Henry VIII - OverSimplified

This video was made possible by Honey. Keep watching to find out how you can save money when you shop online. Also, the reviews are in. That's some nice merch. Get your brand new character pin, limited time face mask, and more. Link down below. Sigmund, I don't have much longer. Tell me, was I a good king? You were okay. Will I be remembered as the great warrior king who invaded France, revolutionized English healthcare, and developed great park lands? Um, probably not. Because of the wife killings? Because of the wife killings. Sigmund, how did I get here? I still remember the good old days when I was a boy with a heart full of fire. And mummy would teach me. Okay, Henry, this is a horse. Can you say horse? Divorce. What? No. Okay, let's try this one. Can you say loaf of bread? Loaf with her head. No, Henry, that's wrong. You know what? Last one. Okay. Can you say soap? Soap. Yes, that's it. I'm the supreme head of the church. Screw the pope! You know what? You're my son and I love you. But you're freaking weird, man. The year is 1491. England has just come out of three decades of civil war in which a bunch of Henrys, Edwards, and one Richard had a little ding-dong over which royal house should rule the realm. Finally, a Henry won. Henry VII. And he had a son. What should we name him? My royal lineage is full of Henrys. A fine name. A vigorous name. A tenacious name. A muscular name. How about Arthur? And so Arthur, Prince of Wales and next in line to the throne, was born. Five years later, Prince Henry was born. But nobody cares about him. He's not the heir. Just a spare. The king wanted to make an alliance with Spain. So one day, he said to his son Arthur, Hey, baby, you see that lady baby? That's gonna be your wife. But father, I'm not even three years old yet. Listen, there's something you have to understand. You're my son. But more than that, you're a political bargaining tool. But you love me, right? I love you as a political bargaining tool. Yay. Hey, pop, who the heck are you? I've written you a poem. Listen here, tiny man. Can't you see that I'm busy? But I'm your son. I have another son? As Arthur was in another palace, being prepped to become king, Henry lived with his mother and two sisters at Eltham, where he was being trained for a church career. And not just that. Henry learned languages. He played sports. He learned the recorder. What a nerd. Am I right? Wrong. Henry was the coolest kid around. So I told my Latin teacher he could kiss-ius my buddy-us. Anyway, here's Wonderwall. Great scholars and theologians from across Europe came to meet and teach the young Prince Henry, who by all accounts was a very enlightened, bright, and charming young boy. Everybody loved Henry. And out of everything Henry was taught, more than anything, he came to adore and respect theology and Catholicism. One of Henry's tutors was English poet laureate John Skelton, who wrote a textbook for Henry that we still have today. In it, he wrote a number of important lessons for the young prince, such as do not be mean, loathe gluttony, and do not violate widows. Important lessons for any nine-year-old boy. Around this time, Henry's older brother Arthur, now 15 years old, was married to Catherine of Aragon, sealing the union between England and Spain. And then he died. Oh, my alliance with Spain. My poor, poor alliance with Spain. And your son, sire? Oh, yes, of course, my son. But mostly my alliance with Spain. Hey, Pop, who the heck are you? Oh, yeah! And just like that, an unprepared Prince Henry was now the new heir to the throne. And how about that alliance with Spain? Well, the solution was simple. Hey, boy, see that full-grown woman over there? That's gonna be your wife. What, my brother's widow? Yes. You're a freaking weirdo, man. Now, in the Bible, there's a verse that says marrying your brother's widow, that's a big no-no. So the king needed to convince the pope and get his special permission. Hey, can I please have my son marry his brother's widow? Eh, sure, why not? And so it was. Henry's life was turned on its head as he was moved to the royal court, next in line to the throne. But tragedy struck when just a few months later, his mother, with whom he was very close, suddenly died in childbirth. The loss of his mother almost certainly had a big effect on the young boy. In his older years, King Henry VII went on a bit of a paranoid trip. As was normal for a king at the time, Henry VII had had to quell a number of rebellions. And as he aged, he became ever more suspicious of the nobility around him. To keep them in check, he began levying huge, ruinous fines, left, right, and center. Dukes, bishops, barons, even his own mother. No one was safe from his tyranny. And the nobility of England began to suffer. So when Henry VII finally got sick and died just after Christmas 1508, there was a lot of celebration. Not only because the tyrannical Henry VII was gone, but because his replacement was the ever-popular, charming, and handsome, 18-year-old King Henry VIII. Henry married Catherine of Aragon in June 1509. You may be wondering, if it's so weird to marry your brother's widow, and since he's now king, couldn't Henry just decide not to? Well, yes, he could. But by now, Henry wanted to. The thing about Henry that was unlike many kings of the time was he married for love. And he had grown quite fond of Catherine. Very fond. Historians say their marriage was unusually