It’s Ok to Not Have All the Answers

If you're over the age of 30 and you're still trying to find your purpose in life, you're probably stressed, overwhelmed, and overthinking the whole idea. And I get it. I'm 32 and I still feel like I'm questioning a lot of things. But before we get into the weeds of this topic, because I have a different perspective than most, I want to say something to you. And I hope you hear me in case no one has ever said this to you before. It's okay to not have all the answers. Most of us have no clue what we want to do with our lives, even after we finish school, even after we get a job, even after we start making money. It's a common struggle that almost every adult goes through. And we start asking ourselves questions like, what do I want to do with my life? What am I passionate about? What do I not suck at? Is it too late for me to pivot? I often receive emails from people responding to my newsletters who are at different stages of their journey. Some are decluttering and navigating those challenges while others are rethinking their careers and the role work plays in their lives. But all of them, in some way, have questioned what they want to do and whether or not they're on the right path. And if that sounds like you, here's a truth you're probably not expecting. The answer you're looking for is likely right in front of you, hidden among the clues. You just have to know what to look for. Now, these clues won't give you all the answers, but they will help you reflect on what matters most and guide you toward a more meaningful life. So let's talk about it. Now, the first thing that I want to dig into is the problem with searching for a life purpose. And to cut straight to it, part of the problem is the concept of a life purpose itself. This idea that there is this singular life-changing calling that defines our existence and shapes everything we do. And we have to search and search until we find that one big answer and we want to figure it out sooner rather than later. And so we start questioning everything we do. Well, is this my purpose? Is this meaningful? Is this the path that I should be on? And it's so easy to get lost in that spiral, right? But can I be honest with you? This fixed idea of finding your purpose in life is the reason why you feel stressed and overwhelmed by all of this. And so to help lighten that burden you feel, here's a shift in perspective you might want to consider. We exist on this earth for a period of time and during that time we do things. Some of those things are important, some of them are not. And those important things give our lives meaning and happiness. The unimportant ones, well, they just kill time. So when people start asking questions like, what do I do with my life? Or what is my life purpose? What they're actually saying is, what can I do with my time that is important? This, in my opinion, is a better question to ask. It's more manageable and it doesn't come with all the pressure and overwhelm and stress that the life purpose question does. Because at the end of the day, there's no reason to be contemplating the Instead, what you should do is start by shaking off all that pressure you feel to have to figure it out and have an answer now. Just shake off that pressure and then restore your childlike curiosity and just discover what feels important to you. But how? That's the question you're probably asking yourself right now. How do I narrow down what's important and how does that help me my purpose? I want to share a quick story with you, if you wouldn't mind. When I was in college, I changed my major and my career aspirations so much that I sometimes wonder how I ended up with enough credits to graduate. And then even after I graduated and I landed a cool marketing job, it took me another eight years to clearly define what I wanted for my life and to muster up the And then at 30 years old, I quit and walked away from that marketing job. Now, I'm sharing this with you to say that throughout the last decade plus of my life, there have been some lessons learned and some clues overlooked. And so to help you answer the question you're asking, I put together a series of questions or what I refer to as clues to help you figure out for yourself what's important to you and what adds meaning to your life. Now, these questions are in no way exhaustive or definitive, and the order I'm going to present them to you has no significance. OK, so don't overthink that. In fact, some of them are a bit ridiculous and they're probably going to make you laugh and smile. But I framed them this way intentionally because I really feel like this journey through life and finding your purpose in life should be fun and interesting as well as introspective. So whether you're looking for your dream job or you're thinking about starting a business or you just don't want to spend the rest of your time on this earth wondering what if, hopefully these questions will help you find some meaningful answers. So let's walk through them together. So many of us have no idea what our core values are. And when you don't know what your values are, you end up taking on other people's priorities, right? You start living someone else's version of life, and that becomes a big problem. And so if you're listening to this or you're watching this right now and you're feeling lost, the first step is to think about what your core values are, the things you'd never compromise on. And maybe that's honesty, maybe it's family, maybe it's creativity or growth. Regardless of where you land, the real issue is something you're not expecting. And I want you to write this down. If you don't know your values, you're not leading your life. You're letting circumstances lead you. To be honest, that's a one-way ticket in the wrong direction. Now maybe life for you is really busy right now. You have kids, maybe a job is stressing you out. There's a lot on your plate and you feel like you don't have the time to sit down and think about all of this. I get it, that's understandable. But I want to encourage you to find time where you can, at least 10 minutes to get the ball rolling. And to help you with that, I have a core values worksheet that's completely free. Just go to ronaldlbanks.com values and I'll walk you through the steps. Okay, now that we've got your values locked in, let's talk about the second question. And you might look at me with a bit of a side eye after I've mentioned this, but stick with me. What makes you forget to eat? All right, you know, we've all had those experiences where we get so wrapped up in something that the minutes turn into hours and the hours turn into, oh my god, I haven't eaten anything all day, right? When you're in the zone like that, it means you're connected to something that deeply matters to you. And that's a clue. I'll give you an example. I get like this when I'm writing or editing my videos, right? Whenever I'm doing something creative in this I can sit here for hours and get lost in metaphors and perfecting my camera presence instead of doing something more important like eating or sleeping or talking to other humans face to face, right? But also when I step back and I look beyond the words in my notebook or the video clips on my computer screen, I realize that what's connecting me to these activities is my passion for improvement, right? The drive to be good at something and then trying to get better. And maybe that stems from my history with athletics. I don't know, but it's that competition with myself that I thrive on. And knowing this has helped me apply this idea to other aspects of my life, not just my writing or my camera presence. Now, maybe for you it's something else. Maybe it's organizing things efficiently or getting lost in your art if you're an artist. Helping others, solving problems, or having a deep