Clearing Things Up: Answering Your Frequently Asked Questions | Ep.31

What's that moment like, giving birth to a child? Is that a big question? You know what? That's a big question. Should we unpack it here? We've got a fun episode for you today because we're gonna do a Q&A from questions that you guys have sent in. I want us to talk the reasoning behind why we keep the name a secret. Why? Why do we do that? Oh, because people are so judgy. People are so judgmental, including myself. Here it is. You ready for this? I don't know if I'm ready for this. Am I ready for this? It's a good one. And I think you'll have an excellent answer. Are you angry at your parents for leading you to follow the Institute of Basic Life Principles? What's going on, guys? Ginger and Jeremy here, and we've got a fun episode for you today because we're gonna do a Q&A from questions that you guys have sent in. So I wanna start with some questions first, though, because I've got questions. Can I ask you one question? Yeah. Why are we wearing the same color? Oh, yeah, we are. We didn't coordinate that. No, do you know why? Oh, man, like even our pants, too, kinda. Do you know why? Why? It's because I'm pregnant. Yeah, you've been limited in supply. I feel like I have maybe three things that I actually like to wear right now. So. So you just keep them on rotation? I just keep wearing them. Hey, a little confession from me on that point. I found a pair of pants that I like, but I've got like five different colors of it, and I literally wear it every day. Just different color. As long as you have different ones, it's fine. Can't wear the same thing every day. We're not exactly on the top of our fashion game right now. We're just surviving. It's kinda hard to do that when you're pregnant. I mean, some people do really well with it, but this is my thought process, is because if you are almost to the finish line, I'm like eight weeks away. So if I go buy something new, I might end up having to buy something new before the end of this time. Yeah. But if I buy something, I'm not gonna like be wearing it all the time afterwards. And I don't know when we're recording this episode and when it's gonna come out, but your due date is March 23rd, right? End of March. It's the end of March. Do you think you'll hit the due date, or do you think you'll be early or late? I don't actually know. I was on time with both of the girls. I think I was induced with felicity, but I was like the day after the due date. Yeah. That was because we lived two and a half hours from the hospital. A whole nother story. Yeah, down on the border of Mexico. Yeah. So you feeling good, doing well? I am feeling very pregnant. I think I'm just ready to have the baby already. Yeah. But there's a lot that needs to happen between now and then. So it's good that we have this time to kind of prepare, get ready. So other than that, I'm feeling pretty good. I like it. So I think we just jump into some of these questions because when we ask for questions, it's kind of all across the board. And even our podcast is a little bit all across the board in what we cover. Because we wanna talk about our faith. So that front loads a lot of these conversations. We have faith elements. But then we also kind of dig into more your past with reality TV and all that. And like, I guess our experience together in that world, but you grew up in it. And so those are fun touch points. And I think people are interested in hearing about some of those things because whether they watch the show or just fascinated with the dynamics of the show. And then we bring up topics of family and kind of where we are at this stage in life. So it covers a wide variety of things. And so whenever we ask for questions, like you put up a little while ago, a little story on your Instagram. Hey, what questions would you want us to answer on the podcast? They range from like superficial and- Lighthearted stuff. Lighthearted is the word I was thinking of. Yeah, to very deep. And some people put on even saying like, hey, I'm really struggling right now. Can you please help me with this issue or something happened to me? Can you give me some direction? And so I think there's a stewardship there. You know, as I was going through some of the questions, I was thinking, oh, some of these are fun. Like, tell me where you shop and get your maternity clothes, for instance, was one. But then others are, people want answers. So they want us to answer them in this format, but they genuinely are working through stuff and it's difficult. And not like we are the fountain of wisdom where we have all of these answers, but we can provide our input and thoughts. Yeah. That would be helpful. Well, let's jump in. Okay, let's jump in. So I've got the questions here on my phone, I think. Oh yeah. I have some here too. Okay, well, this isn't in any particular order that I text them in our little group chat here, or it's not a group chat if it's just me and you actually. Just our texts. Yeah. But I think this is a good one to start with. How did you decide on your kids' names and have you chosen a name for baby boy? How did we decide? Okay, so when it came to Felicity's name, that was something that we both liked the name Felicity. So we talked about it and you liked it because it was one of the early church martyrs, Christian martyrs. And she stood for her faith until the end. So it was like a powerful story. And then I liked that name because of the American Girl doll. And I liked it also because it was, we both had that in mind of like, we wanted something unique, but not weird. Yeah. And so Felicity fit that name category. And then her middle name is my