good. And so he was coronated king. And what a king! Compared to his tyrannical father, he was an absolute joy. Having the blood of two royal houses, he was widely supported. He was really, really ridiculously good-looking. And those famous calves could achieve world peace. Hey Henry, now that you're king, you know what that means. Costume party! Henry pranced around the palace playing dress-up with his friends. He wrote plays. He sang songs. He danced. A true renaissance man. Very different from the gluttonous wife-killer we think of today. In his early reign, people from near and far would come to ask favors of the generous king. Hey man, could I gain ownership of some land near Upton Snodsbury? Sure thing, pal. Hey, could I be an earl or a baron or a bicount or something? Anything you want, man. Could I get like just like a really cool pig that has like freaking metal wings and eight legs and shoots flipping lasers and it can grow more pigs out of it for extra pigs? Say no more. Hey guys, I was just checking up on the financial report and what the hell? We can't afford this! Henry's council that he inherited from his father weren't happy with all the money he was just throwing around and they worked hard to curb the king's spending. Since they controlled the royal seals needed to get stuff done, at first they were largely able to control the young king. And for Henry, the most infuriating things of all was they wouldn't let him jazz with his friends because it was too dangerous nor would they let him do the thing he wanted most. To go on a great, glorious and expensive conquest against England's historic enemy, France. Please guys, I'll keep it cheap. How? I'm glad you asked. I've got a promo code for the financial burden of war. Yes. Honey is the free browser extension that automatically finds promo codes when you shop online. Imagine you're on one of your favorite websites. Not that one. And you want to reinvent yourself with some fresh new threads. Oh, hi, little dancing man. Got any sick promo codes for me? You do? Nice. You just saved $40 on your online shop. You rock star. Honey supports over 30,000 online stores and has already helped oversimplified viewers save over $87,000. That's a lot of moolah. Not having honey is literally saying no to free money like a crazy person. It's free. Finds coupons with one click and it's now part of the Venmo and PayPal family. So you know it's legit. Get honey for free at joinhoney.com slash oversimplified. That's joinhoney.com slash oversimplified. And you'll also be supporting my channel. So thank you. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. Sexy calves, excessive spending, and war with France. Henry wanted glory. He wanted to go down in history. If he didn't go to war in France, was he even the king of England? Man, I want to go to war so bad. But the council won't let me. Hey, maybe I can help with that. Whoa, it's Cardinal Woolsey. One of my best friends despite being an old-ass man. Cardinal Woolsey knew that if he helped King Henry, there'd likely be something in it for him. So what was his great intricate plan to curb the council's power? You're the king, dum-dum. You can do whatever you want. What? Woolsey began writing bills that simply didn't require the seals. And thus, Henry was back on top. For his efforts, Woolsey began to climb the ranks. And he became something of a yes-man for King Henry, encouraging Henry to frolic and play while Woolsey took care of business. Hey, kid, you want to go on an adventure? Do I ever. The pope was at war with France, and he needed some help. He offered the young, impressionable King Henry 100 parmesan cheeses, some wine, and a golden rose if he came to the pope's aid. And Henry was all in. At this point in his life, he still respected the church and loved the pope. And here was the chance for war he had been waiting for. He still didn't have an heir, a fairly big problem for a monarch at the time. But right now, the only kind of smashing he was interested in was smashing French guys in the face. And so off he went. The English already held the French city of Calais. From there, Henry made a glorious victory at the Battle of the Spurs. He took the French cities of Tarouane and Tournai. Word of his victory spread. This was it. Here was the glory he had been waiting for. Back home, his beautiful wife also led armies to victory in Scotland. And better yet, she was pregnant. Soon, Henry would have an heir. All of Henry's wildest dreams were coming true. Oh, he ran out of money. As the French prepared to invade Italy, all Henry could do was go home. Well, at least now I have an heir to cheer me up. Bring me my son. Henry, this is Mary. Mary? That's a funny name for a boy. Henry, it's a girl. This was Catherine's fifth pregnancy that had not resulted in a male heir. Happy Henry wasn't so happy anymore. You still haven't given me a male heir. Well, how do you know it's my problem? Maybe it's your problem, Henry. It couldn't be my problem because I've been boinking half your maid staff and one of them gave me a boy. Uh, I mean, sure. Yeah, you know what? Maybe it's my problem. I'll look into that. Cardinal Wolsey, now Henry's Lord Chancellor, knew his job depended on keeping Henry happy. And so he said, well, if you can't be the great warrior, then how about the great peacemaker? Not as cool, but okay. And so the Field of the Cloth of Gold, a glamorous peace summit between England and France, was