Dancer Dies in Car Accident: Finds Unconditional Love on the Other Side | Shawna Ristic

Back then that was when I had the cell phones with those big bag phones that you plug into the cigarette lighters. It was in the floorboard of the passenger side of my car and I needed to bend over to pick it up and plug it in and call this guy. So I was like, okay, let me take off my seatbelt. I bent over to pick up the bag phone. And as I came up from picking up the phone, I think I started to come close to hitting the car. So I swerved to miss. I basically over-corrected and nose dived into the median. And then I went end over end across the median and then across the other two lanes of traffic. Just, it was nose to tail, nose to tail. And I was thrown about 40 feet from the car. My family stayed at the hospital. They would camp out there and just so that they could rotate in and who got to be with me and stay and hold vigil the whole time. That's what happened on this side. But what I remember is vastly different. My name is Shana Ristick and I'm originally from Ottawa, Kansas. Small town, everybody felt really tight knit. Pretty average childhood, you know, two loving parents, very supportive. High school, I was a cheerleader, a very tall one, and always on the bottom base because I was tall. And then I started modeling when I was a freshman in high school. I really loved modeling because it was not, it wasn't so much about me, like, look at me. It was really about, like, there's a scene that we create and it's like animating it and bringing it to life. And it was really a passion. Didn't do a lot of modeling because I was in Kansas and there wasn't a big hub for that there, but did do some and was working to make that my chosen career path. After high school, I went to college at Johnson County Community College, mostly because you're supposed to go to college. And I didn't really know why. I didn't really know what I was going to do. I was just doing it because I was supposed to. And I was hoping to get my modeling career going, which would probably take me out of Kansas City. A woman in my class, she worked at a strip bar and she had said, hey, I know how you can make a lot of money, but you have to be willing to do it. And I'm like, I'm brave. How about, what can that possibly be? I didn't realize what it was at that point. She was like, well, here's the bar. You got to come there and you got to see what you think. And so I went there and, and I saw, you know, the dancing on stage. And I was like, you know, I can do that. That's not a big deal. And then, you know, with modeling, you kind of get used to being open with your body and, you know, being on stage and on scenes. It's not a big deal. But then the table dancing thing, I was like, I don't know about all that. I think I'm not going to do that. And then once I went in the first time, she was like, you got to do that or you don't make any money. And so that's what I did for a year. And I thought, well, I'm just going to do this for a time being, because it's going to help me make good money. And then I can go on these go-sees and travel around and, you know, work out my modeling career. After a while, it started really getting to me. And when you're 19 and trying to date and trying to go out and meet people, but yet people, when they find out what you do, they only want to see that or they have their judgments about it. And their parents certainly have their judgments about it. And it just felt like, you know, this is the worth that people are seeing in me. These people were just using me to get what they could get and then kind of blowing me off. And then I'd go to the bar and these businessmen started asking me to go on trips with them. And I was like, well, hey, you know, at least I'm getting something out of it there, was sort of the rationalization that happened in my head. I agreed to go with this client to Georgia. Atlanta was an up and coming hub in the modeling industry. There was a lot going on there. And I thought, okay, well, I'll go with you. And then while you're doing your work stuff, I'll just go out and see agencies and see what I can get going. And I was very clear with the businessman that it was all in the up and up. I get my own hotel room, no funny business. You said you just want a company because you're bored. I'm just coming as a friend. I'm not crossing any lines. I was living with my parents at that point because I had wanted to get out of the bar and was thinking about going back to school and getting my life on track or something. And was hiding all of this from my whole other life from them, you know? So here it was Christmas day and we were gonna have a little traditional Christmas. You know, we all woke up and came downstairs and look, Santa Claus left all the gifts under the tree and we were gonna open them up and we had breakfast. And then my brother and my mom and my dad left to go to Chanute, which was this town about two hours away where my distant family lived to celebrate Christmas with the extended family. And I stayed there because I was going on this trip. And I went upstairs to take a nap and woke up late from the nap and was like, oh, I haven't even packed. So I'm throwing things in the bag. And I mean, I remember why I brought what I brought, packing everything. So I throw everything in and I jump in my car and I buzz through town. And I was flying down the highway because I was running a little bit late. And I was like, man, I need to let this guy know I'm coming. I might be a little bit late, but I'm gonna be there, you know, so he doesn't just leave and go to the airport without me. So back then that was when I had the cell phones with those big bag phones that you plug into the cigarette lighters. It was in the floorboard of the passenger side of my car. And I needed to bend over to pick it up and plug it in and call this guy. So I was like, okay, well, I'm going flying down the highway. Let me take off my seatbelt. And then I need to pass this car and I need to go over the bridge because I should at least do that before I make this attempt. So I went over the bridge and I was just about past the car and I took off my seatbelt or I bent over to pick up the bag phone. And