Are You Pretty Enough for Him? (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

Viewers of my blog, hello and welcome today. I wanted to put out a little video in the midst of what is a very crazy week at the moment. I just finished the women's weekend over the weekend, which was crazy. So many women, so much fun. We literally, I mean, we had, we were playing Nicki Minaj Starships, which isn't the song of the day today, but look it up. Great tune. We were playing it and we had a whole room of women just rocking out to this track. Standing ovation at the end. One of the most amazing moments of my speaking career. Genuinely felt so touching. So amazing. Had such a great time. Thank you to all the women that were there. I rocked it with you. You rocked it with me. Had an amazing time. I am now about to, today, fly to New York for some big meetings, which literally I booked my flight yesterday. So I'm kind of disoriented right now. I haven't packed and I got to leave in an hour, but I wanted to put a video out there for you guys before I left so that I covered that little period. This isn't me. I'm trying. I'm trying to keep to this promise. It wasn't a promise, but it was me trying to do better and I'm trying to do that right now. So I wanted to give you something before I went. The video that I wanted to do today was about beauty and, oh, and by the way, before I do that, last week there were some people who, uh, there were loads of people love the video last week and there were a few people who got a little angry or upset that I used the word bitch to refer to women, to which I read the comments and I looked through them and I thought, and I always look at comments seriously and say, okay, is there anything I need to take on board here constructively? And I really thought about making a video just dedicated to explaining my position about that. And then I thought, you know what? It would be a bit of a waste of time and energy, not just for me, but for everyone else, because you want to hear new stuff. You don't want to hear me doing a big apology or something to a few people who are upset by my language. So those people who were upset, I would say my intention is never to offend. My attention is to enlighten, to entertain, to try and do something different. I'm not concerned with being PC. It's never been my style because for me, I'd rather get to the core of a message than worry about whether I'm treading on any toes or not. Um, if you do find my style rude and obnoxious and you hate me, that's absolutely fine. You are welcome to, but I would say don't waste your time on the blog. Follow someone whose language you appreciate, who you enjoy, and then you won't get upset with me and I won't have to deal with lots of comments of people who really don't like me and bring negativity to the blog because I really intend this to be a positive place where people can discuss ideas and, uh, and, and not the language that's used. And by the way, I know there are a few people out there who said, would you call your mom a bitch? Well, you know what? Me and my mom have a very fun relationship and my mom would be over that comment in the space of about 10 seconds. Plus you should hear some of the names she calls me. So don't worry about that. Like it's cool. Just for me, it's just a word. I have no attachment to it and I certainly don't let one word own me. Uh, and you know, when I coach guys, again, for those of you who said it was derogatory towards women, when I coach guys, you should see some of the names I call them sometimes. So it's not personal. It's just part of my style. If you don't like it, that's absolutely fine. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who use very nice language. On to today's video. Beauty. Beauty is one of those very interesting subjects because there's this whole question around what it really means. And I know that there are so many people out there whose fundamental insecurity is that they're not pretty enough. They're not beautiful enough. And that goes for men and women. And I wanted to make a video today that kind of covered that topic because it, it's such a sad, sad thing. Uh, it actually, I find it one of the saddest things when people go through life not thinking they're beautiful and not thinking they're pretty and thinking that they're somehow doomed to a life of less because of what they were born with. And could there be anything more unfair than having different treatment because of something you're born with? Now, I know there are going to be those of you out there who, when I say that, say that's a little naive, but I want to offer you a viewpoint today and you can either take it on or not. Beauty is in on some levels, we decide what it is based on our media and our culture. And people will want to look a certain way. They want to have a certain facial type. They want to have a certain body type. They want to have a certain nose, certain eyes. They want to have certain hair color, certain skin color, how tan they are, all of these things. And to an extent, we all work on these things because we all have an ideal that we're working towards. Many people who don't admit it are still working to that ideal, even if only in private. But beauty is to a large extent determined by our culture, by society, by the magazines we read, by the TV shows we watch. I don't need to reiterate that. You know that is said everywhere. But the point about that is that beauty evolves over time. Or in other words, what is decided is beautiful, evolves over time. There were a time when, and let's talk specifically about women right now, since I'm here to help you guys. Women were, when they were much bigger than they are today, they carried a lot more weight. There was a time when that was sexy, when that was deemed to be beautiful. There was a time when women who had ghostly complexions and looked very pale and white were deemed to be very beautiful. Now we look at today and things have changed and there's a certain shape for people that are deemed to be beautiful. There's a certain skin tone. Maybe it's slightly tan for people who are deemed to be beautiful. But we all know that changes as well, depending on cultures, depending on people. And even in the fashion world, you see what's, what's the people that are designed to go down the catwalk, even those change over time in quite short space of time. So we have this idea of what beauty is, but of course we're conditioned to decide what is beautiful. And which is why we decide something is beautiful that maybe other people a century ago would have decided was weird or