I quit my 9-5 job to pursue my creative dreams // ex-software engineer turned crafty small biz owner

Once upon a time, I woke up and decided, I'm going to quit my job. So then I hopped out of bed, got dressed in my business casual attire one last time, headed to the office, told my boss that we need to talk, closed the doors behind me, broke his heart by telling him that after five amazing years working at this stable fortune 500 company, I have one last thing to say, I quit. Then he feels sad that his team is losing such a great asset, but still wishes me the best and sends me off into the world. And now, without the dead weight of my corporate job, I'm finally able to live my best life and conquer the creative world and become eternally happy and free in a bajillionaire. All my problems are solved. The end. But this isn't a fairy tale, and honestly, is this story I just told even the ideal dream come true? Either way, here's the real story of how I quit my corporate 9 to 5 job to pursue my entrepreneurial creative dreams. I'm the kind of person where I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I never wanted to be an entrepreneur. I knew that for a fact because I was really into stability, routine, rules. But other than that, I didn't know what I wanted to pursue. All I knew was that I was good at music and music theory and music tech. And so going into college, I was like, I'm going to go into music because that's the only thing I know I'm good at. Fun little tidbit about me is that I'm until the age of maybe 21 or 22. A lot of what fueled my decision making was the fear of not fitting in, the fear of being a loner, the fear of being made fun of, but mainly the fear of not having friends. This is not a little sob story or like a random tidbit about me. This comes into play a lot when it comes to my career changes. I ended up going to Stevens Institute of Technology, the beautiful campus we are on right now. And on day one of Stevens, I quit the music tech major and I enrolled in the computer science major. Seems random? Could be. Could be random. But the main reason was that I got to Stevens and I realized it is not cool to not be an engineer at this school. I realized that day one, meeting people. And I was like, uh-uh, no, no, no. I am going to fit in in college and I'm going to switch my major to an engineering major. The only engineering major I was familiar with was computer science because my dad was a developer and also because I took like a CS 101 course in high school. So I kind of knew a bit about it and I knew it was a practical major. I knew there were jobs in the market for it and I knew that it was engineering enough for people to quote-unquote accept me. Mind you, this is my thought process as an 18-year-old who had a major fear of not fitting in. So 100% don't recommend. But actually, this really uninformed decision made it so that I ended up having the life that I have right now and it ended up being like one of the best decisions I could have made. So long story short, I was not the typical. She was always meant to be her own boss. There were so many signs pointing to her being a creative small business owner. No, no, no, there was none of that. But after re-choosing my major in hopes that I would feel like I belong, I ended up playing the part so well that I actually ended up loving my computer science studies and couldn't wait to be a software engineer forever. Now listen, I made computer science my entire personality at Stevens, okay? I really dug into it. I created the Stevens Women in Computer Science Club from scratch. I was one of the co-founders. I was a TA, a teaching assistant in the computer science department. I taught introductory like CS classes. I tutored little kids from ages like kindergarten through third grade how to learn CS from a young age. I did all the things at all the clubs. I was really into it. And I was known as like one of the few CS girls at school. Like that is literally a picture of me and the president of Stevens at the club fair where I was representing the women in CS club that I formed. I mean it when I say that computer science became my identity. I was thrilled that I made friends through my major. People liked that I was pursuing a quote-unquote hard major. I gained so much confidence because of the acceptance that I felt as a CS student. And who knows if all this would have happened anyway if I stayed a music major. The point is that from this moment on, software engineer became a part of who I am. So the thought of ever not being an engineer, especially choosing to not be an engineer, sounded absolutely crazy. So then after I graduated from the beautiful Stevens, look at how beautiful this freaking city is. It's crazy. I was fully, fully prepared to go down the corporate girl boss route and climb the corporate ladder and do amazing things and kill it. That was the plan. And it was the very first time in my entire life I had some sort of career plan and that excited me so much. I graduated Stevens with two degrees and five internships under my belt. And I ended up choosing going to Bank of America as a full-time software engineer after school. This is when the very first turn of events happened is what we're going to call it. Because as much as I absolutely loved being a software engineer over at Stevens, the best, I don't want to say the best five years of my life, but some of the best years of my life, I almost kind of knew that there was still something out there that I was kind of in the back of my mind itching to try. And I found crafting. Good morning. It is May 21st, I think, which is good because that means tomorrow's graduation. I graduated Stevens in May of 2019, started my corporate job in June, and then started my small business in July. I started off selling scrunchies for my friends and family because I was truly just bored and needed something to do after working on the weekends. When I got bored with scrunchies, I added on hair bows to the catalog, then candles, then upcycled thrifted clothes, and the list went on and on. Hanging out