Sheldon and Penny Fighting Like Siblings for 20 Minutes Straight | The Big Bang Theory

No, we're not playing some dumb made-up game. But all games are made up. They're not found in nature. Dig in the ground, come across a rich vein of rock'em, sock'em robots. Let's pick another game. Why don't we do something athletic? Like go over to the university pool and play water polo. No good. Sheldon doesn't float. That is true. I have a higher than normal body density. If I run too deep a bath, I drown. Ready, set, wrestle. One, two, three, pick. You came into my apartment while I was sleeping? Yes, but only to clean. While I was sleeping. And snoring. And that's probably just a sinus infection. But it could be sleep apnea. You might want to see an otolaryngologist. It's a throat doctor. And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses? Depending on the depth. That's either a proctologist or a general surgeon. The last dumpling. Ooh, me. Penny, a moment. We just had Thai food. And in that culture, the last morsel is called the Grangie piece. And it is reserved for the most important and valued member of the group. Thank you all for this high honor. I've seen pictures of your mother. Keep eating. Oh, Giselle's not getting kicked off. It's totally gonna be summer. What? Sheldon's onion ring. Just put it back. It's one onion ring. Just put it back before he comes. No, no, I don't think that's where it was. Okay, here he comes. Denial of people. Wall of silence. Who touched my food? Penny, Penny did it. Why would you do that? I don't know. I was hungry. What's the big deal? The big deal is that nobody touches food on my plate. Alright, look, I didn't know. I'm sorry. Well, I'm sorry. But that is your second strike. What? You have two strikes. Three strikes and you're out. It's a sports metaphor. A sports metaphor? Yes, baseball. Alright, yeah, I'll play along. What was my first strike? March 18th. You violated my rule about forwarding email humor. I did? I trusted you with my email address and you betrayed that trust by sending me internet banality, strike one. Touching my food, strike two. Don't worry, they only stay on your record for a year. You can get them removed early, but you have to take his class. Oh, come on. I touched one onion ring. And then you put it back, compromising the integrity of all the other onion rings. Oh, honey, the buses don't go where you live, do they? Look, Penny, I wish I could be more lenient with you, but since you've become a permanent member of our social group, I have to hold you to the same standards as everybody else. Congratulations, you're officially one of us. One of us. One of us. Oh, what a thrill. You're sitting in my spot. Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Leonard, she's in my spot. Yeah, yeah. I don't care. I'm taking a stand. All right, that's it. Strike three. Ooh, strike three. I'm banished? What the hell kind of crap is that? Don't worry, I'll talk to him. Yeah, you do that. Just so I know, would you be open to taking his class? There's no key in here, just letters. That's the wrong box. Put it back. Oh, Sheldon, are these letters from your grandmother? Don't read those letters. Oh, look, she calls you Moon Pie. That is so cute. Put down the letters! Hey, Penny, it's Leonard. Hey, Leonard, how's the train ride? Delightful. Listen, I don't know what you're doing right now, but there are little bubbles forming in the corner of Sheldon's mouth. Okay, yeah, I kind of crossed a line. Put him back on. Thank you. I'm back. What up, Moon Pie? No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw. Hey, Penny, Leonard again. Okay, I found the box. Now what? You're holding a Japanese puzzle box, which takes ten precise moves to open. First, locate the panel with the diamond pattern and slide the center portion one millimeter to the left. Then, on the opposite end of the box, slide the entire panel down two millimeters. You'll hear a slight click. Hang on, Sheldon, do you have any emotional attachment to this box? No, it's a novelty I ordered off the internet. Did you hear the click? Not yet. There it is. I suppose I should apologize to you as well. Okay. That must have hurt, watching me look for other women without ever even considering you. Please understand that I think of you as more of a nanny. Just finish your ice cream so I can get you home to bed. Coming right up. Wait, excuse me. You forgot my barbecue bacon cheeseburger. Barbecue sauce, bacon, and cheese on the side. Oh, I didn't tell you? You're banished from the Cheesecake Factory. Why? Well, you have three strikes. One, coming in. Two, sitting down. And three, I don't like your attitude. You can't do that. Not only is it a violation of California state law, it flies directly in the face of Cheesecake Factory policy. Yeah, I know, there's a new policy. No shoes, no shirt, no Sheldon. I bet we could sell that sign all over Pasadena. I think we'd make amazing parents. Will you guys keep it down? On the other hand, we might lack a certain maturity. All right, let's keep it simple. How about darts? No, that's not fair either. Why not? Darts is a bar game. You've been frequenting drinking establishments since you were of legal age. Yeah, that's when it started. Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine. That's one minute. Long division, long division. Go, go, go. Remember, show your work. I'm okay. Not okay. Get up, we can't lose in math. Thirty-seven! Yes! No! It ain't. What was that? Sheldon tried to take the ring and I punched him. That's my girl. Hello. Time to do your laundry, huh? Saturday night. Saturday is laundry night. I know. Every Saturday at 8.15. Easy to anticipate. What are you implying? I'm implying that you're a creature of habit. And if something were to prevent you from doing your laundry on Saturday at 8.15, you might find it... unpleasant. Knuckle under my ass. Oh, no. Are all the machines taken? What are you gonna do? No problem. I'll just do my laundry another night. Another night? Well, I guess you can try, but deep inside your heart, you'll know that laundry night is always Saturday night. Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken. Yeah, well, your ken can kiss my Barbie. There's no need to bark at me. According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk, you'll be seen after the man who claims to be having a heart attack but appears to be well enough to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone. We have to fill these out. Describe illness or injury. I dislocated my shoulder. All right. And how did the accident occur? You already know that. Cause of accident? Lack of adhesive ducts. Okay, medical history. Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes? No. Kidney disease? No. Migraines? Getting one. Are you currently pregnant? No. Are you sure you look a bit puffy? Change migraine to yes. When was your last menstrual period? Oh, next question. I'll put in progress. Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders. List all major behavioral diagnoses, e.g. depression, anxiety, etc. Oh my God, what the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder? Episodes of sub-psychotic rage. Ass. Possible Tourette's. Bowels, lesions, or other skin conditions. Soup tattoo on right buttock. Hey, Sheldon. Sheldon, look. I am scared and in a lot of pain. Could you please take a break from being you for just a minute and try being, I don't know, comforting? I'm sorry. There, there. Everything's going to be fine. Sheldon's here. It's much better. I don't think there's anything in this jewelry store that Amy would appreciate more than the humidifier we were just looking at at Sears. Oh my God, now I know what I sound like to you when I say stupid stuff. Oh, a pocket watch. Okay, I don't think Amy wants a pocket watch. No, but maybe she wants a man with a pocket watch. Still saying stupid stuff. Ooh, she like bracelets? Well, she's very fond of her silver one that says allergic to penicillin. Maybe they have a dressier version of that. Well, how are we doing this afternoon? Are we looking for anything special? Perhaps a ring for the lady? Trust me, we are not a couple. Excuse me? I don't see why you get to snort derisively and point that out. You'd be lucky to land a fellow like me. Fine, go ahead. Trust me, we are not a couple. Okay, we don't have that in stock. But I can special order it for you. Him. Excuse me, sir. You don't work here. Yes, well apparently neither does anyone else. Sheldon, we have to go. Why? Well, for one thing, we're late for Leonard's birthday party and for another, I told him to call security. Good luck. By the way, a six-year-old could hack your computer system. Keep walking. One, two, three, four is not a secure password. Consider this unlikely but very plausible scenario. A young woman, alone in the big city. Her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her. Hey, wait a minute. Hang on, let's see where he's going. Then it hits her. How is she going to survive? But she has no prospects, no marketable skills. And then one day, she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard. Hang on, let's see where he's going. She befriends them and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea which she steals and sells to the highest bidder. That is ridiculous. Oh, is it? Let's see you come up with an explanation as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time. Okay, you know what? I've already mooched dinner off you guys. I don't need to listen to this. What are you doing? You have to start with the edges. There's no right way, Sheldon. I already found a few pieces that fit. Well, take them apart and start with the edges. And stop wasting time. Oh, it's the comic book store. All right, come on. That's where we have to go. But we haven't finished the puzzle. But it doesn't matter. We know the answer. You think you know the answer, but it could be a trick. What if when the puzzle's complete, there's a sign in the window that says, go to the train store? Okay, it's not going to say that. Well, I hope you're wrong. I really want to go to the train store. It's the comic book store. How come you didn't go into work today? I'm taking a sabbatical because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds. So you got canned, huh? Theoretical physicists do not get canned. But yeah. Well, maybe it's all for the best. You know, I always say when one door closes, another one opens. No, it doesn't. Not unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved. No, no, I meant... The first door closing creates a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door. Never mind. Slow down. Please, slow down. We're fine. You're not leaving yourself enough space between cars. Oh, sure I am. No, no. Let me do the math for you. This car weighs, let's say, 4,000 pounds. Now add 140 for me, 120 for you. 120? Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth? Well, yeah. Interesting. Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let's say, 4,400 pounds. Let's say 4,390. Fine. We're traveling forward at, good Lord, 51 miles an hour. Now let's assume that your brakes are new and the calipers are aligned. Still, by the time we come to a stop, we'll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front of us, an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation, and... Oh, look, they built a new putt-putt course. This is great. Look at me. I'm in the real world of ordinary people, just living their ordinary, colorless, workaday lives. Thank you. No, thank you. And thank you, ordinary person. Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes? Uh, no, no, not really. Listen, didn't you say you needed some eggs? Yes, but anyone who knows anything about the dynamics of bacterial growth knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on the way out of the supermarket. Oh, okay, well, maybe you should start heading on out, then. No, this is fun. Oh, the thing about tomatoes, and I think you'll really enjoy this, is they're shelved with the vegetables, but they're technically a fruit. Oh, interesting. Isn't it? No, I mean what you find enjoyable. Oh, boy. What now? Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much. What you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine. Well, maybe that's what I was going for. Well, then you'll want some manganese. That was fun. Maybe tomorrow we can go to one of those big warehouse stores. Oh, I don't know, Sheldon. It's going to take me a while to recover from all the fun I had today. Are you sure? There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk. For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons one month's supply at a time. What? Think about it. It's a product that doesn't spoil, and you're going to be needing them for at least the next 30 years. You want me to buy 30 years' worth of tampons? Well, 30, 35. When did your mother go into menopause? Okay. Here's one I thought I'd take to the grave. Okay. Hmm. A while back, YouTube changed its user interface from a star-based rating system to a thumbs-up rating system. I tell people I'm okay with it, but I'm really not. That's your big revelation? Yes. I feel 10 pounds lighter. Okay, you know what? I give up. I'm going to bed. Here's something else you don't know about me. You just hurt my feelings. What did I do? I opened up and shared something deeply upsetting to me, and you treated it as if it were nothing. I didn't think it was a big deal. It is to me. That's the point. Sheldon, you are right. I'm really sorry. I should have known better. Your apology is accepted. Thank you. How about a hug? How about a hearty handshake? Come on. Now I know how you felt, getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.