LY HÔN KHI CON CÒN NHỎ ... CÁCH NÓI VÀ ỨNG XỬ | MC NGUYỄN CAO KỲ DUYÊN

Hello everyone. Today, I would like to talk about a very important topic. That is, how, when I decided to divorce, how do I tell my children? And how do I make my children feel loved and have a solid family foundation so that when they grow up, they are still successful, rich in love and like many other children? Of course, everyone admits that the best thing is when parents do not divorce. But there are also cases where they show that if we live in a family that we cause too much trouble or we riot, or if adults are tense with each other, argue with each other, scold each other all day, then that is not good for the child. So this is what I say about the case when we have done everything we can do and in the end we still go to the decision to divorce. The other factor, if I have a child, then I think that no matter what kind of parent I am, I will be most worried about how to make my child feel the least hurt. I think I can talk about this topic because I was a child in a family when my parents divorced. After that, I was a mother who went through a divorce and had two children that I had to raise. A while ago, I was a lawyer and I was also involved in family law. So I know a lot of things from the law to the way. Now that my child is in his twenties, I also have a long time to learn and go through the theories that I want to share with you. Everyone, the story begins, I remember this. At that time, when I was still studying law, I had a boyfriend. At that time, my parents were not divorced. I came to his house on his birthday and I was very surprised because my parents were divorced, but on his birthday at home, his mother got a new husband and invited his father and his new wife to his house for a birthday meal. And I saw them together. It means that the father and the new husband of my boyfriend's mother, they held hands and talked to each other very intimately. Hi Bill, how are you? And then another man praised him, he said, oh, today he made a delicious barbecue. Then I saw my parents and my father's new wife, they sat down and talked to each other. And when I saw my son, my boyfriend at that time, grew up and went out to open gifts, both couples fell in love and sat down to eat and talk to each other. And I was like, wow. It was very surprising because until then, I was also in a Vietnamese Asian family and I saw such harmony between adults. It's very rare. Then I talked to my friend and he said, no, that's normal. From childhood to adulthood, from the day your parents got divorced, I never felt like I was missing anything. That's when I realized the truth. And then I learned more about the bad or good impact on children completely lost to adults. And you should remember that when we get divorced, we want to change the relationship between two adults. We don't want to change the family foundation for our children. Let me put it another way. It means that both parents have to agree that we want to keep the family foundation so that the child does not feel missing. But what if you want to do that? First of all, we never use our children as a weapon to stab or stab or stab the other side. We never dare to speak ill of the father or the mother to the child. Why? Maybe at that time I said I was angry, but every child wants and needs to feel resentful to their parents. I thought I was speaking ill of the father. What did my father do? My father did this and that. But that hurts my child. Why? Because the child also has the genes of the father. He also wants to feel resentful. To be honest, I have never spoken ill of my children's father. On the contrary, when I speak ill of him, I look for the good things in my children's father. My children's father is very smart. My father is a doctor. Oh my God, does your father study? He doesn't need to study. My grandmother told me that he sleeps and sleeps, but he always goes to school. When I speak ill of my children's father, I can see that their eyes are bright. Wow, your father is so smart. Now you are smart because you have your father's genes. Those are the things I speak ill of my children's father. Don't worry. I know that when I go through this, I am very angry. I say, oh my God, he has so many bad things. He plays badly. He is like this and that. When I go through the divorce, I know that I used to be a divorce lawyer. But I dare. When I think of my children, I dare. I don't need to speak ill of their father or mother. Because life is still long. My children are still young. When they grow up, through care, who will be there to take care of them? Who will take care of them? Who is a good father and mother? They will automatically know. Children are very smart. And this is the process in their lives. I have been talking about it for decades. It's not like this year or next year, my children are only 7, 8, 9, 10 years old. I speak ill of their parents. At that time, their brains are too small. They don't know anything. But you just have to wait. Just let time pass. Ten years, more than ten years. Which parents will stay, will love them, will sacrifice, will raise them, will take care of them? They will automatically know. And one day, they will sit down and say, Mom or Dad, this and that. At that time, you will know. Now is not the time to speak ill of them. Because any child, when we go through that divorce, there have been crises. We may have to change the house, we may have to change the school, we may have to change a new friend. If we can avoid those things, it will be better. And what I don't want to say, is to speak ill of the adults, speak ill of their father, speak ill of their new girlfriend, or even their new wife. All of that is not good for the child. The way I say it is, first, the two adults have to sit down and talk to each other. We have to talk, we have to fight. It's almost like we have to play a game and we have to fight so that we can say something to let the child know and let him understand his mistakes. What we need to say, go talk to each other and let him know that his parents love him so much and it's not his fault and there's nothing he