The Incredible Practice of Focusing on What You Really Want

Hey, it's David, and I want to talk about focusing on what it is that you really want, and the importance of this, the usefulness of this in your life, and the practice of it. The thing is, most of us really are not focused on what it is that we want in our lives. Now we are focused, but just not on what it is that we really want. So what are we focused on? Well, typically the default for us, almost everybody, and this is quite natural and understandable, it's to be focused on safety, safety. So the nervous system, that's the default setting we have. It's only focus ever is on safety. And in order to do that, what it's going to do is look around your life, look into your environment, and it's going to seek out problems, problems that you need to avoid, problems you need to fix, things you need to get rid of, things you need to change, with the ultimate goal of being safety. Now don't get me wrong, we need the nervous system, it's a very important thing, it has a very important function is to feel safe, and certainly wanting to feel safe is something that's good to focus on. But it's more like we're avoiding danger, that's what the nervous system is doing. The nervous system doesn't care really about anything else other than safety, it doesn't care about any of the higher goals that you might have in your life. It doesn't care about meaning, purpose, creativity, connection, sense of freedom, it doesn't care about any of that, and nor should it really, it's not what it's job is. All it is there to do is to avoid danger. So it focuses on it all the time, and that's where we find ourselves focusing most of our attention, on problems in our lives. Now it's very difficult to stop that entirely, but what we do with focusing on what it is that we want, it's basically about attuning it to our needs. Need for freedom, need for abundance, need for creativity, need for meaning, and focusing more on what those things are, focusing on what it is that we want. And again, the challenge in it is going to be that the default setting will always look towards problems. So the practice is about recognizing that that's the way it works, that the nervous system will do that, and making space to make sure that we are focusing actively on what it is that we want. And this is a daily thing that we do. What is it that I truly want? It's not about what I want to go away, what I want to stop. I want the anxiety to stop. I want to stop being stuck in a job that I hate. I want to stop being broke. I want to get rid of the debt that I'm in, you know, all these problems that we have. I want to stop this horrible relationship. I want to stop the arguing, all those things. Well, what do we want? If we assume for a moment that those things don't exist anymore, what would I be focused on? What is it that I want in my life? Now, there can be psychological blocks that stop us from doing that. There can be limiting beliefs that stop us from doing that also, to the point where if anyone feels, I'll never be in a loving relationship. I'm not worthy of love. Well, it's going to be very difficult to convince yourself to sit down and focus on finding and experiencing genuine connection and real love. So part of our job is to bring awareness to those limiting beliefs. But the bigger thing that I'm focusing on here today is, okay, assuming maybe we've done that work and we're letting go of a lot of that stuff and we're questioning it, it's focusing through a practice of what it is that I want in my life. Do you want more money? That's fine. There's nothing wrong with that if that's what you want. If you want greater health, if you want fitness, if you want great relationships, if you want deeper connections with people, if you want to be more creative, if you want to have a sense of purpose in your life, that's where we focus our attention on what it is that we want. I know it sounds incredibly simple, but remember, what you're up against here is the default system. The default system is to focus on problems, which is quite natural. But the problem is it breeds anxiety. Because the thing is, the nervous system is never going to take a day off, really. It's never going to say, he's fine now, she's fine now, she doesn't need any more of this focusing on dangers. If there are no dangers in our lives, it will actively seek them out. And we know this because there are no saber-toothed tigers anymore, but we're all focused on different problems. It's not like it's gone away. Our evolution has designed the nervous system to be constantly focused on the environment for problems or danger. Now what would this look like, this practice of focusing on what you want, if you want to sort of override some of that overly protective nervous system that's constantly looking for dangers all the time? Well, it's a practice. And you could start by writing it down. What is it that I want in my life? And challenge yourself to be a little bit ambitious with that, maybe a little bit unrealistic with that. Because the limiting beliefs won't allow you to think in terms of what it is you really want. But you write it down, and you focus on it. You allow yourself to think on those terms. What is it that I want for my life? And if you do it for two minutes a day, that's great. If you do it for five minutes, it's great. If you do it for 15 minutes a day, it's great. The more that you are focusing and focusing on what it is you want instead of avoiding danger, the more peaceful we will feel, the more tuned to our own needs we will feel, the more motivated we will feel, the more alive we will feel. So this is a daily practice, an invitation to start incorporating this into a daily practice of inner work that you might do. And realize that you might say, well, I've tried that before, which is very common. So what probably happened there is the limiting beliefs didn't allow you to entertain it for too long, or the nervous system overrode that decision to focus on what you want, and it brought you back into focusing on the problems. Now, I'm certainly not saying that you avoid the problems. If there's a problem, and it's right there in your mind, and it's sitting with you all the time, you certainly look to it, and you certainly inquire into it to try and let it go. It's not about denying anything. And also, by the way, focusing on what you want is not a form of positive thinking. You don't even have to try and believe it necessarily. You don't have to try and manifest it necessarily. All you're doing is allowing yourself to be honest about what it is that you feel, what you really want. And that does, I think, tend to move us in the right direction. At least now we know, we've been honest with ourselves about what it is we want. And don't let anybody tell you that something that you want, there's something that you want in your life, and it's not the right thing. You know, if you want more money, people will say, well, that's not very spiritually evolved. It's like, well, maybe that's part of my process of spiritual growth, is to focus on this. Maybe blocks around money or something. Or if you want to get into better shape, people might say that that's vain. Don't let anybody tell you that whatever it is you want is not the right thing. It's right for you if you're resonating with it emotionally. That's the right thing for you to want. And very rarely are you going to find, when you're attuned to what it is you really want, I want to go out and get wasted tonight and drink 17 beers or something, right? That's probably not what you really want. What you really want won't have a conflict in it, but you'll resonate with it in your entire body, at least for a moment. And then the limited beliefs might come in, and it might look a little bit more gray or ambiguous. But you'll resonate with it on some level. And then it's like, well, okay, what's getting in the way of me being able to sit with that desire, that thing that I want in my life? And just focus on it. Don't try and believe it. Don't try and do anything with it. Just allow yourself to be around it. And I think nature will take its course. I think that will have a positive effect on you emotionally and will facilitate you taking action, going after it, much more than focusing on problems all the time. So the invitation from this video is to set that as a part of your inner work, is to have a practice where you're constantly, daily focusing on what it is that you truly want for yourself. And I doubt anyone regrets doing that, investing that time in that. So you could put it that way. Hope that's a useful concept. I'm David. I'm a therapist and a psychologist. And if you want to work with me one-to-one, you can. You can reach me at the link below and visit my site for my books and courses and all those things. And lastly, if you can, if you want to, if you found this useful, like the video, subscribe to the channel, share it with somebody that you think it might benefit. And that really, really helps me. Thanks a million. And I hope that was a useful video and I will talk with you shortly. Take care.