with friends was great. Going to bars was great. But as we all know, A, I like doing a lot of things at once. So the fact that I found some hobbies that I can share with my friends and family was perfect. And B, a global pandemic hit nine months into my corporate career. I moved back in with my parents during the worst parts of COVID. I was officially fully a work-from-home employee at my corporate job. And so I had some time on my hands that needed to be filled. Good morning. It's Monday, May 10th. And this week I'm going to be showing you how I start one of my new collections. And this week I'm going to be showing you how I spend my time balancing my nine-to-five job and also running my small business. Throughout 2020 and 2021, I treated my small business like it was a hobby. I would work on it when I wanted to and abandon it when I wasn't in the mood. I would make videos every now and then on YouTube. And in hindsight, looking at how much footage I have from before, I was, I guess, a quote-unquote YouTuber. I think video making and capturing the behind-the-scenes moments was always something I was interested in. I just didn't have the confidence to do anything with that interest until the pandemic kind of gave me a wake-up call. For lack of a better term, I adopted a YOLO mentality and started doing things I never had the guts to do. I started learning how to make my own clothing and selling my products to others because why not? I inquired about being a vendor at my favorite local craft fair because why not? I moved in with my boyfriend and insisted on getting a two-bedroom so I have my very first dedicated crafting room because why not? And I started referring to myself as a small business owner because why the heck not? And then the craze of the pandemic dwindled. I got a promotion at work. I was told to start coming back into the office. And coincidentally, this was also when I started toying with the idea that my side hustles might just have main hustle potential. And so thus begins the beginning of the end, the development of my workaholic tendencies, the best and most tiring years as I navigated seeing a future for myself as a super successful tech girl boss while also starting to potentially see myself as a super successful crafty creative business owner entrepreneur. I think this is where the question of, can I do it all started spinning in my brain. And then I started needing to go into the office. So I would commute from Hoboken into Jersey City, which is not a bad commute at all. It's actually the best commute ever. But it did give me a reality check that I'm going to have to start balancing like everything, every which way. During COVID, I had the absolute best balance of being able to work from home, see my family all the time. I didn't have as many friend commitments because people couldn't really see each other as much. I was able to grow my small business because I wasn't as physically drained from going to the office. I didn't have to take into account commuting time. And it was just the best of both worlds. And now I've hit this reality check of, can I do it all? And I did for a solid three years. Do I recommend it? We'll get to that later. Last year, I was fully doing it all. Growing my small business, concepting new business ideas, earning another promotion at my corporate job, picking up a few hobbies, going to the city to explore, taking care of my mind and my body, visiting friends and family, keeping my space tidy, posting more consistently on socials. The list goes on and on. I started doing multiple markets a month, going into the office three times a week. And it felt crazy and also amazing. I was literally on top of the world, loving my life as cringy as that sounds. But this only lasted a few months before a sense of burnout became the norm. Along with the feelings of burnout came the realization that no matter what the mood of the day was, I always wanted to work on my small business. It was my biggest passion. I think something that's very important to note is that not only did I find a sense of stability and comfort in having my nine-to-five job, I also relied on it financially. I relied on it emotionally. And I actually really, really enjoyed it. I loved my team to this day. I love the people on my team and I feel like they're so supportive and I got so lucky with them. And I liked the work that I was doing. I felt very comfortable there. And then I realized that honestly might be the problem. I was newly doing markets. I was growing this community, which is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I started selling more online. I started connecting with more people who were like-minded. And I saw that this was actually a potential career route you can take, which I did not know of until this point. I was learning a lot. Learning and learning and learning a lot about the whole small business world and also about myself and the reason I do things. I got a promotion at work. I had a lot of responsibilities and more was expected of me. Some may say that I got a promotion with this small business because of how fast I started growing in the beginning. I wanted to keep up with my friends and my family now living just with Josh. I needed to put in a lot more effort to meet with people. I wanted to pick up more hobbies. I basically wanted to do it all, all the time, at all times. And early this year, I came to the realization that I can't. In 2021, I went back into the office. I started doing pop-up shops. I started growing on social media. I got a promotion at my nine-to-five job. I started reconnecting with friends. I moved in with my boyfriend who is now my husband. I'm coming off of post-COVID anxiety where I want to do everything all the time because I feel like it could be taken away at any second. So I'm trying to go out in New York City and do things in Hoboken. And basically, I'm trying to be everywhere and everything all at once. And when you live in a place like the New York City metro area, there's a million and one things to do. And I was just so overwhelmed with choosing