Sandi Patty & Don Peslis : Hospice Is Not What You Think It Is

hey everybody I'm so delighted to have on the lifestyle.org podcast today the amazing Sandy Patty her husband Don pesle you guys are just the most loving beautiful couple I was so excited to have you on at that time lifestyle magazine season before uh I don't know if you've heard we've changed the name again okay really that's good now it's just lifestyle it started out it's it's like the longest running show other than Meet the Press Christian Life like mash it's almost like MH this this is lifestyle 3.0 in fact I think we might have had several of the mash characters on um but it was Christian lifestyle magazine it was lifestyle magazine now it's lifestyle with Roy ice just so you know who it is uh then it'll probably be lifestyle with Penelope pumper nickel or whoever replaces me and then it'll just be life after that and life yeah it just keeps getting and then yes exactly and hopefully we'll still have some stuff but man it's so great to catch up with you you're about to do a concert I can't believe how sweet you are to sit down with me and have a conversation because in less than two hours you're on we are are it is great to be here truly we love lifestyle we always have and um you've taken the Baton and you've just championed it so we just are really excited well thank you I'm standing on the shoulder of Giants and they really have laid such an amazing Foundation just to reach out to people and say we really care yeah we want you to know someone loves you that that you can live the most amazing life and and people can help you do it talking about life what are you guys into right now what's what's exciting you what is exciting us well grandkids for one that's that's a good one we've got 11 we've got 11 11 that's it just 11 Christmas Christmas is coming there's enough Tic Tacs over there each one are going to get one I think that's so with all the craft Services just take everything from CRA craft Services you got a big purse I I actually do backpack the Nani purse Nani and Poppy but we are loving that we uh live in Indiana now and we move there to be close to my parents which we'll talk about here in a minute um yeah but we have three grandkids there two daughters there yeah so it's been nice to be back into their daily we just got a text today uh I should pull my phone up literally uh Thatcher our oldest who's 10 hit a triple on his baseball they were down 17 um 13 and we up 1713 and and W 1715 but he had a triple and uh Colin is yeah I've got it Colin usually she's telling me Colin is recording and it's like go go you don't hear anything except you know and so Dad is yelling and it was just the cool he's better than me cuz when when my kids are doing that I'm like I'm just shouting and then you see like the grass ground he held it he held it but so we're loving and you know we uh Roy it's so funny because you hear grandparents and you go oh my right but when you get your first one you just literally lose your mind lose your mind we you know so after 11 there's not much left I mean that's what's funny is a lot of a lot of our friends are like who have grandkids who like I don't want to be called grandma yet I don't want to called grandpa my wife and I were like we're ready if it's girls my wife is ready CU our house is boys we have teenage boys she's ready for little kids that don't stink or that you can send home the parents can bathe them that is true see yeah see our our kids are teenagers now we forget about all this stuff we used to have to do you know okay I think our boys bathe but you know it's not high on the priority list you will get through this if you can if can see us let us be your cuz we when we got married it was 11777 653 and but wait there's more we adopted Sam in that mix six months in now it's 39 it's odd year yeah 39 35 35 35 34 33 31 27 because she gets mad at me in November itps bumps everyone up when it's really not their birthday well but look in every in November everybody gets a birthday everybody get a bir ready or not because who's going to do this 39 35 35 34 and A2 no are they all near November their birthdays or you just say no November is when this arbitrary thing twins they start it they start the cycle there's November then there's January it's kind like our own family fiscal year starts in November are you sing I would do it are you sensing that Miss Patty has not b into the no I actually great idea I mean did you hear me I got all the birthdays I went through I know I have to think I can't do it I think I think it was me and Don you're amazing for many ways uh but I think for I needed help July Junior July cuz it's like I need time to recover 11 grandkids not gotting the kids Christmas killed me you know November so if their birthdays in November basically Christmas is birthday Insurance like whatever they didn't you that's the twins they've done well are 39 they deserve it well no that's honest 39 Oh how old are the 35 35 Donnie 35 Ally odd one out 34 33 31 27 be right back I tell you what I'm going to do I may not be I may not be