We Spent the Day in Full Plate Medieval Armour...

Do you know it's technically still illegal in England to wear a full suit of plate armour in Parliament? Of course you did, you're History Hit subscribers. But do you still get your head cut off for it? Let's find out. Hello officers. Hi, how are you? Today I'm going to see just how difficult it is to go about an ordinary day in London wearing what my ancestors might have worn back in the 15th century. Please, please don't tell me. Urban fitness. Unlike my ancestors from the 1400s, my challenge was less fighting in the quagmires of mud at Agincourt and more trying to ride an electric powered line bike on London's busiest streets. Wearing 30 kilograms of metal, I'll be attempting to complete a series of challenges my cruel co-workers have set up for me to fail. God, oh bloody hell. Over the bin, over the bin. Along my journey, we'll learn plenty of history. How much do you reckon a full set of plate armour would have cost a knight? 200 pounds. 200 pounds, okay. It's got to be around 5 million plus. The easy way. Knights have got a very, very meat and fish based diet. They're burning calories, you know, thousands of calories in a battle. And the hard way. He's useless. He's ruining it. You're ruining it for me. Olivia would be my bride. How do you think medieval knights went to the toilet? Sweet Eleanor of Aquitaine. Every now and then, I get a message from my producer, Drew. And it usually goes something along the lines of, Monday 6am, be in the office. You're not going to want to miss it. Something along those lines. But usually it's something pretty silly. But I've woken up at a crack of dawn, so let's hope it's worth it. Drew. Drew, Drew, Drew. My nemesis. You know, I never drink these. You've got me up that early. Right, where are we going? That way. That way, okay. I don't like when you smile like that. In this room? Yeah. Oh god. Ah, hello. Hi. Hi, good morning. Holy, holy, holy crusade. Hi, I'm... Hi, how are you? I'm Griff, hello. Nice to meet you. Hi, and you? Wow, okay. Well, I think I've got a pretty good idea of what's probably going on today. What have we got here? Well, it's armour from the third quarter of the 14th century. But of course, you've got a card. All right, okay. Am I supposed to... Should I read this out? Here we go. I am Luke Tomes. Today I shall be put to the ultimate test. I was famously overheard uttering these controversial words. I love medieval armour. It looks so cool. I wish people still wore it. I think I could easily spend an entire day dressed in medieval armour. I never said those words, by the way, Griff. Let's just... I need to make that clear. I shall forthwith spend my entire day in an authentic suit of 15th century armour. Griff, dress me. Right, okay. I suspected that. So it's me, not you, who's going to be wearing this. Oh yeah, it's too hot outside for me. I'm not doing it. So this is proper 15th century then. So we're talking sort of Agincourt era. It's a little bit earlier than that. But yes, some of these elements were exactly the same as the guys on foot and on horse at Agincourt, yeah. And this would belong to a knight, right? How does one become a sort of knight in the medieval period? Well, knight is a social status, but you could be a merchant and be knighted. You might never put on any armour at all. Or you could be a professional soldier who was never knighted. But this is high quality armour. This has been imported probably from Italy or somewhere like that. So to have something like this, you've got to have a bit of money. Got to be part of the nobility, obviously. Not your average Joe who can just say, I want to be a knight one day. Or a friend of somebody in the nobility who's gone, yeah, I'll supply you with some armour because I have to by law. Yeah, so armour can be acquired in all sorts of ways. But certainly this is at the time, this is the top notch quality. I mean, I'm already feeling some of the bits and bobs here. I mean, it just already feels pretty heavy. I'm assuming, you know, whether they're on the continent in Europe fighting wars or maybe in the Holy Land on the Crusade, I'm assuming they're not wearing this all the time. Is this only donned for when they're going straight into battle? Or are there other times when they might be putting it on? No, you wear it whenever you need to wear it. And if you're on one of those big raids through France, then put it on as early as possible and wear it for as long as possible. Who knows what's out there willing to come at you with a sword, mace, axe, spear, lance, anything at all. And of course, missile weapons as well. So, you