Tessa Virtue on life, love and how not to make a wedding playlist | Player's Own Voice

My dear, how are you doing? I'm great. How are you? I'm good. I was just saying I'm like my cup is overflowing and I'm exhausted all the time. That makes sense. Even the positive energy that you're getting from all this amazing work you're doing would be draining. Thank you. You can be tired from good things too. Thank you. Yeah, it's a good time in life. It's always a good time to see you too. I'm so happy to see you. Thanks for having me. Yeah, thank you. You look happy. Thank you. So do you. I'm relatively happy. I'm excited for life. I feel like there was a long transition period out of sport and now I'm like, woohoo, new chapter. It's fun. I also feel like you must have a very clear purpose. Like right now I think of in the lead up to Paris especially. You're clear on your role. You're clear on your responsibilities-ish. And you know how to plan your pursuit to excellence in that way. Thanks. Yeah, it feels like I'm like where I need to be, which is really, I don't know if I've felt that way since skating, really. Oh, that's so nice. That's really special. Yeah. Okay, this is embarrassing. I kind of forgot that you had a Barbie. And then like Barbie came out and then the Oscar noms, like, man, Greta Gerwig should have been, she should have been nominated. Can we just agree with that one? Yeah, what a cultural moment, right? So special. And it was so neat to be in some tiny, tiny, tiny way affiliated with the Barbie brand having had such a positive experience working with them. Yeah. No, it was, I like forgot that. And then I had to Google it and I was like, oh no, this is you. Like, what does that process even look like? Oh, it was so special. And I mean, I've probably said this before, but my mom, you know, my mom, she's very stoic, not typically very emotional. And so all through every Olympic journey, she was, you know, really, really proud and happy, but I didn't see many tears. And when I told her about the Barbie, she just lost it. There were a few weeks where she would say, I can't talk, I can't talk about it right yet. It meant so much to her. She was an only child of an only child. So she, well, she also grew up with that wave of Barbie where it truly was, you know, you can be anything and you can do anything and you have the dream house and you have the car and you're independent and you can be both a scientist and beautiful, like you can have it all. And so just experiencing that through like her lens was really special. And then my costume designer as well, like for him to have his design on a Barbie and that they took such great care and consideration and like all the details was remarkable. No, it was remarkable. And I felt like a terrible friend when I was like, oh yeah, that did happen. Like I just got lost in all your accolades. No, but I think back to the movie, like I actually think the fact they did not get nominated, Margot and Greta, I think that's going to like cement that film even more so in history, simply because of like the cultural critique. Interesting. Yeah. It just is such a phenomenon, right? Yeah. And that, what was it called? Barbie mania? Barbie mania. Yeah. It just was everywhere. It was everywhere. No, it was fun. It like made me fall in love with the movies again, actually. Oh really? Yeah. That's so special. Brian Gosling was wonderful too. And he's a good Canadian boy. Have you ever met him? No, never. I was going to say, I need to like get to know some of these Canadian superstars. That's on my 2024 bingo list. I feel like the Canadian stars might come out in Paris because don't you find the Olympics attracts, you know, sort of. Could you imagine? This is our call out to Brian Gosling. Hello. It's just been like such a lovely time though, in so many ways where we're seeing empowered women. Like I think right to the PWHL and you coaching. Oh gosh. Coaching. We use that term very loosely. Yeah. What'd you say to the girls in the locker room? Oh, well I had a speech prepared. I was very, I practiced it. I consulted Morgan. I was doing my research and I, you know, I knew that I was not getting technical in their terms. You weren't like pucks and deep. No, no. But I was really ready to bring the vibes and the, and you know, the mindset work. And Cassie Campbell and I were chatting backstage with John Quilt backstage, I guess in the dressing room with John Quilt Jones and just chatting about, okay, what's our strategy? And okay, here, we're all going to say something. Megan as well. Suddenly we look on the TV in the dressing room and they're on the ice. We had, as all of us coaches had missed the moment to actually say something. So fail, big fail there, but oh my gosh, it was extraordinary to be part of that world for a brief moment. And I mean, you know, I've always felt the women's hockey team was the heart and soul of a team Canada at the Olympics. We used to just hope that we would run into a hockey player, a female hockey player on our way to compete because somehow that felt like good luck. So we would just cross our fingers. And so I had gotten to know several of the players over the years, but to see them in their element, up close and personal, and to get a sense of the communication on the bench. I mean, it's an