middle name. So we landed on that one, Felicity Nicole. Now the other option, so there was, she was a Christian martyr from 203 AD in Carthage. And the other young woman who was very famous actually, where we learned Felicity from was Perpetua. And I really love that name Perpetua. It never really stuck with me. Well, I don't like any of the nicknames that you'd get from Perpetua. So there's just no way to shorten it in a nice way. Yep. So if anybody out there has named Perpetua, I think it's a beautiful name. And I'd love to name a child Perpetua, but we did decide that Felicity would be. And Felicity also means happy. And Felicity came out like smiling, like that girl has just been lights up every room. It's crazy. Yeah, but we landed on that name like really quickly. And then Evangeline, we actually thought her name was going to be Evangeline. So. Yeah, we couldn't figure out how to pronounce it. For the first two months, we called her Evangeline. Well. We did. In the hospital, they come with the TV cameras and they put them in and say, or maybe it was when we got home with her and they say, okay, like, tell us her name. And we had sat and talked about it and said, okay, it's Caroline, Evangeline. Like we couldn't, and we saw two. We didn't even know. We saw two pronunciations. And so we went with Evangeline. Yeah. And then we realized, oh man, we've given her the pronunciation that she will be correcting people ad nauseum her entire life if we don't fix this. And so we backtracked. They changed the spelling. It's just how you pronounce it. But two, probably two months after her. Yeah. Entrance into this world. We called her Evangeline. Yep, they started calling her Evangeline. And so we really are great with names. And then we decided her middle name, we had thought about using a family name and Jeremy's middle name is Joseph. So she has such a long first name that on forms and all of that documents, we did not want her to have to be writing out an extremely long name. So we went with Evangeline Jo. Evie Jo. Evie Jo Jo. Now she's baby Jo Jo. Well, not baby anymore, but Jo Jo. Jo Jo. And do we have one picked out for the boy? We do. Each time that we've found a name, it's just been locked. Yeah. Like we hear it and we go, oh, that's it. Yeah. And even this one, I just a few days ago, pulled up, I think I pulled up chat GPT and said, hey, chat GPT, give me a list of like 30 boys names that are unique and whatever. And it did. And I went down and compared all of them and still we're stuck on the name. Yeah. We weren't budged. And I want us to talk the reasoning behind why we keep the name a secret. Why? Why do we do that? Because people are so judgy. People are so judgmental, including myself. So our friends the other day announced they were pregnant. And of course we're congratulating them. And then we have the whole name conversation. And I realize I am the problem. It's me. Hi, it's me. I'm the problem. It's me. And that's actually another question. What are your thoughts on Taylor Swift? Maybe we'll get to that, but I'm an Eagles fan. So that should tell you enough. But when you automatically give your input, like even if you're not trying to, someone says, oh, we're gonna name our child this. And you go, oh, and you just give, it's like a human instinct. You give input. And it's usually like, well, what about this? Which is a nice way of saying, I don't like that name. So to avoid that, because actually with Felicity, I think we did tell a few people and then realized, oh, everybody's giving their opinions on this. So it's just easier if you hand someone, an uncle or an aunt or a grandparent or whatever, a cute baby and say, yeah, her name is this. Their first instinct switches and doesn't become judgmental. It could be anything. Like you could say, hey, this is four leaf clover. And they'd go, oh, it's beautiful. You just hope the baby's cute. It's true. Well, that's the other thing though. Nobody's, they'll talk about that in the car on the way home, but everybody's cute in the hospital. It's true. Like when you're in front of the woman that just birthed it. When they first come out though, there are some times where you're like, wow. Well, they've just been through the fight of their life. It's true. They need 24 hours to like, to actually look like themselves. They look like a boxer after nine bouts and they're a little puffy eyed. They are cute. They are so sweet. I think all of our babies have been cute. They're the sweetest thing. They are. Okay, something I had not thought about, Jinge, until we got married and actually started having kids was life insurance. When I was single and just kind of traveling the world and doing whatever, I wasn't thinking about financial security for my family because I didn't have a family. But now I remember very specifically, I was driving down the street and I was thinking about Felicity who had just been born. And I thought life insurance is important because life is unpredictable. Something could happen at any moment. And I want to make sure my family, you, girls are secured, which is why it's important for us to be thinking about life insurance. Yeah, life insurance is such an awesome way to provide for your family. When tragedy strikes, then you know that your loved ones are cared for. Yeah, so Fabric by Gerber Life is term life insurance that you can get done right from your couch in a matter of minutes. It's online, on your schedule. You could be covered in under 10 minutes. And what's remarkable about Fabric by Gerber Life is they have plans. You could get covered for a million dollars for less than a dollar a day. So you can really customize your plan for what