know, if you're in potential danger, I'd be wearing it. I've worn armour for 48 hours straight, slept in it, done all sorts of things in it. It's totally possible if you're used to it. So I can't say I'm used to it. I can't say I'm used to it. Well, you're not wearing the appropriate underclothes at the moment. So there's some very specialised bits of kit that are vital to wearing the armour. So we're going to send you away and we're going to give you some nice hose. We're going to give you a nice shirt and something called a paw point. And that's going to help suspend all the armour. So if I give you those and when you come back, we'll start putting the hot, heavy metal stuff on you. Can't wait. You're not filming this. My undergarments were now on, but Griff didn't think I looked silly enough. So he gave me some pointy shoes to match. I was eager to put on the hot, heavy metal. And as Griff added more layers, he explained to me the importance of the fit. We know people were of a larger build. There's tales of knights who were quite corpulent. And there are, OK, you can let that down. Yeah, that's great. And there are, you know, we've got skeletons of knights. Some of them are quite well built and brutal. Some of them are more slender. And we have descriptions of people who are obviously quite athletic and lovely. And some knights who are just like, oh dear, I haven't put this on for years. I've grown a bit. I mean, the classic one, of course, is Henry VIII. We can see how he gets bigger and bigger and bigger. You could, you know, just get all his armour and pour plaster in. And then, hey, presto, we can see how he changes his body. I mean, if you look at his later armours, you look and go, he was getting really big everywhere, wasn't he? Well, he was actually packing a bit, wasn't he, as well? Isn't there like that big, in the Tower of London, where he has a big sort of... Well, it's called the codpiece. I mean, you've got a cloth one on. Oh, OK. And it's a little flap to, you know, allow ease of access for everything. But there is a little bit of propaganda going on there as well. OK, I was going to say, I don't have one. Griff had clearly left the large codpiece at home. But as he continued his anecdotes, it became evident that being too large as a knight could be problematic. I mean, it got so bad for poor old King Henry that, you know, on his last campaign, his injuries were such that he had to reach in and have his armour cut away from his body. It was, you know... Yeah, they had to get in and cut the straps quickly and get it off. He was in so much pain, so... I was quite literally beginning to worry what I was getting into. With van braces and chainmail added, it was all beginning to weigh down on me. Oh, there we go. How are we feeling? Feeling... I am actually feeling... We'll get you out into some pretty hot lads. As I came closer to fainting, even more armour was essential for protection. The breastplate, gauntlets, and to crown it all off, an enormous helmet with an extremely pointy nose. Yeah, so we're going to keep you... Have lots of water to keep you hydrated and I'll try and get a fan or I'll just stand there with a bit of paper and flap you around. Yeah, it's not bad. Yeah, I didn't see that coming. So, are you ready for your day, my lord? I am ready, Swire. Let's go. Right, let's crack on. What the hell? Who are you? I, Salute Tomes, a knight of his majesty, am now dressed for war. Today's battle, living my regular working day in the city, wearing a full suit of armour. Firstly, I need to catch up on my work emails. Gauntlets must remain on. Thank you, Squire. Do you have a name? You don't talk, do you? Right, let's get on with this. Come on. So, are you good? Or something passive-aggressive? Dear Joe, I'm sorry. I can't make the meeting but I am making a viral video. Send. Right, let's hit the town. So, desk work done and ready to show off my armour to the maidens. Don't worry, Luke. Plenty of time for romance later. It was time to head to the first secret location my crew had told me to go to. With this gentleman. Hard, hard case. The only problem was how to get there. How are you? I look like this guy. Are you good? A few rejections later, we finally found a willing wagon to take us across town. Are you taking me to Knightsbridge then, or? Oh, yeah? Yeah, you like? Yeah, there you go. Are you kidding me? Please, please don't tell me. I thought that said urban outfitters. Urban fitness. Walking is a great exercise for a knight. Tell me about it. But with tourney season coming up, I really need to bulk up. Today, I'm hoping my suit of armour might help me chop the head off