the different things that I can fit into my life that I got to the point where I just didn't choose. And I just tried to do it all. And I did that for a solid three years. I was avoiding even thinking about what I actually wanted to do and what was actually bringing me happiness. What I needed to do versus what I wanted to do, the priorities and the order those priorities come up in my life, I completely ignored all of that logic because I felt like if I couldn't do it all and I quit something, then I failed. And I definitely think you can be more than one thing. I don't think just because you have the identity as being a girl boss in corporate or because you're an artist or because you're a mom, you can only be each individual one of those things. And you can't be all of them all together. I truly believe you can be as many things as you want, which is why I do what I do. But at the same time, if doing everything gets in the way of your happiness and your peace and your overall life enjoyment, then what's the point? So picture this. I am sitting there the beginning of 2024, the beginning of this year, and I am drowning. And not in the way where I'm complaining, oh, I have so many things to do. There's so many life commitments I have and everything's going so well for me. Not in that sense. I was drowning in the way where I felt like I was failing at everything. I'm not a good enough software engineer because I'm not studying on the side and doing side projects. I'm not a good enough small business owner because I'm not putting out more than two product launches a year. I'm not a good vendor at a market because I'm not bringing enough inventory because I don't have enough time to make inventory. I'm not a good enough friend because I don't see my friends as often as I want to. I'm not a good daughter or sister because I don't reach out to my family as much anymore. I'm not a good enough wife or earlier this year fiance because I'm not dedicating as much time to date nights as I initially did. I got to the point this year where I was doing everything so subpar and so average and so not to the extent that I know I can that it felt like I was failing at all aspects of my life. And that feeling, I think, is truly bound to happen no matter what. But it really helped me realize that the lifestyle I was living was not sustainable. This moment, ironically, or maybe not ironically, who knows, also ended up being around the time when I stopped needing my corporate job. Okay, hear me out. The reasons why I went into corporate, number one, I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be an engineer. Because of you guys, because of this new community that we found together, I didn't feel alone and I didn't feel like I needed to be a software engineer. That was almost something I was realizing was part of my past experiences. And low-key, I started to realize that I'm okay with leaving that in the past. That's who I was and that's still who I am. But there's no need to drag it into my future when it really seems to be telling me that it wants to stay in the past. Again, especially because I found this community and I figured out, like, I can be anything I want to be and who cares about what people think and that new, like, mentality that I found in my 20s. I started realizing, like, okay, if I got fired tomorrow, I wouldn't struggle mentally with being like, but that's my identity. They took my identity away from me. I wouldn't feel that way. And then also financially, which I don't think too many people talk about when quitting their job. Because of the success I was finding in the small business, all the work I was putting into it and a lot of it is luck. A lot of it is luck and privilege, which that's a whole different section of this video. You can skip over to that if you want. Because of all that, I truly was able to, again, if they had fired me the next day, I would be okay financially. And I don't want to belittle myself in any way. I actually wouldn't just be okay financially. Early this year, I was at the point where my side hustles were making more than my corporate job. And the growth of my small business was so much more exponential than my career growth at my corporate job. And so when you think about it professionally and financially, I was logically, like, just starting to slowly come to terms with, wait, is my corporate job kind of unnecessary at this point? I always thought that the second I made enough money, I would quit my corporate job and pursue my side hustles full time. That was kind of the goal in 2023, or kind of the thought process. But I realized that was just me pretending that that was the goal when really there were a lot of things holding me back. First of all, I felt like I don't deserve this. I've never gone viral on any social media platform. I don't have a million subscribers. I don't make a million dollars a year. A lot of the creators that I follow on social media who have their own businesses have been doing it, like, throughout college and never got a corporate full-time job because they've just always been successful. And I'm not like them. There was basically just, like, a lot of imposter syndrome happening for months and months throughout this whole year of me just telling myself, like, no, I'm a software engineer. That's what I work towards. That's what I am. That is my whole identity. I can't just be a small business owner, like, just be a small business owner. I'm not good enough for that. That's for other people to succeed at. Like, I can't do that. And as I work through those thoughts, I also started realizing I am scared. I'm scared that one day I'll put out a video with the title being I went back to work 9-5 because I couldn't support myself with my small business. I'm scared that this was all a dream. None of it is real. And I somehow manipulated the system to get here. And I am literally giving you the full definition of imposter syndrome. That is exactly what this whole mentality is. I sat with myself for months and with Josh, and we talked it through. And I came to terms