you need. It's really incredible. Yeah, and there's a 30-day money back guarantee and you can cancel at any time. And they have awesome reviews online, five-star reviews on Trustpilot with a rating of excellent. And you could join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to help protect their family. Apply today in just minutes at meetfabric.com slash gingerjeremy. That's meet, M-E-E-T, fabric.com slash gingerjeremy. Check it out. Get your family the protection they need today. Policies are issued by Western Southern Life Assurance Company, not available in certain states, and prices are subject to underwriting and health questions. Check out meetfabric.com slash gingerjeremy today and really take the steps necessary to protect your family and secure their financial future. Back to the episode. What's that moment like, giving birth to a child? Is that a big question? You know what? That's a big question. Should we unpack it here? It's exciting, because you just don't know what they're going to look like and all of that. But it's just, it's also like, okay, they're here. There's a lot of responsibility that's going to set in the moment that they enter the world. So anyhow, I am excited though to see who our little boy looks like, because your baby pictures, like we should throw them up. It's great. I feel like he could look like you. They look like you. Yeah, I guess. And I'm a little nervous though that he's going to be as tall as you. He's going to have the length. So we'll see. As long as he's not like 10 pounds, we're okay. Yeah. Because you were, I think you were a bigger baby, right? I need to ask your mom. Sure I was. I don't remember. Ask your mom. But I think that you were. And it makes me a little nervous, you know, because girls can be petite. They can be small. But Felicity wasn't petite as a baby. Like, I don't know if babies are petite. Yeah, she's eight pounds. That's a chunky baby. Wasn't that big. Oh, okay. I mean, it was decent. But I mean, once you hit the nine pound mark, 10 pound. Then it's getting a little. Yeah. So yeah, that's how we decided on our kids' names. And you know, it's fun. I, when I share the gospel with maybe a group of high school students or something, I will often tell the story of Felicity and Evangeline. And I'll say, you know, I want to tell you the story about my two daughters. And I start with Felicity. And I explained the story of the martyr, who was this young woman who was actually pregnant as well when she was sentenced to death in the Coliseum for refusing to pray to the emperor as God. And so her along with Perpetua. And the reason we have so much information is because Perpetua is from a wealthy family. So she journaled, presented as common and Felicity was one of her servant girls. And so we just have information all the way up to their death. And then one of the men who actually was one of the guards in the prison, I believe is, he recounted some of the rest of it. So we have the passion of Perpetua and they stood their ground in the face of death. And then I say, the reason Felicity was willing to do that is because of my second daughter, Evangeline. And Evangeline is from the Greek word euangelion, which is good news. So Evangeline literally means good news, which is the gospel. So Felicity had received the gospel and was willing to hold onto it, even unto death, because it was more precious to her even than her temporary life. And that's Evangeline. I love it. So it's a fun kind of a correlation between the two names. Super cool. So send in your guests just for what you think the boys' names could be. Oh yeah, that's not a bad idea. Okay. A friend of mine did that the other day, Victoria. She actually sent me a list of her guesses. Oh really? Yeah. Is she close? She has a whole list. I can't say. Oh yeah, you can't say. Can't say. So off camera, we'll find out. Yeah, I'll tell you. So anyhow, okay, let's go to the next question. Expectations of society, cars, homes, et cetera. How do we handle those and think through them? You should answer this one. You're the people pleaser expert. Just kidding. You open your books and you're not an expert. But yeah, expectations of society. I guess it would depend where you are in like what part of society and what kind of expectations. But I think we all face expectations of different kinds, right? Like to keep up with the Joneses kind of vibes. Yeah, I feel like when it comes to things like that, I can be a people pleaser in many ways. But when it comes to those expectations, it's something that with like brand names, with flashy things, it honestly is not my thing. I feel like I really don't care about that. I don't care about buying clothes that are like really expensive things, like cars even that are, I want something that's reliable. So if I buy an expensive car, there's a reason. It's because it should last me a long time. And we're actually at the stage now where we do own a Lexus, which is, people may say it's a luxury car, but ours is like a family car. Well, we got it because it's one of the few SUVs that has a full steel frame. Yes, and there are reasons that you'll buy a vehicle like that. So it was for the reliability. We've not even had it in the shop. Like it hasn't had to go to the shop. We just do like normal tune up and it's been great. And it is super strong, but the only thing is we're going to have to sell it now. And so that's something where I was like, man, I was planning on having this car for 10 years. So that's just the kind of way that I think I view life is like, you don't need something to be flashy. You don't need to make a statement to other people of like, oh, look what I