The impact of Sibling jealousy in Child Upbringing - Baghban S2E33 | Parents Kya Karen?

Have you seen this in your children or in your relatives that jealousy arises in them and if it does, is it temporary or does it end after a while? After all, why do they have this instinct in their childhood that they start being jealous of their brothers and sisters? Psychologically, I would like to know from you. Is it in 100% cases like this? Or is it a rare phenomenon? Is it genetic that jealousy was a disease in parents? Or those parents who do not have any good person in them, can this happen in their family too? If parents do not pay attention to this, then will it become a complex and a disease of jealousy? Or in the future, when the child grows up and realizes that he is a brother or sister or a part of the same family, will he recover on his own? What are the symptoms of jealousy among children? When it increases, to what extent can you control it or does it become impossible at some age? What steps should parents take to gradually reduce this and completely eliminate it? I seek refuge with Allah from Satan, the accursed. In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful. Peace be upon you, viewers. Welcome to our program, Baghban. As you know, this program discusses various topics related to the upbringing of children. Training, that is, taking care of the existing abilities in a person and making him a human being. And in the path of becoming a human being, overcoming his internal difficulties. And then that same person in his society, removes the collective difficulties and obstacles so that the whole society can travel the journey of humanity. Today, we see all over the world that there are various types of spiritual and psychological diseases in our society. In the world, oppression, violence, murder, is a very big second that can be seen everywhere. But if we look inside ourselves, there are so many oppressors inside us who themselves make us oppress ourselves. And Allah the Almighty also said in his book, Zalam to Nafsi, that I have oppressed my soul. A person oppresses his soul when he has psychological diseases in him. And one of these big diseases, which is related to our topic today, is jealousy, envy. What is jealousy? Jealousy means when a person sees something in another person that either he has or he does not have. He does not want to be in that situation, he does not like that he is present with someone else. This is a very simple introduction to jealousy. One situation is that he is jealous because he does not have it. The second situation is that he has it, but still he does not want it to be with someone else. After all, does this disease affect the elders or does it start from childhood? We must have seen in many places, even in our homes, that there is jealousy between younger brothers and sisters. Especially when there is a new birth in a house, a small child is born. Second, his brothers and sisters, who may be close to the same age, also start having these problems. Today we will have a detailed discussion on this topic. And in this discussion, as always, we have two special guests with us. First of all, we have Ms. Fauzia Badar Sahiba, who is a mother and a businesswoman. She also runs her own kitchen company. Assalamualaikum. Walaikumassalam. And secondly, we have Ms. Rida, who is a psychologist. With whom we will take advantage of this topic from a psychological point of view. This topic is completely our psychological topic. But here our discussion will be about children, not about elders. We would like to go on that route, Inshallah. Before we start our series of questions, we take a short break. Viewers, keep watching the program, Baghban. If you like the videos of Hura TV, then support us. And do subscribe to our channel. And yes, do press the bell icon so that all our new videos can reach you. Welcome back, viewers. Once again, welcome to our program, Baghban. Our topic today is jealousy among siblings. What is the reason for this? How does it start? And what is the cure for it? Is it really a serious issue? Or does it get better on its own? We should not worry about it. We will try to know all this from our guests today. My first question will be, being a mother to you, that you also have children of Ms. Fauzia Sahiba. Have you seen this in your children or in your relatives that jealousy arises in them? And even if it does, is it temporary or does it end after some time? Absolutely jealousy. I have seen in society that the way children behave when they grow up, basically they learn it from childhood. Like when your personality changes, then your negative expression also increases with you. Yes, that's right. So this is a very common thing and it is present in every house. I have also experienced it in my relatives. And of course, you will see it everywhere in society, in business and in families. So the reason for this is that it is present in children from childhood. It is true that jealousy is a very common disease in our society. Between women, between business, and especially in the religious class, jealousy between scholars, whose job is to treat, they themselves become sick. So this is a very common thing. But we want to know, one thing is that the reason for jealousy is that if someone has some superiority, whether it is material superiority or superiority in his character, then others start being jealous of him. But the mind of children is not that smart. So why do they have this instinct in their childhood that they start being jealous of their brothers and sisters? Psychologically, I would like to know from you, Miss Rida, what is it? Yes, thank you so much. When a child is born, if he is living in a joint family or nuclear family, then he is the center of attention. According to his