Red Sox weird bounce & Hawk lands on fan's head | Weekly Dumb

My name is Jimmy, his name is Jake, and this is the Weekly Dumb. Jake, how are you? Jimmy, I'm good. Zach, our guy editing his butt off. We're actually going unedited this whole episode. No edits. I'm good, man. Sports are pretty hot in the street. Baseball, boxing, football, oh my. When you close your eyes and think of a street, how many lanes, highway, wall road, through a town? How many burgers do you think you eat in a year? This is a question I was pondering while I was getting massaged the other day, and I couldn't figure it out. I was like, in the summer, I probably go two times a week, which is, you know, for three months, probably two times a week minimum. And then I think there's a three-month stretch in the winter where it's maybe once a month. So what's your number over this? So I think my number is around 75 a year. Okay. I'm probably a little below that. I have some buddies that'll eat multiple burgers a day. For me, it's the bun. I can't carb like that. Speaking of, let's get right into the sports. Jim, let's go from the top. Okay. Jake, can you tell me about the sports? Jim, a lot of baseball being played. And boy, was it a doozy last night in Fenway Park. The Boston Red Sox, the Tampa Bay Rays, they played 13 innings, 14 innings. And the rules came into play. And Jim, that's always crazy. Baseball has been around for a hundred years and you think you've seen it all. And you know, you haven't seen it all at all. And in a playoff game, the ball hits the top of the wall, bounces, hits the player, goes over the home run fence. And you think that should maybe help out the batting team, but it didn't help out the fielding team. And the Rays would have easily scored and they don't. And then you go to the rule book and there's a rule for that exact scenario. And it's somewhat weird, but somewhat accurate. And the Red Sox win. And it's one of Jim's dark favorite things about baseball, is that at one point in 1871, some dingleberry accidentally hit the ball out of the field. And they're like, oh, we need a rule for that. And here we are today, 2024. And it just happened in today's playoff game. I think what actually happened was a ball once ricocheted and it was rolling back to the outfield and he kicked it underneath the fence. There was a big hole under the fence and they made a rule. Congrats to the Red Sox on winning the World Series. Good team. Wow, Jim, that sports was pretty sporty. Can we talk about this? Almost a breakdown. Don't even need to ******* sound it. Yeah, we got an animal attack. We got an animal attack. This is happening today. This happened to James Paxton when he was on the Seattle Mariners. This happened to that dude. Actually, Paxton played it super cool. This dude's wife in the documentary, The Staircase, maybe. And here's a staircase. She died. They think maybe a bird. And it happened to this dude at the Seahawks game. So it's something about Seattle. Something about Seattle. Have all the eagle attacks happened in Seattle in the major sporting world? Is this the same Seahawk? Pima, the hawk. She turned this dude into a statue. I'll break it down real quick. There's a lady in the top left kind of looking like, hmm. Then there's a guy behind kind of smiling. And the dude just goes statue. Credit to him because I think I would have been. You know what? You'd think. Honestly, your bird on your back fighting tactics are the best tactics I've seen on you. You've got this punch down. Yeah, a lot of little kids want shoulder rise. I don't want to give them to him. Hey, Seattle, how about no more loose birds of prey? Hate to be the stickler. If it's the same eagle and the same handler, like something's up. The game plan is altered. God, I wonder how much animals think. The Time Magazine. Pause. Pause real quick. The cover of Time Magazine right now is what animals think with a dog on it. And I almost bought it for you today before I came in to open it up on Weekly Dumb. And I had no idea the stories. Man, I saw this and I thought of Jake. Jim, speaking of time, if you're having trouble with your erection, get Roman. For a better time. Limp dick bad. Hard dick good. Can you tell me about the more sports, Jake? Jim doesn't get much better than this. Andy Murray, tennis star, puts his smelly shoes outside. Sure. That's standard operating procedure. He puts them under his car. All right. Has his wedding ring attached. And overnight, the shoe and ring got stolen. I had a lot of questions. It's not his house. It's not a tennis club. This was in the parking lot of the hotel. So I'm guessing he didn't want to bring his smelly shoes through the hallways