conversation with someone you trust. Whatever it is, when you lose track of time, you're tapping into something that matters deeply to you. But here's what I want you to watch out for. Sometimes we can lose track of time and get stuck in a routine where we don't feel that spark. And as an example, maybe you have a job that is pretty demanding and you have some deadlines coming up and every so often you skip lunch during the week. That's not the type of stuff I'm talking about, right? And so it's up to you to use discernment and wisdom to filter out moments like that and instead focus on the aspects of your day that ignite real passion. And I can't answer that question for you, but I can offer you some guidance. So here's some things to think about. When was the last time you were so engaged in something that you forgot to eat? What activities make you feel this way? What could you do all day without feeling tired or bored? You see, identifying the things that make you lose track of time will help you reconnect with your passions and the activities that light you up. And this is where your purpose starts to make itself clear. But don't just look at the activity itself, right? I also want you to look beyond it and think about some of the other clues that it's revealing for you as well. All right, so now that we've figured out what makes you forget to eat, as silly as that sounds, I want to shift directions here for a moment and talk about reconnecting with our younger selves. And so here's the third question. What's true about you today that would make your seven-year-old self jump for joy? You see, when you think back to your younger self, I'm sure that there were certain activities that you couldn't get enough of, right? Maybe you loved drawing or dancing, exploring or inventing things, right? For me, I naturally gravitated towards writing. I just loved how you could express yourself through the written word. And so I used to write poems and short stories without a second thought. And then over time, I lost connection with the simple joy of it. And that's what happens with most of us. We have a tendency to lose touch with the things that we loved or enjoyed when we were younger, especially if it's not seen as practical or if we're not being somehow rewarded for it, right? I think the transactional nature of the world can get in the way of so many things. But when we lose touch with those passions, I think we also lose part of ourselves. And so I'm not asking us to act like children again. I'm just suggesting that we reconnect with our childlike curiosities, that we reconnect with the childlike joys we lost to adulthood. And I firmly believe that when we take the time to reconnect with some of those childhood passions that we had, that is the clearest way to identify what really lights you up. And so my encouragement is for you to just take a minute or two right now to think about what would make your younger self proud of you today, and then figure out how you can incorporate that into your adult life. Okay, now that we've tapped into that inner child and the inner childlike joy, let's stay in that headspace for a moment and talk about what you to do if you had no responsibilities at all. Stick with me while I paint this picture. You're locked out of your house. You have the whole day free. No plans, no distractions, just pure freedom. Where would you go? What would you do? Now, you're probably thinking, I never get that kind of freedom. And you're right. And I feel you. Because as an adult, most of us won't ever experience freedom to that level. Because we're so bogged down with routines and distractions and responsibilities. We're stuck in familiarity, and we spend our time doing things that don't really excite us. And so sometimes it's hard to visualize or really think clearly about what we'd do if we had the freedom to do whatever we wanted to do. And so that's why I'm challenging us with this question. Because when you're given that sort of freedom, that's when you start to find out what's really important to you and what matters to you in your life. And so I'm asking you, where would you go and what would you do? Would you wander the city and admire the architecture? Would you sign up for a dance class? Would you visit a museum? Would you go on a spontaneous trip? Whatever you decide, those choices to reveal a lot about how you enjoy spending your time. And that's a significant clue to pay attention to. Because it tells you, okay, this is what excites me. This is how I enjoy spending my time. And that's an indicator of what's going to bring fulfillment in your life. And you should really lean into that. Now, I hope you're getting value from this so far. And if you are, let me know down in the comments or feel free to reach out. But for now, let's keep this ball rolling. Okay. The fifth question I want to share with you is all about considering what others see in you. Let me explain. When you're not sure what your purpose is, it can be helpful to look at what others come to you for. Often the things that people ask us for help with are clues to what our natural strengths are. And that might be giving advice or solving problems or just thinking about things from a different perspective and sharing that with the people in your circle. But see, what often happens is we don't recognize these things as strengths ourselves because they come so natural to us. And so we start to downplay them whenever people talk about them with us. Oh, you know, that's just what I do. Or that's nothing special. Don't highlight that. But see, those natural talents are valuable and they give insight into what you're meant to offer to the world. And so if I had to boil this down into a simple takeaway for you, it's about observing how you're already serving others and then leaning into that and seeing where it takes you. All right. This last one is heavy. And it's a question you've probably heard several times before. So it's nothing groundbreaking or anything like that. But it's worth asking because it reveals where your priorities lie. And in a way, it brings everything full circle back to the first question we discussed on your core values. So here goes. If you had one year left to live, how would you spend your time and what would you prioritize? Would you spend that time focusing on your career or would you spend that time focusing on your family and your friends? Would you travel? Would you take risks? Would you pursue that dream you've been putting off for years? You see, this question strips away everything that doesn't matter and it shows you exactly what you care about. Because the reality is this. Life is short and we often waste time on things that don't align with our values or purpose. So in my opinion, I think it's worth taking the time now to reflect on this question so you don't have any regrets later about how you spent the time you had on this earth. Here's the bottom line. By now, you had a chance to reflect on these six questions. And I genuinely hope that you walked away from this conversation with something that made you go, aha, or gave you a different perspective on finding your life purpose. And so the one thing that I want you to remember here is that no single clue that you reveal is going to give you a neat and packaged answer. Instead, all of them are just pieces to a puzzle that are going to help you understand what matters most to you. And so I really want you to take your time answering these questions. Let them sink in. And then I want you to ask yourself one final question. How can I start acting on what I've learned? And whether you're changing your career or making time for your passions or simply focusing on what's most meaningful in this season of your life, whatever it is you're doing, trust me, it's worth the effort. Stay true to you, my friend. Peace.