as I came up from picking up the phone, I think I started to come close to hitting the car. So I swerved to miss. And from what I've been able to piece together in my memories and from other people's witnessing it, I basically over-corrected and nosedived into the median. And then I went end over end across the median and then across the other two lanes of traffic, just, it was nose to tail, nose to tail. And I was thrown about 40 feet from the car. They life flighted me to Research Medical Center in Kansas City. My family stayed at the hospital and they kind of camped out in the waiting room. You could only see me three times a day for two people for like half an hour to an hour at a time. I was in ICU. They would camp out there and just so that they could rotate in and who got to be with me and stay and hold vigil the whole time. That's what happened on this side. But what I remember is vastly different. The next memories I have is waking up in this really bright white room and there's six people or beings standing like three on each side, very tall, very bright light filled, like glowy. They were just kind of looking down on me and they slid their hands under me and they helped me sit up. And I realized I was sitting up out of body. And I remember embracing them and hugging them and feeling like, wow, this is like real family. You know, no judgments, no, everything was okay. Everything was fine. Just this real love. You know, we've all been told that we're so limited and so little and so this or that, you know, or not good enough or not whatever enough or not lovable enough or whatever. And it's such a lie. It's such a lie. When they show me things and they give that love to me in that, like, you're okay. You're not a bad person. You're not sleazy. You're not all these things you've been told you are. You're not all these hurtful things. You're love. And they tell you that. And then when you receive it, it's like, you're filled with it. But then that energy comes back and it fills them. And then it becomes reciprocal and you just feel it and it sort of fuels each other, right? I mean, that's what family really is. I remember looking at my body down from a corner of the hospital room. And I remember seeing my mom and she was kind of holding my hand like this and kind of like, you know, bowing down, sort of with her head down. And I remember thinking, just feeling how she felt. And it was like, wow, what did I do? It made me think that this whole thing that we call about judgment day is maybe not about being judged, but when you go and you realize the hurt that maybe you caused someone, not even knowingly, but then you feel that remorse yourself because you feel what it feels like. You leave a ripple in all the lives here. It's all connected. It's kind of like when you're in an airplane and you look out of the window at night and you see the city with all the lights and like each of us is a light and it's all connected, you know? And like, if one light goes out, it can create like this power surge that dims and can put out all the lights around it. And they were showing me that my light going out does that. And that's a big responsibility. The last thing I really remember is sitting in a circle of these beings and there was like 12 of them and they were all debating whether I should go or stay. And at that point, I didn't feel like I really had a say in it, you know, that they were sort of like, okay, you know, sort of weighing it back and forth. Do we send her back? Do we put someone else in? Do we just scrap the whole thing? What are we doing here? And then I remember waking up. The first memory I have of waking up is opening my eyes and I was laying, I guess on my side or my head was sideways and I remember seeing my friend Patrick there and he was sleeping. And I remember willing him to wake up, just wake up, wake up, wake up. And he did. And he was like, oh, Johnna, you're awake. And I couldn't talk, you know, my mouth was all this metal in it and I was kind of mumbling and I think he thought I was asking what happened. And so he starts telling me and I don't remember anything he said, but what I do remember is the feeling. And I remember it was like that feeling of that unconditional love, that fabric that everything's made of, that it's here too. It's like pregnant potentiality. It just feels warm and nurturing. It's just this fabric that it's all, that's behind it all. And it's love and it's okay and it's warm and it's here. It's just that we are so wrapped in our minds and in our stories that we don't see it, but it's the reality. And I looked at him and I could see it in him too. And you can see it in people, it's in their eyes. You look in the eyes and you see it and it's that light that comes out and it just shines forward and you can really see the truth that they too are those light beings, that that's the essence of who each of us is. In reality, that love, that it's not about like I'm a being or anything like that, it's that you are that essence of light and of love and of okayness. It's just this mind that makes us believe otherwise and does all these crazy things we do on this planet to each other and to the planet itself. But that the reality is that fabric of love that's holding us here. Coming out of a coma isn't like the movies. It was really hard to get back in body. I have acute awareness of trying to get into the body and just trying to make the legs move and trying to and just not. They had told my parents at the beginning not to expect me to be able to live on my own again, not expect me to go back to school that I'd probably be mentally handicapped and I'd always need assistance and that I might not even learn to walk again. And I was determined. The rehab things started coming back pretty quickly, how to feed myself, how to move, how to read, all that stuff started coming back pretty quickly. They said four to six months. I ended up getting out of the hospital in four weeks. When I started coming out, it was really I think to my dad, the first person I tried to talk about this circle of beings that I'd seen. And I explained it to him as best I could. And I was still limited in my expression abilities, but he being the engineer, rational