my recent PBs. Lock up your maidens. I'm about to get a pump on. Have you seen a knight before? No, not in real life. That's an honour to me. Today is your lucky day here. Good to meet you guys. Good to meet you. How fun was your trek? That was easy. That was so easy. You didn't even help me. What's next? Thank you. You only did two. See? Weakling. Once I'd performed a few more exercises, and of course remembered the all-important stretches, it was time for a crash course in knight MMA. I was surprised at how agile I was in the armour. I couldn't imagine having to fight a man whilst wearing it. To give me a sense of what this could feel like, I spoke to the toughest man I knew. So, if a knight, in a battle, they've lost their sword, it's going to happen, isn't it? Your sword might be struck out of your hand, or you might fling it somewhere, and you don't have your secondary sort of armament, then you're going to be sort of using your fists, aren't you? Absolutely, everything. There's a weird thing where you're supposed to be chivalrous, and on the battlefield it's utter carnage, and if you can gouge the other guy's face out with your gauntlets, then go for it. One of the problems, I don't like wearing these in battle, because I then have a pivot point on you. I'm not going to do anything to you, but you can feel I could grab hold of that, and if I've then locked your arm out or something, and I'm stepping in behind there, you're in trouble. You see it in films like The King, when the two knights are basically just on top of each other, almost wrestling in a way. It's that brilliant, the choice of either the gentle, perfect knight's nap nap. Just leaning in the ground, the stamp on his face, punch, punch, punch. Elbows, knees, kicking. You can puncture these things, I guess that's what they're made for. These little bits here are called gadlings, and very often they're very highly decorated. There's lions, there's spikes, there's all sorts of weird, wonderful shapes, but ultimately it's there to protect you, but also it's a weapon. All this talk of fighting was getting me wound up, so like all the coolest guys in the gym, I took out my frustration on the bag. Though clearly fitness was an issue. Cardio time. How's it going so far? Get me out. I'm absolutely drenched, and it's kind of weirdly giving me, it's sort of cooling off a little bit, so I was really hot to start with, but in a weird way, it actually cools you off because you're sweating so much. I need to get a protein shake now, ready for the medieval tournament. Come on. I need a wee. No, this is where I draw the line. This is where I draw the line. Freak. Oh. Feeling relieved in every sense of the word, I left the gym and was keen to get to work on some of my future video ideas. I would often head to the more historic parts of town to seek inspiration for potential YouTube videos. To get there, however, I first needed to find a steed noble enough to carry a knight across London. The front doors will not open at the next station. Please use other doors. This is a District Line train to Richmond. The next station is Westminster. It's actually knights. It's knights, not Vikings. Oh, thank you. One of the clues is a day of celebration when a student has meat. Oh, is it? Oh, it's cryptic. Do you have my card? Here we are. Westminster. My home. Hello, officers. Hi, how are you? OK, it wasn't quite Knightsbridge, but rather a far more important place in an English knight's world. The centre of Parliament and the residence of the king. I was feeling a bit like a king myself with the amount of public attention and selfies I was taking. But unfortunately, the absolute exhaustion of battle, or gym and the underground in my case, was really starting to creep up on me. It was time to catch up again with Griff outside of Westminster Abbey to find out just how medieval knights got through a battle without collapsing from water loss, let alone an axe to the head. All right, Griff, I've taken a break. I've had to take this helmet off. I mean, beggars belief how these knights were going into battle for sometimes hours on end. I mean, I am soaking. Yeah, I mean, 1066 Battle of Hastings, the knights are out there, all the soldiers are out there from dawn till dusk, but they're not doing it the whole time. They must be taking breaks. They're coming backwards and forwards. They're doing an attack and a press. They're making a bit of headway or not. They're being beaten back, but they're getting a bit of a chance to have a rest. So you're not out there the whole time, but sometimes you're just going to have to be using your training and using whatever