5 Easy Breakfasts - You Suck at Cooking (episode 64)

You suck at cooking, yeah, you totally suck. Alright, today we're doing five easy breakfasts. Breakfast number one, apples and almond butter. So I'm gonna make some apple slices, take some almond butter, and just spread that on there to create an open-face apple-almond-butter sandwich. Mmm. You can also do a closed-face sandwich. You can make a reverse open-face sandwich. Or you can make apple sticks with almond dip. This is great if you have kids, or if you have immature adults. Or apple chopsticks with almond-butter noodles. Or you can carve a little apple spoon and just eat the almond butter straight out of a bowl. But breakfast can be this simple. This whole idea that breakfast is the most important meal of the day is propaganda created by the cereal. Mmm. Breakfast number two, microwave egg in a mug. Start by taking your mug and spraying it full of nonstick chemicals. I'm gonna take a shell-less egg and scramble it up a bit. And just pour that in there. I'm gonna take a little bit of green pepper. Throw that in there. And a little bit of tomato. Throw in some pepper, pepper, pepper. And a pinch of salt. Actually, my Fresh Lord bag was empty. Just give that another little mix. Now let's take this to the microwave. Let's try 20 seconds. Wait till it looks like a scene in the movie Gremlins. Look at that. Give it a little stir and see if it's cooked through. If it needs a few more seconds, pop it back in. Grate on some parm. Boom. Got a little omelette in a mug, also known as a muglet or an omelette. And don't forget to serve it with a hot plate of coffee. Okay, breakfast number three. Banana, peanut butter. So you wanna take your banana, and you can just dip that into the peanut butter. Um, and then go ahead and... It's actually better if you take it bite by bite. And just spread a little peanut butter on. And then eat it. Mmm. I love this breakfast. Another thing you can do is take your banana. Cut a few holes in the side. Fill those up with peanut butter. If you wanna make this in advance for the next morning, just slide it back into your banana skin. Close that up. I'm gonna take a glue gun. Take your zipper. Put some hot glue down each side here. Be very careful. Hot glue will f*** you up. And then... Ow, f***. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Just got f***ed up. Lay that out along the edge. Until that's secure in place. And then when you're ready to eat your breakfast in the morning, you can save so much time just by zipping that open and going to town on your, uh, peanut butter banana. I recommend throwing that in the fridge. Ah, breakfast number four. Overnight oats. So you're gonna take some oats. Around a half cup. Then we're gonna distill these between the mason jars till we have triple distilled mason oats, or tryptism oats. Then you add the same amount of milk. I'm using vanilla almond milk. You can use whatever you want. Equal parts oats and milk is the base of overnight oats. From there you can add whatever you want to flavor it. I personally love a big scoop of peanut butter. A very popular overnight oats additive is chia seeds. Yes, these are the same ones that go on the pet. If you aren't already using a sweetened milk, like sweetened soy or almond milk, you can add a little bit of maple syrup or other sweetener. And then just stir that up. Then you screw in the lid, and this goes in the fridge overnight. And they taste best when they're served on a fresh yoga mat. Ahh. And now we're at breakfast number five. Making this starts by going for a walk and coming to terms with the fact that if you make this, you're never going to be a homeowner. Or making avocado toast. Well, I really hope it was worth it. Wreck Fast Wreck Slow You're the speed that you want to go Don't let anyone say that you've gone too slow Unless you're late cause you're on your phone Do not let anyone tell you how fast to go Gotta get to work, gotta get to school Gotta get to bed, gotta get it up Do not let anyone tell you how slow to go Gotta cut the grass, gotta wash the car Gotta, gotta, gotta make it breakfast right now You suck at breakfast Oh my god, you suck