Shut the F Up & Manifest: The Power of Mindful Talk | The Mindvalley Podcast | Ep #72

We're all into personal development, but I found a glitch in the system. We're all leaving money on the table by not rewiring how we talk. George Perez, an entrepreneur, producer, creative director, and best-selling author of the book, Shut the F Up. We stop the words, we minimize the thoughts, and then we eventually eradicate the belief. We control the narrative on how we look at things. The more that we use mindfulness, the more that we transform everything from the inside out. George Perez, an entrepreneur, a producer, a creative director, and most importantly, a best-selling author of the book, Shut the F Up, is here with us today to teach us about his method on how shutting the F Up is going to help us manifest our dream life and to stop getting stuck in the cycles that we don't want to be in. George, thank you so much for being with us today. Thank you for having me. What made you write the Shut the F Up method? You know, the real reason why I wrote this book, because, you know, we all come to all these retreats, right? We come to the seminars. And I think the common denominator here is that we're all into personal development and bettering ourselves. But I found a glitch in the system, which is we're all leaving money on the table by not rewiring how we talk. Okay. It's almost like we're in calculus going to all these retreats, but we haven't mastered addition. So the formula will get wrong. And the formula is we need to be mindful of how we talk. We need to stop focusing on problems because that's going to get bigger. Now, that's not saying repression. In my book, I really give you a step-by-step program on my commandments, right, which is if you have a problem, pick one person or your therapist and that's it, or maybe it could be two or three, but not 20 or 25, like we're used to, these little steps will, it's almost like we're all going to these great bootcamp classes, right? But then when we get home, it's back to pizza time every night and it's okay, but we're leaving so much money on the table on how much more these seminars and retreats can impact our life. So when we attend these seminars and then we learn a lot and we start working on ourselves, how does our words affect what we have learned? Well, here's the thing. If we go to these things and we learn and we listen to people like Jay Shetty and Lisa Nichols and you and everything, and then we go back to our environments, our homes, our partners, our lovers, our kids, and we still go back to like, how's everything? Oh God, you know, I hate my boss. And we're cementing those relationships to stay that way. See, what I found out is that we're more committed to being right than to being happy in our life. We're committed to being like, you know, my neighbor's a nightmare. And every time it's, it's science guys, this is brain training. When we look at someone, right? And we go, I don't trust that girl. We're locking in particles. So it has to, it has to turn out that way eventually. So I think how it works here, we learn all these amazing tools from all these amazing speakers. And we need to honor that by monitoring how we speak in our lives. So what's the relationship between the words we speak and the reality we experience? I mean, here's the thing. So what I do is I reverse engine the machine, right? Because we have our beliefs, right? Like people are shady and our thoughts are like, I don't trust around it. And then we say it, right? So let's go backwards. We stop the words, we minimize the thoughts, and then we eventually eradicate the belief. So by it's almost, you got to look at it like food. You're not going to lose weight until you close your mouth. It's just not going to happen. You can try to create, you know, like cauliflower crust pizza, but it's still pizza. So we have to, the more that we use mindfulness, the more that we, we transform everything from the inside out. Um, and how the word we speak, do you think we can be stopping ourself from manifesting our dream lives because of the way we speak? Absolutely. I think, listen, it's a really exciting time in life because, uh, spirituality and science are finally merging, right? We, we know that when you look at an atom and then you'll see the electrons and you look away, the electrons disappear. That means that we're the observers. So when we observe something and we call it out, like, I don't trust you, then we're summoning all those particles. So then we end up being right. Haven't you noticed how you tell your friend, I don't trust I got into, and then the person turns and does something to your brain. Like I told you, I told, well, no, of course you kept telling it. You kept growing that energy. So you ended up being right. So we need, for example, now when I meet, I get really excited when I meet somebody that I don't like, because in my head, the first thing that I say is I'm going to be so wrong about you, you know? And, and, and if they're really bad, I think, well, you must've been dropped as a baby a bunch of times. Like you control, we control the narrative on how we look at things. So what I'm really trying to fight is the social epidemic of complaining. We create relatedness by complaining, right? And we think that we have to do it, but we don't. You know, my commandment number two is if you step into a gossiping covered conversation and they're