Willson Contreras eats the tape off his bat & Ovechkin breaks Gretzky's goal record | Weekly Dumb

My name is Jimmy, his name is Jake, and this is The Weekly Dumb. Jake, how are you? Jim, good. Drove to Chicago. How about that? In the sports, speaking of, the White Sox ground crew couldn't get the whole tarp on the field, so they went patch it up boy style. A hilarious image at the end. We've got a big man down. We got heavy rain. What's better than this in late March? When it rains, it pours. I read a comment that said, triple A product on the field, double A product on the grounds crew, and I thought that was rude to the grounds crew. Super rude. This grounds crew probably just got done in by someone who made a bad decision. They waited too long. They waited way too long, but I've never seen the patch job. They resumed play, so I think it worked, but it is tough. If this happens to a team that didn't just break the record for most losses in a single season, it's not an add-on joke, but because it happened to a team that broke the record for most losses in a single season in the history of the sport, it's kind of like, wow, you guys suck. Easy target, which is the definition of big, sad man in the rain. Easy tarp it. Are you going to do one of your jokes with that? Jim, what was this almost a breakdown you're telling me about? This is almost a breakdown from last week, but we didn't have an episode last week, but it's worth bringing back up because I didn't read the post-game quotes from Wilson Contreras, who ate his bat tape. He takes his bat tape off his bat, and he eats it. His quotes are so dumb, quickly dumb. He goes, that was a bad taste, really bad. I don't try to put pine tar or sticky spray on my bat, but it was disgusting. It was a bad taste, and they asked him why he did it. With this clock, you have to do things that are out of your control, and I had to do that instead of striking out. Totally was in his control, could have just dropped it to the ground. Still struck out. Watch this, Zach. Oh no, time's running out. Let me eat a non-edible product. Oh no, time's running out. No noise there. It was crazy. Never been something. If you put your left hand under the table, that's as close as you've been to a magic trick in a while. It was really good. What did I do? Pretending to eat it. Really? Yes, dude. If your left hand wasn't visible, you did an actual magic trick. You did like a little sleight of hand. I didn't even know. You got either of your kids. More sports talk coming up after this. Seat Geek, go see some games. MLB season has started, and you can see all of that and get 10% off any tickets with code DUMB2025. It's the word DUMB and the year 2025. They've got 28 million downloads, and they're the number one rated ticketing app, and each ticket rated on a scale of 1 to 10. Look for green dots. Green means good. Red means bad. Download the Seat Geek app now and use code DUMB2025 for 10% off. That's code DUMB2025 for 10% off. In the more sports history with an exclamation point, Alexander Ovechkin. 3, 2, 1, 7.2. Good, but it's helped by his greatness as he passes the great one, Wayne Gretzky's goal record, number 895. Gym, OV, old school athlete in a lot of ways, and the exact same amount of games, which you like. I love that because the purists of stats can't say, well, he did it in more games. The other thing for me, I mean, Ovechkin's diet is leaking more and more. He drinks Diet Pepsi during games. He eats chicken parm on game days. He crushes Cheetos on the flight. There's vodka and beer. He's an old school athlete, and he just broke Gretzky's record when we have all these super healthy athletes not breaking records. OV can get away with it because he's still skating a ton, full body exercise, but his breath and teeth and poops probably suck. Big time. His hair's cool. Hair's cool. Reppin'. Reppin'. When it goes into Russia. Prussia. Pangea. Agu. No. Noise. Noise. You don't know that. That could have been something. Are you excited about this one? Because Zach said we might get caught up on this one. Yeah, I am. I put this together. It's a good story. And here's an image of Zach. This one's a good story, okay? A New Jersey police chief is facing shocking allegations. What I'm going to do is you're going to have to play defense attorney for the police chief of North Bergen, and you're going to spin zone him out of these charges because there's probably good reason for all of them, all right? I'm just the defense attorney. Clogging toilets on purpose. There's nothing. Who here has clogged a toilet? Next. Zach put his hand up twice. That's true. Mailing sex toys and gay pride flags to officers' homes. I thought we were supporting them. Yeah, okay. Setting off firecrackers under officers' chairs. Historic all-time prank. If we're getting mad at that, what are we getting mad at? Using hot sauce in the microwave to create an office-wide chemical attack that required a fire department response. Office-wide chemical attack with hot sauce. I think we're feeling targeted. Defecating in the garbage cans. I'd like to see which garbage cans. Apparently the toilet's clogged, so you got to go somewhere. Pulling his pants down and defecating on the floor in front of his entire office staff. Lying. Smearing his body fluids on colleagues' belongings. I mean, how often is this happening? This could be one story that got away from us. We're making this sound like this is every day. This could be one story. Shaving his body hair onto people's property and their food, and there's images of this one. Have you ever done that? Onto your face. That's my property. Spiking the office coffee with Viagra and Adderall. So we're not allowed to have fun because we're police officers. Exposing himself to the staff. It's a line. Jabbing an officer in the penis with a hypodermic needle. That one was a bad day, and we're sorry. So he's in trouble. Roundup. Hundreds of passengers were delayed on their flight to China when they had to return to the US mid-flight because the pilot forgot his passport. Have a better system. Don't get off the plane. A Winnipeg woman was standing in an empty parking lot spot, saving it for her family when another car ran her over and took the spot. Every move has a counter. A Texas janitor has been sentenced to six years in prison after infecting multiple employees with sexually transmitted diseases after peeing in their drinking water. He also peed in the mop water bucket. A man in Oregon has no idea who is putting gallons of urine in his own recycling bin or why. Gotta lead. That was the Roundup. End the show. Thanks for watching. Enjoy your days. Share this with your cousins. That was a weekly dumb! It was a beautiful sleight of hand. Like that? Okay, let's do it again. Ready, Zach? I don't replicate it. No. See? I mean, you're gonna watch back the first one. You're gonna be happy with the first one that I just stopped doing those ones.