Everything You Should NEVER Say To A Guy

Have you ever wondered if something that you said completely ruined your chances with a guide? Isn't it incredibly frustrating when you can feel that vibe shift? The moment you say something you never anticipated would change things so drastically. Well, what if I told you there's a simple communication guide that will help you never make any of these communication errors ever again. Which is why on today's show we're going to be discussing everything you should never say to a guide. That way you can stop having these miscommunication errors and sabotaging your relationships with men and instead finally build the deep romantic bond that you know you've been deserving. The reason that number one is about being used, I don't want you to tell men how you've been used by other men and the fact that you've been a doormat or been used by other men. Let's give an example of what I mean by that. Let's say you've been in a relationship before you met this new guy that you're talking to. In your previous relationship you got cheated on 30 times. All 30 times you took that guy back because you just had, let's say, no self-respect at that point in your life. I'm not saying you're a bad person. We all grow and we all learn. What we don't want to do is we don't want to go into that first dating or talking stage with the new guy. I'll put down new guy here so we're not confused. With the new guy here and start telling him, yeah, by the way, with my ex, he did cheat on me 30 times. The first time I caught him inside my bed. The second time I caught him in the shower. The third time he was literally in my room. The fourth time the girl was sneaking out of the way. When you start going into description like that and you tell this guy all the different ways that you've been used and abused, he's going to start visualizing something to himself. He sees this guy and he thinks to himself, okay, this is her bum of an ex because guys always think they're better than the last guy. He's imagining this bum of an ex man, useless man, garbage man. I have more money than him. I'm taller than him and my pee pee is much, much, much, much, much larger than his is. The fact that this guy who's useless, garbage, doesn't know how to do anything is able to treat her like garbage and treat her like a doormat and use and abuse her. That means that if I'm better than him, because he's always thinking, I'm better than the last guy, he's going to start questioning, why would I go out of my way to treat her so damn well when her last guy, who I'm better than, treated her like garbage? If this girl isn't accustomed to being treated like a queen, why am I becoming the first guy to treat her like a queen? I know it sounds very weird and strange because I'm essentially telling you that guys will kind of meet you wherever the expectation is, but that's really what it is. And so, you're always doing yourself a disservice by talking about your past relationship from a standpoint of, oh my gosh, I let all of these things happen. I had no self-respect. I had no self-esteem. This guy took advantage of me like crazy and I constantly forgave him and he got to come back and have chance after chance after chance after chance. Because he's immediately thinking, well if that guy had chance after chance after chance I must have even more chances, right? He's thinking, I've got chances on chances on chances because if she'll give him 30 opportunities to cheat before she finally stands up for herself and walks away, that must mean I get at least minimum 40 chances because I'm better than that guy. I'm not going to come into her life and get the same amount or less amount of chances than the guy that I'm better than. So this is kind of a weird little bit of an ego thing. Appeal to men's ego by helping them see or understand or hear through your stories and the things that you talk about in your past relationship. Help them see how a guy has done things for you or how a guy has treated you well. Now I know some of you are saying, but Thompson, my ex actually did treat me like trash. Thompson, my ex actually did take advantage of me. Thompson, my ex actually did cheat on me 35 times and I actually did forgive him. So what do I do then? What do I say then? What I want you to say, I don't need you to lie, but what I want you to now do is reposition and reframe the narrative of what has transpired. Even if your ex cheated on you and even if you forgave him 35 times, what I now want you to say is, hey, back then when I was not as developed and grown and hadn't experienced as much as I have now in my understanding and knowledge of myself, I let things happen that I know I would never, ever, ever in a million years let happen now. But that was a good learning lesson of what I don't want, what I don't need, and what I'll never tolerate again. And now with the process that I've gone through in my own personal growth and my own knowledge and understanding of who I am, I know I would never, ever, ever, ever give my ex another opportunity to talk to me. He couldn't smell my feet. He couldn't lick my toes. He couldn't shine my shoes, nothing. And not only will he never have access to me, but no man who would ever dream of treating me like that or doing those things to me would have access to me. Because the new person I am, the new girl that I am, the new version of myself