stamina you've built up since you were training from a young lad until you get to a fully grown man from 14 onwards. Then you're going to have to be hopefully physically fit. Putting on this 30 kilograms extra of armor, I mean, it weighs you down. It's a different kind of fitness. And also swinging your sword, it's all different. Like different sports require different types of training. How long are they training for these battles? I mean, all the time. The knightly class would have been training from a very early age, not only to ride, to hunt, to fight, to wrestle, to use their swords, daggers, axes, lances, the whole thing. Actually, almost like every single sport combined into this, you need stamina. You need that sudden aggressive amount of power. You need all that sort of stuff. So you need to be a good all-rounder, really. And this is a full set of plate armor. Now, when I think you mentioned 1066, armor hasn't developed to this extent, has it? No, no, no. The 1066 knights are all on either side, Saxons and Normans. They're all wearing mail, just mail all over their bodies. We then start getting more and more bits of steel as centuries go by. It takes a few centuries, though. There's still two and a half, three centuries of just going around with mail, starting to add bits. A bit at the shoulder, a bit at the knee. Or maybe adding a few bits and riveting it onto a leather garment as well on the legs there. Until you start getting to the latter parts of the 14th century, you know, the Hundred Years' War, you're starting to see the medieval knight in his full glory all over, all over the face, everywhere. Has this taken a while to develop to this point? Was there a kind of awkward, clunky phase? There is always a medium ground, which is going to be the best option for you. You could turn up to the battlefield in a safe and be very safe, or you could turn up in your underpants and be very mobile. Somewhere in the middle, for every single period, you get something like this. Is it true that they used to sort of just have their squire lift this up temporarily? We do it all the time. It's coming down a bit on your shoulders. It should be sitting on your hips a bit more. But, you know, just getting the squire to lift that up a bit while you're standing there. Oh, it's heavenly. Are you all right, my lord? Do you need a glass of wine? Emily, everything, food, wine, I'll take it all. Yeah, oh, they're coming. I better let you go. There we are. Well, anyway, speaking of food, and that's another thing. I mean, if I was going to battle round after round, dusk till dawn, 24 hours, I'm going to need some serious calories. Where were knights getting their calories from? Meat, meat, meat, meat, meat, meat. We've got so much evidence of all the upper classes eating an awful large amount of meat. And, of course, we've got the skeletons of knights. And we can check through the makeup of their bones, the isotopes within their, you know, what they're eating. You know, you get a lot of knights who've got a very, very meat and fish-based diet. So, you know, they're burning calories, you know, thousands of calories in a battle. Do they have, like, a pre-match meal? Is it pottage or...? Yeah, a good... It's almost like a modern marathon runner. You know, you need a bit of starch in the morning to keep you going. But once the battle's joined, once you're in there, then the chances of nipping out or getting a delivery of food to the battlefield are pretty remote. But there's always going to be a baggage train. There always will be something. If you can return for, you know, a new lance, if you've broken one, then the chances are your squire knows what they're doing. Yeah. The squire is the important person in this for making sure you're comfortable and making sure you're fed and watered. As you found out, you sweat buckets in this stuff. My squire's been very useful. And, you know, you sweat buckets, but also if you've eaten and you've had a drink, occasionally it's got to come out somewhere. Now, I've heard a story. Whoa, just hold your warhorses for a second there, Luke. Before hearing this intriguing story, I wanted to find out what the smart people of London thought about this issue. How do you think medieval knights went to the toilet? You're going to have to translate that one. I think she understood the question. No, you're not allowed to look. You're not allowed to look. You don't have a diapers kind of thing, I'm sure. Do you? No, no diapers. I kind of figured that the plate, there are holes in the plate. Okay. Holes in the plate. Yeah. What do you reckon? I feel like they had to take off most of their armor