"I had a Crush on Jada, Until..." - Marlon Wayans

I've known Jada Pinkett Smith since I was 18, 19 years old. I met her backstage at a Living Color, my brother's TV show in the 90s. I walked in his dressing room and I saw her. I saw Jada and I was immediately smitten. Like this woman was so smart, so knowledgeable, so multi-talented. She could sing, she could dance, she could rap. She could write poetry. You know, people say I've lived five, six, seven times. She's been here five times and she probably lived to the ripe age of 127 each time. Jada Pinkett is Cleopatra. She is Joan of Arc. She is Helen Martin from 227. This woman. And when I saw her, like I seen that face and I immediately was like, oh my God, this is the most beautiful little boy I ever seen. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. She ain't got no body. Y'all know this woman. She ain't got no body. She ain't got no titties. She got nipples, but she ain't got no titty. You know what I mean? She ain't got no ass. She got a crack and a hole. We know she shits, but I don't know how she sit down. She must keep sliding until she hit the hook on her head. It's like, all right, all right, that's good. And I immediately got her number and me and Jada became like best friends. Like I moved out to California. She lived a couple of minutes from me and I spent the night at her house. She was staying the night at my house. We just hang out like two innocent little kids. And this woman was so smart. She used to teach me about love. She had power words and descriptions of love. When she was 19, she was telling me shit like love is acceptance. Love is unconditional. Love has no expectations because then you will be disappointed. Love involves devastation. Love is forgiving and real love is healing. Do you know how hard my little 19 year old dick was hearing these big power words? But I never told Jada I had a crush on her. I never did. I just, I was always like, you know, I used to play her little songs with like little, little hints in them. I remember one time I played her Stevie Wonders, Too Shy To Say. And then she played me back In Vogue's Never Gonna Get It. We just became best friends, man. And I hung out with her so much. We used to write poetry and we share the poetry. Her shit was so light. She had similes and metaphors and shit that public school didn't teach you. I was like, and me, my shit was basic. I was like, I think you pretty. Can I suck your titty? I know it's itty bitty, but that would be litty. I was like, it was funny. Like we hung out so much and she felt so comfortable with me like I became like her gay friend. You know what I mean? Like the gay best friend. I don't trust gay friends to pretty girls. Y'all niggas ain't gay. You are undercover straight. You lying motherfuckers. Cause I played that part. I was like, bitch, let me see your clitoris. Girl, you gonna wear it in the hood or out? Ooh, look at that shit gangster. Your clitoris gangster. Girl, can you teach me how to suck dick on my dick? Come here, nasty bitch. I love me some Jada, man. I did, one day Jada called me up and she said, Marlon, come through nigga. We about to take this relationship to a whole nother level. And in my head, I was like, oh my God, Jada's gonna fuck me. I drove over to that house so fast. She goes, Marlon, I want to introduce you to someone special. I was like, oh, she's gonna fuck me with a friend. I said, where she at, where she at? Right here. And I look on the couch and who's sitting there? But the fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Oh, I was so mad. I was hating. Cause Will has always been a grown ass man. I don't think this nigga ever went through puberty. He was born with a chest and a mustache. This nigga has literally been a handsome man. Like me, I just went through puberty probably two years ago. He was sitting there just looking like fucking the Prince Charming. And he was sitting there and he was laughing. You know that, you know Will, that phony ass laugh. You know, you know. You know. And Jada, she's just laughing. With her little frog legs just dancing all over his lap. And he would laugh and they would kiss. And he would tongue her down. And then give me that mean ass Will Smith smirk. That nigga knew what he was doing. Yeah, I had a crush on her. And that motherfucker knew. I remember leaving that house that day. I was heartbroken. And I learned that love is learning to let go. Because I'm gonna be 100% honest with you. What they had, their connection. That's some shit you see in the movies. Like in those romantic comedies, where you go, oh, yeah. That man was her prince. And I couldn't compete with that. They had this connection, man. Their spirits was dancing. And they would go on to get married. And to be an example for all us black people. You know, we all look to those couples. That shit's important for us as a race. To be able to go those couples that stick it through no matter what. You know what I mean? Not just on TV shows, but in real fucking life. The Barack and the Michelles. The Jay-Z, Beyonce. You know what I mean? The Will and Jada. That shit means something to us. And I gotta respect that. She would help him amount of fortune of damn near a couple of hundred million dollars. They made these two beautiful children. I don't know what planet them niggas is from. But you know what I mean? They are special. I don't know what gender they are. Like them gender neutral, race unspecific. I don't know if they Puerto Rican, black. I don't know if the boy is the girl and the girl is the boy. I don't fucking know. All I know is that they don't speak like normal people. They are brilliant. Brilliant beyond their years. These niggas was born in the matrix or the metaverse. These are not children. They are avatars. But those little kids are special. And I know why, because their mom is special. Their dad is special. And I had to honor that. And for years I'd be hurt. You know what I'm saying? I'm 50 years old now. Single, still ain't found my queen. And I sit there and I'm like, damn. I'm like, damn, maybe that was the one that got away. And I asked God, I'm like, God, show me a sign that that woman wasn't for me. You know, March 27th, 2022, approximately 10.32 PM Eastern Standard Time, which is 7.32 Pacific. God show me that that wasn't the woman for me. Because my woman, if I'm worth a couple of hundred million dollars, my woman ain't gonna let me do no dumb shit like that. My woman's gonna be like, mm-mm, nigga, don't you fuck this money up. Don't you fuck this money up. Nigga, we got a lake in our backyard. I'm not about to swim in a public pool. Sit your ass down. My woman gonna grab my leg like, please don't fuck this money up. Please, please stop. Listen, I don't like Coach, I like Chanel. I know I pronounce it Channel, but nigga, don't you fuck this money up. Oh man. Because ladies, there's a point where you gotta stop your man from doing dumb shit. That man's worked 50 some odd years of his life for that moment. Do you know what an Oscar award is to a black actor? In 94 years of the Academy Awards, there have only been four black men, four black men to ever win Best Actor. And Denzel won that shit twice. So really, three niggas. So in that moment, sis, I need you to grab your man's hand and go, mm-mm, baby, mm-mm. Don't you do this for me. This is your moment, not today. But Thursday, we whooping that little skinny nigga's ass. I don't know what happened to Will. It looked like he was enjoying the joke. Right, he went and cracked the joke. Will was laughing, that phony ass laugh. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, he laugh, he laugh. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And then Jada rolled her eyes up in her head like, you nigga. And he went, yeah, that shit ain't funny. I think she put a spell on that nigga there. She had a men in black voodoo doll underneath her chair. Because that motherfucker, out of nowhere, he just changed his whole shit up. So we saw her roll her eyes up in her head, but that ain't what she did. She put a spell on him. She went, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. And the ghost of Tupac Shakur possessed Will Smith's body. And then he said, nigga, we're sorry. Back to the seat. That wasn't Will's walk. That nigga, that was Tupac walk, nigga. Leg walk, nigga. Walk, that's how I work with Tupac. That is Birdie from Above the Rim. Nick got out the ring. That is Bishop from Juice, nigga. I know that duck leg walk. Look at me, even the way he was screaming from his seat, all ignorant and shit. Like Tupac on one of his diss records. Keep my wife's name out your motherfucking mind. That shit sound like, first off, Eastside fucked the clique to claim.