all-star game, so they're not necessarily teammates all the time, but they were so poised to just take that big stage and that platform and embrace it. I thought about, you know, all the kids watching at home and just what that meant, like a moment in history to represent the PWHL on a stage like that. It was so special. It was. It was. I got to watch, text you with Brenda Irving. We were there with our rum and coke. Yeah, no, it was a great day. And yeah, just to be showcased at the NHL all-star game was so, so cool. What did Morgan give you a tip on for the pre, I don't even know what to call it, pre-skate warm up, bump up? Well, he did advise that I, because I got a long, Cassie had a long list of things for me that were really technical things to say, and I tried, but I couldn't say it with conviction. And he said, you know, just keep things, keep things simple, keep things upbeat and from the heart. So he was, he was really supportive about that. You just hope both teams have fun. Yeah, that's usually my outlook. Sochi. Okay, so we're talking about women's hockey players. Sochi 2014, in my opinion, was one of the greatest things I've ever seen. Obviously, Canada, USA. But I just can't believe that it's 10 years ago. I know. Like, can you believe how time fast, it just goes by so fast. It's insane, 10 years. Do you remember the seats we got at that game? Yeah, we just kind of went in hot and ended up right by the glass, which was so special. Yeah, no, time is such a funny thing. And I think the pandemic also feels like a bit of a betrayal in that sense, because it's just, it's, it's sped everything up. And I look back at photos and we were babies. Babies. And the photos from Sochi are like, not good. No, it's not great. Not great. Yeah. How much do you think you've changed in 10 years? Hmm. I would say, to my core, I've remained, you know, much the same as far as values and what I'm striving for and how I'm approaching things. But I would hope that there's been an evolution and growth, you know, some maturity and, and perspective. I mean, what a beautiful thing that is, especially in sport. I feel like I've accepted parts of myself that I, I didn't like as much, and then came out in weird ways. I think I was quite a bit more extroverted 10 years ago. Oh, interesting. I needed to be the life of the party. And now I'm like, Oh, God, Anastasia, just sit down. Well, so was that natural for you back then? Or if you would have thought or now that you look back, was that a little manufactured and in just trying to? Natural, but like also manufactured, I think to cover up deep insecurities. Like I was just out of the closet. I was super uncomfortable still like in my own skin. And yeah, I guess it's just lovely to see like how life gets better because you're more you're more grounded. That's a nice place to be. It's also so special to see and people around you. I think that's the most attractive quality when someone is comfortable in their own skin. And that only comes with experience and reflection. You tagged me on an Instagram post, though, and I got to ask about the quote. I'll read it. You said. To you know, this was a quote and a message to yourself, but you said refuse to be mediocre. I promise to rise. Good people keep promises. That's a lot of pressure you're putting on yourself. You should have seen the pages that came before. Now, if anyone read my diary, they'd be like, and it's funny, I guess that's human nature and especially an athlete perspective and that you're always looking for the good of something. Like, how can I learn from this? How can I grow? So mostly I look back on my career and feel just immense gratitude. And I and I'm so I think it was positive. You know, there's there's a lot to take from it. And I look back at the pages that came before the note that I posted, and I was so lonely and so ostracized and just so sad. And so, yes, there was a lot of pressure. And I certainly felt that. And it's interesting. I'm glad I wrote so much down. I wish I wrote more. But it's interesting how, like with that time and perspective, we can sort of forget that deep, you know, you forget the sacrifice, you forget the pain, you forget those really low moments, you know, probably a natural coping mechanism. But it's it was kind of heavy. Yeah. Anyways, but I think that. Do you remember when John Herdman spoke at an Olympic summit? I wasn't invited, but I heard it was good. You know, under the bridge. He. So I'll be really honest. There was a moment before those Olympics, I would say, in 2013, where I thought about quitting. And I think Scott did, too. I'm not sure that we asked him why it was just it was such a dark place. We just felt so alone. We felt, you know, we weren't communicating all that well. I felt like. Well, I was still a lot of pain from my injury. I just felt like. That purpose, our why wasn't that clear, you know, we would compete at competitions and even stand on top of the podium, and I remember just feeling like, yeah, is this what I'm working so hard for? Like, this can't be it. And I went to this that Olympic summit in, you know, the year before the Olympics, and I stared at the Olympic rings on one of those big flags and listened to John Herdman speak and several other really eloquent, you know, humans that were in that high