to go use the bathroom. There's like a hedge somewhere in the armor. I don't know. So wait, are there like ties back there so that you can get in and out easily? I'm not allowed to say. You got to guess first. I think you need to remove all of this and then... We've had other people say that as well. No, I'm worried. I feel like, do you have time to stop? And like go, I don't know, like maybe you have some special compartment. A special compartment? Like a load, like a sack, like a sack. Do you think there's like space? So are you saying that we were literally on the battlefield? We would have just pooed ourselves. So your guess is they just soiled themselves. In the middle of battle with people swinging at your head with swords and stuff? Yeah, I think they just soiled themselves. What do you think? Uh, yeah. Yeah? You're both right. You are both right. They would have absolutely just gone everywhere in the armor and then it's your squire's problem later. Right, they have to clean it. The knight's not doing that. They would have just gone inside the armor. Yeah, you have to go inside, there's no other way. I was imagining, worst case scenario, now I know that's what they had to do. There's actually a famous story of the archers. So they weren't actually wearing full plate armor, the archers, but they had a bit of armor on and because they were infected with dysentery, they literally dropped their undergarments, shall we say, and they were firing arrows with nothing underneath. Weird image, isn't it? They don't show that on the art, do they? No, they don't. It's going all in the armor. That sucks. It may have sucked, but the short-term embarrassment was a small price to pay to protect their kingdom. Speaking of prices, I wonder if my contestants knew how much armor alone could set a knight back. My question to you is how much in relative terms, in today's money, would this have cost a knight back in the medieval period? This is based on the Duke of Gloucester's armor in 1379. I think it should be close to around a 5,000 quid. 5,000? I have no idea. I mean... Okay. 200 pounds. 200 pounds, okay. I would say 1,000 pounds. 1,000 pounds. What do you think? I will say the same. 1,000 pounds. You've got to give a different answer. Go higher or lower? Higher. Okay, so $500. $500, okay. 1,200. So you're 1,000. You're 1,200. Maybe around a million pounds. Million. A million, okay. What do you think? I was going to guess less, like 220... No, 200,000 pounds. 200... So you're going for a million pounds. 200,000 pounds. So the Duke of Gloucester's armor relatively was 1.8 million pounds. So you're actually very good. But do you know what? Do you know what? You get points as well because that was just for a very special duke. So actually cheaper than that, a standard set of armor in a medieval price list was around 200,000 pounds. That's a lot of money. Yeah, yeah. Too far. Too much? Yeah, too much. It's a lot of money, isn't it? Yeah. It's almost like the equivalent of sort of bringing your house into battle or your car. How about 1.8 million? Oh, okay. We were off by just a little bit. After quizzing the public, I was in search of an answer to the question I had specifically come to London to ask. Just what would happen if I walked into the houses of Parliament with my armor fully donned? Hi, officer. How are you? We heard about this law about going into Parliament wearing full set of plate armor, like in the sort of 1300s. Do you know if that's still... If that's still a thing nowadays? You don't know? Because we heard that you can still get your head cut off if you wear full plate armor. Do you know if that's true? Is it not true? Do you know the one I'm talking about? Apparently that if you wear it, it still sort of stands to this day. If you wear a full set of armor, then you will get your head chopped off. The thing is, there's still things in statute that I don't know about. Yeah. There's no way I'd be able to sort of go into the lobby and just get a few photos in it. Not satisfied with the reassurance provided by the officers at the gate, I was determined to test the law's application. So, in honesty, there's no point up there? Okay. In Westminster Hall? Exactly. Is there anywhere... Okay. No worries. No worries at all. Don't worry. Unfortunately, my get up was not enough to get up on the Parliament guest list. Fair loss. I was heading back to trendier parts of London anyway. But this time, no Ubers were allowed and the tube was off limits. It was black cabs only. Yeah. You're just going to brick road, so in your memory, you have got a light. You don't get to do this often. Exactly. Thank