Dad Loves To Party! (with video evidence) | Alfie Dundas | Stand Up Comedy

I love my dad but I've realised recently that my dad has become cooler than me which is difficult. My dad's still clubbing. My dad goes to like Printworks and Fabric in London. He's obsessed with this Belgian DJ called Charlotte DeWitt and he goes to all of her hometown gigs in Ghent. It's very confusing for me. It's hard when your parents are cooler than you. It's hard when you realise that if you were at university with your own father you'd struggle to be his friend. Do you know how hard it is that you can't have a house party when your parents are out of town? Because no one wants to come. Well your parents are out of town Alfie. Yeah yeah yeah. Call me when they get back. That sounds more fun. Not just you and me watching Love Actually again. That doesn't... That's not a good time Alfie. I tried to... I started trying to play pranks on my dad to kind of even the playing field. I'm trying to bring him down a peg or two. Like the first thing I did is I convinced my 74 year old father that he could only unlock his iPhone if he smiled at his face ID. That was a genius move. He's a very grumpy man. He hasn't accessed his emails in six weeks. The second thing I did was he invited me out clubbing with him once and I went and I thought great I'll film it and I'll put it on TikTok which he doesn't understand. And it'll go viral and he'll be humiliated and then we'll be even right? So I took a video and the video is my dad in the club. White collared shirt tucked in. Pink chinos loafers doing a sort of like Bill Nighy arthritis jab just all night. So I posted a video of my dad at the club and it went mega viral. It got five million views and 4,000 comments in 24 hours which is more than all of my stand-up clips put together. One nil old man. One nil. But I thought it's fine there's so many comments. I'll go to the comments. The comments will be horrible. They'll ridicule him and finally balance. And then I opened the comments and the first comment just said music has no age. A hundred thousand likes. The second comment just said why is this my type? Third comment said gilf. What? What are we doing here? Two nil. Two nil old man. Checkmate. Fair enough. He is definitely cooler than me. There's a rumor going around at the moment that when my dad goes clubbing he still takes a pill. Like a party pill. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not out with him. I genuinely. It's a weird thing to hear through the grapevine that your dad might be taking ecstasy. Cool if that's what gets him through the night. Fine. Fine. I don't know where he keeps it. In the house with me and mum? I like the idea that my father keeps his ecstasy in a day of the week pill box. Just statins, fish oil, MDMA keeping him together. Because if he does take a pill he doesn't really fit the stereotype of men from that generation. Like 74 year old posh men don't tell their sons they love them very often. Right? But when your dad takes ecstasy every Friday night my dad tells me he loves me. My dad will call me from the club like a uni mate I haven't seen in years and he'll be like oh Alfie mate. Oh I love you. Oh you're a good kid. We should hang out more. You're like a son to me in many ways. Someone recently taught my dad the word afters for after party. Which means my dad will be like we're gonna have an afters. Can we have the afters back at your place? I live at home. Which means me and dad are now playing out this weird parental role reversal where he goes out and gets completely off his tits and then he staggers in at 5am and I'm just sat there in the hallway like and where have you been? You better get to bed before mother finds out about this. The reason I say he's cooler than me is because I'm not clubbing and I'm not taking drugs. Like I went to Bristol University which if you know anything about Bristol. Bristol is the cocaine capital of Europe. Europe with Amsterdam and Berlin and all those places. Bristol number one. You go out for 20 minutes in Bristol and you get offered drugs and I'm too much of a people pleaser that I will always accept the drugs but I'm too anxious to actually feast. I don't know how you take them. Shove them into my eyeballs whatever you're doing. I'm too paranoid. I'm too scared that I'm gonna die in a nightclub. I was too scared that I was gonna die on a dance floor. I didn't want to die on a dance floor. No matter how catchy Sophie Ellis Baxter makes it sound. I thought for me dying in a nightclub would be unbecoming. For me, not for you, for me I want a noble death. Like hunting or gout. I don't know just something more in the family tree. I was so scared. I wasn't even drinking when I went clubbing at uni. I was sober and it's weird when you're a man especially. I feel like there's kind of a taboo when you're not drinking. It's sort of considered weak. You go to the bar you got to order a soft drink. I don't know if you've ever had a night out on seven Fanta Limons. There's nothing soft about it. It's a real sugar high. So I had to develop strategies basically. When I was at uni I developed two strategies for maintaining social status and seeming cool but avoiding death in the club. And if you're going out tonight after this you can use these okay. The first thing I would do when someone offered me drugs is I would act like I've already had so much drug that I just couldn't possibly take anymore. I go thank you very much for the offer but no I'm full. And that usually worked if I tried that. That usually worked. If you try that people usually leave you alone for like two to three years. It's great but sometimes people are so I had to have a backup right. I had a backup strategy and I'll leave you with this. My backup strategy was if someone offered me a pill in a packet at a club I would accept the pill and I'd say thank you very much for the yummy drugs and then I'd just put the pill in my pocket and I wouldn't take it and I could just act high all night and no one would know and then I'd go to bed completely sober feeling great and you wake up in the morning completely guilt-free and I can take out the pill and sell it back to my dad.