held. The King of France, Francis I, was essentially the French version of King Henry. And the whole thing was basically one giant codpiece measuring contest. The two sides did agree to a peace treaty. However, it didn't last long. You see, there was a third major player in European politics at the time. An exquisite specimen of royal inbreeding. An heir to a huge inheritance. And a chin that could hit a home run. Holy Roman Emperor Charles V. He was Henry's wife's nephew. Henry had helped him out in the past to put down a Spanish rebellion. And now the two wanted to make an alliance. And so a marriage was arranged. Mary, I'd like to introduce you to your 22-year-old fully grown adult cousin. And now your future husband. Ew, he looks inbred. Mary, we're all inbred. With their new alliance, Charles and Henry agreed to team up and relaunch a campaign against France. In 1522, the English landed and stormed as far south as Agincourt. But Charles didn't commit significant forces. Whoops, sorry man, not sure what happened. I'll join in next year. The next year, England swept northern France, almost taking Paris. But once again, where was Charles? Oh man, I'm so sorry. I promise, next year, I'll be there. The next year came and a fed-up Henry decided he was gonna sit this one out. Just as Charles ravaged the French at the Battle of Pavia and captured the French king. Holy crap, dude. Yeah, I totally kicked France's butt. That's great. So can I have the French throne like we agreed? No. What? And also, I don't want to marry your ugly daughter anymore. Ugly? Have you seen your chin? Mummy says it's a strong chin for a strong boy. As Henry's alliance with Charles fell apart, Henry knew his days as a warrior were over. This was a problem for Henry, but it was a bigger problem for his wife. Catherine of Aragon had two jobs. The first was to give Henry a male heir, but the second was to maintain an alliance with her relatives in Spain, including her nephew. She had failed and Henry's sexy eyes began to wander. Home from all his wars, Henry ate up his daily 5,000 calories of meat as an infatuation began to grow for one of his wife's ladies-in-waiting, Anne Boleyn. Beautiful, intelligent, cultured. She was exactly Henry's type. Now, Henry had had dozens of mistresses, including Anne's sister. But Anne didn't want to just be Henry's side chick. She wanted to be his queen. Henry sent dozens of letters, thirsty love poems. In one, he proclaimed that he would like to kiss her pretty duckies. Henry's loins were on fire. But Anne kept him at just the right distance to drive him crazy and push him to find a way to get rid of his current wife. Woolsey, I want a divorce. And as the representative of the Pope here in England, I expect you to sort it out quickly and quietly. I don't want this to turn into a Europe-wide scandal. You got it, Your Majesty. Hey, Big Papa! My boy Henry says he wants to divorce his wife. Any chance? To Henry's shock and horror, Woolsey deferred the case back to the Pope in Rome. To make matters worse, after all the wars in Europe, the Pope was currently under the thumb of Charles V. Now everybody knew what was going on, and Henry's divorce trial had become a pawn of greater European politics. For Woolsey, the decision was a disaster. His job was to keep Henry happy, and Henry was very, very unhappy. Nevertheless, the divorce trial began. Henry's case rested upon the Bible verse in Leviticus that claimed marrying your brother's widow would lead to childlessness, and Henry was certainly having a hard time getting a male heir. He argued that the Pope had got it wrong when he allowed Henry to marry his brother's widow, and that now divorce was the only solution. However, the Pope and Charles V acquired some interesting letters from an unknown source. He wants to kiss her pretty duckies? Man, this guy's loins are on fire! The Pope now knew the case for divorce may not actually be found in Henry's Bible, but in Henry's pants. After escaping Charles V, the Pope did send out one Cardinal Compaggio to oversee the trial. Compaggio was an old man racked with gout. It took him six painful months to travel from Rome to England, and when he finally got there, this kept happening. Hey, I need you to take a look at this evidence. I can't, my gout is acting up. Hey, are you ready to take my testimony? I can't, my gout is acting up. Hey, can you please make a decision? I can't, your gout is acting up, my gout is acting up. Anne Boleyn, with her Protestant views in support of the Reformation, suspected the Pope was just delaying. For two whole years, the trial dragged on and on, and in the end, the Pope simply said, no, no divorce for you. Henry, the king that had previously defended the Pope militarily from France and intellectually from the reformist ideas of Martin Luther, who had once respected the Pope above all, now found the Pope standing between him and fourth base. Your Majesty, what will you do? I'm the king, dum-dum. I can do whatever I want. What? For his failure, Henry removed Wolsey from the court, a decision that was likely influenced by Anne Boleyn, who disliked the Cardinal. Having fallen from grace and with potential charges of treason over his head, Wolsey died of illness a year later. Then, Henry set about removing England from the influence of the Pope. Hey, if you do that, I'll excommunicate you. Who cares, man? Oh no, apathy, my weakness. Henry gathered theologians and scholars