that I am does not in any way, shape, or form tolerate that behavior, period, like the girls say. So the reason that I'm saying that, that framing frames it a totally different way than I'm a victim, I'm a doormat, people walk all over me and I allow them to, right? That framing is, hey, I made some mistakes in the past, just like any other person would make mistakes, but I grew and developed from those mistakes and don't think that now, because you might hear a story of, hey, this guy did this to me or this guy did that to me, that that means that you can now come into my life and do the same thing. Because if you're anticipating I'll be the same person or react the same way as the other person reacted, or sorry, as I reacted with the other person that I was with, then you're sadly mistaken, okay? Point number two is about pressure. I know that you get anxiety when you start dating a guy, two weeks goes by, three weeks goes by, one month goes by, now we're on month number three. And you start to ask yourself a very important question, and I get it, you're a human being. Is he going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon? Are we going to take the next step soon? What is our relationship so far? And so you ask a question that I never, ever, I never want you to ask this. I'm going to explain why, but I never want you to ask this. You never ask a man, what are we? Multiple reasons, because I know you're saying, but Thompson, I'm supposed to get clarity, he's supposed to have direction, I'm supposed to know about what's going on, how can you tell me that I shouldn't ask what are we, I'm supposed to know, I can't just be in limbo. I know. But here's the thing. If you're asking what are we, you're already in a bad place, number one. Number two, this is what happens when you get to the point where you're asking a guy what are we. He's going to be forced to make a decision here, at this point. Because the answer is either, hey, we're kind of basically in a relationship, or, you know, I'm not really vibing here, we're just kind of like having fun, I'm basically single still. But this is the problem with that decision at that time. See, if a guy has not yet decided to himself, through his actions, that he wants to commit to you, and he's at all on the fence, now he's going to be put in a place where he's going to ask himself a couple of questions. If I say that I'm single, will I continue to have access to her? And if he thinks to himself, well, I probably won't have access to her if she doesn't like my answer, and I know she wants my answer to be, I will commit to her, or I am committed to her, then you're going to have a lot of guys feeding you false hope, because they're scared of giving you the real answer, because they're scared that the real answer will consist of a real result in which they'll stop having access to you. And they want to continue having access to you. So they give you a lie, just to shut you up and allow time to pass, but then they never actually take action on that. So then you're confused, because after you ask the question, you think that everything's But then when you see that he has no action behind those words that he just gave you to comfort you, now you're even more confused, and now you end up spiraling, because you are basing everything you were thinking about him in this relationship off of what he just said to comfort you, even though that wasn't necessarily his true and honest answer. So not only does it not serve you in the sense that you don't even get the real answer, but now you even dig yourself a deeper hole, because you're confused, you don't understand what he wants, because you're believing it's this, when it's actually this. And now you're trying to figure out what is it that's really going on here, and you have even more questions, because of all of that confusion. So what I want for you, and the reason I want you to stop asking this, is because rather than asking this question as a way to provide yourself with comfort or clarity, I would rather you observe his actions as a way to provide yourself with comfort or clarity. Then when you observe his actions, you then accept whatever reality that is. So what I mean by that is, if his actions are showing you that he wants to commit to you by things that we talked about before, introducing you to his family and friends, having serious conversations with you about the future, and even acting on that, progressing the relationship forward past just, hey, we casually go out on dates, having more deeper conversation with you, including you into his everyday life, instead of just seeing you on Saturday nights, all the stuff that we talk about, right? Those are the type of things that will show you that he's leaning and inching towards commitment more and more every single day. This stuff, especially when it comes to asking men to just tell you exactly what they want and tell you exactly what they feel, it doesn't serve you. You won't really get that answer, and most of the time, if you just were honest with yourself about the actions that you've observed of him so far, you'd get your answer so much more easily and so much more clearly, but the problem is, the easy way out is to just ask him so that he can comfort you. I don't want that. Point number three, about comparison, okay? Now, very important, I'm going to rant a little bit, because I hate