【戀愛指南】如何理解我要找一個不太把自己當回事的人？——Matthew Hussey

Sasha says, Hi Matthew, Stephen, Audrey and team. I am a 31-year-old female. I have been on dating apps for years, and I have not yet found a connection with the raw materials that could lay the foundation for a healthy, committed partnership. I wanted to ask about something that piqued my curiosity. I'm noticing more and more men, typically ages 29 to 38, are writing something along the lines of I'm looking for someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously. What on earth does that mean? I'm assuming that even pondering this question automatically disqualifies me as someone who is too serious. So this isn't likely my pool of compatible people, but I'm simply curious to understand. For the most part, I've always assumed that seeing this on a profile was a telltale sign that the individual themselves likely wasn't looking for a serious relationship slash partner or was looking for someone low maintenance. But recently, I'm wondering if there's something different that can be taken away from this messaging. Is there any deeper intention behind someone soliciting a partner who doesn't take themselves too seriously? Or is it best to just accept that at face value? Thanks for any thought and consideration. I appreciate the insight and perspective that you offer on so many levels of life and human behavior. So Sasha, the men who put on their profile I'm looking for someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously. Well, I didn't realize this was a phenomenon that lots of people did this. I didn't either. It makes sense to me that people are putting it. For me, I don't feel like it's that bad. It almost sounds to me like looking for someone who is a bit carefree and isn't going to kind of come into this with like a heavy energy which obviously, you know, is a little bit can have its double entendre. So is your view that these men are coming off the back of like having met too many women who are bringing a very heavy energy to the dating process? I think so. Do you get the sense that it's another way of saying somebody who isn't looking for anything serious but without saying it Jeremy, I'm curious. Why do you think men are putting they want someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously on their profile? Jeremy says this sounds like a guy who's been yelled at a lot. So he's like, you think he's like, he's just had enough and he's like, I just need someone more lighthearted. You think it's a red flag? So your view is that he's this is a red flag because it's a sign that he's been in trouble for things he's done in the past and he's over being in trouble for that. He's just like... But she's saying loads of men are doing it. Is that loads of men? That makes sense. Loads of men are just sick of being called out for the things they're doing wrong. Can I also say just as a side note, I don't really like it when people on their dating profiles are like, I am looking for this. It's like, what the hell do you bring to the table? Do you know what I mean? Stop coming in with all your demands and instead be like, here's what I bring. Well, some prompt you, don't they? They probably prompt you in the direction of saying what you're looking for. Maybe not. Yeah, no, I'm sure they do. But the fact that that's your answer What I don't like about it, whether or not it's truly a kind of red flag, what I don't like about it is I read that in the negative as opposed to the positive. Like it's not someone saying looking for someone, you know, playful and with a great sense of humor. It's looking for someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously. Like I can't help but read that with like a hint of edge. Yeah, of course. And so it doesn't... I think that the irony, Sasha, is that you can be someone who is approaching dating with nothing but fun and sincerity or a good attitude and it's almost a... it is kind of a line that I can see how that would throw you off because it means you're like you're starting from a place of going, am I taking myself too serious? It's like it's already got you in your head,Sasha, about whether you're taking yourself too seriously. So it's kind of... I do find it to be a comment with a little bit of edge. And I don't like the idea of like not to get too deep into it, but I do... I don't love the idea of like people who are making themselves the arbiter of whether someone takes themselves too seriously or not. But that's sort of the point I was making is like going into dating apps being like no crazy people, no this, no, no... You know, like it's fine to be like I don't want someone who smokes because I hate smoking. Like that's different. But if it's like I'm looking for someone who's like this and who's not like that and who's... It's just coming in making all these demands before you've even shown your own value. Like all he's doing is just coming in with his negi and then it's like well, then you don't want to match with him because he's all like... I kind of think it's like a person who's a vegetarian. Instead of writing that they're a vegetarian writing, looking... Or no, I... Someone who doesn't murder animals. Yeah, exactly. Like someone who doesn't think that eating animals isn't immoral. Like... Or it's like a meat eater who's like looking for someone who doesn't, you know, cry over eating a steak. It's like instead of just being who you are. Yeah. It's a little bit of edge around who other people are. You know, I think I'm sort of with you. I don't want to read too much into it because I don't know. But Sasha, I do get... I get why this has got in your head. And I don't think you're wrong for detecting like a little bit of edge in that comment. I agree. And I... It's kind of... For me, it's like in the beginning. I don't think it's like a red flag don't match with him and never speak to him again, run away. And I don't think it necessarily suggests that he doesn't want or they don't. These men don't want a relationship. I think they're kind of separate. But it does sort of suggest something about that person's personality and character. Yeah. I think, Sasha, I'm with you. I might be a little put off by that comment. Hmm.