minded person that he lovingly is, he said, oh, you know, I think that there was something on TV at the time that was probably a court scene and that you probably just took that into your dreams. And for me, that suggestion from someone that I really trust was so shocking because my experience had been so real. That experience on the other side is so vibrant. You feel it inside so fully that to think that that was just an imagination thing I had created, you know, it just felt so wrong that I really just sort of shut down around everything at that point. I didn't wanna talk about it. I didn't wanna have anybody contend and say that what I experienced wasn't true. And I just sort of hold up around this nugget of memory that I had in there and didn't talk about that. And I realized that people could take in the miraculous recovery I have, the fact that I shouldn't be here, the fact that I shouldn't be able to function like a normal human being. They can take the miracle in and the physical healing in, but they couldn't take the woo-woo part in. So I just didn't talk about it. I remember seeing grass for the first time. And it was just like, oh, it's so beautiful. It was just like this vibrancy that comes up from the earth and all this like life in it. And it's so sparkly and beautiful. And at the same time, I was trying to come back into this world and trying to figure out, okay, I clearly didn't do something right last time. So what do we do to function here? And so I totally did a 180. Began dressing everything very proper, buttoned my shirts way up to the neck, could not say cuss words. I mean, and just became very, almost sort of Puritan-like in my behaviors. One thing I did know when I came out of the coma, one thing I was very sure of was that I was here to help people heal and find their way home. And that that's what I wanted more than anything was for people to know what I do now, that it's all love and that they are loved too. And that they're not all these things they've been labeled as. They're not all of these conditions that have been placed on them, that there's so much more than that. And that they're not subjected to some force that's going to punish them, that they are these beautiful beings of light and love, and that they're participants in this creation. My first job was working at a pancake house, on weekends to just sort of make enough money to help fund my college during the week. And then I moved to Kansas City and got a job down on the Plaza, which is this fine dining area and worked in a restaurant there. And had all those things you're supposed to want. I had a really great boyfriend at the time and I had a job that I was really successful at. And I was a hostess and then I got promoted to assistant manager of this restaurant. And I, you know, had a car. It's like, I'm supposed to be happy, right? But I'm miserable. I got really sad about the way people treat each other here. Nobody gets it. They don't get it that it's about love. Like, why can't they see it? And I mean, like whoever thought war is a good idea? I mean, that's the most ridiculous thing ever. And I would cry for hours, just the harshness. I mean, it's not just war, that's like an extreme, but people have that dehumanizing harshness towards other people all the time. And I got really depressed by that. And, you know, I'm driving and I'm thinking about driving my car into the pillar. I'm like, hey, I know driving is a really great way to finish this off. I just wouldn't, just gotta do it better, you know? I was like, I can't think of that. I mean, my family, my parents, all these people who pulled me through this, I can't do that to them. I mean, there were all these people that put their energy into me surviving. I couldn't betray that. And so I started journaling as a way to sort of process all that, because I didn't feel like I had anybody to talk to. I couldn't really talk to my parents about it. When I journal, I just kind of go into this sort of automatic writing, just writing whatever, stream of consciousness, whatever just flows out, flows out, flows out, and just kind of purge it all out. And I would start asking these questions, but then I noticed that something started answering. And that's where I started, then through writing like that, communicating with the council that I had met on the other side, but from this side. That became sort of my biggest supporter and my confidant and sort of my helpers in the way I got through that depression period. A lot of my journey wasn't just what I learned in the NDE itself. That was sort of the reawakening to remembering why I'm here, that there's so much more to being here and starting to act from that place. But then my whole path from that point on was like, how do I find that place? How do I know where that love is? You know, like living in France, I developed this technique where I would go out at night and wander the streets in France, which aren't like grids like they are in Kansas, you know, so I'd get really lost. But then I noticed that if you follow the place that feels the most expansive and brightest, not light, like light, but like the brightest, most opening place in your, that expands you, I'd always find my way home. And that became a big lesson. Like, yeah, that's how you find it. You have to notice what opens you, what expands you, what draws you to it, what pulls you in, because that's truth for you. Whatever makes your heart open is good. You know, whatever makes you expand and move into that bliss state and that expansion of, okay, everything's fine. Something that really came for me out of this whole experience is a really acute awareness of the me that's beyond the mind and body. That me that is here with this little body in this mind, but that exists beyond it. Life is a small blip, small blip in the length of what reality really is. And if I can manage to get out of this one, and do what I came to do, and try to make as much of an impact and wake as many people up as I can and help them remember how amazingly powerful and beautiful and loving they are, then I'll be happy. It's pretty easy to forget it here, but that's the biggest challenge, is to remember that we are that love and that we are that light.