have. Because ultimately it's, you don't want to live, like it's not bad to have nice things. I think that's something that Christians can look at and say, oh, well, if you have nice things, it's like sinful. And it's wrong to enjoy that. It's wrong to like want a nice car. Well, I think it's all, it goes back to the heart and motivation. Why are you doing that? Is it to have people look at you in a certain way or to esteem you because of what you own? All those things can be taken away in a moment. Sure. It's also not wrong though, to have a motivation of, I really enjoy how that looks or I love art. And so I'm going to wear something that expresses my love for art or self-expression. I'm not against that. It might draw attention, but that's not inherently sinful to draw attention. And actually there's questions about modesty here, which I think would be cool to get to because it intertwines with modesty. Modesty is not just about, oh, do you have the right length skirt on? Modesty does actually transcend the issues like, showing off, showboating, those sorts of things. So like you're saying motivation, but then sometimes as Christians, we can become so square in our perception of the world that we're like, if I enjoy the way this car looks, or I think I am getting this, like, why don't I just have one pair of shoes? I'm going to have this pair of shoes because I like it on this occasion, this pair of shoes because I like it on that occasion. We go, oh, that's wrong. You shouldn't want to have something nice that other people will see and go, oh, those are nice. Well, God is the God of creation. He is the God- And there's beauty too, like he's given us these things. We've been given everything like that, that we can enjoy. But I think that it also comes down to, okay, are you being generous? Are you neglecting the poor, those around you? So there are elements of stewardship that you have to think through and pray through as a Christian because you cannot be stingy and selfish with the resources that God's given you. And so that's something that I think you have to cover. But then at the same time, it's like you can own a nice house or you can own a nice car. And that is not sinful if the Lord hasn't convicted you of that. And it's not something that, you know, you're putting all of your trust in or confidence in. Are you looking for a way to elevate your kids' bath time or to help them want to bathe at all? Our girls had trouble with that for quite some time. Felicity, when she was really young, Evie definitely did not like the bath a couple of months ago not until we found Dabble and Dollop. Yeah, it really has changed the game for us. And it's gone from a stress-filled time of day, one of the funnest times of day, the girls actually now request baths. And they don't wanna get out of the bath. It's like six o'clock and we don't start baths till maybe 6.30 and they're saying, mommy, daddy, let's go take a bath. It's super fun. Dabble and Dollop, they have so many great products from bath soap to bubble bath, which is the girl's favorite, body wash, all the things. Yeah, it really unleashes their creativity, allows them to play and express themselves. It's a lot of fun. They look forward to bath time. So if you're ready to transform your family's self-care routine, then visit dabbleanddollop.com and use my code SHINGER15 for 15% off of your purchase or hit up your local Target store. Yeah, they're now at Target, which is right up the street. So even easier to get to if you're not shopping online. All right, check it out, Dabble and Dollop. It'll make your life better, I promise. Back to the episode. It goes back to like, as we read our Bibles, we see Jesus interacting with people who had nice things and no things. And he cared for the poor. He also went to homes of the rich and we see his disciples and the apostles. Paul tells to Timothy, as for the rich in this present age, charge them to be generous and not to put their trust in their riches. But he does not say the rich should not exist. Well, he's calling for a heart of generosity. And obviously in the larger context of the church, of caring for one another. So no one's going hungry while others are feasting, right? No one's homeless while others have rooms they can't count in their homes. There's a care for one another. You just have to go to the second chapter of Acts to see that. They had all things in common in the church. This isn't a socialist gospel, but within the church there's a love and a care for one another. And so even if you go to Acts chapter 16, I believe it is, where Lydia is one of the first converts of Paul when he comes to, might be Ephesus actually. And she was a wealthy woman and she hosted the church in her home. And Paul doesn't come in like some of our fundamentalist, pietistic, legalistic brothers today and say, sell the home. You own too many things. You make her of purple garments, which would have made her wealthy. He says, great. There's a place for the church. So she's hosting in that home. So we can't be too black and white with these things. However, I think going back to the original question, as Christians, our desire is not to keep up with appearances so as to make everyone think something of us that isn't true. Like, okay, let's keep up with the Joneses, you know, in the neighborhood from a motivation of wanting to be perceived as something. Yes. You know, then you're just in a, in the realm of basic selfishness or whatever, yeah. For sure. So, you know, it's not, well, maybe we're getting too deep into this question, but it's not a, it's not coincidental that you see packs of teenagers in high school all dressing the same. So