performance space. And I realized that it was the Olympics that really meant something to me. And I attached my purpose to something kind of deeper than just skating. Anyways, and his that was from his speech, I think, where he goes through the national anthem and he picks out parts that you really hold on to. And what am I standing on guard for? And what does that mean? And how am I rising to an occasion? How am I rising above the pressure and the negativity and the toxicity? And the you know, the good people keep promises. I just thought that was so smart of him. But it really seemed to resonate for me as I thought about the Olympics. I just had him on the podcast. You did? Yes. Yes. It was brilliant. I literally like that. Don't die. So that's what I'm following. John Herman. Thanks. Thanks, everyone. No, but he I mean, we got into a lot of things and it was really impactful. But one thing he really talked about was how sports trauma is real. And that as a coach, you can heal trauma. I'm paraphrasing a little if you don't attach shame to results. And like my mind, I was like, I have never even thought of it that way. Every time I skated poorly or every time I could have skated well, but didn't like execute perfectly. I felt shame and you can be disappointed, but you cannot feel shame. And that really is so interesting. Yeah. I talked about it to like every. Yeah. And what an ever present emotion that would have been. Yeah. For our whole careers, I would think. Yeah. Did you like when you were on top of the podium to go in? This isn't this is really like. Yeah. And one thing I'd be curious to know your the way that you kind of process this. But I felt like as an athlete, of course, my physical needs were met. You know, I had a team around me of people helping me, you know, optimize my physical performance at the end of my career. Mentally, I had that as well. Like I worked with amazing sports psychologists and mental prep coaches, but it was really targeted to how can I find deep focus in training? How can I, you know, mitigate distraction? How can I like be my best at one specific moment in time, which required a lot of resilience and reframing and all those things? But emotionally, I think when there just wasn't capacity to feel things deeply, something had to give. And I understand that as a coping mechanism. But I feel like I'm at the point now in my life. When it's the emotional side that I'm trying to tap into, because it didn't serve me to know deeply what I was experiencing from that standpoint. So I don't know that I would have I wouldn't have ever thought about shame in that way. I couldn't have because it didn't help my next pursuit, if that makes any sense. And so it's just funny how those buckets and thankfully I was, you know, the mental side was somewhat taken care of. But the emotional side was not really at all. And so I think I trained myself to not know what I was feeling. Yeah. Does that land? It does. I'm like, this is free therapy. Thank you. This is a nice podcast. Well, I don't have a solution to that yet. So what do you think has helped you most with your relationship with yourself? I read a quote and it resonated with me because I struggle still at times to love myself. And it said, if you really hate or struggle with the experiences that have shaped you, it's very difficult to love yourself. And I was like, whoa, I got to get good with a whole bunch of things that happen. Yeah, that's powerful. I mean, I'm still working on on that. I'm I'm definitely working on some self-compassion. I think particularly as an athlete, that's the self critic was really loud, but that helped me, you know, in a lot of ways. And so that's been hard to sort of deprogram that not everything needs to be at like Olympic level excellence. And my default is to create these arbitrary performance metrics for myself in life. You know, you're used to that system. Like I have a goal. These are the benchmarks. So it's clear as day. And without really realizing, I just started doing that in life. Like I would attach meaning to some silly thing and just realize like, oh, I was equating that with some kind of excellence. And so I think trying to just recognize those mechanisms that are in place and let go of some of them. That's really helpful. Seeing a therapist has been really helpful. Wow. See? Yeah. Yeah. There's always a lot to unpack, especially because I think and with you in particular, you have been so much more than your own career. And I don't even know if that makes sense. But like, I think so many people have dreamt of some of the amazing experiences that you've gotten to live, that if they only tune in every four years at the Olympics, they see you, you know, twice at the top of step, once with a silver, like you're larger than life. And it's not always that sexy being an athlete like there. There's a lot of complex, layered experiences that we both go through. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. And that's I mean, one time, Adam Van Cooperton, I remember when he retired, he said, I'm never going to be the best in the world at anything. And that landed too, because it was, you know, I've had to learn to kind of redefine what success and achievement means to me. That can't be the expectation. Yeah. And so trying to take that kind of pressure off is helpful, but it's a process. So where are you at with that benchmark now that we're five years on from our first podcast? So what you've been retired for six years, I suppose. Yeah. Competitively. Yeah. Yeah. I've gone to a gym about four times. Yeah. I'm just back into that. But it took me I spent four and a half years not setting foot in a gym, not putting like training shoes on. No, no, I still am not there. Yeah. I'm so sedentary. And Diana's like, oh, you really got to go for a walk around the block. Yeah. But you know, when you're ready in a way that feels right to you. Yeah. Where does the benchmark for success land with you now? Yeah. Well, I was fortunate enough to take on the two school pursuits, which gave me a great sense of not only achievement, but also the cycle of trying something new, failing, needing to kind of dig deep, get through it and and then, you know, passing in an essay or doing an exam or what have you. And so that was really familiar and kind of validating because it might have been in a different sphere, but the approach was similar to sport. And so that was really nice. I think I needed a sense of like, OK, I'm ticking the boxes. I'm getting some. Some accomplishments that that seemed meaningful to me and my obsession right now is just kind of taking all of that learning, the the lived experience from sport or academically with, you know, things grounded in research and data to try and share that with people. And, you know, my forum right now is through delight and the spirit. And so that's been so thrilling and so fun to work with other really high performers. People are at the top of their game and and yet maybe not trying to pretend like I have answers here, but just maybe unlock something and then they weren't exposed to. Absolutely. I feel like a coach can tell you the exact same thing. But if someone takes one little pause before. Yeah. Like you get a different you get a different lesson from different coaches. Totally. And I think, you know, sometimes we forget that people aren't aren't always equipped with tools to visualize or to manage the mental chatter in their minds or to embrace failure and with a growth mindset, things like that. So, you know, some of those may be kind of buzzwordy in the corporate realm, but tactically speaking, like how are we putting that into play and and how are we like truly showing up for our teams and our organizations in a in in the best way we possibly can? That's really special. And there are so many commonalities. So what does a day in the life look like right now? It's still quite scattered. There's not there's no standard day because I'm still fortunate enough to do a lot of speaking and work with brands and things like that. But I would say the Deloitte work kind of anchors my my time. And that looks different, too, because it's working with different businesses and clients and departments. And so cool. Yeah. So is it like you give a speech or you have like workshop like you have modules? Different kind of every time. Sometimes it's you know, there's a component of the inspiration or the empowerment. But the idea is that we're following through with whether it's workshops or coaching or things like that, ways that systematically people can shift their their behaviors, their mindsets, show up, how they change, how they show up for work. So how are they structuring their day? Things like that. Yeah, that is so sweet. Yeah, it's really been special. It's so like because we don't you know, we chat as much as we can, but we're both busy and then we just follow each other on social. So as you've said, like, I always feel like I'm like in your back pocket. But my for you, Paige, I don't know what I'm doing. I'll get like Scott and Tessa fandom all the time in 2024. Absolutely. Girl, you're still going strong. And 2018, Moulin Rouge! I mean, when you watch that, like what goes through your brain? Can you rewatch it? You know, it's so nice. Scott inspired me recently because he wrote me. I hope he doesn't mind me saying this. By the way, Scott, we went ahead and did the podcast. Yeah, sorry, Scottie, you were supposed to be here. He sent me a few months ago. He said, I just watched Moulin Rouge! And he said it was he was able to watch it and really enjoy it. And it took me some time. And then finally, I got around to doing the same thing. And there's part of me that sees things I wish that I had done differently performance wise, but. I'm of two minds, I can feel it so vividly and viscerally in my body, I can feel the performance and I can feel the pressure, I can feel the elation, I can feel like the little baubles here and there, I just it's in my body. And also I can watch it and think, my God, like, how did that person do that? Like, could today, could today's version of me do all those hard things? Not just technically, I mean, like go through the sustained high performance for 22 years? I could. Could she do that? I don't think I could now. I mean, I would hope. But it's it's like this disconnect of who is that person and how did you do that? Completely agree. I'm yeah. I mean, even when I'm watching you, though, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's my friend Tess. But like it does feel like a different life. Yeah, it's strange. Do you feel like