you, sir. Thank you. Thank you, squire. I've got my squire here. He's going to help me put my seatbelt on. It's great, isn't it? I wish we had more of them. Yeah, that would be good, actually. You've sort of just... You've strapped me in like a prisoner. And what's missing now, John? Have you done the tube yet, then? Oh, we have indeed done the tube. Yes. That was an interesting experience. No one looks at anyone on the tube anymore. Everyone's so scared. There's not a lot of eye contact. No. Well, there was a lot of eye contact this time. So what happens? How would you guys earn a living back then? How do you get paid? Or do you have to have sponsorship? Yeah, some knights would be sponsored by the king. Not all of them would be able to afford the most expensive armour. But usually, you'd be a noble. And if you're a noble, you're making anywhere up to you. With the cab stuck in traffic, it was the perfect time to get some much-needed shut-eye. However, if I thought I was about to get my 40 winks, I was in for a rude awakening. So we've got the meeting on the Johnson account at one o'clock over at Morgay. Yeah. And I get this email from you. It's just emojis. Yeah, I obviously didn't mean to send emojis. Obviously, I wouldn't send that to a client. I'm going to check that. I'm going to have a conversation. Incredibly important client. I'm really sorry, mate. I don't want you to think that I'm f***ing around. Leaving my squire in the black cab to deal with the fallout and foot the bill, I thought I'd make an entrance to the trendy streets of East London in the trendiest way possible. I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. Okay, maybe it wasn't the smoothest entrance. But luckily, my old friend had caught up just in time to help me and take me for a drink of the trendiest IPA in town. Or so I thought. I'm flagging. I can't lie, but... What have you got for me now? Just forget all that. Give me the f***ing car. My current job and my current attire, being a full suit of medieval armour, seem incompatible. Got that right. Reading is hard. Typing impossible. Presenting history documentaries would be challenging. My boss thinks I'm an idiot. I need to open my mind to other career options. Luckily enough, a local tavern has agreed to have me come and do a trial shift. Right. You good? Oh. Hello. Hi. Hi, hi. Hi, I'm... I'm here for a trial shift. I saw the advert online. Yeah, thank you very much. Wow. Look at this. Okay, so... Who wants a pint? Do I serve you, sir? Yeah? What can I get you? Okay, this one might be on the house. Because I don't know how well I'm going to pour it. I'm going to use... Are you allowed to choose which one you use? No, okay. Okay. It's really hard to do with gauntlets on. I'm sure you can appreciate. How's your day going? Oh, all the way down. I'm going to slowly turn it up. And then... Look at that. Yeah, look at it. That's beautiful. You happy with that? Is that not... Oh, is that not... Oh, is it too much head? Okay, can I... Just leave it there, let it rest for a bit. Yeah, let it rest, let it rest. Well, that's what I was trying to do. It's because I'm trying to pour it in a way where you can just let it rest and then it becomes absolutely perfect. Yeah, well... No amount of terrible bar chat was going to save my blushes with that pouring. Unfortunately for me, the orders kept coming in. Nothing a bit of false confidence couldn't mask. Oh, is he actually paying for that? Oh, right. Can I do something more sort of... More special? Oh, Stella. Oh, of course. Easy. Who wants a Stella? Right, Stella. That'll be fine. It's twice that's happened. And then now... Look at that. Now that... You want more than... More than that? He's cheeky, isn't he? It's just going to overflow. I think I just made that worse. Put it in? Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, bloody hell. Over the bin, over the bin. Okay, that'll be £6.99, please. Oh my God, what is going on? This is night and day. Oh my... Keep them coming. What do you guys want? Is it a Guinness? Oh, no. Okay. Bring the ca... Right, I've had it up to here with you, mate. Surprisingly, my pint pouring, including this lovely Guinness, improved as my ship continued. As did my overall motivation. My bar and table maintenance were on point and my friendly banter with the local patrons was strong. You should be out in the Holy Land. I should be, shouldn't I? Fighting the Crusades. You can't get London pride in Jerusalem, mate. How much is that in gross? I finished up my trial shift, confident I'd be called back soon. This confidence triggered me to remember how excellent at street football I was. But before