it's not necessarily wrong that it's like, hey, those are the jocks and they kind of jump on the same trends and they kind of have the same haircuts because naturally we're made to want to live in community. And so some of those cultural preferences come along with community and that's not necessarily bad either. So if you're in a neighborhood and you're kind of like, man, like everybody's, you know, getting their lawn cared for, and I don't really care about my lawn, but you know, I feel a bit of pressure. Well, yeah, get your lawn cared for, get a lawn guy and keep it up so the rest of the neighborhood looks, like that sort of thing isn't inherently wrong where you go, that's a wrong motivation. But I think the point of your book too in People Pleaser is not being enslaved to and bound by people's expectation. Yeah, because it's like, what can I get from you? What can I gain from you if I have everything all together? And that grasping for more, grasping for their approval, because what you have or who they perceive you to be, that's the problem. Okay, next question here is a family question. How are Justin and Claire doing? Justin and Claire? Well, that's a random question because I have a lot of siblings. Yeah, it was the only couple they're concerned about. They're great. We've got to see them, I feel like quite a few times and just spend some quality time with them. They're so fun. They're so much fun to hang out with. I love it that they are all about the Western wear and it's rightfully so because they're in Texas. So they should be wearing Western clothes, tassels, boots, hats, and they have, you've got to tell them what they have actually. Oh, the mini horses. Horses. They're incredible. They're smaller than miniature horses. They are like the size of a dog. It's wild. I mean, I have never seen anything like it. So it's pretty cool. Justin and Claire are a fun couple. Very fun. They're cool to hang out with. So are I. I mean, all the couples in the family, they've each got different personalities, but Justin and Claire compliment each other. And I think Claire is definitely a little like, she's spontaneous. Oh, so much fun. She wants to have a good time. And that's good for Justin. So he's along for the ride and they're a lot of fun. We're trying to get them out here to LA. Yeah. Maybe we could get them out here and put them on the podcast. That would be fun. That would be super fun. We should get them out here. Justin and Claire, this is your invite. Come join us. Yeah, come on out. Okay, I like it. Justin and Claire are doing good. They had a great wedding, small little wedding. It was awesome. All right, let's see. Do y'all believe baptism is required for salvation? My church says yes, but I don't agree. That's a deep one for you. Well, yeah. I mean, no, the answer is no. Baptism is not required for salvation. Jesus never included that in the gospel. And he only included ever faith, putting faith and trust in him. And so the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 1 says, well, let me look it up. 1 Corinthians 1 17. He says, let me find it here. The Apostle Paul, oh, for Christ did send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power. So he juxtaposes baptism with the gospel. Now, baptism is a consequence of the gospel. It's the public declaration that you've embraced the gospel. The inward change of your heart. And that's something where I think people have talked about the thief on the cross, because when he was told, well, today you'll be with me in paradise. Well, he wasn't coming down off that cross and getting baptized right before either. So there are lots of those arguments that I think that people will make for baptism or whatever. And you'll see like preaching throughout the book of Acts at times, what must we do and repent and be baptized? And that's no problem in the sense of, we've always been called to repent, which is a repentant faith. Repentance and faith are two sides of the same coin. It's a recognition of your sin and a turning to Christ, trusting his forgiveness and rescue from your sin. And then baptism is the immediate next step of publicly declaring that you have forsaken your former way of sin and are following Christ as your Lord and savior. And so even in the great commission, going to all the nations, making disciples, baptizing them and teaching them to obey all that I've commanded. So just like the ongoing instruction given to Christians is not necessary for salvation, neither is baptism. And so the making of disciples comes through the proclamation of Jesus Christ as Lord and turning to him in faith. So, and here's the, and this is where we said at the start, like some of these questions are superficial, some are deep. If you're at a church that's preaching a false gospel, then you do need to move on from the church. You need to go to a church that's preaching a pure gospel, a gospel of salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone, not of works so that no man may boast. That's really good, babe. Okay. I like it. You have another one or you want me to go? You can go with one. Do you think you can know when you're done having children? That's a great question. Do you think you can know? I think the question is after like, as a personal couple, not like, yeah, like. Yeah, cause I think- Like as a couple, do you know when you're done having children? Well, the thing is we haven't been there yet, but I feel like I'm there. Every time I'm pregnant, I say we're not having anymore. Not every time, not after Felicity, but after Evie, I was like, I think I'm done. And then- Well, because it can take a wear and tear. It takes a toll on you. And