back just to make it clear I'm going to have post production put those numbers on the screen there you go you're welcome really try playing this on the Power Ball please okay we may or may not have done that and are still trying no good okay well you need it to pay for all the gifts so I tell you I I tell you what I think our plan is because people ask me where are you going to retire and I say I don't know it depends on where my kids are because I got to be near the grandkids but we got two kids you have multiple kids okay we have your answer what is it an RV yes oh RV yes do you have one yet home Wherever You Are commercial commercial so that is our Dream honestly to get an RV and then we control our own destiny or we control poppy it's 5:30 in the morning yeah no 8:00 no that was 8:00 poppy has not had his coffee yet yes and you're forgetting poppy just came from Pacific time zone yeah exactly exact but see if you have an RV and you got to measure it so it'll get in their driveway so you measure the driveway and say okay this is this is what we can and then you buy them a 220 plug for Christmas and they know we're serious then and they know here's your here's your gift it's an adapter plug for my RV this means coming to a driveway near you exactly the cool thing is I I think we're going to have the same plan yeah because CH chances are our boys are going to live different you know they will different cities different states so we'll just we'll pull into the driveway of the kid that annoys us the least at that moment and sugar up those grandkids spoil them until we can't stand them and then well it's time to go to the other driveway here's what we say Roy when they leave when they come to and they did this last trip last weekend we took a trip and as I put them in the car we've always said we want them to go back home we want them falling on the floor saying we don't want to go and they did so that's where you just look at each other and go boom boom mission accomplished done they love us and now we can rest you know recover we did so that's our and you can try it out you can rent from different places tell them try out well is not n okay we won't say RV about that too you can rent them if RV share would like to sponsor yes Sandy and Dawn yes we would be very open we would say no we would not say no and you can try out we've tried out the smaller ones you know like the little uh oh what a sprinters but that's kind of like excuse me pardon me excuse me pardon me it's a little too small but we've also gotten the ones that you know the kids saw us coming and they go They're going that cannot know not my neighbors are already complaining exactly 30 feet of 30 foot is about the right and then they've got these really cool things where where the whole side slides out oh yeah oh yeah and you have room to to cook and actually in West Virginia we call Camp yeah we call it a double Camp West Virginia double wide there it is there it is there it is that's the plan well I I think that's it I think RV is is the way to go and then you can rent out your house uh and uh could we Roy you you have to you have to have gas money well fair enough there is it's at $27 a gallon now especially when you run the generator then and then you know we've downsized we've downsized our house it's a fun time of life really and I just encourage you and your your sweetness is that you're in it now you're raising the boys you're praying the days uh you know believe it or not they're going to fly by those guys are going to be heading off to college and you're going to go where did the time go so I tell you slow down listen to old man over here Old Man River thank you slow down and enjoy it but uh it is also when they you get to this time again it's like we're dating all over again it's fantastic you get you go oh there you were I knew I liked you we survived you know the 20 years um 28 well but I'm saying at least 20 with the kids no yeah most trust me he knows numbers he does knowb he knows years he does Don't Mess should have been an accountant but anyway but uh it's a great time so we're literally we are enjoying the Sun Season we really are and um we'd been in Oklahoma City for a very long time and just really felt that it was time to move back to Indiana cuz we had raised our kids in Indiana my parents are in Indiana and so um in February of this year 23 we moved back to Indiana knowing it was really the sunset yeah of my parents we celebrated their 90th birthdays wow one day apart July 1st and July 2nd yeah wow we celebrated their 90th birthdays and also 70 years of marriage 70th Anniversary 70th Anniversary we called it the 7090 the 7090 everybody was there all the kids the grandkids the great grand kids the siblings the nieces and it was just it was amazing that is so cool and it was it was in the same town that you live in now same town everybody came in we did a celebration each family group had a little song or a poem I mean it was really like and because you know Mom and Dad everything Sandy learned and we've learned comes really from two camps Mom and Dad camp