My Sister's hilarious maid of honor speech!

Well I'm glad I had a bunch of Johnny Walker blue before I came here so I can be prepared for this. I would like to thank David's side of the family for welcoming us with open arms. I'd like to thank my side of the family for being here on time. This is literally the worst group of people I can mess up my speech with in front of because I know how it's Puerto Rican play with that cebol chinche. My mom told me two things don't burp and don't curse well mom you get one thing I'm not gonna burp. But honestly as I was preparing for this speech and I was thinking and thinking I just kept on thinking to myself holy shit my sister's getting married in 30 minutes. All right I'm getting down. I really my name is Melanie I'm Heidi's maid of honor younger sister. I'd like to give a special thanks to everyone that came here obviously you made some sort of impact on either Heidi or David for them to have invited you. It's a very special day for all of us. Obviously I'm just really funny for no reason. Don't read this. It's really hard to come up with anything nice to say about Heidi that hasn't already been said by my parents because she really is the favorite I mean ideal child. Whether it's excelling in academics sucking up to mom or just being generally awesome in the real world she's really set the bar high and I really want to thank her for letting me be the black sheep of the family for the past 24 years. But really guys have you ever seen a more beautiful bride and I'm not just saying that because I know we look like twins according to David's family. Thank you. Heidi I just want you to know I wrote this speech 100 times over and there's no words that could that I could come up with to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You've been a great mentor. You've been a beautiful impact on my life and you've taught me that there's beauty in everyone no matter what they do. You taught me that sometimes you just need to pack up all your shit and move up to New Hampshire to fall in love with that special someone. Which was crazy but she did it and look at us now. You taught me that having a blind dog can be the best and weirdest thing ever. And also I'd be miles away and only become a bridezilla twice because I would have been a bridezilla the whole time. I'm very proud to call you my sister and I'm happy to have a new brother and as for David I just want you to remember to say those three special words to her every single day. You are right. Whenever you're wrong be a man and admit it. Whenever you're right say nothing. As they say a man who gives in when he's wrong is wise. As a man who gives in when he's right is married. So now I would like everyone to raise their glass and congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Garcia. Cheers.