when you're pregnant, if you're anything like me, it's like, some people are all about being pregnant and then other people, they want to get to that finish line and they're like, okay, nine months, okay, it's all gonna be fine. You have the baby and it's good. But I think for me, I'm not one of those people who just loves the process of pregnancy. So I look forward to, okay, the end, you know? So I'm almost there. And so every time that I'm towards the end, I'm like, I think we're just done. Like, I think we're done having kids. So I don't know. I mean, because we haven't been there, I can't really say that you'll like have this feeling that you know. But I'm so content. I'm so content. Yeah, my answer is it's up to the wife. Like, I mean, you can have a conversation as a couple, but my answer is if you're as a family, you want to be on the same page. And so I do feel like often husbands can be more, yeah, let's just keep having kids, which is great. But then there does need to be a sensitivity to the wife. Because when pregnancy, during a pregnancy, there's so much of your life that turns upside down. Like even during this pregnancy, my life has stayed consistent. I haven't had any physiological changes. I haven't had, yeah, the nausea. I haven't had energy changes. So my routine is the same. My workout routine, my eating, my sleep, I feel the same. And obviously life for all of us will change when the child's here. But even more so for you, breastfeeding, there's a dependency of the child where I remember for our previous kids feeling horrible that you had to wake up and help the baby because you're breastfeeding. And so the baby's screaming, it's 2 a.m. You just want to sleep. I wish I could wake up and go- You would wake up a lot though and try to help. Like even to get me the baby. So I didn't even have to stand up. But I can't feed the baby. And so there's so much on the mother, which is such a beautiful thing. It's why the lie that women have been told about having children won't satisfy and having children is like sacrificing the true treasures of life. There's something absolutely beautiful and miraculous about a woman creating within her body a human being. And then that human being is dependent upon that woman for the early stages of life to survive outside of the womb. And there's just something majestic about motherhood. And yet it's straining. There's the highs and the lows. It's a battle at times because you're battling tiredness. Yeah, it's sacrifice. It is. It is sacrifice. Yeah, so postpartum depression is a real thing. So you've got these challenges that the husband is less acquainted with, even though we pick up a load in terms of like, hey, I'm gonna be more intensely watching the other girls. And you would wake up a lot, like do diaper changes, all the things that need to be done. But I think it is different. Like there's, yeah, it's just, I don't know. Like when will you know you're done? Yeah, I think it's a conversation thing. So I guess my point is getting to as a couple, determining together, hey, I think this is where we're at and I'm leaning heavily on you as my wife. And I think it's been the case with all of our kids where you've come to me and gone, hey, I'm ready to have a kid. Like, great, let's have another baby. So that's kind of where I am temperamentally. Every couple might be different. I think so. But there does need to be a sensitivity. And I can ground that in scripture. You just read 1 Peter 3. Husbands, be sensitive to your wives, live with your wives in a sensitive manner. And then Peter actually says, the Lord won't hear your prayers if you don't. So if there's not a sensitivity to your wife, God's not listening to the requests of a man who doesn't care for his wife. You do care for me so well, in all the ways. So I guess it's looking like for us, maybe three and out. We're feeling like that right now, that's for sure. So what do you think about public school versus private school? Is it okay for Christians to send their kids to public school? Oh man, again, another wisdom question where couples just have to have a conversation. I think the Bible doesn't have an answer on it. And so the Bible calls us to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. So I think it is explicit that parents are to be the primary influence in their children's life within the church in terms of training them up as good citizens and pointing them to Christ. So in your situation, if that means going to public school for your kids and entrusting their education in certain fields to the public school system, that's your decision to make as a parent. The only thing I could say dogmatically with authority from scripture is you're not allowed to not raise your kids in the fear and instruction of the Lord. And the fear of the Lord being understanding who God is and living in light of that and the beautiful, awe-inspiring majesty of God, and then instructing them in the word of God. That is your primary responsibility as parents, raising up these children. And so we have some of our dear friends have their children in public school, some have them in private, some have them in homeschool. And you're allowed to feel strong preferences as a family, right? Yeah, for sure, I think so. I think that's natural. As a parent, you're gonna be more like bent towards a certain position most of the time. And so for us, we've just chosen, we did like a hybrid for the first year with Felicity, and then we've chosen private schooling options that are Christian-based for right now in this season, and it's been really good, we love it. And so I think that there are so many options out there. And like you