My 1st Rythmia Ayahuasca Experience: It Was Funny As Shit! (read show notes below…)

greetings greetings everyone my name is Todd pittner and I just returned from a onewe week retreat at rhythmia down in Costa Rica what a transformational week it was and I'm just gonna give you a little story right now give you a little bit of context as to why I'm recording this video so here we are we go down there for this iasa Retreat and wow it's a lot of work I mean it's amazing it is just amazing if you're watching this I hope uh my humor doesn't scare you away uh it's worth it you know it's the shits but it is worth it but uh why am I recording this right now it's because on the fourth during the fourth ceremony I um man what a hard night that was it was the mfer of iasa you know it's the stuff that man when you drink it it sends you into La La Land really really quickly those of you who attended you know what I mean well after about five hours of uh of of what happens when you're on iasa I started to come out of it and I started to kind of feel better and while everyone else was doing what happens when you are on iasa you know what I mean indeed you do I'm sitting there and I just start standing up and I'm like checking myself you know I'm not nauseous I'm I'm I'm I don't have to I don't have to go to the restroom you know and I'm just sitting here and I'm kind of dancing kind of looking around just kind of taking it all in seeing some geometric shapes and then all of a sudden I hear this voice in my head telling me a joke and I just started cracking up it was funny as [ __ ] and so I just kind of enjoyed the joke and I started dancing again and then I Then I then I heard another joke it was funnier than the first one I swear to God it was so funny to me in that dat now I mean today I don't know I'm going to share some of these jokes with you maybe they won't be funny if they aren't funny then it's not my fault it's mother aasa's fault but after that second joke I audibly heard you know they talk about you go and find your Miracles well I don't know if my Miracle is I need to be a standup comedian but I'm going with it so I heard write that [ __ ] down so I presumed it was the jokes so here I am I have my little notebook and I go and it's Pitch Black in the room and I get my little flash light that's on my keychain and I go in the corner and I start writing you know I got I got I got that going on right now you know because you're seeing double so I'm sitting here trying to trying to write and get the jokes down and so then then one of the worker bees there they come and admonish me and they tell me that I can't do that that can't have a light on during ceremony and they suggested I go outside so I went outside and there's a little porch there and I just plop my butt up and I'm sitting here doing the oneeyed squint again and I start writing it down got and another worker be come up and say no you can't do that do you have a cell phone I'm like no I don't have a cell phone and they said well you can't use a light we're in ceremony I said well the dude in there just told me to come out here because I got a journal mother iasa told told me I got to write that [ __ ] down don't deny me that and so we negotiated and she agreed that if I CED the little light so that if I hit it with my my thumb it would just give a little bit of light on my book and so I just proceeded to start writing down the jokes that were coming into my head I'm not kidding you it was a stream of conscious it didn't come from me I just enjoyed it like I hope you enjoyed them but as mother iasa is my witness I'm G to show you it started with this page all the way at the top and I just kept writing and writing and writing and writing well didn't write on that page um and I think they're pretty damn funny so what am I gonna do I got home and I thought you know what I'm not just going to let that die on The Grape Vine I'm actually going to follow through going to my home studio um and I am going to record these jokes now again I hope you enjoy them but if you don't you know what I don't know what to tell you I think those people who are there are going to appreciate it and like I said my out is that if these aren't funny not my fault mother iasa but if they are let's give her credit too okay hey everyone [Music] cheers speaking of [ __ ] I do want to give a shout out to our sponsor today um which is Ultra Soft baby wipes yes if you've had a hard night and you need to wipe your ass and cleanse it from The Ring of Fire from a blowtorch through your butthole please just go to the store and get old Ultra Soft baby wipes and for those of you who might have more issues still well you can always count on Preparation H baby wipes the day after thank you for the sponsors now on with the show well I have to say that uh if you like potty humor I think you're going to enjoy this video if you don't like potty humor well you just haven't been to rhythm yet have you like a good rash um yeah that's kind of how I hits you uh it just makes you