this, and it's horrible for you. I don't want you to ever be on a date with a man, be out with a man, just spending time with him. You see another woman, right? Maybe she's dressed really nice, she's got a nice tight dress on, she's got some nice jeans on, she looks really, really good, and you say, well, damn, I could never have a booty like that. I could never have a voluptuous, voluptuous yitties like that. I could never have a size zero waist like that. Oh, my God. She looks like I could never look like. Look at my small little booty. Look at my crooked nose. Look at my misformed head shape. Look at my box body, and look at her! She's so beautiful, she's so stunning, oh, my God, how did she fit in that dress? Horrible. Okay? It's horrible. Let me tell you why. See, you're with a guy, right? And you're, let's say, on a date with a guy. He's spending time with you, assuming, because he likes you, he likes the way you look visually, and he's attracted to you. What purpose does it serve for you to talk yourself down below this other girl, right? Because you say, well, this other girl, she's got a big butt, small waist, oh, yeah, yeah, super small waist. Oh, my God, she's gorgeous, she's so beautiful, she's so beautiful, so pretty, so pretty. You might think, oh, I'm just having an honest conversation with him, because that's how I feel about the situation, and I do have a box body, Thompson, and I do have a pancake booty, Thompson, and I do, I do, I'm like a board, I'm built like a board, I'm built like a cardboard box. Cool, that's fine. But you have to understand, if that man is on a date with you, and that man is attracted to you, do not kill his attraction to you by talking down on yourself, okay? I'm going to say it again. Do not kill another man's attraction to you, that's already existing, by talking down on yourself. You will be, okay, I'm going to rant, because it makes me so mad. You'll be shocked how many times, like, I think that because, guys, we call them visual creatures, and we say that men, you know, obviously are going to date women that they're physically attracted to, that sometimes you can get in your mind that it matters so much to the point where they can't even appreciate any woman outside of the women who are like supermodels. And sometimes I feel like it becomes hard to understand that he can still be attracted to you, even if you look in the mirror and don't think that you look like America's Next Top Model, right? But you're doing yourself a disservice when you talk about yourself in a way in comparison to other women, and literally point out how you're less than those other women. Because I always talk to you guys about narratives in relationships. You're building a narrative in your relationship about yourself, and that man is receiving that narrative from you. And you're actually doing a job for yourself of changing his mind about his level of attraction to you, and basically listing out, you see how we're on a show here and I'm listing out points to you? You're giving him like the bulletin board points of exactly why he should see you as less attractive as these other women. And as this happens more and more, because most of the time when you do this, you're not just doing this with one woman, you're doing this multiple times, or every time you guys go out, or at least, you know, on a regular basis. And as this is going on, time and time again, you're reminding him time and time again, don't look at me as your top woman. Don't look at me as your dream woman. Don't look at me as beautiful, gorgeous, and stunning, right? Remember, I don't have the features and the looks and the everything else that these other women that you're walking by have. Or these other women that are in this party, or at this event, or at this club have, right? Why would you say that to a guy that you're in a relationship with, okay? He is going to continue being with you after this. Why are you killing his desire for you? Why are you talking down on yourself, especially the looks? Because that's the number one thing that you're going to want to go to when you're going to compare yourself with another woman, right? And all you're doing is you're building upon that narrative, and building upon that narrative. That he's going to start saying, well, yeah, you know, I never really had a problem with the size of your butt, but maybe it is smaller than the other girls. I guess so, right? I never really had a problem with your shape or your figure, but maybe you don't have a size... You guys realize, like, guys don't even really... They couldn't even tell you. They couldn't walk around and tell you, oh, that girl's a size zero, that girl's a size two, that girl's a... Like, they barely even understand that. They understand general beauty as it exists in generalities, okay? So the reason I'm saying that is you'll be shocked that even though men will base a lot of what they do off of the physical attractiveness of a woman, I should say, they're not necessarily in the nitty gritty, and they're not taking you in in the same way that you're taking you in. So when you're looking at all the minute details of your body and your figure in difference to another woman, and you're comparing them and thinking you're less than, pointing them out doesn't even serve you, because most of the time the guy has not even noticed that. And this really bothers