said, you just wanna do what's right, whatever the Lord has put on your heart, and depends on even what options are offered. There's so many areas that don't have good options, and it's a difficult thing to pray through, talk about. And I think that I was just talking to even a couple students, college students, the other week about their schooling, and half them went through literally every kind of education in like every two years, their parents would switch them. And half of that was maybe they realized like one child was in needed extra care, and so they went into a specific school for that reason, or they had different learning styles, so they tried the Montessori style, and then they were in private Christian school, then public school for high school, and then they went off to college. And it's like, you have such a variety, and I think that we're just taking it a year at a time, and just seeing how Felicity does, and then when Evie's old enough for school, we're gonna see what options are there for her. Yeah, absolutely. I think people can get real wildly legalistic about it, and like say, this is God's way. Yes. Did your family or the culture you were in with the Bill Gothard stuff, was homeschool the only option available? Yeah, homeschool was the only option. There were, so outside of the Gothard setting, there were families who would homeschool, but they would also do more of a co-op style, to where maybe they were in school for one day or two days a week, and that was like allowed, because it was still primarily being at home. And so that was also okay. But that was based in the teaching of like, that he would say that the scriptures wouldn't allow you to send your kids to public school. Yes, exactly. Yeah, so your kids are supposed to be home, because you're supposed to teach them when they rise up, when they sit by the way, when you're walking along, and they would think that that was the verse that if you let them out of your care, then you can't do that. That's what I remember. But I don't know if that was the only verse that they would hang all those teachings upon. What an amazing way to read the Bible. Did, what did you think about families that sent their kids to school, or did you not know any families that went to public school? I wasn't really friends probably with any that sent their kids to public school. Maybe a couple at the Christian school next to us for a little bit. So you grew up your childhood not knowing someone in public school. It's not like I didn't know, maybe I did, well, I don't know. Not like friends. Not like my friends. None of my friends went to public school. Wow. Because they're all homeschooled. That I, now I could be wrong if I forget that. Had you ever gone to a physical building? Like a school building? I don't think so. Wow. I think, when was the first time I ever stepped foot in a public school? I mean, for, we would go there for like, to a performing arts center in a high school every year for a piano ensemble. And we'd play with high schoolers from the high school. And, or like kids from that high school. Were you nervous as a little kid? Were you nervous like, I'm gonna see public school kids? No. Okay. No, not at all. Because I was, you know, I wasn't like going to the school for that. I was just going in the hallway at the classroom and stuff and then go over to the performing arts center area. And then I would like play with them for Christmas. Yeah. So. I will say this, that given like a secular school, meaning they're not gonna instruct you in scripture and all that stuff. There does need to think, I think this would just be common sense. The parents need to exercise heightened wisdom. Yeah. And okay, understanding, okay, my child is going to be receiving a barrage of other worldviews, depending on their age, maybe at a very young age that of course, you want to expose them to those worldviews. So as a Christian, who's not seeking to shelter our kids, but prepare them for the real world, you're gonna expose children. Like we have conversations right now. I just talked to Felicity the other day about Buddhism, because there's a massive Buddhist temple near our church. So I'm explaining what they believe and how they worship and all that. And so, but that's on my terms. That's on my timeline. And sometimes it's imposed on you. Like if you have friends, or if you have neighbors who are of a different faith or a different worldview, questions come. So you don't always control when the questions come, but for public school, it's understood, okay, I'm gonna have less influence on the influences. And so parents just need to exercise wisdom. And I think it can be like that in a lot of settings, but it's like who your kids are around too. Like if you're in sports, if you're in anything like that, they will be exposed to other worldviews and friendships too that are outside of the Christian circle, maybe. And our goal is not to have them be secluded. Jesus' goal in discipling his disciples and then sending them into the ends of the earth was not for seclusion. The church does not become insulated and isolated. It doesn't establish itself and then close the doors and huddle in a holy huddle. It's amongst and dispersed. Yeah, and I think that there's always the argument for young kids being in that position when they're so formidable, those years that are so formidable and they're developing their worldview. And so giving them a structure for it, having them understand, okay, this is what we believe about the Bible. This is what we believe about Jesus and giving them the foundation for life at an early age. I feel like having them in for us, the reason we've chosen