go and then you better find a toilet or a bucket um okay so here we go I'm I'm just gonna go through from the top the jokes that started coming to me and uh we're going to see if we enjoy them all right here we go ladies and gentlemen so we landed a group of us got in a bus and it took about an hour and a half to get to rhythmia now as we're driving into the property I look over and I see this dude walking down the sidewalk talking to himself in my head I'm like wow what a weirdo so then on on on Friday after all of the ceremonies right um I found myself walking down that same sidewalk and I saw another other dude and the dude was not talking to himself and I'm like what a weirdo you know what I can't reconcile so prior to arriving I spoke to a counselor over the phone who highly suggested that we wear all white during the ceremonies now apparently this had something to do back in the day just tradition to where uh if somebody you know started walking into the Amazon or whatever that people could see them and maybe save them but uh so tradition it was and I brought down my allwhite gear you know tops bottoms Etc and then the day prior when they're coach coaching us up to go into the ceremony the biggest advice that Dwayne gave us was when you're on the medicine never trust a fart why in the hell are you telling us to wear all white then huh riddle me that bad man hey you know what happens to really really shitty people yeah they get reincarnated as a rhythmia toilet so if you attended feel good that you exacted some justice this week yes so it's really important to me you know I follow the science right I'm into empirical evidence and I can tell you after witnessing four ceremonies that ultimately end in uh music and dance that it is true yeah white men still can't dance Hey Spirit of full disclosure I am really really shitty at remembering names but iasa to the rescue on Tuesday night she delivered the first miracle for me to be able to remember not the women's names didn't quite get there but all of the sudden at the end of Tuesday I could remember every single man's name is that not amazing yeah but the interesting thing is they all have the same name you know what it is those of you who were there will get that hey can we brainstorm a little bit I I have four daughters and of course as a good dad I equi them with the right kind of Mace and everything but I was just thinking coming back from rhythmia at the end Sally you guys know Sally she's the one that uh that that that rebooks and everything she's she's just she's a a lifesaver she was for me I I'll I'll talk about Sally a little more later um but they sell this tinure which is basically IAS a bottle you just spray it in the back of your mouth and it's supposed to help you integrate when you get back home but I was thinking maybe there's another use for this can you imagine I give these to my daughters and then they're walking down a parking lot out at night and there's somebody a man who comes at them aggressively instead of pulling out the mace pull out your Iasi tinure go like this squeeze squeeze squeeze and you know what happens they're GNA [ __ ] themselves over and over they're gonna [ __ ] themselves and you just walk away and another word from our sponsor it's depends I'm wearing them now they're so so comfortable I can move around I have great Mobility so when I [ __ ] myself nobody nobody has to be inconvenienced nobody has to wait for the door to open for them to be able to go in and relieve themselves so the next time you attend rhythmia please go to your local Walgreens or CVS and just pick up some depends hey to that cocky dude who was bragging that he had never thrown up during any of the ceremonies well I tell you what partner you come behind me after I [ __ ] fire out of my ass come right behind me who's not puking now [ __ ] you know I went in there and uh I didn't want to spend the additional money for a single room so I got a roommate hey Eric shout out to Eric my roommate he's the one that educated me on the porcelain twist you know what that is so when you do iasa and you have to go into the bathroom and you have your bu you know you don't have your bucket at first right because you have to go diarrhea and you sit down but right when you sit down you also have to puke so you go and then you you're back you're back sitting sitting and then you have to turn around what a nightmare so that ladies and gentlemen is the porcelain twist and soon to be an Olympic sport Eric I'm rooting for you you're going to get the gold medal and the food how about that food man all I can say is after eating a full week of that healthy food at rhythmia all I can say is where's the beef When in Rome though you know you eat what you they serve you but I got to tell you man that that kind of all vegan diet did not make me very comfortable trusting farts this I will tell you this I will okay I owe everyone a big apology when after the first evening the first ceremony the next day there were all of these people who were sharing