or Bill and Gloria gor Camp so it was really a show if you will but it was more than that it was almost there I say this almost like having awake to hear all these things before yeah because she'll tell you Mom Mom just recently passed so we three weeks after that party three weeks wow so we knew but really more importantly the good Lord knew that it was time you know when you go I think I'm supposed to sell my house I think we're supposed to move I think we're supposed to go back and then you see size and downsize and it was right to be available yeah and we didn't miss it we didn't miss it and it was um really it's the way I don't know why we do this in society that we wait till someone's gone to say all those things but and we brought a professional photographer in and he caught some of the best moments not just pictures make sure you yeah you got to see this photo of mom where she's at the piano and she's she's sassy it he captured her spicy man she spicy I mean yeah whatever but all of that and he just grabbed it and then dad's back behind her leading singing in one picture yeah and I mean it was just you couldn't you could not if you sat down and said I'm gonna I'm gonna write this I'm gonna write it out there's no way there's no way you could say okay here's how I'd like to leave this earth you know I'd like to have a big party with everybody and then say all the things but um my mother um we put her on hospice yeah early in this year and and and I want Don to talk a little bit more about the practicality of hospice but from a personal standpoint yeah people often um invoke hospice too late yeah and when you receive a life ending diagnosis you can invite hospice to be with you on that Journey yeah and so I got to see firsthand my mother um just decide okay this is where this is headed so I am going to enjoy every moment every meal every conversation every time she sat at the piano and carried her oxygen with her yeah she enjoyed and consequently we enjoyed yes her and had conversations of about life and I was able to say to her all the things a daughter should say and say to her you know bless her heart and she's not she will't not correct me well she might but you know even up until the end you know her last few days she was like oh I just just wish I could lose some more pounds I like Mom you're going to fit in the casket you are 90 okay and you've lived a great life can we just be done with that can we just be happy can we just be done with that and um it was just so wonderful to see her enjoy lean in be present this nobody was nobody was pretending this wasn't where this journey was headed yeah but for her to really um live her best days I've I've never seen anything like it and you can speak to that a little bit better so you know it's one thing to have a testimony but I'll let you pause a minute Roy to think about that because we were able to see it not uh from a clinical yes it was clinical not from a therapeutic yes it was therapeutic but as a a daughter and a son to see it to see it work firsthand uh that's what a testimonial really is and so we're able to see it uh we have a saying around the shop where work um hospice and again you're given a six-month diagnosis uh so that's at a point you're not really able to add a lot of days to your life but hospice helps us add life to your days yes yeah and we've seen it so we've seen it most people yeah don't know what hospice does they they think it's a last minute yeah last ditch effort most most just see it as a diagnosis right diagnosis and oh no they're on hospice and all they can say is well they're on hospice so moving in a hospital bed and this is it it's without understanding what hospice provides right and and and the Beautiful transition yeah that they provide for for people who are terminal yes but it doesn't mean they're without hope that's right and it doesn't mean they're without happiness and and the joy a family um I'm I'm going to ask you first Sandy and then Don I I want to dig deeper into this this hospice thing cuz you you really have a lot of specialty in this area and I want to dig into that but Sandy I want to go back just a little bit losing your mom even though it was a a positive experience by being able to talk with her say what you want to say stuff like that um how did that affect you like like that experience you're you're a person of Faith you believe this is not all there is um but what was your experience like going through that with your mom here recently I'll I'll answer it on two levels MH both from her daughter mhm one was her fear was that she would be in pain MH and have a lot of anxiety and so I was grateful that hospice was able to answer both of those questions for us and for her um and while it was a holy privilege truly to watch her step from this life to the next I still lost my mom yeah and there's just no way r that yeah and I find that I get ambushed by G grief will do that and I get ambushed um by memories we um went to a restaurant not soon after she had passed with my dad MH and I walked into that restaurant and I was straight up