me, because I see and hear girls saying that all the time, and I always ask myself, why are you saying that, right? Because it doesn't serve you any purpose. If I, as the guy, am not going to be with that woman, why talk down on yourself in comparison to that woman that I'm never going to be with? Do you want me to go up to and talk to that woman? I'm assuming not. So then why talk about yourself as if you don't compare to that woman? Who cares, right? You're living your life, you're who you are, you're blessed with what you are blessed with, okay? Don't worry about what other people got or don't got. Okay, so for point number four, we're going to talk about deserving, okay? One of the things that you might end up saying when a guy does something really nice for you is, I don't deserve you. Let me give you an example of that. Let's say you're on your period, and at this time of the month, you really, really crave peanut butter ice cream, let's just say for the sake of argument, right? And so your man goes out to the store and he buys you a pint of peanut butter ice cream just like it's your favorite while you're on your period to eat. It's very soothing for you, and it helps you feel a lot better. It's amazing. He remembers that, and he brings that peanut butter ice cream to you, and your first response is, oh my God, you're so amazing, I don't deserve you, what? Sometimes sayings can feel like they fit the moment and are like romantic, but actually they don't send the right message, and they don't paint the right picture of you and set the right perception of you, because you have to really think about what it is you're actually saying when you say certain things. I don't deserve you communicates something that you might not realize. See, we all have our own position on the what I call attractiveness hierarchy. We'll think of it like a simple scale like this, in the sense that there are people who are on the no chance level, meaning that if you were to ask me out, you have no chance of me saying yes. There are people on the mid-tier level who, you know, some people will be attracted to them, some people not, and then there are people on the hot level, which basically everyone is attracted to them, okay? So we all fall in a different place on this hotness or attractiveness hierarchy, okay? Not even just in our physical sense of the word, like our body and how we look, but also in the spiritual sense of the word and the emotional sense of the word, our whole being, right? Everyone is a little bit different and on the scale, and you can be adjusted on the scale, you can change. So the reason I say this is because you might be right here, let's just say for the sake of example, right? You're a little bit above me, and this is the thing, maybe he's actually here, right? This is him, right? Just right around your same area, but you constantly talk about yourself and your relationship whenever he does something nice for you or goes out of his way, you constantly remind him and you that you don't deserve him. You're doing something to his mind here. You're kind of boosting his ego, but in a way that doesn't actually serve you. You're making him think, well, huh, if she doesn't deserve me, and you know, she's okay, she's pretty, a little bit above mid, right? And in her attractiveness hierarchy, that must mean I'm kind of out of her league. So I'm not actually down here, I'm like right up here actually, right? The problem with this is as he becomes or begins to believe over the course of time that he's higher and higher up, and there's more and more of a gap, right? Between the two of you, meaning where he sits on this attractiveness hierarchy and where you sit on this attractiveness hierarchy, he will start to do less for you. Because he'll believe, why am I doing more for someone who I'm so much higher on the attractiveness scale than? It should be the other way around. If she's lower than me on the totem pole, she should be the one doing more for me. So subsequently, you're actually teaching and helping to train your man to have a desire to do less for you because he believes that you're somehow out of his league, right? Nothing wrong with showing appreciation, I definitely want you to show appreciation. But the balance is, you do not show appreciation by talking down on yourself, or show appreciation by making him feel like, oh, you know, I shouldn't even be with a man like you. Or I shouldn't even get to be treated this well, or get to be treated like a queen. There's a way to show appreciation in a way that doesn't make you look like a peasant. Do you understand what I'm saying? Okay, very important. Point number five, nobody ever. When you get something nice done by a guy towards you, there can be a tendency, much like in our previous point with I don't deserve you, to state the fact that what he's doing for you currently, no one has ever done. Specifically, no guy has ever done for you. Horrible! We're never ever going to, we're never ever going to have you say this to a man, okay? Remember how I talked to you earlier, guys have an ego. They think they're better than the last guys that you've been with. All of them. They think they have a bigger D, all of that, okay? They automatically are in a position where they're thinking whatever someone else had to do, right? I am on that same spectrum or same level if not above that. So if other guys