abilities, he gets privileges. He is the center of attention. If he has to cry or do a tantrum, he is immediately accepted. He is pampered in every way. Then when the second born comes, then the attention of the parents and the immediate family is also divided. The more attention the first born gets, the more the newly born child also demands attention. Because an adjustment, according to the normal DSM criteria, for a healthy adult is 6 months. So he is still a child. So parents also take time to adjust with a new child. They give him proper time. His needs are different. If there is a gap of 2-3 years between the first born and the second born, then definitely his needs will be different from the new born. So when the second born comes, attention is diverted. He gets all his things. There is a concept of sharing. Because normally in the first born, there is no such concept of sharing. If you are living in a joint family, and there are age-fellows there, then definitely there is a concept of sharing and turn-taking. But if you are living in a nuclear family, and a child has a habit that he is the only one, and nothing else. He has never shared with anyone or taken a turn. But my question is, does this happen in 100% cases like this? Or is it a rare phenomenon? Or does it happen in maximum cases? I don't think so that it is a rare phenomenon. You know that all the psychological issues, whether it is of an adult or a child, are present in a normality in every person. Anxiety will be there in you as well, which is a healthy anxiety. Anxiety will be there in me as well, which is healthy. At times we get depressed. When the range of normality goes beyond normality, it goes towards abnormality. So in maximum cases, when a child is pampered a lot, everything is fulfilled, he didn't cry a bit, he didn't do a tantrum, he didn't lie on the floor, everything is fulfilled immediately. So the jealousy factor develops. And the very important factor in this, which is from the parents, your communication is very important. Yes, it is a matter of solution, how to resolve it. Right now we are dissecting a topic. So first we want to know, our viewers, whether the parents should be absolutely alert, that it will happen. Or is it genetic, that the parents had jealousy, they also had this element, so it passes genetically. Or the parents, who don't have any good person, they don't have anything, can this happen in their family as well? We need some clarification on this. If we talk about some time ago, when mothers conceived their second baby, it was considered a taboo, that they will tell their first born, they will counsel them, they will psycho-educate them, that there is going to be another child in the family, but now this stigmatization is reducing. If parents definitely conceive, then their initial children, they should be psycho-educated, they should be told, that yes, there is going to be a new baby, it will be your baby sister, or baby brother, you have to help your mother, you have to help your parents. So when they are counseled at the initial stage, if they are guided, then the factor of jealousy will definitely reduce. So according to you, the probability is near to 100% that this will happen. Definitely. There are chances. And if the parents don't pay attention to this, then will it become an aggravation, a complex, and a disease of jealousy? Or in future, when the child will mature, and she will understand, that this is my brother and sister, they are part of the same family, she will get well on her own. In this, the environment of the house, and parental handling, plays a very important role. Okay. We cannot say this definitively, that if we neglect this. Okay. There are some things, which you should ignore. Okay. There is a big difference between neglecting and ignoring. Okay. Ignorance is that you are consciously aware, of what is happening, what is he doing, and what is he not doing. And neglect is that, okay, you have ignored it, if he is hitting the child, or pushing, or beating, then okay, no problem. Then, if I am a child, and I am throwing tantrums, then at that particular time, when I am throwing tantrums, I will not understand. At that particular time, if you will explain to me, then definitely, I will not understand, I will perceive it negatively. But, when I am calm, I am relaxed, you sit as a whole family, and communicate, not targeting to just one child, or one particular thing, you sit as a whole family, and this is called quality time, this breaks the communication barrier to a great extent. Okay. You sit, share your inner feelings, your emotions, whatever your negatives are, whatever your positives are, you, what do I feel from your behavior, and what do you feel from my behavior, whether positive, whether negative, you communicate. Without highlighting any specific thing. So, that helps a lot. I would like to know from you, what are the symptoms, how do you see in children, as a mother, what are the major signs, that you find out, that jealousy has started between children. When they start comparing, their own things, their siblings' things, their own things, relatives' things, their own things, their own facilities, or whatever they have, they start comparing it with their friends' things. So, comparison is the first thing, which tells you, because when there is a comparison in your mind, with your life, with someone else's life, then it can be positive, and it can be negative, and it is mostly negative. Because they are children, they don't know how to cater to that emotion. So, first of all, you have to see this thing, and teach them to be thankful. For example, a two-year-old child, as we said, it starts within two years. Of course. That a new baby is born, and the other one is two years old. So, how do you