you feel it in your gut or is it? Yeah. Like, can you still 100 percent watch that and go, wow, that was really good? Oh, no, no, not really good. I can I can acknowledge that it was a moment and I'm proud of, you know, proud of the process we took to get to that point. I'm proud of ultimately the material we put out there. I'm so proud of Scott. Like, that's my overwhelming feeling of just like the athlete that he is and a human that he is. Like, I just see that and I think how lucky was I to be next to him for 22 years like that was the best. But I also. I mean, I'm really not caught up in that, which I guess thankfully I remember someone telling me like your your life cannot the peak and the pinnacle of your life cannot be at 28. And, you know, I try I try not to kind of just live in that same place that existed in 2018. Yeah, that would be a lonely place. That's for sure. It is a lot of people's Roman Empire, though. It is so sweet. It's so nice. It's so nice. And I do. The one thing I miss about competing is like staying connected to that community in that way. Everyone has been so supportive as I've navigated different roles and adventures and things like that. But it's a different way to connect with people that kind of artistic expression. And I miss that. Yeah. What's your personal Roman Empire? Oh. Oh, my goodness. Let me think about this. Do you have yours? Yeah, but mine like makes me sound like I am like a forest ranger. This is I didn't know what a Roman Empire was, but I've had this like question in my brain for years because my brain don't laugh. This is like this is really a left field one. I always think about like if I was stranded on a deserted island, what would my process be to find shelter and safety? Like I'd be like, yes, like would I build my shelter first? Would I try and make a fire? I don't know why it's that, but that's like literally give me one and a half light years. That's what I'm asking. Oh, that's so interesting. OK, so yours is not a moment like a culture moment. Yours is something that you can't stop thinking about yourself for a while. For me, on that same vein, it was like going to jail. Orange is the new black was popular. The sense of there was a time when I felt like people could say anything about me and it was just accepted as truth and that's terrible. And so I extrapolated that in my mind to be, you know, what if someone like what if someone because that's the worst feeling for me. When you can't kind of defend yourself or when you can't when people don't know the truth. Yeah. And so that was a very difficult time in my life. And I just got off this path of, you know, what if what if someone were to make up a story that I did something really wrong and I couldn't stand up for myself and then I'd be I took it to a darker place. But you would thrive back to you. You would thrive in your. What what time did you feel like, you know, was there a time when you really felt like the narrative was wrong? Yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot of times. I think certainly in my late teens and through my 20s, I would say especially. That's like all of your career. Yeah. Yeah. Supposed to be those like 15 years in the there. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. No, that's OK. I mean, it's the nature of things, right, that you fill in the gaps. So with hindsight, thinking back to figure skating, like what systems were in place that perhaps you're thinking, oh, we need to evolve here. Like, I think we've gone through a lot of change the last three years in so many realms that we're like, this is unacceptable now. Yeah. Is there is there anything in your experience that you look back on? Yeah, it's something. Well, Scott and I talk about that a lot, especially as he and I won't speak for him, but especially as he takes on this role as a coach and he's really trying to cultivate a different culture. We came out of a sports system that I think has a lot of room for improvement, relatively unscathed. And I'm grateful for that. But I I'm really worried about the state we're in, I think across the board and sport. I mean, you and I have had really honest conversations about what that looks like and and I don't have the answers by any means. But I think there need to be systems in place to really protect our athletes in a different way. You know, I think there need to be independent third party adjudication systems. So if I have a complaint to make about someone in my NSO, I'm not going to my NSO. Or if I have an issue with a coach, I'm not going to my skating school, because we know that the funds aren't there to do a real investigation and that there aren't protocols in place for things like that. That really frightens me. Have you been following the Valjeva saga? I mean, I feel like I lived a part of that as it was happening in real time. And yes, you know, staying privy to it in on the periphery. But yeah. And it's so sad. I mean, it's just there's a there's a sports system that failed her. Yeah. Right. This vulnerable girl. Yeah. And the hard thing is we cannot put the onus of responsibility on a teenage, on a 15 year old. Absolutely not. And what needs to change for that to make a shift? I mean, well, I went we probably both did for two decades. Like I wouldn't have a Hulls or a Red Bull or