How To Stop Being Jealous In A Relationship

Stefan, would you have some advice for someone like myself who can easily be jealous in a relationship? I really hate it when other men speak to my girlfriend because I know that many of them are trying to seduce her. At the same time, I know that it would be unhealthy to tell her not to speak to men anymore. What's your mindset around this? Okay, a few different things. One is, one thing that I look at in question is, do you trust your partner? Do you trust your partner? If the answer is yes, then you have to decide that you're going to trust this person no matter what. You know who they are, you know them better than anyone, and you got to trust and have faith that they love you enough and they trust you enough as well that they're not going to betray the relationship. Okay, that's number one. Trust is so important, guys, and it's something that you already do. You practice it every single day. I don't know how us as human beings, we can get in a car, we can drive 50 miles per hour, and in the other direction, there's these other cars of complete strangers also driving 50 miles per hour in the direction that we're driving, and the only thing that's separating from them driving into us and us driving into them is a line in the road. To drive a car requires a tremendous amount of trust. It does. I can tell you, they can, in a split second, make a mistake and they could crash into you and end your life. When you cross the street, you're trusting that the other cars that are there right in front of you, that they're going to stop or they're not going to hit the gas and run you over. See, trust is a decision. You decide to trust. You decide not to think about it, and you say, you know what? I'm just going to trust. I'm going to have faith. Faith is when you believe when there's no reason to believe. So that's number one. You've got to trust this person. If you're going to be in a relationship with them, it seems like if you're jealous, part of you maybe is lacking that trust, in which case that is something you can look at within yourself, why maybe you have baggage. Maybe someone broke your trust in the past that you haven't let, you haven't healed yet and forgiven them for and resolved that. Okay, you've got to do work on yourself if that's the case, or maybe your partner has broken your trust, in which case you have to develop that back with them and have great communication so that you do trust each other, or maybe they've crossed a line or a boundary at different times, and you've just got to make sure that you have that communication and that bond and that foundation for your relationship to work. So that's the first thing I'd say. The next thing I'd say is look at yourself and scarcity, fear, insecurity that's coming up for you, and that is something you have to work and heal and resolve within yourself to be more secure. Because listen, if you were a confident person, a secure person, it wouldn't bother you. You wouldn't feel threatened by other men talking to your girlfriend. I'm in a situation with Tatiana. She's a beautiful, amazing human being. Well, she has men approach her all the time. All the time, men approach her, stare at her. She goes out with her friends, men approach her, hit on her, offer to buy her drinks. Online, social media, people are messaging her. All the time, but it doesn't bother me at all because I know who she is. I know the trust that we built. I know we have great communication. She tells me all this stuff, and I'm not threatened by that in any way. But another reason is I know my value. I'm confident and secure within myself, so I'm not threatened. I'm not affected by it. The other piece to it as well is I'm not attached either. I'm a big fan of the Buddhist principle of non-attachment. All this material world that we're in is not going to come with us, so we don't need to have all this attachment to it. A lot of our suffering based on Buddhist mindset and philosophy is from attachment. Here's my mentality. I have a total abundance mentality in my relationship and in my life. If Tatiana, or if we're your girlfriend, if she would rather be with someone else than you, if Tatiana would rather be with someone else than me, if she'd be happier with someone else, then who am I to stop her? Who am I to stop her? I want this. If you really love this person, you want them to be happy, don't you? Right? I mean, you love them. You want them to be happy. You want them to be free. You want them to be fulfilled, and if they would rather be happier with someone else than myself, then I would bless that. Now, it would hurt me. I'd be disappointed. I would be sad. I'd cry. I'd be hurt, but I'd get over it, okay? Because I wouldn't want this person to sacrifice their happiness in life to settle with me if they're not going to be fully committed and happy with me. I don't want that, and vice versa. She wouldn't want me to be unhappy and miserable when I'm staying with her because I feel bad to leave her, and I'm just settling. She doesn't want that either. We both want each other what's best for each other. That's love. That's unconditional love. That's high consciousness love where you sincerely want what's best for the other person even if it's inconvenient for you and it's not what you want, okay? You can't make things all about you, okay? That's a selfish mentality. Selfishness is the worst fucking habit that destroys relationships, so that's the mentality. Another analogy, I've shared this before in the relationship training. I imagine as if a woman or a man is like a butterfly that's landed on your hand. It's beautiful. You want to cherish it. You want to appreciate it. Maybe you want to curl up your fingers a little bit to protect it, but the reality is that butterfly, that person in your life, may fly away. They could leave, and that's why you have to appreciate every moment, every opportunity you have with them. Now, a lot of people in relationships, they're terrified of that idea of that person leaving, of being with someone else. They get jealous, protective, and so what they do is they close the grip. They become controlling. You can't go out with your friends. You can't talk to other men. They're controlling of that person and jealous. If you do that, if you do that, listen to me, you will kill that relationship. They'll not feel free. They're gonna suffocate that person, and you're going to repel them even more through your jealousy and your insecurity. So instead, what you must do is just appreciate that butterfly. Appreciate it, love it, praise it, and here's the key. It is only when that man or woman you're with right now, it's only when they are free to leave that they will stay. When you give someone that freedom, that's when they will stay because it's their choice, and it's not because they feel like they're trapped and have to be with you. I don't have attachment to that. I believe that people are in your life either for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Sometimes we don't know what that is, but you trust and you have faith in life that, again, everything in life happens for you, not to you.