looking for your agreement, just say, I hear you. Literally, because people are looking for agreement. So let them think that you're agreeing, but hold your integrity of not complaining or gossiping. But a lot of us think that because we thought something, it happened. Like we were right to say this, but you're saying it's the other way around because we say it, it happens. You're not like that. We think of something and then it happens because we thought it and we verbalized it, it happened. Yeah, no, I know what you mean. It's almost like that intuition, right? When you get that intuition of, I don't trust someone, then you say it. Listen, if you don't trust someone, then do yourself a favor and get away from that person. Do whatever it is that you have to do, but don't go around telling everybody I don't trust that. See, this is the other thing that we do so innocently. So let's say, what's your name? Cristina. Cristina is our friend. It's the three amigos, Megan, George, and Cristina. And Cristina and I have a dynamic, which Cristina always forgets her credit card every time we have dinner. Silly Cristina, right? And you know, and I'm like, I love her, but here she is credit card less. The minute, I don't know what your dynamic is with Cristina, right? But the minute that I go, you know what, Megan, just Cristina, you know, she's, she's, she's cheap. I just did two things with one comment. I assassinated Cristina's character. Very honest. I mean, we're not that deep, but I also ruined your experience because now subconsciously you're going to look for that. You're going to find it because you're looking for it. Then you're going to go back to me. You go, my God, you're right. She's so cheap. And so how about not just not assassinating somebody's character, but being my sister's keeper in her experience, because she might not actually have that dynamic with her. So these are things that we don't think about. We very innocently sane, but we're just assassinating experiences in people left and right. Wow. That is literally, yeah, you're right. Stealing experiences from people because it's like, it's like relationships. While someone can be very toxic and a horrible partner for you, that person can be an amazing partner for someone else. So like by sharing our negative experiences with someone with to somebody else, we are taking away that possibility of them connecting, which is exactly the same energy as stealing. Yeah, absolutely. And we're also, you know, when people want agreement on like, if you're like, Oh, you know, Christina, I don't really get along with her, but me agreeing with you and going, you're right. I don't trust her either. I'm not doing you any favors because I'm cementing that you have that relationship. But if I stayed quiet or like, you know what, maybe she was having an off day or I think like her mom's, I think her mom's sick. And right now she's saving money for it. Why don't I become my sister's keeper and try to transform your experience with Christina instead of agreeing with you and keeping you trapped to an experience that you don't even want? No, some of us might think that shutting the F up is the same thing as suppressing ourselves. Yeah. What's the difference? So the difference is, like I said, I commandment number three is if you have a problem, tell one person or just your therapist. So I'm, I'm a big believer in letting it out. I actually had a, an issue with a friend that we, we decided to stop being friends and I understood why. And at first I was like, okay, I don't want to tell anybody. I don't want to put, but I was like, no, I don't want to repress either. So I called a friend, didn't pick up. I called it. I called four people. No one picked up. So then I'm like, okay, whoever calls me back is going to be the one. And I'm going to tell that person they're the one. Somebody called me back. And I told her, I'm like, you're the only, and by the way, I have this in the commandment, tell that person that they're going to be the only one, because that creates such a powerful bond between the two of you, where they're listening, get so heightened that they don't even have to give you advice. They sort you out just by that listening. So I told her and she held space for me and it was beautiful. And then three other people called me back and I was like, no, listen, I'm good. I just have this thing where I only tell one person and I already did. Of course, now you make it really juicy. Right? So they were like, are you sure you don't want another one? I'm like, no, I'm good. And at the end of the day, it made me extra happy because I know that I taught them something that they might now apply in their life, which is to minimize the conversation. See, what we do is we create a network of conversations when we tell people our problems. So let's say you and your partner have a problem. You cleared it up, but you told 10 people and now you have to be responsible for clearing it up with all of them. So let's say you were getting over your problem. And now I come and ask Megan, how's it going? Oh no, we're good. I don't know. She just let them slide like that. So whatever you were scabbing now, I just picked it. So when we tell people we have to be responsible then, and not only that, then our friends don't even want to hang out with our partners and we're like, no, no, no, we fix them. They're like, no, I remember what he did to you. And so we