got to treat you like trash, me too. But if other guys were treating you really well, then I have to meet that standard as well. Here's the thing. This is why I don't want you ever telling a guy, nobody has ever done anything nice for me, no one's ever taken me out, whatever the case may be. It makes you look like you have been treated like trash by everyone else, okay? Let me give you an example. Let's say you go out on a date with a guy and this guy wants to surprise you this time you guys go out and he takes you to Nobu. That's why I put down him plus you equals Nobu. You're enjoying the night like, oh my God, this place is so expensive, it's so extravagant, I don't belong here. This is another one of those things that I don't want you to say. I don't belong here, this is not even me, I shouldn't even be here, right? It's not my style. And then you say something like, as the date is going on, in your process of you showing appreciation, which you should, but you also add on, well, no one has ever taken me to a nice restaurant before, okay? All the guys that I've dated, all the guys that I've talked to, the only date they would take me on is to McDonald's, okay? That's all I got, was a happy meal and fries, they couldn't even get me the medium fries, they got me the small, they got me the small, and the ice cream machine was always broken. I don't want you to do that, okay? And I see some people asking, so, do you want us to lie to the men? No, I want you to show appreciation void of the context of, oh my gosh, everyone else treats me like garbage, okay? So I know that this sounds kind of weird, because you're thinking, do we all, sometimes it slips out very easily, because you can have in your mind that part of showing appreciation and part of being thankful is reminding him how other people will do nothing for you. We don't need to add that, okay? You can show appreciation to the guy without telling him, everyone else treats me like trash, okay? It does not send the right message, right? Be appreciative of this guy and what he's doing for you in this moment, based on the circumstances and the context, but you don't need to add, other guys do nothing, I only am used to getting McDonald's, I only get happy meals, I don't deserve no boo, no one should spend $300, that's not appreciation, that's not thanks. That's not even being humble, okay? Because sometimes you might have in your mind, that's me being humble towards him and showing him how, oh, you know, I'm just a girl, you know, I don't expect to, stop. You're painting the wrong picture and perception of yourself, okay? You wanted queen and princess treatment, correct? So you can show appreciation of the queen and the princess treatment without saying, I usually get treated like a peasant. It does not send the right message and it also puts a man in a position where he starts to become worried, that he might be the first guy in your life actually treating you well. That's not actually the flex that you're imagining it might be, right? For men, as weird as it sounds, they like to jump on the bandwagon, do you get what I'm saying? Okay? They like to jump on the bandwagon of being not the first man to show a girl appreciation and think she's attractive, they like to be one of the hundreds of men who thinks a girl is attractive and wants her. That way he can feel like he's winning something, right? Someone said followers, precisely, okay? It's gonna sound very weird, I know it sounds really stupid, I know it sounds really dumb. They like to feel like one of the followers of all the other men who think that you're super and amazingly attractive, right? They don't like to feel like every other guy has been treating you like garbage and I'm saving you. It's not, like, it doesn't work the same way, okay? Point number five is about disappointment. Now, this portion of the show, we're gonna transition into different types of things that I don't want you saying to men and it's for a different reason, okay? So the theme is gonna kind of switch here. This part and this portion, the reason I don't want you expressing disappointment with a very particular thing is because of how it will affect a man's psyche and how it will change the way that he approaches things. Let me give you an example of that. Let's say that this guy gets you a gift and let's just say that this gift, for the sake of argument here, in this box here, is some flowers. Let's say, for the sake of argument, your favorite type of flowers is red roses. Let's say that even though your favorite flower is red roses, and you've told him this multiple times, right? So right down here. And let's say that even though your favorite is red roses, he gets you sunflowers, okay? A bouquet of beautiful, bright, yellow sunflowers. And even though you like receiving flowers, because I know some of you, sunflowers is your favorite one, right? But even though you like receiving flowers, you don't really like sunflowers. And you were really hoping that if he was going to get you flowers, it would be the same red roses that you wanted. So when he gives you that box, and you're like, oh my god, what's inside the box? Is it red roses? And he opens the box and it's a bunch of sunflowers, you're now like, you know I don't like sunflowers, right? Like, I don't understand why you would, I don't understand why you'd get sunflowers when I've always told you