the Christian education route has been because that is the pillar of our lives. And we want that to be at the center and the core of what our kids are learning. And so that's one of our top priorities. So if we have to sacrifice whatever we have to for our kids to get a Christian education, that's what we've chosen to do, especially in the early years. Now say like high school, you went to public high school, you were homeschooled throughout and then you switched over there. And I mean, you faced challenges and struggles probably in that realm, having been in a homeschool setting and then going to high school, where here you have a different worldview being thrown at you. And then also kids who are maybe from a different upbringing and there can be more peer pressure. Yeah, for sure. And there's a bit of shock as you get adjusted. But I had also had a ton of friends who went to school through sports and things like that. But again, you're just reiterating, it comes down to parents exercising wisdom. And there's so much in Christian circles where we're afraid of people exercising wisdom, which is what all of life is. And so we feel like we need to mandate every aspect of their life. It's like, homie, that ain't your job. Because it feels like it's safer. And I think that's what Bill Gothard was so comfortable doing. And anybody who's in a legalistic setting, they're so comfortable putting all these rules on you. And then you don't actually have to rely on the Holy Spirit as a family, or as an individual even, because all the rules are prescribed for you. So it seems like an easier out, an easier life, you're guaranteed success if they stay in this system. The system's gonna guarantee success, which never works. Never works. Okay, I say we do one more question. And man, there's good questions. So we'll have to do another Q&A here. And here it is. You ready for this? I don't know if I'm ready for this. Am I ready for this? It's a good one. And I think you'll have an excellent answer. Are you angry at your parents for leading you to follow the Institute of Basic Life Principles? No. And I can say that. I can say that very clearly because I see how so many families, like I just said, wanted the guarantee for success for their kids. They were promised it. And they said, if you do this, your kids will turn out. And so I think that a lot of parents who walked into it, they were well-meaning. And yeah, there'll be challenges and struggles that I face because of being raised in that setting. It's not always easy. And there are things where, there are times where, you know, it's hard. And looking at it as a parent now, I can see how easy it was for my parents to get wrapped up in that teaching because it was like, they were well-meaning. They went into it thinking, this is how we're gonna teach our kids to love Jesus. And who doesn't want that? Who doesn't want your kids to turn out? And at the end of the day, they didn't promise, the promise of guarantee of that success that you wanted didn't end up being the case for so many families. And that's what's heartbreaking because as a parent, you wanna make the best decisions, pray through what you're supposed to do. And I really believe my parents sought to do that for us kids. And it's just, yeah, I don't have any anger towards them for it because, I mean, I just see like they did their best. They did what they thought was right in the moment. And raising our kids too, I think, okay, I can look at them and see, hopefully they will be able to extend grace to us in decisions that we make that are not, like we think it's the best in this moment, maybe 10 years down the road, it's not gonna be. And so I want to always extend that grace because yeah, I think that there was no ill will on anyone's part. They did an amazing job. We're great parents. And I think you've done such a good job of distinguishing between, okay, I'm gonna speak publicly about things I publicly promoted and distinguish that from a personal animus or whatever because of what you just said, which is so beautiful. And recognizing like, we have a six and a four year old, we've already made mistakes where I think, Lord, help me to deal with this better. Help me to have wisdom here that I didn't have. And so parenting is hard. It is, yeah. I think if we wanna play Monday morning quarterback on our parents, every single person in the world can go back and critique something because no parents are perfect. And so it doesn't mean there aren't issues, theological or otherwise, that need to be dealt with. I think you've, with such grace, been able to distinguish. And I think that's really clearly seen. I hope so. I hope so that that's known. I feel like I get asked that question probably a lot and it's probably one of the, yeah, more common questions that I get asked after writing Becoming Free Indeed is like, and I just want to make it very clear that I'm really grateful for my parents and all that they poured into our lives. Yeah, that's cool. Well, okay, guys, thanks for sending questions in because we appreciate this. This is good. Sometimes the questions that people ask you, I learn things about you. So it's a fun little interaction. Okay, guys, well, you know what to do. Like, subscribe, I guess, leave reviews. That helps people find the podcast. We're grateful for you guys. We're glad you guys have been coming along on the journey with us on this podcast, which we've enjoyed doing a ton. So we'll get to more of your questions on another episode. Yeah, we gotta do a part two. Yeah, we definitely have to do a part two, three, four, five. I like it. All right, thanks for hanging out, guys. We'll see you next time.