together to help him make his case against the Pope. Together, they argued to the people of England that the Pope's rule over the church was basically a takeover of what had once been a self-governing national English church. And if that sounds familiar, some historians do believe this moment may have laid the foundations for English Euroskepticism. That's right, Brexit may have been influenced by Henry's explosive loins. By and large, the people gave Henry their support, and those that didn't were going to be in for a rough time. But for now, Henry assumed the role of Supreme Head of the English Church, and his next divorce trial was a foregone conclusion. Catherine of Aragon was Aragon, and Anne Boleyn was in. All right, I've upended the entire country to be with you, so you'd better give me a son, okay? Now, did you get my letter about the duckies? Having finally married the girl of his dreams, it was party time for Henry. And what a party. Life in the Tudor court was non-stop. Huge banquets, with each person eating on average 5,000 calories a day. And no vegetables. Those are for poor people. Rich people ate meat. And so you know what else is for rich people? Constipation. But don't let that stop the party. The toilets are communal. And Henry himself was the center of everything. He ate the best food. He had 1,200 pairs of shoes. He didn't even have to wipe his own bum bum. Life was great. Everyone, I give you your majesty, King Henry VIII. But how did they pay for it all? Well, influenced by his fairly Protestant new wife. Since Henry had overturned the organization of the church, this is how they paid for it. Oh my goodness, how awful. Selling fake fragments of the cross? Vials of Jesus' blood that you got from a duck? Using religion in this way? This is terrible. I must confiscate all this money at once. Yes, how awful. I must take all of this away immediately. Monasteries across the nation were dissolved and their riches placed in the royal coffers. Obviously, many people weren't too happy about this. But Henry had a plan for that as well. Henry's descent into tyranny had begun. As any who rejected his new claim as Supreme Head of the English Church found their heads on the chopping block. And so Henry partied. He danced. He sang. He ate. He jousted. Be me. Love glut me. Violate widows. In 1536, Henry fell from his horse in a jousting accident. Not for the first time, but certainly the heaviest fall he had taken yet. Some historians believe the brain damage caused by the incident may have violently accelerated Henry's descent into tyranny. Executions in England ramped up. During his reign, it's estimated 57 to 72,000 people were put to death. Rich or poor, big or small, no one was safe. And the most prominent victim of all was to be Henry's own wife. It had been three years since their marriage and had been pregnant four times. Yet she had only been able to produce one healthy child, a girl. What's more, it's possible she had been going around insulting Henry's manhood. Henry's eyes once again began to wander. His new top man, Thomas Cromwell, didn't want to end up like Cardinal Wolsey. And so he came up with a plan. There was a court musician who had been quite flirtatious in public with the queen. Well, Thomas Cromwell and his boys got a forced confession out of him saying that it didn't stop at innocent flirtation and the charges came rolling in. Listen, Anne, we need to talk. Oh no, you're going to divorce me, aren't you? Just like your last wife. Oh, no, come here. Shh, no, I'm not going to divorce you. It's much worse than that. Anne was charged with adultery, perversion, even incest, and plotting to kill the king himself. The jury found her guilty, including her own uncle and ex-fiancé, both fearing the wrath of the king. And on May 19th, 1536, Anne Boleyn was Anne Boleyt. Literally the next day, Henry married one of Anne's ladies-in-waiting, Jane Seymour, his third wife. After Anne had smack-talked his manhood, and since he still had no male heir, Henry went on a campaign to ensure the public knew he was as virile as it gets. He had this famous portrait painted of the manliest man I've ever seen. And later, he would even have his physician make a declaration about his health. King Henry is a fine specimen of a man, and please don't make me say this, say it. And every time I look at him, I wish I was a woman. The truth is, after his jousting accident, the king had badly injured his leg and was no longer very active. Yet he was still eating his daily 5,000 calories. So by now, Henry was extremely unhealthy. For the remainder of his life, he would incur a number of illnesses, and his injured leg ulcers would ooze stinking pus. A fine specimen of a man indeed. On the church front, Henry's new and now pregnant wife was a devout Catholic, and she pleaded with the king to reinstate the monasteries. Henry was sick of wives meddling in his business, and he bluntly warned her to remember what happened to Anne Boleyn. Since splitting with the pope, Henry had been hard at work determining the theology of his new Church of England. It kept many Catholic traditions, while on the other hand embracing some reformist ideas, such as requiring the use of a new Bible, not in Latin, but in English. The cover of Henry's new Bible depicted the people appearing to worship a giant King Henry. And in the corner, there's some people being put to death just for good measure. For any who opposed