4 Steps To Handling Relationships With Emotionally Immature People | Emotional Maturity Awareness

Is there someone in your life you've repeatedly tried improving the relationship with but it just doesn't change? You just can't seem to find that emotional connection you're looking for? If yes, one reason could be that this person is emotionally immature and that that limits them and doesn't provide the necessary fundament for a satisfying relationship. In this video, you will learn how to recognize an emotionally immature person and how to interact with them so that you stop getting hurt. Hey everyone, I'm Maika, a psychologist, and it is my great pleasure to welcome you to Becoming an Expert at Self-Leadership, a channel dedicated to self-empowerment so you can live your life to the fullest. You've probably noticed that although everyone gets older, not everyone develops into an emotionally mature adult. Some people remain on limited levels of emotional maturity and you can recognize an emotionally immature person by their lack of sensitivity and empathy, which, by the way, they're not aware of. From their perspective, you're the one being too sensitive and they'll make you feel inadequate and unimportant. They are very self-preoccupied. They always find a steering the conversation back to themselves. They are afraid of emotions and getting close to someone. At the same time, they crave attention and praise. They're hyper-focused on everything physical and lack awareness of anything emotional. They don't question themselves, they're inauthentic, and they see the world from a very subjective viewpoint, meaning if you bring facts to them, they just bounce right off of them. They don't consider facts or other people's perspective. This emotional immaturity makes them incapable of being emotionally responsive to others and establishing a close emotional connection. And if we don't factor this into our relationships with them, we will continue to get hurt by their insensitivity. And yet, it can be hard to accept the fact that someone isn't emotionally mature enough to reciprocate in certain ways, especially if that person is in some way in a superior position to you, if that person is your parent or boss. Because we often enter these types of relationships assuming that the person is someone we can learn from and who is more mature than us, but that's not always the case. In some relationships, the person who is superior is less emotionally mature. In some families, some kids at a certain age get more emotionally mature than their parents. And what is even harder than acknowledging that someone isn't emotionally mature enough to reciprocate in certain ways is to try to achieve an emotional connection with them in ways that aren't possible with this person. And that's why it's so important to be aware of a person's emotional maturity, and that doesn't have to come from a judgmental place. And next, I will discuss the four steps of the maturity awareness approach, which I've adapted from Lindsay Gibson's four steps and maturity awareness approach. And sometimes it may be best to break off a relationship with an emotionally immature person. This is for when you want to continue the relationship, but get better at handling it. Step one, stop expecting emotionally mature behavior from them. If you do this step consciously and deeply, it is so freeing. It's based on understanding that if someone is emotionally immature due to their incomplete development, their capacity to have emotionally satisfying and connected relationships is limited. And the only way to get out of the pattern of you getting hurt is to adapt your expectations to their limitations. Of course, the other option could also be for them to change, but you can't rely on that since that's not within your scope of influence. Taking the step means to stop expecting that they will give you attention, that they will listen to you and understand you. To stop expecting that they will approve of you and validate you. You can be okay even if they don't. To stop expecting that they will change, that they will react maturely if you do something they don't like. To stop expecting that you can have an emotionally satisfying relationship with them. Releasing all these expectations of how you think they should act and react, since emotionally immature people are limited to fulfill those expectations. And releasing these expectations protects you from getting hurt over and over and over. Especially if this person is your parent and you've been craving these things since childhood. And this doesn't mean that we have to give up hope completely. You can say what you want and need, but then let go of the expectation that they're going to be able to give that to you. For example, if you're going through a tough time and you're talking to them and they keep steering the conversation back to what interests them or something from their life, you can say, I'm going through something right now. I'm having a hard time. I need you to listen. And then you can see what happens, but don't expect that they will be able to listen. Oh, and just to be super clear, I'm not saying that we shouldn't expect anything from any of our relationships. It's really important to have relationships in which we experience emotional intimacy and then based on that experience, we can also expect it. At the same time, we need to know when we can't expect it. Step two, keep the goal in mind. Ask yourself what your goal is for this relationship in general and also for specific interactions. Why are you still there? What do you want to take care of, discuss, or clarify? That will help you stick to your goal and it'll stop you from trying to improve the emotional connection where it doesn't work. Step three, take on the perspective of an observer. When you interact with an emotionally immature person, take on the perspective of an observer. Observe their behavior, observe your interaction, observe your behavior, observe what's going on inside of you. Diffuse and disidentify from the part in you that may still be hoping for their attention and approval. This will make you less emotionally reactive and impulsive and free you up to guide your words and actions. And if you're facing a particularly challenging situation, you can also describe what you're observing and feeling to yourself in your own mind. Or another strategy that Lindsay Gibson recommends is to repeat to yourself quietly in your mind, detach, detach, detach, to disidentify from that part that is maybe still hoping to get some emotional intimacy from that interaction. Step four, set boundaries and take charge. In interactions with emotionally immature people, it's especially important not to hand over full control over the interaction to them. You can do that with emotionally mature people that you've established a trusting relationship with. You can just drift in the current of that exchange, but not with emotionally immature people. You need to set boundaries and take charge. Take charge over how often you interact, how long you will interact, and which topics you are open to discuss. And if they keep steering the conversation back onto themselves or onto complaining, then repeat yourself and come back to the topic or question at hand. Relationships with emotionally immature people can be a challenge, but with this maturity awareness approach, we can step out of the pattern of getting frustrated and hurt repeatedly. It can be really freeing to keep in mind that someone may be too young in their maturity to have a rewarding close relationship, even though they can be an adult physically. Thank you for watching this. I hope you got something from this for your next interaction with an emotionally immature person. If you're new here, consider subscribing so you don't miss any of my weekly uploads. Until next time, take care and remember, physical age doesn't equal emotional maturity.