I wouldn't use Vicks Vaporub. Like, you know, there was the long list of things you were frightened of. And also if my coach was spraying something on me before I went out there or said, oh, here's an all natural ginger shot that's going to give you energy in the middle of your program, I probably I would have trusted them. So that's what's so sad. It's like we have you know, how do we, one, empower and educate young athletes to really feel like they're responsible and in control for their career and also create teams that can be trusted? So I don't know how we change that on a systemic level. She was over 60 supplements, 15 years old. It's so sad. It's so sad. Like, it just makes you think, like, what are we doing here? Yeah. Like, ain't nobody getting out of here alive. Like, we don't get a dress rehearsal. You can't do that. You can't. No. And I think it reinforces that idea that, you know, in so many sports, sometimes you see this thing in college, too, right? These athletes are disposable. Like, we just use them and toss them aside knowing that there's another crop coming in. So but at what cost? It's so sad. Being in a judge sport, does that still leave a legacy? Like, I'm always interested in that. A legacy in what way? As in, like, do you feel sometimes like, oh, I'm getting judged? Oh, yeah. One word answer. Yes. Yeah. No, totally. I think that is, you know, it was ingrained in us from such a young age to really have that external validation of our worth based on what nine people thought about our performance. And immediately, right, you put yourself out there on the on this stage, and it's so vulnerable. And then you sit there and wait to be told, like, how you measure up. But I think we did try and reframe that in the end. It's one of the beautiful things about our sport in that subjective element was art. And we loved that storytelling. We loved that we had the ability to do that. We trained in Montreal. So I remember sometimes watching, I mean, long track wouldn't be much different, but the short track speed skaters train. And we would just look at each other and say, can you imagine doing one movement on repeat for, you know, eight hours a day? I don't know how I did it. How did you do that? I don't know. So like we were so I'd be like, I'm so happy to twirl and fizzle and do these different, you know, this different choreography. So with that comes the scrutiny. And I think the hard part about skating is that it didn't end on the ice. It was when you got off the bus. It was what you said at the gala. It was how you engaged with officials. It was how your coaches spoke to officials like the politics of it. That got really, really hard because you're, you know, as an athlete, you want to think you're controlling as much as you possibly can. Yeah. No, I remember talking to Jo Rochette and she was like, I know I'll have this judge. I've got to ask about the son that's like doing taekwondo. And I was like, what? Yes. Yeah. Imagine that was part of your Olympic prep. I can't remember anyone's name. Well, that you need a Scott for. He's good at that. Last time we had you on the pod five years ago, we were in very different parts of our lives and we kind of were like, we don't even know if we want to get married. That's right. Look at us, two old married gals. What hypocrites, eh? Congratulations. This is your newlywed. Thank you. You know what? Someone told me six months of marriage is actually like a hard dip in the whole thing. And I'm like, oh, I'm lucky. I mean, we're stressed and we're busy, but yeah, it's just been such like a big year for both of us. Yeah. Did you feel different after getting married? Did something change? A little bit. I think it's more like, whoa, no, like we're together. We're in it. Yeah. Yeah. She she cleans out the cat litter a little more than I do. I love her. But yeah, like so so Tuscany, like Tuscany, right? Yeah. And dream come true. It was the best. We had the best time. It was well, in typical, I'll say Tessa fashion. We so I we moved, let's say on a Monday when we sold our our place, moved into a rental because we have a couple of some renovations happening. And I submitted my thesis on that same day. And then two days later, we got married. The next day we flew to Italy. So it was interesting, just the prioritization of our energy and time and stress in the lead up to the actual wedding. It was so beautiful in the way that it it couldn't be top of mind at all times. You know, we both had other things and yet we really focused on the marriage. What does that mean? You know, what is that coming together as a team and a family? What how do we think about that? And, you know, the day before we exchange vows in Toronto, we're booking a car. Like, oh, we probably need to get to the venue. So we just were not really stressed about the details of it. And I made easier because it was so, so small. Just our immediate family members. The pictures were amazing. Thank you. What did you guys eat for din din? Oh, just all of the pasta. That was perfect. Course after course of pasta. It was so good. And the fun thing was because, I mean, we had made all of this, all of our decisions really together. But it was in the chaos of school and work and moving and all the things. So we got there and we had about a week to spend