with the fact that I am so scared to quit, but I'm more scared not to. I'm quitting my job today. This has been in the works, circling through my mind with this decision for, I would say, like, a year and a half at this point. And today's the day. I told my family. I've hinted at it to my friends, but I haven't, like, straight up said that it's definitely going to happen. This soon, at least. Me and my husband, Josh, have talked about it nonstop every single day for the past, I would say, like, month or so. I'm nervous. I'm kind of sad because I love the people I work with. My boss is the best boss you can ask for. And I feel like I'm about to, like, walk in and, like, break everyone's heart. Not that I'm all that special or anything on this team, but I do think I contribute in my own little way. And I think they'll miss me and I'll miss them. And that makes me sad. But I made this decision. I know it's the best possible decision I can make at this time. So let's go to the office and quit. Quick OOTD to quit my job. Top is Aritzia. Pants, trousers are Abercrombie. I'm going to wear a white blazer that I got off of Nordstrom. And my shoes are Sam Edelman. Jewelry, Ana Luisa. I got to put a necklace on. Let's go. I have not been vlogging this whole week because I've been so overwhelmed with the amount of things that need to get done. And it's crazy. And I just feel so relieved that on Monday, I will just have one job to do. Obviously multiple tasks. Obviously have a lot going on. Still, even without my corporate job. But at least I won't have multiple full-time jobs. Today's the last day in the office. I'm doing a little egghead moment with a little bun. Scrunchie. Oiled up hair. Because I didn't want to wash my hair. And I felt like I wanted to be like slicked back for the last day. Honestly, not that many people are coming to the office today. I have my boss's boss who's coming in. So I'm going to hand in all of my stuff. Speaking of which, I need to bring all my stuff. Like I'm handing back in my phone. My work phone that they gave me that I never used. Like I have like a keyboard. I got to find that. And my badge. So I won't be able to go into the office tomorrow because I won't have my badge. So today's my last official day in the office. Tomorrow I'll be logging in from home. I feel excited. I feel ready to be relieved of this duty of my corporate job. I feel so grateful that the people in my life who I've told so far have been very, very, very supportive and have just like reconfirmed my whole decision. And it's just made me feel so confident about this. I haven't regretted anything yet. Yet. I don't think I will. I feel like I've made this decision over the course of honestly years. I think I'm ready. I can always go back. This is not a goodbye forever situation. This is a let me see what happens. If I cut this loose, will it free me? And I think it will. I'm excited. I'm honestly not even going to do too much work today because I've handed off most things to other people. I want it to be really on top of transitioning all my knowledge to other people because I do care about the team. I care about the work and I don't want anything to fall flat and to just disappear with me and end with me. I kind of want everything that I've been working on to be continued through someone else on the team. I think I did a pretty good job of that. Now it's just like tying little loose ends and I'm going to bring my personal laptop, make sure I can access like anything I want to access outside of the bank network. When you quit your job, things like 401k, health care, like my HSA, my Roth IRA, my commuter benefits, like a whole bunch of different pools of money that I have sitting at the bank. Like I want to make sure that follows me after I leave and isn't dependent on me being employed. And if it is, how do I get that out of there so that it's mine? A lot of technical HR type things, but wouldn't have it any other way. Come on, let's go. Guys, I can't even say it. I can't. It's oh my goodness. I woke up this morning not wanting to film anything because I have two massive pimples right there and I snapped myself out of that a few minutes ago and I was like, you know what? Who cares if I have a couple of pimples? Because the most exciting life events are happening right now. Why am I obsessed over this? It's my last day at my corporate job and it doesn't feel like it. I'm getting a bunch of messages of people saying that they'll really miss me. There's some people I didn't actually tell personally who I didn't really think would be too interested in hearing it from me personally with like advanced notice. But even those types of people are messaging me today, like just talking about how like sad it'll be when I leave and how it was like pleasure working with me. It just goes to show like how lucky I was to have this as my first job post-graduating college. I just couldn't have asked for a better five years. I'm gonna be emotional all day as you can probably tell. But on top of this being my last day, I do have a lot of work to do honestly because some people gave me some things to do and I was like, okay, fine, I'll do it. It's my last day, whatever. But on top of it being my last day of work, I also got word that I've been accepted into the New York City Bryant Park Winter Village. If you know, you know. If you don't know, then let me explain it to you. Basically, this is the biggest and best worldwide. Hands down, this is the best holiday market you can go to because it's New York City in Christmas. Hundreds, hundreds of vendors in the heart of New York City in Bryant Park, which is a really big park here in the city. I'm not in New York City. I'm in Jersey, but it's right across the river. It takes me like 15 minutes to get there. I have been manifesting this since before I can remember. I was scared to put this on my mood board for 2024 because I was just like, how the heck would that even happen? The Bryant Park Winter Village is not one day. It's not two days. The spot that they offered me is 52 days straight going from before