detect, that this is a normal behavior of a child, or there is an element of jealousy in it. It is possible that the two-year-old child, loves his younger newborn, but is disturbed at times. How do you assess this? What are the signs? The signs are, that he will be annoyed, he will snatch things from his belongings, he can't speak, he can't talk much, so he will try to snatch things from his belongings, or when he has something, he will start crying for no reason. These are small signs, which tell you, that this love is also from you, he is not tolerating this thing, he wants it himself. The child will demand attention. Absolutely. So, these are the small symptoms, which I see a lot in my family. Suppose I am an aunt, so when I go, my niece says, you don't have to see anyone, even you don't have to see. So, these are the things, that she wants attention, and she doesn't want, this love to be shared with others. So, these are the small things, that the signs of children tell us, that they are in comparison here, and they need a lot of training. This aspect is very important, for parents to understand, that the thing you said, that they neglect it, or ignore it, that they don't understand, what is happening. But these are the things, that if their seed grows, and it grows, then it can aggravate, into a serious problem, which can later become, a part of a person's personality. Exactly. So, their signs should be known, that if these things are visible, in the children, then this element, of jealousy is coming, between them. So, that's why I asked you, what are those signs? You said, one is to compare, and to demand attention, are there any other specific things, as a psychologist? See, I'll give you an example, my cousin, his first born, he is two and a half, now the second born, he is going to be one in January. The first born, he has started, very severe tantrums, he is a working woman. Before birth? No, no, no, after birth. After birth, when he was like, five to six months, he was fine, because he was sitting, there was no movement, when the movement, of the other child started, his severe tantrums started, that if, he is feeding him, he wants, his mother's attention, full attention, if he is in college, he is delivering lectures, he is in day care, then no, his clingy behaviour, has increased a lot, he is going to, lie on the floor, and show a lot of tantrums, just to gain attention. So, this is the thing, this is the thing, which particularly, annoys the parents, and on this, the parents, have very negative, behaviour, like, hitting can come, in that, scolding can come, the person gets offended, that there is a limit, to everything, and when you, cross that limit, then definitely, there will be an issue, so in this thing, a lot of patience is required, okay, and I always tell, the parents, that no means no, okay, today, there is a one hour tantrum, when tomorrow, you will be ignored, then it will be a one and a half, two hour tantrum, gradually, his time can increase, but then again, your patience, consistency, and persistence, is required, that the more patiently, you deal with him, he is going to be okay, but then, one thing, which is very important, like he said, in this, we pretend, to play with the kids, or, if I am jealous, of him, then you, are our elder, so you, both of you, together, spend quality time with us, play with us, and, a proper, sharing, turn taking, come to our level, and make us do, storytelling, so that, we can learn, through, different toys, and through, different educational, there are a lot of stuff, that have come, so through that, the kids learn, but in this, the patience, is very important, so, this, tantrum, is one of the biggest, signs, which tells, when this type of, scenario is made, that a small kid comes, and there is another, small kid in front, so his tantrum, behavior, throwing, shouting, exactly, this, gives an idea, that this kid, may not be able to speak, in two years, but his feelings, are such that, he is jealous, of the other kid, because, his mother is giving him, more attention, but definitely, he has to feed him, he has to sit on his lap, he has to do this, so through that, he gets this feeling, here, we will now, move forward, that how, parents should, manage this situation, but, after a break, viewers, stay with us, keep watching the program, Baad Baan, if you are liking, the videos of Hura TV, then support us, and, subscribe to our channel, and yes, press the bell icon, so that, our new videos, reach you, welcome back, viewers, once again, welcome to our program, Baad Baan, our topic is, between children, between brothers and sisters, jealousy, as we have, learned from our guests, and, heard, that, there are, children, in children, this thing, is born, especially, when there is a small child in a house, and a, younger child, comes, new born, comes there, so that child, gets frustrated, he demands attention, he starts comparing, and then, such signs come, tantrum, where he shouts, he shouts, he throws things, through this, parents should know, that this child, is jealous, of another child, jealousy, Jealousy is a dangerous disease that affects a person. It is mentioned in the hadith that jealousy destroys faith in the same way as fire destroys wood. Faith in a person is destroyed. And if this disease affects a person in his childhood and remains inside him, then definitely the thing that affects him in his childhood becomes a part of his personality. Along with that, his personality develops and progresses. Therefore, it is better to control it from the beginning and stop it. Our next question here is that what steps should parents take so that they can not only reduce this thing, but also completely eliminate it. First, I would like to know the formulas and techniques from you. Do you have