with our families in Tuscany. And there wasn't a real wedding. I just wore like a fun dress, basically. But every meal we would sit down and I'd say, do you remember the menu? No. Do you? No. Or I'd say, where did these lights come from? Or the flowers? Like, I made all the decisions. We made all the decisions. But I hadn't really clocked that. So everything felt like just a delightful surprise. Oh, that's so lovely. It was really nice. It was. You know what? It was more stressful than I was expecting. But once you get it, once you get there, you're like, no detail matters. Like, you're just with your people. You're with your family. No, it's true. In a last minute, like, day of, I knew I wanted to dance in Italy. And we did. We danced like crazy. And I mean, it was just such a small group, but it was so fun. And so I just made a Spotify playlist. I've never made a playlist in my life. What did you call it? You know what? It probably just starred two favorite numbers. Anyway, so I make this playlist morning of and I connected to the speaker. We didn't want just like an extra random person there DJing. And so I connected to the speaker. But I don't have Spotify premium. For ads playing at your wedding. Just these Italian ads every four or five songs, which became a big joke. And we all laughed about it. It was like a little time for a little resting from dancing. Italian ad, Italian ad. And then back we go. That's amazing. That is something. Yeah. Our friend Arianne Jones, when she got married, she also just had like, she didn't have a DJ. And so we try and skip like we'd skip certain songs and then it would go all the way back. Oh, my God, that's funny. No, these are just the best, though. Yeah, things are the best. How did you guys even meet? Like, I feel like you told me you were set up. Yeah, well, we met long ago through mutual friends. Probably around 2014 or 15. Wow, that long ago. Yeah. And kind of, you know, our paths would cross or we were, you know, following each other from a career standpoint. And I remember, I don't know if they'll hate me for saying this story, but Scott and I dropped the Puck of the Leafs game in 2018. And afterwards, he was the only player to come out and shake our hands and look us in the eye and say, congratulations, like, you know, Canada's so proud of you. And that was like, so I remember clocking that as just thinking that was really classy. And in 2019, we both went to PEI to our friends, our mutual friends. They were having a Special Olympics event, actually. And neither of us knew the other would be there. And so that's where we kind of reconnected and things. PEI, eh? It's just a little love and potatoes. Exactly. Oh, my gosh. No, he is such a lovely guy, though. I mean, I've only gotten to meet him once. You helped a lot with recent Halloween costumes. Yeah, Halloween, some of the Leafs, went as speed skaters, is a highlight of my life. But he wrote me a nice handwritten note. I was like, Morgan Reilly, a nice guy. That's nice. So in your transition out of sport, he was you guys weren't dating when you were perhaps transitioning. But how has he helped you find more of yourself? I never knew that I would really be able to feel so safe with someone or really trust someone in that way. And he instantly changed the way I thought about romantic partnership. And it's been really fun seeing, you know, having been an athlete, it's really fun to be on the other side of it in the supporting role, watching his career thrive and watching him chase his dreams. And I feel like, I mean, there was a time when I was really keen to play sports, like after every game, and he was maybe a less willing participant. And we've had to kind of find our balance with that. But I mean, you know, I have such admiration for his work. It's so different in a team environment like that. And, you know, there's so many different things just towards amateur and professional sport period. But it's been really wonderful to have a safe space within which to explore the different versions of, you know, post athlete Tessa. Absolutely. Did you, you know, when you met, I suppose, were you ever like, oh, he plays in the NHL? No. I still watch him, can't really. Like preconceived notions or like, oh, that's going to be a public relationship. Like you both are private. I did register that, I think, probably, you know, months before really getting to know him more. Had sworn off athletes, period. You know, as one does. And so that was not on my radar at all. And I called my mom from PEI and I said, I think I like Morgan Rielly. But he's the antithesis of what my perception of an NHL hockey player might be. And so I think just getting to know him. And then we had COVID, which took us both out of, you know, that spotlight, took us both out of our respective elements. You got it at the exact same time? We experienced COVID together. Yes. But that probably did happen too. So I feel like we got to know each other sort of outside of all of that. And because of that, when we set out to have this really equitable partnership, I think we also made some decisions about, you know, the way that we view our careers. I mean, I love watching him play, but he's not coming to Deloitte to cheer me on. Like, that's his place of work. And so I think we try not to put that on a