I did my ACL, I felt it was time to go and splash the cash that I knew I was going to be earning with my new career in hospitality. The local shopkeepers were more than obliging to meet the demands of a knight. You all right, lads? Yeah, how are you? I'm good, thanks. Listen, I'm in a bit of trouble here. I lost my horse and I need a way to get around town. And it's Brick Lane. I need to be a bit trendy. Yeah, what have you got here? Oh, nice. You got anything sort of more medievally? Cross, I'm thinking crosses. I'm thinking metal. Dragon would be perfect, lads. Oh, that's a medieval one. Oh, so you don't even, so they don't come with the wheels now. You have to buy them all individually. Oh really, is that how it works? How much is a skateboard? All varies. The cheapest we got, £60. Yeah. Most expensive that we can make is £360. Unfortunately, remuneration for my hour-long shift at the pride of Spitalfields wasn't going to cover that cost and my squire had spent all of my remaining wealth on disposable vapes. I was in fact in need of some TLC myself. As Mozart literally rattled through my skull, a horrifying thought dawned on me. I'd been dressed like a warrior all day and hadn't once used it for its intended purpose, to be drop dead gorgeous. It was a well-known fact ladies loved a man in uniform, but I bet they would fall over for a man in full armour. And as Griff said in the gym, You're all supposed to be chivalrous and a gentle, perfect knight. A bit of chivalry and this metal suit, I was a guaranteed babe magnet. So I took my squire, hit the bars. Nice to meet you. How old are you Olivia? I'm 23 now. You're 23? Yeah. Just been back from Agincourt? Yeah, it was really, really tough out there. Was it? No way, what happened? Loads of French soldiers, I mean, I did my knee as well. I could have made it professional knight. Oh yeah, and you've got the boots as well. I know, I've got the boots. Yeah, well, as you know, back in the medieval period, you know, these are what's in. Yeah, Doc Martens, cry your heart out. Look at these. What are the sort of guys you tend to go for usually? Go for the ones who are the Docs. Okay, what about, what about, what about a sword? You know, not a guitar. What about a sword? What about a shield? The shield, yeah. Yeah, what about chivalry? Yeah. Are you ready for the knight of your life? Right. I'll take you on crusade. I'll take you to the Holy Land. I'll do anything. All I ask is that you, I've forgotten your name already. I'm sorry. Olivia will be my bride. I know they're a bit, I know, I know. I've been pouring pints today. It's a long story. It's fine. Will you take my hand? This was a terrible rejection. No amount of medieval banter was working. I needed support from my right hand man. So I'm going to do this really, really sexily. Right. Look at that. What do you think of this? Yeah, this is cool. No, this is, this is real stuff. I don't, I don't mess around with the fake stuff. I like the, uh, the point they choose. Where's Robin? They are. Hey, hey, no. Yeah, Robin, come on. There's enough for us both. Right, come on. Is that heavy as well? Oh yeah. It's about 30 kilograms. How are you not like really, really tired? Listen, there's, there's a bit of sweat. There's a bit of sweat in here. And by a bit, I, you know. You mean a lot. I mean a lot of sweat. But you know that, does that put you off a guy? We both have boyfriends. You have boyfriends? Yes. But you, I thought there, we just had. Oh, I'm really sorry. That's not the vibe I was trying to give off. What do you mean? I thought, I thought you were actually. No, shut up Squire. When you walked past before, I thought you were like. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. My name is Salukesalot. Salukesalot. I have been in the biggest battles in history. But that's his sword. And no, I lost my sword. All right, forget about that. I lost my sword. I've got a line bike here. Okay. Let me, let me deliver my closing argument. Let me deliver my closing argument. Girls love a man with money. This cost me 1.8 million pounds. 1.8 million. My war horse is worth 1.4 million. Where is your war horse? Where's my war horse Squire? He's useless. He's, he's ruining it. You're ruining it for me. Everything he needs. Do you have a, like. Why are you speaking now? There's a girl here. Absolute classic. He hasn't been speaking all day. The minute there's two girls here. I was becoming delirious. Feeling everyone had betrayed me. I began to act irrationally. I've got a microphone. I swear. Get your phone out and we're calling your boyfriend. Okay. I think he's at work. Call him. Dump your boyfriend. No. All right, come on. Sorry, I really hope you find the girl that you need. Let's get a pint. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. I'm sorry. Cheers, Squire. For a lovely day. Thank you for helping me out. We'll find women someday. Do you know what? I wasn't chivalrous enough. Dump your boyfriend. No. I need to learn more about what chivalry really is. If I'm ever to find a girl. Tired of constant humiliation and drowning my sorrows, I decided to take things into my own hands and learn more of this chivalric code. If only there was someone who could teach me. Griff. Ah, my lord, you've returned. I've returned, but I've returned without a maiden. Oh. I failed. Well, not all quests are successful. I presume very rarely they were. Unlucky. The first thing I need to do is get this livid... Right, yes, no, we can do all that for you. My last duties, I put you into it all, I'll take you out. So you wriggle your head. There we go. Some steam coming out of here. Yeah, it's, uh, I think that's the most knackering thing I've done in my life. And I can genuinely say that, hand on heart. But speaking of hearts, I failed. And I think it's because I didn't know enough about chivalry. What actually was chivalry, Griff? Chivalry is the knightly ideal. Yeah. You know, honesty, adherence to the church and its teachings. Let me take your gauntlets off you. Loyalty to your feudal overlord. So whether that's an immediate lord or whether it's ultimately the king. But, you know, it must have been very, very difficult because obviously one of your roles in life as a knight is to go away and kill people. Yeah. So I'm pretty sure that's not an official thing in the church's teaching. So it's not just picking up handmaidens? I'm afraid not, no. You should be, you know, loyal, faithful, honest and all that sort of stuff. But don't forget, knights are also doing all sorts of unspeakable things to each other. Both for real, both in the courts. There's suing and countersuing and all that sort of stuff going on. So, I mean, we reckon that William Marshall was the greatest knight. He was the best tournamenter. He was loyal. He served many kings and all that sort of stuff. But at the end of the day, he was killing people and battering them over the head with swords and axes and all that sort of stuff. And he was even, you know, knocking people off before they got to tournaments and all that sort of stuff. So chivalry wasn't really always applied to the battlefield. Definitely not. I mean, there was chivalry, but there was carnage going on at the same time. You can tell if armour's been really well made and fits you properly as if when you take it off, all the sweat's still in the inside. Is it still on the inside? Probably, it will be. Look at that. Oh, my God. Running with sweat. So there's no gaps. It's all just condensed on the inside of the cold steel. Oh, Griff, I'm so sorry. That's pretty normal. Griff, thank you so much again for giving me all this armour. And good luck wiping all that down. Yeah, yeah. There'll be some secondhand sweat for sale outside if you're interested. Yeah, right. Let me try and find that squire of mine. Have a good day. And you. Good to meet you. Good to meet you, too. And don't forget, stay chivalrous out there. I will. Living a day in authentic medieval armour had been eye-opening. Well, not literally, because I couldn't see a thing. But for all my daft activities, it had been extremely educational. It is only through spending significant time in armour that you experience both its harsh limitations as well as getting first-hand knowledge of how exceptionally clever its engineering is. I was cased in metal and thick fabric, yet remained impressively agile. It was heavy, but with a bit of practice, I could learn to carry the extra load. And it was hot, but once I'd sweat through my undergarment, it actually started to become almost bearable. My friend Griff taught me that each and every piece of the armour is not just designed to keep me alive, but can often be used as a lethal weapon itself. However, it is certainly still practical enough to bench 160, pull a perfect pint and play elite street football in. My squire helped teach me that knights had responsibility over others. And although he punked me at the end, I was still going to miss our deep chats. Did the maidens like me more than usual? In a sad way, they probably did. To sum up my day, armour is ingenious, and its development through time extraordinary. Being young, dumb and covered in metal was not so bad after all. And I felt a little closer to the men who really wore this armour for campaigns lasting months on end.