I like red roses. I've never once said I like sunflowers. And you're expressing the disappointment that you truly feel, okay? There's nothing wrong with having emotions. I'm not telling you that you shouldn't have emotions. But things like this can become very dangerous very, very, very fast, okay? Let me explain this to you. You're just expressing your disappointment in the fact that he didn't get you the type of flowers that you stated to him before plenty of times that you like, okay? I understand why this is disappointing for you. But this is what's going to make the situation worse. When a man goes out of his way to take action for you, you have to understand how delicate this is. Because men really know how to communicate their love for you by taking action for you. That's their number one best way to connect the way they feel on the inside to expressing how they feel on the outside. Men aren't as good at talking about their feelings, but they're good on taking action on their feelings in a way where it's like they do things for you, even small things or big things. So the reason I'm saying this is him going out of his way to get you this box of sunflowers is an example of him expressing his love for you. So make no mistake about it. Even though the gift is just flowers, the fact that he did this out of his own volition without you asking him to do that is actually a version of him giving you some of his love. This is how men know how to communicate love. I took action for you. I went to the store and got you flowers even though it's just a regular Tuesday. This process is very delicate because he's not just handing you a box full of flowers, he's handing you a box full of his actual love. So when you receive that box and your reaction is, I'm disappointed in this box, this is useless to me. I don't like this. I don't want this. This is the wrong box. You're not actually rejecting the sunflowers. He feels like you're rejecting him and he feels like you're rejecting his love. I know this is going to sound very weird, you're like, Thomas, it's just flowers. But this is the thing. Men connect so closely the actions that they take for you with their love for you that when you reject those actions or you express disappointment in those actions, he's now like, well, damn, this doesn't really feel good. I thought she was going to love it. I thought she was going to appreciate it. I thought she was going to be jumping over the moon, right? It's going to sound weird, but they're expecting a dopamine response in the sense that when they give something to you or do something unexpected, they're expecting your reaction to give them a hit of dopamine like, oh my gosh, my partner's happy. She's excited. She's in a good mood. I did the right thing. They're like puppies, right? So they're reacting to the fact that you're excited, you're happy, and you got what you wanted. It makes them feel good and it builds a cycle where he continues to want to have that good feeling by continuing to take action for you because of the way you appreciate it and because of the reaction you give him. Now vice versa, in the opposite sense, when he gives you that gift and your reaction is ugh, I don't like sunflowers, ugh, you know I didn't want this, ugh, you should have got me red roses instead, he now builds a different narrative in his mind. Maybe I should stop trying to go out of my way to take action because if I take action and it's the wrong action, not only will I not get the dopamine hit and response that I want, but I'll actively feel like garbage about myself and I'll actively feel like a failure about myself and in this relationship. So rather than taking any action, this is, I know it sounds weird, but this is what men will do a lot of the time. They'll just say to themselves, I'll just take no action at all, okay? So next time when I'm thinking about buying flowers or thinking about getting a cake or thinking about doing this, rather than get the wrong thing, I'll just do nothing because that way at least I won't get yelled at or feel shamed for doing the wrong thing. It sounds weird, but now as time goes on, you have a man who is willing or having a desire to do less and less and less for you because he's scared of disappointing you. We can do something for each other here in this moment, even though you know that you're a little bit disappointed that these are sunflowers instead of roses, it's very important to acknowledge the work that he did, acknowledge the effort that he put in, and not everything is for every moment, I'll say it like that. Because even though there can be another time where you express how roses are actually your favorite and the sunflowers are great, but the roses are even better, right? It's not the moment when he actually gives you the gift that you want to be like, hey, this is the wrong thing. Because that's the moment where he's waiting and anticipating like, did I do a good job? Did I do a good job? Never forget, people will say that they give out of the kindness of their heart, but they love feeling the reaction of someone when they give to them unexpectedly that, oh, I did a good job. That was the right gift. You like that? You're happy? I'm happy. We're all happy. Everyone's happy, right? So you have to make sure in that moment that you give him the response that's going to give the good feedback, Lou. Point number