Khi Cha Mẹ Ly Hôn? - Chuẩn bị tâm lý cho trẻ như thế nào? | Bút Vàng

In the film Anna Karenina, the author Lepton Stoy had a saying that all happy families are the same, but each unhappy family has its own story. Perhaps when we get married, when we come together, we all have expectations of a happy family. However, breaking up is unavoidable, and when breaking up happens, the least we want is the damage we leave to our children. Recently, a fifth-grade student in Nghe An wrote a letter in the UPU writing contest. In her letter, she expressed her pain when her parents divorced, and there was a part that made Thanh Xuan feel extremely sad. She said that for the past five years, her parents have never gone to their parents' school for her. Her mother is always busy going to work far away to earn money, and her father is also busy working far away to earn money. And a self-advice, she blames herself. She said that her parents have divorced, so what right do I have to ask for love from my parents? As you can see, just a little bit, just a little bit of our heartlessness, just a little bit of the piety of parents when they break up, that psychological wound, that psychological trauma will follow the child all the time in life. So how do we do it? When we stand in front of the broken signs of the family, what can we do to help and support the psychological side of the child? Today, BútVàng.vn will share with parents the ways we can do to prepare the mind for the child when the parents divorce. The first thing parents should pay attention to. First, we will have to spend time talking to the child. And to spend time here, we have to choose the most suitable time. The first thing is to avoid the evening before the child goes to sleep. The second is to avoid the time when the child is about to go to school or when there are a lot of people there. Choose a private corner, a quiet place. For example, you can meet the child in a quiet cafe, go to the park, or meet the child in your bedroom at the most comfortable time, such as in the morning or in the afternoon when the child is off. After that, parents should find a way to talk. Start with how to put the problem, from the state of the relationship of the parents. And the fact that you talk to the child is also a way for the child to be able to prepare his mind best to wait for the breakup of this marriage. The second principle is not to put pressure on the child. In fact, there are a lot of parents when we can't live together anymore, when we break up. It often puts pressure on the child to choose to follow his father or to choose to live with his mother. This is terrible. Imagine that the child was born by both his father and mother, was welcomed by both his father and mother. And certainly, when we ask any child, they will say that they love their parents as much as they do. So now you have to stand in front of a competition between your father and mother, who will you follow? That is a great pain for the child. The third thing we need to remember is to only inform your child when everything is very certain about your decision. In fact, there are a lot of parents who just in the period of conflict or quarrel, have raised the issue that their parents will divorce their children, and then the story does not happen. And many times like that, the child will think that his parents do not respect this marriage, and he will also generate a thought that there is a lack of faith in the marriage. Parents, please note that only when we have talked to each other, and have made the decision to divorce, then we share this story with the child to avoid psychological damage to the child. The fourth thing is to be patient and encourage your child. Please tell your child that even if the parents do not live together anymore, although the child may live with the father or live with the mother, but the love that both the father and the mother give to the child will never change. In fact, it is just that the parents no longer have feelings for each other, and the parents choose another way of living to bring joy to both of them. However, the love of the father for the child or the love of the mother for the child does not change, the parents will still give the best for the child, and will still love the child with all their heart and love the child a lot. That is what you need to be patient and encourage the child. The fifth thing is to be ready for answers when deciding to talk to the child. Please prepare answers in a way that before meeting and talking to the child, you sit down and talk to each other. Certainly, discuss with each other who will raise the child after the divorce, who will be the foster parent, and all the problems that need to be solved after the divorce. The father and the mother need to have answers in advance so that when you ask questions, for example, why did your parents break up? How will you live later? Or will your parents love you later? Certainly, those questions of yours need to be answered. The sixth thing is the story after the divorce. After the divorce, always remember the sixth thing, which is to maintain your habits. Maintaining habits here is all your living habits, such as eating, sleeping, studying, or the habits that take you to school or pick you up. Try to maintain these habits fully. Do not mix up your school schedule and work schedule. And the habits, for example, last week, my parents took me to the park, or took me to the playground, and took me to school. Now, instead of my parents taking me, my parents can try to arrange it. For example, this week, my father will take me to the football field. Next week, my mother will take me to the library. Try to let your child enjoy all the previous living habits that you have received. The seventh thing is thanks to the support. In fact, many parents after divorce feel depressed because their children have a temper, and feel angry with their parents, and do not want to talk to their parents. At this time, parents need the support of those around them. Choose the closest and most influential people to you, such as grandparents or teachers, or a very close friend of yours, to accompany and help your parents in observing and paying attention to you. Whenever there is an unusual behavior, or an unusual behavior of your child, you will inform your parents. This is very important, because you will only expose yourself in front of the people you really trust. At this time, parents may need the support of those around you. The eighth thing is remember to always be loyal. Be sure to be loyal to your children. When your parents are divorced, and you live with one of them, or you live with your grandparents, your parents should remember that you are never allowed to use your child to spy on others, never speak ill of others in front of your children. For example, in a situation, maybe because of your father or mother, please do not say those stories, and do not mention those stories in front of your children, or speak ill of others. This will change the image of your father or the image of your mother in your child. And this will be a painful scar for your child. Later, when your child grows up, it will be very difficult for you to get married. Or when your child grows up, and you are already married, your trust in marriage will be very little, or your trust in each other will be very little. So try to always be loyal to your feelings. If your parents feel sad, you can still expose your sadness. You don't have to try to hide your feelings in front of your children. However, do not use your child to spy on others, and never speak ill of others in front of your children. Please keep this in mind. And the last thing, which is the ninth thing that I want to share with you today, is that when we feel that our children are hurt too much, our children become quiet, our children become careless, our children become unnecessary, or do things that disturb our parents' attention, or want to expect our parents to come back. There are many situations like that, where you feel helpless, and you feel that you can't control your mind for your child. Or when your child has too strong psychological trauma, then your parents should find the help of psychological experts. You can bring your child to meet psychological experts, to be able to support your child's psychological problems. These are the nine shares that Thanh Xuan of Voodvang.vn wants to share with you, so that we can have the brightest decision. The last thing that Thanh Xuan wants to tell you is that a marriage is something very sacred, connecting everyone in the family. Therefore, before making a decision, parents should think carefully and wisely. Only when we feel that it is the last way, the last way out, let's make a decision to break up, and let's break up in a civilized and polite way. And pay attention to your child's feelings, so that the most important thing is that our child is still raised in the love of parents. Thank you all parents for listening to Thanh Xuan's sharing. Please share your stories by commenting the situations, the stories of your family below. And our experts will continue to provide advice, provide useful sharing for parents in the process of raising and accompanying children. Thank you.