pedestal. And there are times when the pendulum swings and it's playoffs or it's, you know, there are really important times of the season. But I also have that in my career. And so just feeling like that is equal and respectful in the way that we engage, I think, was a really important kind of foundational building block for how we could come together. Yeah, that's really fascinating too, because it is tough. Like, your mood changes depend upon what's going on in the season, right? Like, and for you to have good boundaries to go, no, no, no, I can be compassionate, but not empathetic. Or perhaps you are very empathetic. But yeah, having boundaries with what that looks like when you're not competing and he is. I think so. Yeah. And just, I never wanted to be resentful of him leaving home every day and heading to work and loving it. Like, there was a time when I was probably thinking, you know, I paid for every hour of ice time and all my coaches and, you know, like comparing or just the different sport experiences. And yet being around someone who truly loves what they do is infectious and so special. So I asked how he helps you. How do you help him? I don't know. I don't know how much of my advice he takes when it comes to his D partners, because I always think of it as like a little team of two. I don't know. I mean, I just hope that I offer some unconditional love and support. And no matter what happens on the playing field, on the ice, you know, what we have, you know, just stands kind of separately from all of that. Yeah. It's harder to watch, though, than play. Like. Oh my gosh. To all the parents out there, I'm so sorry. Anytime you have to watch your kid do anything, it's way more stressful. I've called my mom so many times, especially during playoffs. And I'll say, how did you do this? How? How did you do this? Because when you're not in control and you just want it so badly for someone, it's so hard. You're so right. Yeah. It's we put so many people through that for so many years. I know. And I whatever, whatever it all worked out. It's so much harder, especially when it's it is out of your control. Yeah. Like and he will have ups and downs. Yes. Yeah. You just show up as Tessa Virtue every day. Well, I'll try my best. What's your middle name? I have two Tessa Jane McCormick Virtue. I didn't know that. Sorry. I've never called you Tessa Jane. That's okay. What's yours? Winchester. Oh, I love that. Wait, I love that. What's the story? My dad was like, I love this name and I love this name. I'm going to name the first kid. You can name all the other kids and that to my mother. And they only have one kid. So just all the names. Yeah. So I need to got the rough end of the stick. What's next? I don't know. I'm loving what I'm doing at Deloitte. I'm loving the challenges that it's presenting and the way that I feel like things have come together in a way that I can kind of forge a path. That feels right for now. And I'm just going to stay open. Open to experiences and ideas and opportunities. And lately I've been feeling especially like that. Things kind of click when I'm not forcing it. How often do you get to see Scotty? Oh, not enough. Yeah. We talk to each other quite a bit in the fall and we chat. We chat a fair amount. We're getting much better about phone calls. That's nice. Yeah, which is really nice. Not enough, but I feel like we're in such a great place together, which is so fun. And you must be so proud just like with, yeah, what he's doing with coaching. Yes. It's so cool. Like I remember having deep conversations with him where it's like, I don't know what I want to do. Maybe I'll become a carpenter. Like, yeah, it's so cool to see him. It's so special to see the unabashed passion that he brings to the sport in line with his desire to just uplift the kids around him. I call them kids, but you know, his students, I think they're getting the best of him because he has so much to offer, but he's also at this amazing place where he just wants that experience for everyone to be really positive. And I mean, he's the person to do it. He's the person to do it. Do you guys get to go on like double dates? Sometimes. Yeah, I've been trying to do that a little bit more, which is really nice to kind of feel enmeshed with one another's family. Yeah. No, I miss you guys. Oh, I miss you too. I miss the crew. I know. I was a little jealous when you said you got to get together with some of the Sochi people in Calgary. Yeah, well, we need to plan that party. But I just, after the wedding, I was like, I can't plan another thing for a long time. I feel like, yeah, but no, it is, it's family. It really is. It was a special Olympics. I think it was a special time. Yeah, I would say it was my favorite one. Well, you had one more than I did, but yes, I would agree. The favorite. Vancouver was super sexy, but Sochi really, the team atmosphere was just a family in a way that I hate to, I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but it just felt different than every other Olympics. It really did. Yeah, no, it really did. Yeah, yeah. Should we not wait another five years to do this? Oh, I appreciate you, my dear. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you. Anastasia Winchester. Tessa Jane McCormick. I'm changing your name in my phone right now.