dig our own grave. I have a chapter called be your own publicist because we're our worst publicist. And then we get mad at people when they talk bad about us, but we gave them all the ammunition. So my understanding is our words have the power to destroy our reality, build our reality and to steal from others. So would you suggest that before we let a word come out of our mouths, we check in for those factors? Are there certain things that we should check for before letting a word come out of our mouths? Great question. So it really does become like willpower, but it gets easier and easier as you do the method, because what happens is we, most of us are activated from fight or flight, which is our innate survival system, right? So gossip conversations, drama conversations, they're fueled by our amygdala. This is where the science is in this. The more that, and I have it here, I created the GAF, which is gratitude, affirmation, and visualization. Every morning, first thing that I do when I wake up, I grab my journal and I write three things that I'm grateful for, three things I'm affirming about myself and three things that I'm visualizing. And then I do a five minute meditation. Don't get scared by meditation. Grab, go on YouTube and find a five minute one for free. The more that you do this, the more that you, this mindfulness way of life is going to come. So you're going to be less reactive and just being reactive and giving opinions about people that are negative. You're going to think like, no, I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. So the practice gets a lot easier. You don't have to be so meticulous. Listen, it's not like you're going to turn it to the most boring person in the world. I do, I do stand up comedy for fun, in case you haven't noticed. And I, I love telling stories, but now I just don't use people's names. The commandment number one is if you're going to talk smack about anyone, don't use their names, say my friend. So how can we start using anonymity when we tell people's stories? So we, we still are our funny, charming self, but we just don't do it at the stake of anybody's reputation. So we still meant without care, assassinating anyone's character or without stealing an opportunity from someone. Yeah, exactly. Cause you're, you're keeping their integrity sacred and you're still getting, you're getting it off your chest in a way, you know? So by keeping the identity of the person anonymous, we are, again, we're serving the purpose of venting without going the like stealing from another arsonist joyo in there. What starts to happen after a while, that whole venting desire that we get is going to get so low because you're going to have so much love and compassion and empathy for people. When somebody, when you, when some, when you're in your office, your coworker walks in, they don't say hi. You're, you're not going to be as reactive anymore to be like, Oh my God, how rude. You're going to be like, Oh wow. He must be having a hard day. So instead of needing to vent, there won't be any need needing to vent because you're actually going to feel empathy and understanding that I don't know what they're going through, but, um, they're not going to affect my mood. Wow. Alrighty. So we're gonna, uh, have a few of you guys ask some questions. Sure. Let's go with you. Yeah. So you were saying that, um, we shouldn't be stealing someone else's experience of someone. So my brother Lawrence hyped me up yesterday and he said, you have to meet this amazing guy, you know, George. And I had an expectation of who that George is and I'm the same person. I'm like, I'm such a hype person and I love humans. And I'm always the one that will tell good things about someone. What is your take on that? I love your question. Okay. So a month ago I went to this barbecue and I met this girl that coincidentally, we all know there's no coincidence. She was going to start working with my old boss who I, I love this guy. And I'm like, Hey, how's it going? She's like, yeah, I'm going to start working with Bobby on Monday. And I looked at her cause she knows nothing about him. And I go, this is the best boss you're ever going to have in your life. And I knew that that initial wiring that I was giver was going to completely coat her experience. And not that they won't have their thing here and there, but imagine if you're that person that just, and Bobby's great, but I made him sound like he was just Jesus star student, Jesus Christ superstar, like the best thing in the world. So imagine, so I'm all about that, by the way, why not? If you don't have to lie either, right? If you don't have a good experience with somebody that like, Hey, how's that person? I'm like, yeah, you know, yeah. Yeah. You know, tricky, but like, but you don't have to go all the way. Let people have their experience unless you have a good one with someone and then go ahead and exaggerate it. Be, be your brothers. Maybe they can have a great one. And it was all because you started it. So, yeah, go all the way. Guys, something just came to me spontaneously. It's not was not a part of the plan. I hope I don't shock you. My personal life has changed dramatically because of George, because of George's advice, because of George's coaching before this book was actually written, because he lives by this book. Like every word you read in this book, he doesn't just preach it. He practices it. Right. And it just