oh mother iasa came to me and we sat down and we had tea we had a little conversation and she brought me back to my inner child and I put the inner child on my lap and mother iasa put on a video and you know just there were so many people that had these direct engagements with Mama iasa and I'm sitting here thinking man oh no [ __ ] way you know come on stop acting people I mean all I saw was a few geometric shapes in between [ __ ] myself um but there is there I assessed there's just no way that these people you know were telling the truth I just thought they were all a bunch of actors trying too hard but then on Tuesday night on Tuesday night I take my first cup I take my second cup I take my third cup and I'm over there I'm in la la land and I'm just sitting here thinking I'm kind of in my fetal position you know because Ben the counselor said what you want to do tonight because you're going to be uh no this was Wednesday night where you're going to be honoring your mother you want want to be able to just curl up in a fetal position and think about your mama loving you and let the medicine do the rest well you know I never believed that mother iasa would manifest so I'm sitting here I'm I'm I'm just like this and all of a sudden I saw the I felt the warmest most loving hand on me just on my shoulder going like this and I'm like wow that's mother iasa and I opened my eyes and I turned around and and it and it was it was this beautiful beautiful woman and mother iasa had this blonde hair and these blue eyes and I was like I felt bad because I judged all of those people all of those people who had similar visions of a real person and then mother I Wasa spoke and it was Sally she said brother you're snoring so that didn't last long but I still believe all of you that you that you were you were having the I believe you yes okay you know it's a tightnit group when just after a couple of days you feel comfortable you know just asking asking the woman next to you Belinda asking her and just saying hey Belinda I just [ __ ] my pants do you have an extra pair of panties and she's like yeah man no worries here speaking of I must say that probably my favorite part about integrating back home uh indeed is again trusting farts does that make me shallow just a casual observation I don't care whether you're you're purging water or or or or even by puking or [ __ ] but after the 15th whoosh whoosh whoosh you know and then and then another 23 and a half whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh where does all the liquid come from it's not a joke I'm just asking I mean that math just doesn't hunt for me so any of you who know call me I mean I told myself at the end of the week after all of that when I get home I'd better be 10 pounds lighter otherwise I'm going to reach out and ask Jerry for a for a full refund speaking of Jerry how in the hell did he broke her with the Moon being able to literally hijack all of the stars from the rest of the world and just place them right over his property right I mean again not a joke it's just an observation the stars there were just absolutely amazing I think it's a Jerry deal anyone other than me make the Strategic mistake of falling in love with rhythmia pineapple water you know at breakfast and lunch uh in the dinner on the first night I mean I'm just sitting over there like a like a drug it you know just taking my my my glass and going just drinking and drinking drinking now they had pineapple water and then they had coconut water strategic mistake to drink the pineapple water right why well it's so acidic so my issue with iwaska my purging was downstairs you know what I mean not up here my name's not Ralph it was down there now with all of that acid that I I drank during the day I literally was [ __ ] fire I mean it's like there was a a blowtorch in my butthole just mother iasa grabbed it it's like so so note to self never do it again now I stopped doing that after the second day and day the ceremony three and four where just normal thanks be to Jesus hey shout out to those Shaman right I mean I think the gift shop needs to actually make some red hats that says making spitting great again Shaman you know it's truly no wonder that people puke and [ __ ] themselves so much after drinking iasa why because iasa truly does taste like ass doesn't it I mean I don't know I've never made it the Habit to test eating ass but I'm pretty sure if I did it would taste a lot like iasa hey Pro tip Pro tip for you guys going back if you ever want to you know feel confident and feel like you are king of rhythmia what you do is you take your mattress and you move it over there so you're right by the bathroom right because then what happens throughout the night is you have so many people come by and treat you with great reverence they get on their knees they lay their bucket down and then they put their heads down and they start praying to you they make a lot of noises but I just thought it was cool so all of you who were praying to me treating me like God