any practical examples of how to control it? As I said earlier, as soon as the second baby is conceived, you should start counselling all the babies. But how will you counsel a 1.5-2 year old baby? Sir, nowadays, I mean, babies are very sharp. Why not? You can tell them, you can counsel them through pretend play. See, this is a small baby and you are going to have a little sister or a brother. How will you take care of her? How did your mother take care of you? So, through pretend play, there are many such toys. You can counsel them in a very good way. This will be a very important factor. Here you have raised a very good point that pretend play. So, if parents do this exercise that they bring a small doll and start habituating the baby that when the doll moves, when the second baby is born, this element will be reduced or not? So, by pretend play, you mean such activities and exercises. There are such activities. Definitely, its intensity can be reduced a little. But definitely, when there is a doll, it is an inanimate object. It is not breathing, it is not crying, it is not speaking, it is not doing anything. But when a real baby comes, it will definitely do all this. So, there will be a little bit of jealousy factor. But then again, he would have an idea that this is my brother or sister and I have to take care of him. I have to nurture him as my mother is doing. And children normally pick this thing and do it. And secondly, you said that if the child is a little older, you can counsel the child. Yes. What kind of counselling will you do? What will you explain to the child? Sir, nowadays, if a 4-5 year old child is going to school and he knows that his class fellows, kids discuss that he is my brother or my sister and he or she is the only one. So, he himself demands from his parents that I want a brother or a sister. So, when you conceive like this, you can tell them that you wanted a baby girl or baby boy. So, Allah is giving you like that. And at their level, basically, the way you counsel an adult, basically, you counsel children in the same way. The only difference is that you do it at their level. You can counsel a 1-2-3 year old child like this, but the method will be different. I will talk to you and convince you. But we can guide them through pretend play, through different things, through role plays. So, this is the thing and children pick it. But when children are a little older and there is a gap of 1-2 years, they go to the same school, sometimes this element of jealousy increases in them, that my brother got so many marks, he performed, I didn't. So, it increases there. You are absolutely right. How to control it or how to manage it from the beginning, it has happened because of not doing it. And if it has happened, now when the child has matured at this stage, 7 years, 8 years, 10 years, how to control it? Sir, one thing is very important in this, which is parental reaction. Normally, how will you react when one child gets 75 out of 100 marks and the other child gets 60 out of 100 marks, you will not appreciate that he got 60 marks, he passed, he didn't fail. You will say, you got so few marks, So, the thing is that we always criticize first, we don't appreciate. So, when we change our mode, first we start appreciating, appreciation gives you an enthusiasm that I have to do more, I have to achieve more. After appreciating, you tell him, highlight that yes, this, this, this, this, your things were wrong. Then when you have to tell him the negatives, it's always, always important that you highlight someone's positives in front of everyone and tell someone's negatives separately, so that he doesn't feel embarrassed. So, when this thing happens, then definitely the factor of comparison and jealousy will be reduced. In fact, there will be a healthy competition, that if he has taken so much, then I have to work hard on my own, that I have to take better than him, What would you add to this? Have you handled any such cases? Or has anything happened that you can tell that yes, this was a jealousy case in the family and we have solved it in this way between the children? So, I will tell you my first-hand experience on this, that when I got married, after that I read a book, that when you start going on a duty like a mother, are you ready? Are you ready yourself? So, when I read that book, all the things that madam is saying, I noted down all those things, that I have to do my own training first, then only I will raise the children. And it is said that when you are multiple, that means one child is left, then there are so many pressures on yourself, you are going through postpartum depression, the responsibilities of the family increase, during that time your upbringing cannot be perfect. So, first I prepared myself, that this is such a big responsibility, after that when I faced challenges, then I accepted it myself, I told my elder sons, you are mother, this new born, you have to change his diaper, he was 2 years old, and believe me, he used to care for that child more than me, he was absolutely right, that we do not realize that how many abilities are there in a 2 year old child, even he used to bring all his toys and he used to keep them on top of his younger son, he used to think that these are all his, so I have clicked his pictures, and I had decided that he is his guardian more than me, and he will take care of him, and I stopped giving time to younger one, there was a 2 year age difference between them, if younger one is in grandmother's lap, or in maid's lap, it does not make any difference, but it is making a difference to the elder one, because he is sensible, so along with age, these things also increase, it does not mean that if you cater these things to younger children, it will not happen to the elder ones, if