seven, generalization, okay? One thing that might happen when you're in a relationship, especially when you've been talking to a guy for long enough, is you'll get to a point where he might do something that you don't like, and in the process of doing something that you don't like, you make a general statement. Let me give you an example of that. Let's say you and a guy were supposed to meet up at 10 p.m. for a date night. You're going to go out and slurp sushi, slurping sushi, eat sushi, okay? And when you guys were planning to go out at 10 p.m. to eat sushi, he ends up showing up or getting to this date at 10.15. Then when he gets to the date, instead of addressing the issue at hand, which is that he was late to the date, your response is, oh my gosh, you never, ever take our relationship seriously. You're always, always treating this relationship like it's a joke. I never, ever get your best foot forward in this relationship, okay? The actual issue is he's late to the date, but your generalization, he never, we'll just put say, he never cares, right? This is a problem, and this is why I don't want you to say this to men, because there's nothing wrong with having an issue. There's nothing wrong with addressing your issue. What you want to get out of the habit of doing, though, is in the process of you addressing your issue, you paint a picture or a narrative that our whole relationship is bad because you never do anything right. This doesn't serve you how you think it's serving you. As you're addressing the man, which I want you to address the man if you're upset about something, especially a man that's your boyfriend or your husband, you want to make sure you keep it focused on whatever you're addressing. Men, let me break down to you a man's psyche. It's very hard for them to dig themselves out of the mental hole of feeling like a failure around you, okay? I'm going to say that again, because it's very delicate. It's very difficult for men to dig themselves out of the mental hole of constantly feeling like a failure around you. When you make a generalization, like you never care, you always do the wrong thing, you never put your best foot forward, da-da-da-da-da, right? Even though you're expressing it in the moment, you're just emotional and you're upset and you're saying the things that are just coming to your heart and coming to your spirit at that time, what happens is, as you're making that generalization, the man now feels like, oh, well, I guess she doesn't actually think that I do anything right. And I guess she actually thinks I'm the worst partner ever. And sometimes in the process, in the heat of the moment, as you're expressing the things that you're upset about, you can paint this picture where it's almost like you think he's a horrible partner overall. That he can't be a good boyfriend, he can't do the bare minimum, he can't give you what you need, he doesn't do anything right. And then this creates a cycle where the men go, well, damn, you think I'm the most horrible person ever, what's the point in me even trying, right? What's the point in me even putting forth effort if I'm such a bad person? The way men's ego works is when you build them up, they try and reach that level, right? They try and live up to that expectation when you talk so big about them. When you kind of push them down and you tell them how horrible they are at doing all of these different things, they start to kind of like dwindle away down to that expectation. It's very weird and very strange. And they just kind of live right there. So as you tell a man he's constantly a failure, he doesn't do anything right, he doesn't know how to show up for you, he doesn't know how to speak, talk, walk, do nothing. He starts to just dwindle down and dwindle down and dwindle down to meet exactly your expectation or exactly how you've been talking about him. Vice versa, when you build a man up, right, I'm not saying you have to lie, but when you build a man up and you appreciate him, he constantly wants to live up to that expectation, right? Now I'm saying this about men who actually are invested in you and are your boyfriend or are your husband. I'm not talking about random men you see on the street or the random situationship that you have, okay? But the reason I'm saying this is because I want you to make sure whenever you do get into a situation where you're upset and you want to address your issue, that you don't make the mistake of giving a bland generalization that will make him feel like you don't actually see him or you don't actually see what he's bringing to the relationship or you don't actually appreciate what he's doing for the relationship. Because those broad generalizations will make him feel like your perception of him is that he's overall a horrible partner. When in reality, that's not your real perception of him. Your perception of him is that he is a good partner, there's just an issue here with the fact that he showed up late to the date. Not that you think he's an overall horrible partner. Or it might even be that your issue is he constantly shows up late to dates, right? That could even be an individual issue in itself. But not that because you show up late to some of these dates that you're overall a horrible partner and I'm not getting anything here and I'm literally suffering in this relationship being with you, okay? If you do actually feel