wrong or disgusting or nor abnormal or whatever. So nowadays we have to look at it and say, there's one advantage to that. And there's something that's actually redeeming, which is to say we can be conditioned to find different things beautiful. And that can actually happen on a micro level. So if you imagine on a macro level, it can happen when magazines or culture influences what we think of as beautiful on a micro level, it can be determined by someone with a certain personality type or a certain energy, the way they carry themselves. And you go, wow, that person is really beautiful. That person is gorgeous. But you will know that it's not always about whether someone has the exact physique, the exact facial type. Actually, very often it's about a feel that you get from them on the whole. We all know people who look like they're out of a magazine and yet they carry no energy. They don't have the right attitude, the right outlook. They're not got a sense of humor. They're not funny. They're not intelligent. And as a result, actually they start to become less beautiful to us. And we all know people who don't look like they would ever be in a magazine and actually become massively attractive. And I know people like that who they have this charisma and this charm and this magnetism that draws people to them. And they're not the model type. Here's the thing, and you may want to write this down. There is a big difference between objective beauty and perceived beauty. Now, objective beauty is what society finds beautiful at any one time in our lives or over time. Now, objective beauty is largely when scientists look at it, they say it's to do with symmetry. Symmetry in your face, symmetry in your features, that's going to determine how objectively beautiful you are. But perceived beauty very often has nothing to do with that because perceived beauty is to do with who we are as a package. When you're in real life, you're not in a magazine, you're not on a still that's been airbrushed and someone looks at it and goes, wow, that's beautiful. It's animated, it's moving. Sometimes you get attracted to someone based on the way they move, the way they gesture, the way they use their face, the way they laugh, the way they speak. Those are things that make people look beautiful. Now, objective beauty matters for the catwalk. It matters for the magazines. It matters even for certain parts of TV and media. And by the way, even there it's subjective. You look at model agencies and think people that they pick and what they do and even that can vary. But objective beauty matters much more on that level. In real life, when it comes to our love lives, perceived beauty is what counts, not objective beauty. And let me tell you how perceived beauty is created. Perceived beauty comes from the overall package that we have, not just our face, not just our body, our personality, the way we talk, the way we walk, our energy, our whole demeanor, our outlook on life that goes to create a package. And where this becomes extremely encouraging for anyone out there who's ever, ever had an insecurity about their looks is that no one or two features go to make up how beautiful you are. As a package with your personality, your features, and the way you move combined, that creates a unique package that cannot be replicated by anyone else. That's what makes you unique. And that's what ultimately the guy becomes attracted to. He's not after a feature. He's after a package. We all got dealt a hand at birth and that hand to a large extent determines how we look today. Obviously we can take care of our bodies better than other people. People have surgery to change things, but let's for a moment take the simplistic route that we are dealt the hand we're dealt when it comes to our looks, aside from the things we improve. We now have only one option. It's not to, I don't think the option is to sit there and get insecure about shit you can't change, right? That to me is the dumbest thing anyone can possibly do and a complete waste of life. The only smart thing to do is to say, this is the hand I was dealt. Okay? Doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else. Cause you know what? When it comes to my looks, I did nothing to earn that. This is what I have. Now, how am I going to play this hand? How am I going to use it? And for me, I don't know about you, but for me, the sexiest, most attractive thing in the world is when I meet someone who knows how to play their hand. If I meet someone who is a master of playing their own hand and they know how to get the best out of what they have, that's real achievement. That's really sexy. That's really attractive. So I hope you liked that. Um, um, um, you know, it's kind of another little rant on a different, different field to what we did last week, but you know, I walk around and I see so many amazing people with so much to offer, but still so many people with so many insecurities and I think that it's unnecessary and there's so much we can do to improve what we have and to make the best of ourselves that has nothing to do with these things that we were born with, that we had no control over in the first place. On the 7th of June, remember I have something big coming up. Put it in your diary if you haven't already. I know I said it on the last blog, but I'm going to keep hammering it home. 7th of June, put it in your diary. I have something coming out for all you people all over the world. You want to go through this whole program. You want to be with me going through the process. I'm going to give you something that's really going to change things for you forever. Question of the day today. What part of you goes underappreciated that you never really take the time to appreciate? I want you to write it in the comments, whether it's a physical feature and you go, I love this part of me. I never even talk about it. Maybe it's even something that doesn't conform to normal beauty, but you say, you know what? I don't care. I don't care if people don't look like that in the magazines. I love this part of me or personality based. You know, there's this part of my personality is amazing. This part of my nature is amazing. This part of my outlook is amazing. This part of my energy is amazing. I want you to put something down that you don't take the time to appreciate normally and today you're going to appreciate it because it's part of what makes up the package that is the wonderful you. Take care, my friends. Have an amazing day and I will see you soon. I'm going to catch a flight to New York, so I'll take care. I'll see you soon, guys. Bye-bye.