Rules to Building a Winning Team

So, you ever wonder why certain leaders get the best out of their people and some leaders don't? You ever wonder why certain people love working for their boss or their leader or their man, whoever it is. Man, I don't know why they want to run through the wall for him or her. Why is it that they do so many different things? Why are they dying to be on that person's team, but how come they don't do it for me? I want people to treat me better. I want people to be loyal to me. Why does he have loyalty? I can't find loyal people. I hear this all the time. Let me unpack this entire concept for you, and hopefully this will make sense to you. So, think about it this way. In a week, you have 168 hours in a week, right? 160, that's 24 times 7, 168 hours in a week. Say you sleep 8 hours a night times 7, that's 56 hours. That leaves us around 110 hours in a week. Out of that 110 hours a week, think about what portion of that 110 hours is spent waking up, going to work, lunch, drive. How many hours is that? Can we say 55, 60 hours? Let's say 60 hours is spent waking up in the morning. You're not around family. You wake up, toothbrush, shower, shave, car, prepare clothes, drive, get there, at work, you go to lunch with your peers, you come home, drive. So say 60 hours a week you're working, preparing, all that stuff. 50 hours a week is left here for family. Out of that 50 hours a week, say 10 hours is running errands, you're going around doing certain things. Then some of the times you're watching TV, and then it's actual time with your family, right? What does this math tell you? That the average person spends more time with the people they work with than their own family. Which means your work team environment becomes your second family. Now some people may say, well that's a shame that people spend more time with their co-workers than their own family. No. If a person spends more time with their family than the people they work with, they're probably broke. I just want you to know this. The kids are probably not in the best place financially. This is why we go to work to be able to provide for the people we love the most. So now, let's look at this. Families who have kids that are loyal to their parents, and leaders who have co-workers or team members that are loyal to them, what do they have in common? Here's what it is. I watch a lot of people, when they have certain people that work for them, they see them as, he's my worker. Like you own them type of a deal. Nobody's ever going to stay with you long term if you look at a person, that's my worker. No one likes to work for somebody like that. They don't. No kid wants the parent to kind of be like, well, you know, it's because of me that they did this. Kid wants to have their own identity, to be loyal to their family, right? A loving type of an environment. How do you create a deeper relationship with certain people you work with? Here's what it is. The people that I've seen over the years, who get loyal people that run through the wall for them, and eventually they have a core group of people that want to be in business with them for years after year after year, for years to come, here's what they do. While the average leader only takes a relationship one layer deep, or maybe two, the one that earns loyalty goes one, two, three, four, five, six layers deeper. The one that goes six layers deeper eventually wins loyalty. The one that goes two doesn't win loyalty. So let's unpack this, what it means. So I read a book once called Thank God It's Monday. It's written by a psychologist, a marriage therapist that talks about, thank God it's Monday. Most husbands cannot wait for it's Monday to be away from family. Oh my gosh, it's so problematic. I want to go to work. I'm sick and tired of being around family, crying, screaming, arguing my wife. I want to go to work, right? He said, after 20 years of being a psychologist, and I watch which marriages work the best, the ones that work the best is the husband gave undivided attention to the wife where she was able to talk to him and say, here's what my day looked like. And both of them got the dosage of it. The parents who got the best out of their kids, each night, each kid got undivided attention. A five minute call, a five minute conversation. So how was your day? What were you doing? What happened today? Really, what happened today? Oh no, what's Mary doing? How's Bobby doing? Undivided attention, right? One-on-one is the highest level of quality relationships you build where you build loyalty. One-on-one. The bigger the group setting it is, the easier it is on you. But the layer of loyalty goes lower and lower and lower. The more one-on-one it is, the smaller group it is, loyalty goes higher. So that's family. Now let's bring that to business. So if a boss works like this, hey John, how you doing? Great. Did you get your job done? Phenomenal. Great. Have a wonderful day. Now, if I've never met the wife, if I've never met the husband, if there's not an environment where I get to know my direct, at least direct reports, I want to know the family. I want to know who the kids are. I want to know what your goals are. I want to know what your dreams are. I want to take you out to lunch. I want to go to coffee. I want to spend some time with you. One-on-one. The more the layers go deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper, the more relationships you build. The more it's transactional, people feel it. You can't just fake it, by the way. People know when it's transactional, when it's just like, like this. And the more sincere it is, and by the way, some people are watching and say, well, Pat, I do everything right and I still can't find loyal people. Well, maybe you haven't done it long enough, and maybe you've got to give a little bit more time. Because it took me a couple years as well until I found the loyal people myself that have been with me for decades, now 15 years, and how come they're not leaving? Because I understood, they matter more than I matter. The priority has to be with them. I have to understand what's important to these guys. I got a call yesterday from one of my guys that they're having a challenge with. They're working with a certain client of theirs that's in New York. How do we deal with this New York client? Do you know them? Do you know the spouse? Do you know the kid? Do you know this? I don't. Why don't you go to relationship first, then go to selling. Then go to all that other stuff. First comes trust, then comes loyalty. First comes trust, then comes speed. First you gain my trust, then you can challenge me. First you gain my trust, then you can give me advice. But you've got to figure out a way to earn my trust for me to say, this guy cares about me. This is somebody I want to be in business with for a very, very long time. So if you're watching this, I've got a challenge for you. If you're watching this, you're saying, well, Pat, how do I test this out for myself? Make a list of the people that are the most loyal to you. Ask yourself, how many layers deep of a relationship have you built with them? Make it a list of the people that you value the most. What haven't you done with them? And what do you need to start doing today to make that relationship deeper and deeper and deeper? Do you need to put a barbecue at your house and invite them over? Do you need to say, well, can I take you out and my wife and your wife and the four of us go out to dinner together? Can you do something with the kids to have a getaway and they're just kind of having a party together at the house by the pool and hanging out or going to a park together with the kids, their kids and your kids and building a relationship together? The stronger these bonds get, you remember in birthdays, anniversaries, the stronger these bonds get, eventually you're going to look around and say, my gosh, we've got a big group of loyal people. And your leaders start treating their teammates and their direct reports the same way you did to them. Now you've got a strong team that's willing to run through the wall for everybody together and the visions become.