Comedy clips

But I was like, I'm going to get a vasectomy, I'm done, I don't want any more kids. My mom was like 45 when I was born, I was like a baby bird, I was born so early. I was like a fragile little kid, my dad was like, you look like a gopher that was all shriveled up. So I was like, I don't want that. So I had a vasectomy, so I went down, they talked to the doctor about a vasectomy. The doctor's like, are you sure you want to do this, they got to talk it through, it's not reversible, you can't do it anymore. I'm like, whatever, I want to do it. He's like, alright. Sign this piece of paper that I told you. Now go in that room, take off everything except your t-shirt and your socks. So I'm in the room, just standing there waiting like it's a bad college party, like I'm just waking up. He comes in, he goes, alright, lay on the table. So I lay down on the table, my legs are draped, and he gets in there, he goes, ooh, you shaved, that's really nice of you. I'm like, yeah. Wanted to make it look nice and pretty, presentable. So I lay down on the table, my legs are draped, and he gets in there, he goes, ooh, you shaved, that's really nice of you. I'm like, yeah. We're just going to give you a little shot in the testicle, and I'm like, alright, and then right before he goes, you ready? Leans over the table. So I'm just looking up at pictures of like panda bears and trees, and his head comes over and he looks at me and he goes, are you sure you want to do this? I'm like, yeah. He goes, alright. So then, shoots me, cuts me, and at that moment, it felt like he was trying to take my intestines out through my ball sack, because he just yanked it out, like it was just a long magic trick of like a cloth, and whatever he was cutting it with felt like a spork, or a dull knife, because it didn't just one cut, it was like tugging away, like, and I'm like, holy cow, and I can see smoke, and I'm like, what are you doing down there? It's like a smoke signal, like, and he had to take my penis out, which I was flattered. I felt pretty good about that, because he had to tape it to my stomach, because I was really embarrassed we didn't, and that guy wasn't going to be a problem. I'm such a cool little button, so.