they are elder, they will have different types of issues, so you have to be active from time to time, so you can solve that problem, otherwise they are there only, one more issue comes, where there are boy and girl, brother and sister, there is a big problem of gender discrimination, that you cannot do this to a girl, you are a boy, you should do this, does this also become an element of jealousy, where there is gender discrimination, yes, there is a small example, few days back, there was a small tableau on TV, someone's chicken was cooked, it was a leg piece, so he said, he is a brother, he is crying, give him a leg piece, you do not eat leg piece, you eat another piece, sir, education is very important, many people are uneducated, but if you are educated, and you do not discriminate boy and girl, things get different, and upbringing matters a lot, in this, it is very important, how you are being parents, and your upbringing, how you are being kids, in the past, in our society, if two or three girls do not have a son, then suddenly they have a son, then it becomes a center of attention, then it becomes an element of jealousy, the girls of the same age, start discriminating, gender discrimination itself, parents should not do it, it needs to be managed, they need education, like madam said, she herself did self-training, which is a good practice, parents should be trained, for these things, proactively, preparation should be done, we have some more questions, regarding this topic, but before we go to our last session, we take a small break, viewers, keep watching, the program, Baghban. and subscribe to our channel, and press the bell icon, so that, our new videos reach you, welcome back viewers, once again our program, Baghban, welcomes you, our topic is, jealousy among siblings, till now, we had a good conversation, our guests, shared their experience, how to stop, jealousy among siblings, where there is a high probability, and what steps parents should take, I think, the simple answer is, the parents should be well prepared, for this situation, they should be prepared, they should do their education, and the purpose of our program is, to give them, basic starting awareness, nowadays there is so much material, if they are interested, there are videos on these topics, they can study it, and pursue it, one thing, which is often seen, when the children grow up, when there is jealousy among siblings, then, some parents say, to separate them, to not allow them to spend time together, this will increase the jealousy, what would you say on this, I think, this should not be done, because, things will be more difficult, instead of solving it, this is right, when a person is in aggressive mode, at that time, he will not understand, at that time, both should be separated, but when they are settled, communication is very important, your communication, should not be barriers, you should have so much authority, that you should sit your children, whatever hindrances are coming, whatever things are pinching them, whatever is happening, you should discuss with them, and be careful, that, we ourselves do not know, that, our behavior or action, is affecting someone, out of love, if you cuddle someone, hug someone, kiss someone, and do not kiss other children, without any thought, or any negative thing, towards that particular child, whether it is a boy or a girl, so on that, what is the effect of that cuddle, or that hug, you have no idea, sometimes when you communicate, and when the barrier is over, then you do not even have, any doubt in your mind, that he was sitting, with such a small thing, which is not important for me, when there is a dispute, small or big, you have to listen to both sides of the story, give equal importance to both, give attention, so that one does not feel, that if he is small, then listen to him, no one listens to me, in our culture, this happens a lot, that if he is small, then everything is acceptable, and if he is big, we do not see, what is the effect, coming on that child, the main problem is, at a young age, there is neglect and ignorance, but when it increases, to what extent, can you control it, or it becomes impossible, early five years, is very important for personality development, the roots, if the roots develop, and we do not properly cater, to those roots, then things can get very bad, along with parents, your immediate family members, also play a very important role, if you live in a joint family, I always say, no means no, if mother says no, it will be generalised, but out of love, or to humiliate someone, like grandparents, or immediate relatives, they say, come to me, they spoil the child's behaviour, if you live in a joint family, there should be good communication, there should not be a communication barrier, whatever you are doing, for the benefit of the child, if you say no to something, because it is not in his interest, if it is generalised, and he does not get reinforcement, I guess these issues, should not increase further, in the first 5 years, then this issue increases, and then, there is a possibility, that this disease will remain, in that person later, may be less, may be more, but the element of jealousy, because we see, in today's time, in colleges, there is so much jealousy, that it reaches to bloodshed, to violence, in institutions, in organisations, in companies, one staff comes, another staff comes, they start having jealousy, if they start performing well, so all these roots, they have been here since childhood, they have not taken it from outside, that after a certain age, this disease has spread inside him, this is a seed, which has been there since childhood, from where it has sprung up, and the result is, if there is such a disease anywhere, then that progress will stop there, if I