like that, then make sure you leave the relationship. Because if you're speaking like that from a standpoint of this is actually true and my honest feelings that he's a horrible partner, you shouldn't be with that partner. Point number eight is about utility, okay? I'm going to give you an example so that we can understand how this works. Let's say you and a man are cooking dinner together, okay? You go over to his house, you guys are deciding you're going to cook up a meal together. He's on vegetable duty. He's going to slice up all the onions, the broccoli, the celery, and the tomatoes. You're on meat duty, no. You're on meat duty, okay? And so, you guys have your own separate jobs, right? You guys will create, guess what, stir fry. This is what you guys are doing together for dinner. Now, in the process of this, you guys have your own individual jobs. Now, as you guys have your own individual jobs, you then see what he's doing in terms of how he's cutting up the vegetables. And you're like, yeah, you know what, I don't really like how you're cutting up those onions. I don't really like how you're cutting up that broccoli. And I don't really like how you're cutting up those tomatoes. So, instead of me helping you adjust or giving you a better idea of what I want, I'm just going to push you to the side and I'm going to sigh, you're not doing this the right way. You don't cut the onions and the vegetables the long way. We have to dice them up so we can properly do the stir fry. Oh, no, let me do it. No! Stop. Just stop. You've already done it wrong. I can't trust you to do this the right way. I need to do it myself so this can be done right. Mistake. I don't want you to ever do that with your guy. I don't want you to ever say that with your guy because what you're indirectly saying is you're a useless man. You don't have any utility as a man. I don't even want to bother teaching you it because you're too stupid to understand it. I don't want to bother adjusting your technique. Your technique is already so horrible I can't even adjust it. I just know that I'm so much better than you. I'm so much smarter than you. I'm so much more capable and have so much more utility than you. It's better for me to just do your job and my job, right? So I'm going to do both of these. I'm going to be vegetable and meat duty. And instead of together we make stir fry, me make stir fry, right? And you do nothing. Why? You do nothing because you're useful for nothing, okay? Telling or addressing men like they have no utility in your life or as a man is not going to serve you. If you truly feel that way, that's fine. Break up with that man. Don't be with that man. But don't give the impression and definitely don't speak as if the man has no utility or can't be useful to you or resourceful to you. Because you have to understand what you're directly speaking to is his value as a man. This might not make sense to you. The same way a man, if he were to speak on your looks or attractiveness and talk about how, hey, you're not as attractive as other women or you don't have ass like the other woman he sees at the gym or you don't have yiddies like the other woman he sees out and about at the club, right? That's going to make you feel a way. Because he's indirectly or I should say directly speaking to your value as a woman. Because you have a subconscious understanding that if you're not physically attractive then you're not going to be as valuable in the dating marketplace. It's not all about your physical attractiveness. But you have an understanding that that matters, right? The same way if you're speaking towards a man's utility as a man, like his resourcefulness, his usefulness, right? Especially to get things done and do things, take action, go out and hunt so to speak. If you're speaking to the fact that you think he's useful from that standpoint, he's not resourceful, he's a useless man, just go on sidelines, do nothing because I can't use you for anything. You're speaking directly to what you think his level of value is as a man and in a relationship with him. So you're basically telling him, I don't think you really have value as a man. That's obviously going to take a hit to his ego and as that is chipping away at his ego, you're going to find him doing less and less and less. Speaking up less, taking action less, sitting on the sidelines more, doing nothing more. But the problem is when you're a woman and you have your man in a passive position doing nothing, you're going to be very, very, very unhappy. Everything in between your legs is also going to be very, very, very dry. Because you're going to take on what is essentially like a boss role. You're going to take on like a mom role where you're organizing and scheduling everything and he's doing nothing. He's just saying A-OK. And you're going to feel so masculine that you're not going to be able to get worked up, you're not going to be lubricated because you're the man. Rather than being on meat duty and being on vegetable duty, you can teach him how to adjust his technique on what you want and also understand even if he makes a mistake, it's better for him to make a mistake and we eat wonky stir fry than for me to make him feel like he has no utility, do both of our jobs, have him sit on the sidelines and then slowly but surely I turn him into a passive man who actually is useless as I'm talking about.