I'll take it thank you now here's a promise that I'm going to make for you you go to rhythmia and you attend and you attend all the ceremonies and you drink all of the recommended dosages of iasa and you [ __ ] yourself maybe piss yourself too and you puke and I'll tell you theef benefits is that your pants are going to fit better better it's true I mean I got back and I backed into a brand new wardrobe it's awesome so you know rhythmia is almost an investment that pays for yourself because you can rewind in your closet and fit into those clothes you used to not to you're welcome there is one more set of clothes in my closet um which is why I'm rebooking rhythmia because I think to fit into those my math is I think I'm 43 and a half shits away from it so I'll see you soon yeah my my my wife when I came home she looked at me and she grabbed my face and she's like oh my gosh you look so great you look so bright you look so bright vibrant I mean you're not red your eyes aren't red it's truly remarkable it must have just been magic there and I said yeah it was um but really the truth is honey I'm no longer full of [ __ ] you know people were giving me a lot of [ __ ] about laying in the corner just moaning but again you have to understand I was going through severe trauma let me give you a little bit of backstory and maybe maybe you can empathize just a little bit um I worked a lot in Manhattan and I'll never forget the time that I flew to Manhattan got off the plane took a taxi in and I was at this hotel that was about 50 50 stories and I go into the um I go into the lobby and I'm sitting here like okay I got it I got I got a [ __ ] I got I know I got a diarrhea like like like i' just been to rhythmia like I just done a bunch of iasa I didn't know that then but I know that now so here I am doing the butt clinch you know what I'm talking about and I'm doing the calculus and I'm like okay I know there is a restroom on the second floor up that escalator should I go there now but I had all of my luggage and everything or do I just it's a pretty Short Line do I just get my key and then go up to my room and so I'm like I think I can do it I just get get my key so I get up I get my key it's on the 31st floor and so I'm like but I take my luggage I'm just scooting over to the elevator and I go up the elevator and it takes forever but I have the butt clinch going you know I get off the elevator my room is literally all the way down at the end and so you know the waddle to where when you're butt clenching and your waddle one I mean that was when I'm like I know I'm going to [ __ ] myself and so I'm like going right holding it in I didn't want to [ __ ] myself I was in a suit new suit that I just bought it was a Canali and I get to my room and I'm like yes yes thank you Jesus yes and I put the I put the key in there and I pull it up and it's red I'm like what what and you know when you're that at that point of no return yeah thank god oh to to TMI thank God there was the room there with the ice machine that I could duck into um thank God it had a drain I'm going to stop there but I'm just telling you guys that was my trauma so when I was laying down knowing that I was having to go to the bathroom all that time I was worried if I would even make it there so can you just give a brother a break please with my man I don't know about you but when I got home I was so tired so tired I came in it was late it was actually about 1:00 in the morning uh when I when I got home and I was just like done and I was able to just scoop myself to the bedroom and uh jumped in the shower real quickly because I just you know felt like airport and uh and I went to sleep and when I woke up my wife just comes at me just with with with ir I mean my wife's accusing me of having an affair I'm like what the [ __ ] what are you talking about just got home I was in Costa Rica I sent you pictures I mean come on and she said no all night long you were just moaning and you kept saying USAA who is USA I don't know but she was hot you know speaking of [ __ ] porcelain twists and the like I wonder what the shelf life is for rhythmia toilet right I mean it has to be just totally short I mean I can I can imagine the toilet salesperson calling his buddy saying hey Bobby if this Jerry dude calls you you know wanting a quote a dozen toilets just uh trust me don't warrantee the [ __ ] for more than two and a half weeks if you've been to rhythmia you get it you know I'm the dad four daughters a lot of estrogen in my family and I know growing up them with them growing up they kind of went through that phase to where they liked saying you know if they ever got teary eyed watching a movie or something and they'd say I'm not crying you're crying right so cute um at rhythmia though uh there's a little bit of a Twist it's uh I'm not [ __ ] you're [ __ ] all right there you go man again if none of that was funny not my fault I love yall anyway okay man I hope you have an awesome integration back home love you all [Music] [Music] cheers [Music] h