can do because his parents are divorced and there's nothing he can do to bring them back together. If the child keeps asking why his parents are divorced, then I'll just say one thing. I'll never say because his father has a new girlfriend or because his mother is like this or that. I'll just say to separate the love between family love and mutual love. And I'll separate it so that his parents don't have a love between mutual love but they still have respect they still respect each other and they still have family love and both of them promise to take care of each other. That's what I do. And when he asks me for example, where's the money? How do we live? Where will we live? Will we have friends? Then both of them should be there and promise to their children that no, maybe their parents don't live in the same house but their parents will still meet them regularly and still take care of them regularly and they can still go to school and still have friends and nothing will change. I want them to know that the foundation of family and everything they have is still there, it doesn't change. That's the first thing. The second thing is not only the parents but also the family around them grandparents, everyone all adults must be united so that the child will never be forbidden to meet his grandparents That's very selfish. Don't ever forbid him to meet his grandparents Why? Because they love him more. Why do I want less people to love him in this world? For me, one person who loves his child more is one thing I should be thankful for. Even though there are too many people I have to be honest I am very thankful I have two children they grew up and went to university and they grew up in a very strong way in a very normal way in a loving way Why? First of all, my children live with me but from my grandparents to my uncles I have to say thank you very much Thank you uncle Phuong Kha Thank you uncle Long, uncle Phuong They are my brothers My uncles and aunts always love me Every weekend when I go out they pick me up and play with me My 22-year-old grandmother still brings food every week in a small package bring fruits, bring food or if she doesn't come I ask him to bring it or I call my grandchildren to come I know that the love of my grandparents to my grandchildren has not changed but thanks to the generosity of my grandparents, my uncles and my elders As I said I never speak ill of my children's parents You should remember speaking ill of your parents is hurting your children first of all Second, my grandparents even if I have a new boyfriend a new husband I bring him to my grandparents my uncles and aunts my grandparents still polite, still welcome still greet I never speak ill of my children I know for sure I don't need to ask I know for sure On the other hand my children never know that the hatred is from my parents I know that a lot of friends tell me he has a new wife but I never want my children to call her mom wait that's my selfishness think about it I still call my mom call my mom, call my dad even my own children I can still call my children my grandparents my parents why my wife or my husband I am selfish I want to be my own mom yes but what if one day I have to go out and my children have to live with their parents and the new wife what should I do do I want them to treat me like a stepmother if they treat me like a stepmother who is to blame because I raise my children or even if I don't dare to but the anger my children know or sometimes they call me in my room I cry to my friend I scold him I scold my girlfriend I scold my husband all of that my children can hear and if they listen and love me for example my father loves young girls he left me my children will automatically have a grudge against their father and a grudge against their wife or their new lover maybe that is what I want but for me I think that is selfishness because I teach my children to hate someone that is selfishness why should I teach them to hate their father and if one day something happens to me he has to go out and live of course in his heart he hates him he thinks his mother or father has an attitude so how can his mother or father love him and so do I feel guilty? on the contrary if I don't say bad things and I thank the new person for example my child he is still young every weekend he goes out with his father I see that his new friend takes care of him I thank him when he goes to sleep and sometimes she makes him food or he comes home and he tells me I thank him because that person is replacing me to love and take care of my child so I should teach my child to love and take care of his child that is how I love my child and I think like Ky Duyen's child on his birthday instead of having one or two presents now if he has two families he can have four presents he can go to two families he doesn't feel that he lacks anything but is that okay? I don't know if I can get rid of my selfishness or I can get rid of what I want to make others feel comfortable with me I would like to sum up what I can do first, two adults talk to each other then sit down and talk to my child I assure my child it's not your fault second, don't speak ill of each other don't speak ill of your parents third, don't speak ill of the new person of your parents and your child fourth, continue to let your child have a relationship with your grandparents even though you don't live there and vice versa your grandparents never speak ill of your daughter-in-law or your son that's what all adults should do because I know no one wants a divorce and now it has happened so what should we do to let all children feel that they have a family how many adults love them and they don't lose their love that's the best way to let your child grow up with all the love and confidence that's the experience I've been through and I see my two children they're grown up and very normal very mature and if we talk about love I feel they're loved more and I hope you guys can overcome all the difficulties and don't worry if you love your child and adults put the adults aside so everyone can love and teach love rather than hatred everything will be fine good luck bye