ambushed by grief because I looked over at my dad and said to myself who's he going to split fajitas with um I'll something will happen and I'll want to call her and then I remember and so for for that side of me being the daughter yeah I miss her terribly yeah and I miss her being with my dad does that make sense I miss knowing that at the end of the day they can talk about their what they did and so I'm equally as sad for my dad 70 years that's a really long time yeah um so it is something I am choosing to not pretend about yeah and I am choosing to be present for yeah and I really don't like it I really really don't and I'll find myself shaking and my knees shaking and the tears are always just right there mhm M mhm but there's no way through something except through it yeah and so I'm choosing to just do the next right thing right and that's that's all I know to do as as a person of Faith you know myself you know we all have to deal with loss and I think the thing that helps me the most with people I've lost and and perhaps it might help you as well is a a picture that I imagine in my mind and that picture of course is on the most perfect grass on a hillside uh trees there we're in heaven there's a picnic table there with streamers and very large birthday cake and the the loved one that I've lost is celebrating their 300 trillionth birthday I think that's the coolest thing I mean 300 trth birthday that's something to celebrate we we finally hit the three trillion Mark um and and in that moment of celebrating eternity and real realizing that 300 trillion is just the beginning of their life their real life that's the real life this that's not after life this this here is the before life that's right that's exactly right that is life that is life and and life eternal and and just to be celebrating with my loved one a 300 trillionth birthday and realizing that they're just a young pup um and then we try to recall that space of time that we were separated uh when they had passed and I remained and we try to recall how much time but compared to 300 trillion right was that even a blink of an eye absolutely and and and that brings me a lot of comfort just knowing that that the Divine does have eternity waiting for absolutely he does yes yeah and I think Paul sums it up perfectly when he says we grieve with hope yes and and my friends would text me you know right after she passed how you doing I said well I'm grieving with hope but mostly grieving right now but I think that's the healthiest thing you can do I think the people that try to my wife and I were talking about this earlier we're in a society where uh even doctors are frustrated because we're we're medic the symptoms right and we're trying to cover and camouflage the symptoms because we're we're not dealing with the real issue I think in grief the more you try to cover up and try to do things to keep yourself from going to the depths of grief it just prolongs the grief it does it doesn't deal with the grief so I think what you're doing is actually the you deal with the grief or the grief is going to deal with you that's what we say yeah I think it's it's the healthiest thing no way around no way over no way under but it's a daily process which she said in for those that may be out there that are grieving uh it is through and what she said is so critical to be fully present yeah to be that's why in Ecclesiastes it says there's a time to be born there's a time to die it's all beautiful the the great teacher says in the end I is there anything that man can have for all of his work and then he answers the question and he says that everything is beautiful in its time time and we with Christ with our faith yeah as she said we can grieve with hope because we know that even in that in a short parting as you said yeah it's it's all beautiful in his time you know and I'm glad that you and um our co-worker our founder Sean yes are going to come and be on the the show because can't I can't wait Don for for you and and Sean to to come be on lify because what you're doing I want you to talk about that now because what you are doing is helping people with probably one of the uh times of life that people are the most uncomfortable with well Roy Co changed everything and the trend now for home health really uh we're a new care.com we're the fastest growing home health paliative and hospice care in the state of Indiana and with Sean at the helm who knows it could be it could be reaching Cali someday but what we believe is is is we do it the right way that everyone deserves dignity and care that they can be at those those those uh Eternal moments wherever they call home surrounded by whoever they love and they call their family so we're committed to that and um again hospice we like to say it's not the last Choice it should be the best choice for our folks and um as Sandy said earlier um Co really a lot of folks now are convalescing if you will or one of the terms is Aging in place it's at home it's at home now hospitals uh the lominda hospital here's probably reaching out and finding ways that they're