am jealous of you, and I don't want you to perform well, then it has affected my performance, first of all, my concern is only towards you, not towards my work, and then I will do such things, that I will try to stop you also, overall the institute will suffer, that institution will suffer, this escalates in a very big social problem, which we ignore, because we don't have anything like social pathology in our society, that we analyze the diseases of our society, that what psychological diseases are present in our society, why are they there, what are their roots, and then resolve them, so here I feel that our viewers, our parents should think about these things very seriously, they should not take this lightly, and the instructions you have given, the practical measures, should be adopted here, so that they can raise a healthy child, who becomes an asset in the society, an asset in the society, we have a great incident of the Quran, of the community of Yusuf, the Quran has presented this disease, in such a way, that even the progeny of a prophet, became jealous, because there was a younger brother, the jealousy started from the youngest brother, he had virtues, seeing those virtues, both the brothers, were in the state of a prophet, this means that this is such a serious issue, that even the progeny of a prophet, cannot be safe from this, so how can we think, that our progeny is safe from this, and this issue cannot go ahead, it goes to such an extent, that a brother throws another brother into a well, and wants to kill him, this is a big thing, the Quran has alerted us about this, that this can happen, Yusuf can be in every household, Sir, it can be paradoxical also, if someone has a harsh parenting, and when he himself becomes a parent, then either he will be more harsh, towards his children, or he will console them a lot, that is, the deprivation he has seen, he will never want, to give that deprivation to his children, it can be paradoxical also, it is not necessary, that the deprivation he has seen, he can deprive his child more than that, or he will console him, that I have seen this deprivation, so my children should not suffer, so both cases can happen here, but this will also happen, when he becomes aware, that this deprivation, this was wrong, this was incorrect parenting, and I should not make this mistake, it is very important to develop inside, he should develop insight, so that he thinks about it, but in our society, the problem is that, the trend that is going on, is an ancestral trend, it is an ancestral following, the way parents have brought up their children, they make their children ideal, and do the same with their children, as you said, all the family members are involved, in the upbringing of a child, now grandparents, are playing a different role, and if the parents also want, to make the child better, they interfere in it, as they have seen it, so this was a good discussion, would you like to add anything, towards the end, we have only 2 minutes left, I am working on one thing, and I give awareness to people, to do upbringing, and first of all, do your upbringing, the relationship you are going into, if you have to sign the marriage certificate, the man has to see his role, and the woman has to see her role, if you are going to be parents, the father has to see his role, and the mother has to see her role, there is a lack of upbringing, so much so, that the education goes to zero, sometimes it goes to negative, with education and upbringing, I say there are 3 parts of upbringing, upbringing, upbringing, upbringing, and then education, Imam Ghazali says, there is no education in the first 5 years, and there is no upbringing either, parents are not aware of all these emotions, when you are not aware, then what will you do with the upbringing, so from there, these things start, and the whole image in the society, is a part of that upbringing, we have kept degrees, in management, in administration, but we have not kept a degree in parenting, we say we will read the Quran ourselves, it is such a big book, we think there is no need to go anywhere, we will read it at home, grandfather will teach, father will teach, we have to read it, we don't have to understand it, so that thing is over, parents have such a big responsibility, so there is no mother's upbringing, so these are the main relationships, and the pillars of your life, we don't talk about it, and if we don't talk about it, then there will be no improvement. It is a good thing that our guests who come here, psychologists, mothers, fathers, and we have done many programs, we call it a common feeling, or pain, which is seen, that there is a lack of parenting in our society, parenting training in our society, everyone is habituated to parenting in their own way, which has different effects, so one thing is clear, that here there is a lack of parenting training, which is not present, and there is a need to work on it, whether it is institutes, or academic institutions, or social welfare, or NGOs, but there is a need to work on it, and I would say that we should set up an academy for parental education, so that parents can go there formally, so that parents can train, and have an assessment, and have an evaluation, and certify that yes, they are right parents, and this work should be done before marriage, so that when there is a spouse selection, there will be a certificate, whether this man and woman are ready for parental training or not, if we become aware of this level, then I think we can easily Where there can be bride-to-be parties, why can't there be bride-to-be trainings? Absolutely. You are going in a relationship, and you are enjoying it, but are you mentally ready? I had written an article on this, that there should be a bride-to-be training kit, for