came to me that I would like to give him five minutes or 10 minutes of stage time just by yourself to share with the audience what you've been sharing with me throughout all of these years, which took me from where I was to where I am now. And all I can tell you is that I don't even recognize the person I am today because of this. So give it up for George. I'm going to get off the stage and let the master take over. I'll stay sitting right before the camera. I mean, I just I'll tell you a little bit about how this started, you know. So both my parents, they passed away from cancer. Pretty back to back. Dad was 2019. Mom was 2022. And obviously, after this happened, you know, I kept thinking about, OK, genetically, what does that mean? Even people were like, oh, what are you going to do now? And I'm like, I don't know. And I took a deep dive on epigenetics, which is a study that explains what stress does to the body and how genetic predisposition diseases like cancer or any neurological diseases can get triggered. And what I found out is that your genetic predispositions were not doomed by them, OK? They're like Christmas lights. You can have Christmas lights in your house, but as long as you don't like them, you're fine. And what lights are genetic predispositions being in stress and a constant state of fight or flight? So I started studying with Dr. Joe Dispenza. I don't know if you guys know him. Who's he does these retreats about meditation and also to rewire how we handle stress. And it was the first day this book was born, actually the first day when I was volunteering. And here he was on stage talking about quantum physics and how what I was saying before, when you observe something and you put energy behind it, if it grows, right, when you observe I don't like my neighbor, it starts to grow. And when you talk about it and tell everybody to agree with you. So then we went on break and then the staff and the volunteers and everybody was complaining and gossiping. And I'm like, oh, my God, nobody's like you just saw the guy talk about all this. And and I told his number one person, I was like, you know, no one no one's applying this. Like what's going on? And she was like, well, you know, she we're friends. She's like, well, what are you going to do about it? I was like, I'm going to write a book about it. And it's going to be called Shut the Ass Up. And that was the beginning of this book. And like I said, at first I did it, obviously, for me and for my sister. But then it turned into a calling that I wanted to bring to my community. And I want to call you guys my community, because this and anybody that's here are common denominators that we want to be better people. We want to be better family members, better friends, better lovers, better parents. And like I said, I just felt like we're leaving money on the table, guys. We're leaving. If you're still complaining about your boss, your coworkers. And by the way, that doesn't mean that if there's a problem, you don't take action, right? If your boss is doing something, you go to HR and you deal with it. But what you don't do is you start telling everybody else how shady he is. So I hope this this is pretty clear. This isn't about repressing or this isn't about speaking your truth. I'm a Venezuelan citizen. I don't know how many what you guys know about Venezuela is going through. A lot of people with the government is not leaving, even though they lost. And I went to a protest so I get to speak my mind. What I don't do is I call everybody that I know and constantly spike up cortisol in my system by, oh, my God, it's so messed up what's happening in this world. You see what I mean? There's a difference. What we talk about, what we talk about constantly creates our life. Look at your friend that's always complaining about life. She's not wrong. But at some point we have to shut our mouth and be mindful about what we say. And again, that's not lying. That's like, listen, if you have five dollars in your bank account, this is about going, I'm rich. But you also don't have to be calling everybody, you know, and tell them that you're broke. So people give me like, how's it going with the money? You know, it's it's it's unfolding. It's it's interesting. Oh, what does that mean? You know, I'm I'm excited about I think the future is going to bring really. But how much money do you know? I doesn't even matter because the money's coming. So so these little there's these little tweaks and the way we talk can make such a difference in our life. You know, the final commandment that I love is number ten, which is before telling anybody to shut the F up, you shut the F up. And that to me is the one that wraps the whole system, because it's like Lawrence, right? I don't he is the way he is. And I admire you and I honor you. And my process is an invitation. But in no way, shape or form, am I saying that it's the best thing for anybody? So somebody can tell me, hey, I think you're full of it. And I'll say, I think you're right because they are right for them. And that's the difference. And that's what I want to give to you guys. And I hope you take this on. If you take this on for a week, you're not going to you're going to be in traffic, loving life. See, the kind of person that I've become is I get more excited, not from getting what I want, but from seeing who I am when I don't get what I want. So thank you so much. Thank you guys.