doing T do they're reaching into the home and that's really where we are we can bring the best of our nurses the best of therapy the best of Occupational our best of uh our our care team that was with Mom we're just above and beyond more than care but our family became our family so uh that's really we do we come around the family we support them with a team a complete support that's not just but it's spiritual physical and mental through this process that everyone can go through this with care and dignity I I love this and it's not just for the individual who that's exactly right hospit it's for it's for the whole family the loved ones absolutely and we have a team that you want to speak that well I just was going to say I remember one day when the the nurses and the the aid and the nurse practi practitioner and the nurse were there MH and they could see just based on their assessment that my mom was declining and I remember one of the AIDS pulling me aside and said I know how your mom is how are youh and she said and how was your dad and that just you know because we're all in this together and we do become a team to just help the person have the best home going possible we call that the a new Advantage yes that's the difference yes that's the difference that no one should ever transition and make this pass alone no so uh but it's we're re-educating Roy so we really appreciate you're going to love Sean we appreciate and again what better testimony uh than to be able to go through it ourselves and to see it work to see it add life to her days hospice works with the body it works with the natural processes um you know it's we're Believers we're believer we've seen it work and um but it takes it's been meaningful but it takes re-educating because you're right early on people think hospice they go well that's it you know and what happens many times people will graduate off hospice they'll do so well we also say this when you stop trying to live longer you actually start living longer really MH and better so our whole thing is what we want to do is is we're in trying to enhance people's stories one one story one life at a time and helping them to live well just what what you're doing here exactly well I can't wait Don to spend a whole episode of Lifestyle with you unpacking that because so many people don't know this exct they're hoping they don't get a a hospice diagnosis and and yet they don't realize what a blessing and because you've gone through it you you were passionate I can feel the passion here you know what a difference it it made in your life and so I I can't wait to meet with you in studio let me I know we're a little bit over time but let me just add one other thinge hospice allowed me to be in the role of daughter there we go and hospice came in and did the care and so often when our parents get to this point we're the caregiver we're the medicine Giver they're exhausted we're we're exhausted and yes and and and when we were a brought Hospice in I was able to be the daughter and that was probably the best gift for me it's huge yeah don't forget also that hospice there's also Home Health yes when you've got a COPD a CHF uh uh a diabetes you've got a real diagnosis we're able to come in now with home health and paliative which can help you live well long before yes we even have to say hospice okay so again it's uh we're we're really changing I think the face of healthcare and bringing it to the home bringing it to where folks live and we thank you again for just thank you for having us on thank the thanks is all yours and I I hope all of you who are watching this podcast uh will definitely come back and watch the the lifestyle TV show when Don and sea are on there because it really is going to help you find a lot of solutions and a lot of things that that will help you through your May answer some questions absolutely yes I'm sure it will answer a lot of a lot of questions so as we as we go out I I have a big question that maybe we can go out on um I used to sing uh in in fact you know I recorded in Gaither studios right there but I had to walk through the gauntlet of Gold Records in the hallway of Sandy Patty don't know if you've heard of her um but uh so I used to warm up my voice yeah but many of the viewers here probably are wondering what is Sandy Patty's regime for how she warms up and so maybe we can go out cuz Don you sing you sing I try to sing and maybe we can just go out warming up okay well do you do me me me me I can't do me me me start I I I feel too self absorbed when I say me me me me me me and you can't say us us us no you can't it has to be the EV Val so you could say we no you can't say that unless unless you're a urologist yes yeah but she's right she'll start off it it is a routine so let's lip Trill on our way okay here we go I don't know if I can do and and the sillier you feel the better it's working diaphrag tightening up all right all right I don't know if you're warm thank you for tuning in to Lifestyle more warming up next next time I love you guys thanks Roy oh y now this is how you do a [Music] podcast