Really Stupid Cryptids

Hello, welcome back to the budget museum. Or at least, what was the budget museum. You see, these have been hard times for a museum that does not exist, and I might have done a few wrong things. Tax evasion, money laundering, fraud, and in return, my museum license has been taken away. But don't fret, because I have something just as good. Introducing the budget, uh, EMPORIUM! Step right in, step right in, to see creatures you've never seen before. That's because, although I can't talk about real animals, I can show the wonders of creatures that science has not yet accepted as reality. For anyone unaware, these creatures, called cryptids, are animals in the cryptozoology pseudoscience. Creatures without any scientific evidence to back their existence, but plenty of folklore and legend. Think Bigfoot and Nessie. But unfortunately, due to my, um, budget, I was unable to afford any of these high-profile cryptids, so I've instead opted for the stupidest and most ridiculous- I mean, outlandish and hair-raising monsters you've ever seen. Are you ready for oodles of fun and fright? Then let's get started. Mermaids are one of the more well-known mythological creatures. Starting in ancient times, the idea of fish people has always amazed humans, and they've been searching for them ever since. Chris Columbus swore he saw a mermaid while sailing to the new world, but this was probably a manatee. And on conspiracy channels and documentaries, you will find plenty of people still searching for mermaids. Now, physical evidence for mermaids is a bit more hard to find, mainly because mermaids do not exist. Yet people have attempted to show their mermaid specimens, the most famous of which was P.T. Barnum's B.G. Mermaid. Behold, the mermaid, restored to its beauty. Just look at that face. Now, if you can't tell already, this f- thing is composed of the body of a fish with the torso of a primate tsunami. Back in the day, it was convincing enough for many Americans, who came to Barnum's attraction in droves to view the specimen. Many were probably enticed by newspaper ads showing an illustration of the creature, only to see, once again, this. Of course, nowadays, no one is fooled by these creatures, and copies of Barnum's original can be seen around the world in various places as more of a charming novelty. I personally someday hope to find a Fiji mermaid as a way to round out the home. But the real mystery now is what actually happened to the original fake. It's presumed that Barnum's mermaid was lost in either of the two museums it was stored in, both of which burned down. But a few places around the world claim to have the original, from Coney Island to the Peabody Museum. Of course, all of these are probably just chasing the fame and glory of, might I remind you, a monkey stuck to a fish. Now, here's a few cryptids which are supposed to be taken as jokes. Fearsome Critters is a catch-all term for animals made up by Americans at the turn of the 20th century, which are supposed to be completely unbelievable and silly. These mythical animals were usually made up on the spot by lumberjacks in the Great Lakes region as campfire jokes, or maybe ways to haze new lumberjacks without outrageous stories they are meant to believe. Since then, a few have been made modern American folklore, such as the jackalope or the hide behind. But I feel that some of the better ones are critters which are not so well known. Just imagine, on a dark forest night, the grizzled men around you tell you the stories of terrors like the goofus, a species of bird said to fly backwards, or the fur-bearing trout, who grows a hairy coat it uses to survive its cold environment. And of course, the legendary hoop snake. Name is self-explanatory. Among the world of cryptids, you have a few humanoids, a few animals, so what could be more terrifying than combining those things into a normal guy dressed up as an animal? No, it's not Batman, but it's the great Spring Hill Jack, the leaping horror of London. Okay, so maybe this is stretching the roles of cryptids a bit. I mean, this guy sort of just looks like a guy. But I still include him due to his mysteriousness and unnatural abilities. Starting in the 1830s, women across London told stories of a man who would attack them. His description varies, but supposedly he wore a cloak with a tight-fitting shirt and boots, and long claws and red eyes like fireballs on a gruesome face. His signature powers seem to be vomiting blue and white flames, which he didn't do very well because there's no cases of him actually burning anybody. And of course, his incredible ability to jump pretty far in the air. I mean, yeah, I can't jump over tall fences, but I expected more from a supernatural being. Over the decades of the 19th century, Spring Hill Jack would spend his time lunging upon people, looking at them all creepy, and vomiting mildly frightening heaps of fire towards them. So, what was the origin behind this odd jumping character? Before the legend even spread, there were multiple cases of women being attacked by a weird man, so it must be a bit more than just complete myth, right? Well, some really do think it's just a case of mass hysteria, a condition where groups of people will suddenly just lose their minds for a while. But there are also theories of Spring Hill Jack, in fact, being many jacks. It's possible this was a group of young aristocratic men playing tricks on the public for a good laugh. Of course, I don't know how the power of the prank fueled these men to jump nine feet in the air or spew fire, but those might just be exaggerated details. Okay, so this one struck me because I was looking through a book called Atlas Obscura, which by the way, is a great book if you ever want to see the less well-known places you can travel to. Anyways, on one page, they show many of the lake monsters of the United States. There are some pretty familiar shapes here. You have plenty of plesiosaurs, a few humanoids, some pretty spooky turtles, and then boom, octopus. Yes, supposedly, in the deep abyss of lakes in Oklahoma, there lives a monstrous freshwater octopus, malicious monsters who drown unsuspecting swimmers. After all, if there was no giant evil octopus, why have drownings in Oklahoma risen in 2020, the most inconspicuous year in history? Now, an octopus doesn't seem too ridiculous. I mean, it's no hoopsnake. You might even be asking, why can't octopi live in freshwater lakes? Well, like many saltwater animals, octopi are adapted solely for the high salinity of the ocean. An octopus's body is designed to pump out salt and conserve pure water. If they were in freshwater, they would essentially absorb too much water and die, so they would have to undergo a complete morphological change to live in such an environment. Also, come on, lake octopi? Out of all the animals to be in a landlocked state, you have one which only lives in the ocean and doesn't even pose a threat to people? That's like having a big ape in the middle of the Rocky Mountains. So here it is. As we near the alleyway of great horrors science cannot explain, I present you with one of the most terrifying. Behold, the pard. The pard, as its frightening name suggests, is a mystical and deadly feline whose appearance dates back to ancient culture. The pard's existence is also meant to explain the existence of an actual beast, the leopard. You see, somehow the ancient world just never saw two leopards reproduce, because they thought that leopard was a sterile hybrid creature, like mules. You see, the leopard is obviously a degenerative, wretched animal, and the bastard offspring of a female lioness and a pard. Thus the name, leopard. Because obviously, this deplorable creature is a complete downgrade from our mighty pard. Allegedly, when a male lion would see his lioness making love to the pard, they would freak out and become enraged. And you know what? I understand. If your girlfriend cheated on you with this guy, you would have some serious and concerning answers to ask yourself. Eventually, as humanity reached the medieval era, the pard became more than just a cat. Soon, they were supernatural beings, evil and malicious killers. It was said that even the antichrist himself takes the form of what else? But the pard. Eventually, however, people would realize that leopards can reproduce, and legend of the pard fell into the sands of time. This video was really interesting, because cryptids, even these hilarious ones, are still fascinating to study. On this channel, I usually cover real animals, who are the products of nature. But these are instead the product of the human mind trying to answer questions to amaze itself. I mean, why are people drowning in my lake? Or where are all the mermaids of legend? The ways people imagine even the most outrageous creatures is fascinating. So although you should not believe in cryptids, certainly appreciate them as little pieces of folklore and man's imagination. Oh, and the final monster is, uh, Veggie Man. Half man, half produce. Trust me, I've seen him. Thank you for watching. As I said in the video, this was definitely an interesting and unique video to make, and I had a complete blast doing it. Of course, as always, thank you for the images and videos I used to create this content. And of course, thank you for staying until the end. See ya!