your work? Yes, at CourtneyElmer.com. And I hang out on Instagram the most, at CourtneyElmer underscore. But if you type in my name, I should pop up. Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much, Courtney, for being here with us. I hope you guys had so much value from this video. Feel free to subscribe to this video if you want to see more content like this. See you. See you next week. Au revoir. Bye.