Henry's ideas, whether Catholic or Protestant, for any who rebelled against him, it would be off with their heads. In October, 1537, Henry finally got what he had been waiting for. His wife, Jane, gave birth to a healthy boy. However, the triumph soon turned to tragedy as Jane Seymour died days later from complications during the birth. Henry mourned Jane, the woman who had given him a son for two years. Your Majesty, it's time to choose your next wife. Thomas, not now! Can't you see I'm in mourning? That one. The woman Thomas Cromwell had lined up for Henry's next marriage was the sister of a powerful German duke. But all Henry cared about was that she was pretty as pie. And Thomas Cromwell promised that indeed she was. However, when she arrived in England, Henry was less than pleased. Your Majesty, let me introduce you to your fourth wife, Anne of Cleves. What's that smell? I think it's your legs, sire. No, it's Anne of Cleves! She's ugly! This is treason! What? Off with his head! Henry found his new wife so repulsive that he never consummated the marriage and divorced her just six months later. And for bringing Henry an ugly, stinky woman, along with additional charges of plotting treason, Thomas Cromwell lost his head. The very same day of Cromwell's execution, Henry married his fifth wife, the famed beauty Catherine Howard. She's believed to have only been 17 at the time. Henry was 49. And like Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard didn't last long. You see, for some reason, she may not have been entirely satisfied with her 49-year-old fine specimen of a man. And it's possible she engaged in a number of extramarital affairs, including one with her cousin, Thomas Culpepper. When Henry found out, he was devastated. How could she do this to me? But sire, don't you have hundreds of mistresses? Shut up, Barry. That's not the point. Your majesty, you're crying. I'm not crying. It's just that sometimes when I get sad, water comes out of my eyes! For her treason, Catherine Howard met the same fate as Anne Boleyn in 1542. So we've had divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, look out! Here comes survived. Henry married the daughter of a royal official, Catherine Parr, in 1543. And she appears to have been a good companion to Henry. She cared for the aging king, who by now was so heavy, it took several men to winch him onto his horse. She acted as a mediator within the family and convinced the king to restore his two daughters to the line of succession. Their marriage did have one hiccup, however, when Catherine dared disagree with the king over the subject of theology. It's a miracle because when the priest says the words of institution, the bread turns into the body of Christ. Well, if you put the bread in a box for three months, is it a miracle that it turns moldy? Treason! You can't just call everything treason, Henry. The king called for her arrest as serious charges were placed over her head. However, in the end, she told Henry that she had not been disagreeing with him, but simply learning from him. And so when the guards came to arrest her, the king told them to make like an Anne and cleave. Catherine Parr stayed with Henry right until the end. As he aged into his later years, in increasing pain and ill health, he grew ever more suspicious and moody. The once generous, promising young king was now feared by all around him. Sigmund, I don't have much longer. Hold me. Of course, sire. Do you have any final wishes? How about... How about one last conquest in France? And so in 1544, Henry made for Calais. The pesky French had been supporting the Scottish in their ongoing wars with England, and they also owed Henry some money. So the extremely unhealthy king personally led a siege against the French city of Boulogne. The English dug tunnels into the castle, and on the 13th of September, the French surrendered. A glorious victory for Henry. In actuality, the whole misadventure nearly bankrupt England, and they ended up giving Boulogne back to the French a few years later. But shh, don't tell Henry. He's having his moment. Finally, in 1547, a 55-year-old Henry, lapsing in and out of consciousness, passed away. His son, Edward, succeeded him, but died just five years later. His daughter, Mary, briefly took the reins and steered the country back towards the Pope. But then his second daughter embraced reformist ideas and gradually transformed England into a Protestant country. Henry's desperation to marry Anne Boleyn and his resulting feud with the Pope had changed the course of English history and religion forever. Unfortunately, none of Henry's children had heirs. And when Elizabeth I died, Henry's lineage ended, with the House of Stuart replacing the House of Tudor. So then you might think, all that effort, a life filled with so much frustration, yet he never conquered France, he barely had a male heir, and his lineage died out. The egotistical man Henry grew sick and cruel and then died. So why are we all so fascinated with King Henry VIII? Why not Henry II or IV? Well, without mentioning the many important things his reign did achieve, one of his biggest goals was to go down in history. And you can put a big green check beside that one, because everything he did and how he asserted his control and authority over everyone around him has come to be viewed as the epitome of the word king. And also because of the wife killings? Yeah, definitely the wife killings.