into the elevator and sit him in his own place. I'm guessing he probably had a balcony. Maybe he could have put him there. I'm guessing the wedding ring, he ties it to his shoes. Feels like a good luck thing, right? I think it's because he doesn't want to play with the wedding ring on. It's still like good luck. Like it's still attached to you, right? I don't know. But this is such guy stuff. This is like when you go to the beach and you put your keys in the foot of your shoe. Or me and my dad used to put our keys in the front left tire whenever we played baseball. And you just leave stuff, place the guys. You're like, no one's going to take it. And someone took it. But no, this is the definition of this makes sense to any guy. I'm going to put my sneakers outside under the car so nobody steals them. Then they get stolen. And everyone's like, well, yeah, yeah, yeah. But when you're doing it at the time, you're like, this is foolproof. Speaking about a foolproof. Jim, speaking about foolproof. Speaking about fools. Not sports. Bang. Speaking about fools. The Christ Church City Council in New Zealand is going to stop paying the wizard. But fools, yeah, they pay the wizard. He looks like this. I don't know if you've seen it. Put it all over. Put it there. Put it everywhere. Yeah. Wizard. You're a wizard. I mean, he looks like a wizard, so he does a great job there. Over the last 23 years, he's earned $368,000, about 20 grand a year. And they said, you know, maybe we don't pay the wizard anymore. I don't know what he's doing anymore. And the wizard said this is the best. The wizard said there are a bunch of bureaucrats who have no imagination. And I got to be honest, if you pay a wizard for wizard tasks, you have to have an imagination. So I think everything adds up here. I think they're all on the same page. This breaks my little Tuscaloosa heart. I mean, if you're going to pay a wizard 23 years because you're in New Zealand, so yeah, you got to have a wizard in your town. You can't cut the cord on that. 16k? That's like a penny a week from every person in New Zealand, Math Pod. This sucks. And the guy is a wizard. This guy has been a wizard for 23 years. You can't take that from him. **** you, New Zealand. This guy's dick doesn't work. He should call Roman. His dick works so well. He's a wizard. Roman's his wizard. I love this guy. That guy smells. Admit it that he smells. He reeks. This guy smells awful. That guy smells so bad. He smells bad. How many of those hats do you think he has? A lot, but I respect that. Yeah, I got a lot of those hats. My favorite character from Harry Potter. You know this. 3, 2, 1. Sorting Hat. Edit me so I said it at the same time. 3, 2, 1. Sorting Hat. Same time. It's the Employee of the Week. The sheet says we're giving it to Jake because it's his birthday. We have an employee working on a birthday right now. My wife? Yeah. We have someone creating a birthday. Yep. That feels like a step above what I'm at. If your birthday is October 11th, you just won Employee of the Week. Or if you're in the early parts of labor, you won Employee of the Week. So I rolled you in. I rolled Katie in. I rolled a lot of people. To all the births. Except if your name is George. And now I'm giving birth to the wizard from before. And I have his head now. And I've thrown him on Jake's head. I lost my cool. I hadn't let out a good stream in a while. That felt good. That was a weekly dumb. Support for today's show was brought to you by Roman. With Roman, you can get a free online evaluation and ongoing care for ED. All from the comfort and privacy of your home. A U.S. licensed healthcare professional will work with you to find the best treatment plan. If medication is appropriate, it ships to you free with two-day shipping. The whole process is straightforward and discreet. Getting started is simple. Just go to GetRoman.com slash dumb and complete an online visit. Take care of your ED without leaving home. Complete an online visit today to connect with a doctor and take care of it. Go to GetRoman.com slash dumb now to get $15 off your first month. There's a straightforward way to take care of ED. GetRoman.com slash dumb. Get started now to save $15 off your first month of treatment. I mean, baseball is the most bizarre spark. Baseball is one of the more bizarre sports because it's been around. Really is. That spark line. Baseball is a bizarre spark. One of the more bizarre sparks out there. I mean, baseball is bizarre. Yes, baseball is a bizarre sport. It's been around for a hundred years. Baseball is a goddammit. Spark. Bizarre spark. And that's the news from Fargo today. That's one of the more bizarre sparks out there.