Thanksgiving to after the new year. There are spots that actually go longer than that amount of time, but mine is a little bit shorter. It's only 52 days. Only 52 days. But how wild is it that it's my last day of work, last day of my corporate job, and I didn't really have any regrets waking up this morning, but even if I did have regrets, this email would have come in and just reaffirmed that this is what I'm meant to do. There's no way I would be able to do this sort of market working a full-time corporate job because the market is Sunday through Saturday. Anyway, I'm not fully sure I'm going to do it yet. I didn't sign the contract yet. It's a big financial commitment, big time commitment, big energy commitment. It's very short notice, so I'm still kind of thinking about it, but the fact that it is on the table just makes today like even better. It's been hours, hours since that last clip and I've just been sitting here actually doing a ton of work and doing some other things like around my crafting space, and it is 3 23 p.m. I'm about to send my thank you email out to everyone and I'm like getting so emotional. Here, I'll read it to you guys. As many of you know, today's my last day at the bank. Thank you for being such great co-workers and supporters throughout my five years here at Bank of America. This was truly the best first job out of college I could have had, and honestly, I learned a lot more useful stuff here at the bank than I did in college, haha. I've learned so much from each one of you and I will take these valuable skills and experiences with me throughout my career. Special thanks to Shashank for being a supportive and patient mentor and boss since I was an intern in 2018. Thanks for letting me ask silly questions one too many times and for advocating for me throughout the years. I tell all my peers that I hit the jackpot by being placed on the DQC team. Thank you all for making my experience here rewarding and educational. It's been a pleasure working with you all and I hope to stay connected. And then I just put my personal email on my LinkedIn. P.S. There are macaroons in the fridge on the seventh floor. My mom brought my team macaroons for them to enjoy. Best, Monica. So I'm gonna send that. And I had a call with Shashank, my manager, and it was like the kindest thing. He just kept saying thank you for me being a great employee. I kept saying thank you for him being a great manager. We both just kept saying thank you to each other. And honestly, no matter like how anything actually happened, whatever the circumstance may be, this is like my ideal situation. Leaving and feeling bittersweet. Knowing that I had something so good that I'm gonna miss, but also knowing that it's time to let go. It has been almost a month since I quit my job and it's been about five days since my last day of work. I'm not jumping for joy. I'm not having the best time ever. I still, in the back of my mind, feel like I failed and I could have done it all if I just tried a little bit harder. I could have done it. I'm slowly reteaching myself that that is absolutely not the case and I'm crazy for thinking that way. Not crazy. I'm not crazy. But I am just holding on to some beliefs that I need to let go of. I feel disappointed in myself that I couldn't be a fellow nine to five, do it all, markets on the weekend, keeping the household tidy, keeping up with friends and family, having hobbies that do it all girly that you know and love. I'm very disappointed in myself that I can't do that for you and I can't do that for myself. But that's like the layer two of my feelings right now. Layer one, like the top emotion that I'm feeling right now is just proud of myself for acknowledging that this is where I draw the line when it comes to my mental health, physical health, emotional health, knowing that such great things are in my future. I'm going to scale this business like no other. I'm going to start new businesses like no other. I'm going to make content like no other. And I'm going to be so good at it all knowing that this is what I'm meant to be doing at this point in my life. The stuff that has happened, happened and I'm so grateful that it did in the way that it did. Other people have their own journeys. Other people go viral. Other people start their businesses when they're seven years old and they're running a fully multi-million dollar company by the time they're in high school, which is absolutely incredible to me. But you know which creators I'm talking about and go them. But that's not me. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I do feel like I'm letting you guys down by not being part of our little group of girlies who work from the second we wake up to the second we go to sleep. But I do feel like that lifestyle is not sustainable and there has to be an end goal that you're working towards. There has to be a stopping point in order to just live a life that has freedom and peace and enjoyment in it. I'm excited to talk a lot more about the process, the style I got here, tips and tricks, and also just about my new daily life. And the very, very last thing that I want to say here is that I would not be here, 100% no for a fact, would not be here without you guys, especially my YouTube community. You guys made me feel like I belong to something. I'm not gonna cry. I'm not crying. Are you crying? Cause I'm not crying. You guys really helped me when I was down in the comments through subscribing, through liking, like any of the little pieces of free engagement, you don't have to do it. No one's telling you to do it. It gives you nothing to do it. But for some reason you do and I am so appreciative of it. You're the reason my small business thrives. You're the reason I get brand deals that I'm able to share with you guys. You're the reason I've had this very privileged struggle of deciding if I should quit my nine to five job or not. Like what the heck? So to you all watching, thank you so much. You are not only my favorite people in the world, you're also the reason this all exists. Now let's go eat some cake.