girls, that if they leave their house and go to a new house, how will they adopt the set-up? Will they become toxic, or will they remain friendly? The next step will be parenting, so is there a parent-to-be training for that? Let's look at these things. In our society, there is a big loss of training, if there is no training, and if it is not right in childhood, then the same problems will arise in the future. Sir, I would like to add one thing, in our schools, because I work with special kids, I visit many schools, and if a special kid is going to a mainstream school, despite the fact that it is a big school, or a small school, he is paying for it, and he or she is going with a shadow teacher, a resource teacher, and the parents are also paying for it separately. When there is no equality here, if you put that kid with a shadow, and make him sit at the back, and make him do high and low, or make him sit on the board, or make him do this, this is not equality. And then, you don't train your so-called normal kids, to play with the kids, every kid has a different need. So when this thing, in our schools, the training of the kids is not right, if you look at Japan, China, then in the early 5-6 years, they only train the kids, their behaviour. So soft skills are developed. If a brick falls on the ground, they won't be shy to sweep it. If you take the name of Beacon House, or any other school, they will be shy, that you are telling us to clean up the class, because we don't have such training. Then again, we belong to a so-called upper middle class family, or we belong to a middle class family, so even at home, we didn't get such an environment, where we are like this, I think, we ourselves fill the kids with embarrassment, that if something fell down, it's a small thing, if something fell down, or if you have to clean the carpet, or you have to remove this thing from here, you don't, you have helpers, they will do it. They are not trained to do that. So this thing also, in the personality of the kids, a lot of ego, ego, that comes a lot. A little while ago, I went to a very renowned school, with one of my kids, there was a kid, he was a nursery class kid, he was autistic, he said, he doesn't talk, he doesn't play with me, I said, why don't you be his friend? He said, no, no, I don't want to. Why don't you want to? Because you have to give him more energy. If you throw the ball, he has to learn, that I also have to kick the ball. We don't have so much patience, we haven't trained the kids like this, if a special kid comes in your family, then you will consider it your duty to train them, because they are your brothers and sisters. But if there is a special kid in your class, or in your surrounding, then you don't train them. To be very honest, because I am very close to my kids, one kid comes to me, his complexion is a little dark, he is a very vocal child, he plays, and to get attention, he does a lot of weird things, he just wants attention, he is the only child. So, I had a party in my clinic, all the kids came, his siblings also came, so I told him, let's play Ringa Ringa Roses. I saw that he didn't hold his hand. I said, why are you not holding his hand? He said, no, he is black. So, in this age, the kids have color distribution. So, the thing is that, it is not necessary, that if a special kid is born in your family, then only you have to teach the kids, that you have to take him along, you have to spend time with him, where a kid, in 5 minutes, you are giving a concept in class, let's suppose, it is the definition of noun. There are 30 kids, 10 kids will learn in 10 minutes, some will learn in 5 minutes, some will learn in 20 minutes, some will take 2-3 days. If they are taking 15-20 days, everyone has their own pace. I am comfortable in my own pace, you are comfortable in your own pace. But in our system, there is a race of numbers, a race of syllabus. Exactly, which is wrong. I totally agree with you, our system needs a rebirth. Exactly, no one should ask you, did you do matriculation at the age of 15? No one asks, did you fail in BSc or not? The way you communicate, the way you take yourself, this is very very important. Whether you are studying from TATO or any other high school, this does not matter. Exactly, in the same way. Thank you very much, that you took the trouble and our viewers definitely benefited from your conversation. Viewers, we always repeat this, as our respected guests repeated and insisted that parental training is a very important part of the upbringing of children. And this is correct. If parents are not trained, then they should not expect that their children should be able to be trained. That is an exception and a unique case. Therefore, it is very important that parents train themselves, train themselves, find such centers, find such resources which are freely available today. Spend time on it so that they can educate themselves. We would just like to say that this channel may be the only effort. We do not know if anyone else is doing this work or not. But we feel that we are trying our best to at least inform parents about the parenting concept. Give them direction, give them awareness, give them awakening so that they can seriously think about this issue. Children are their trust. We have to return this trust to Allah the Almighty in the same way that Allah the Almighty has given them. And for this, they will have to prepare themselves. We will tell you this much, we also pray, you also pray that Allah increases our abilities so that we can do something so that we can protect our generations and save them from such diseases and diseases in their childhood so that a healthy society comes into existence. Inshallah, we will be present again in our next topic, in the next program. Until then, Allah Hafiz.