搞笑的動物們（上） P4 - When.Nature.Calls.With.Helen.Mirren.S01E04.1080p.DSNP.WEB.UMMU.NET

一場閃耀的對決 與宇宙的鮮艷黑暗對決 真正的奇蹟 是的 從此起 自然形式只存在在幻想中 要完全接受這個活潑的野生地方 我們必須靠近看 你覺得這會讓我們成名嗎? 這會讓金恩巴拉成名 為什麼不會讓我們成名呢? 當我們探索宇宙家的峽谷和山谷時 我們會靠近動物 我們的地球鄰居 就像我們一樣 被織成這個世界的織製 融入了自然的智慧和驕傲 我咳嗽了 出現了一點便便 噢噢 注意這些榮耀的生物 因為他們的故事和祕密 現在是我們要分享的 你告訴任何人這件事 他們會打斷你的舌頭 好的 好的 我不會告訴任何人 我保證 準備看著你周圍的世界 呈現著驚人的新光芒 宇宙的揭曉 在自然融合時 向你發出聲響 動物存在在無可預測的世界 充滿威脅 憤怒和滲透的仇恨 更重要的是 許多動物甚至不在社交媒體上 要堅持 他們必須阻止自然融合 但在印度海岸的羅德里戈斯島 果實證明 戰爭解決並不容易 你瘋了 凱爾·克魯尼是最好的巴蜜蜂 什麼? 喬治·克魯尼是最好的巴蜜蜂 不是凱爾·克魯尼 看 凱爾·克魯尼的戰鬥場面很糟糕 凱爾·克魯尼的巴蜜蜂就跟漫畫一樣 至少凱爾·克魯尼的衣服比巴蜜蜂的更好 等等 等等 我們在做什麼? 太瘋狂了 你說得對 我們必須停止 因為麥可·帝頓是我們那時最好的巴蜜蜂 我知道你不會把我的男朋友阿弗萊克丟進垃圾桶 兄弟 天啊 剪掉你的指甲 動物必須在社群群中維持狀態 蝙蝠 魚 蚊子 他們都參與了這個所謂的蚊子運動 甚至是蚊子 我猜 幸好我們沒有拍到蚊子 雖然其實有一個可愛的視頻 有一隻巴蜜蜂在吃薄餅 我們有拍到嗎? 沒有? 好吧 當一段長的一天來到尾聲 許多動物 就像新西蘭海邊的白色蝙蝠一樣 尋找了孤獨的快樂 我花了十年找到海邊的孤獨 終於我的平安和安靜 都變成了我的了 終於我無聲無息地說 我是孤獨 糟了 你看這個蝙蝠 你別開玩笑了 大家好 這裡是天堂 穿著泳衣 燒烤 太糟糕了 我得殺了這個傢伙 在這個地球上的生存可以很嚴肅 但沒有煩人的螞蟻 因此 我們必須付出很大的努力 以簡單的道歉 世界上的動物 必須切除 或許 在他們的最愛的泡沫孔裡 這真正就是他們的版本 喝啤酒 說到啤酒 其實 我們在錄音室 不應該喝啤酒 在錄音室 我會保留一件Jerry的襯衫 只是啤酒 這啤酒真好喝 為了休息和放鬆 這隻黑熊 在墾丁森林中 現在 誰是鄰居最受歡迎的呢 你有一個露臺嗎 我有一個泳池 沒錯 一個零部落的泳池 怎麼了 現在是時候坐下來 放鬆 等待所有人 過來 一起玩 在我的零部落的泳池 它是完全在地上嗎 不 它是完全在地上嗎 絕對不是 我去了零部落的泳池 所以我再次問 現在 誰是鄰居最受歡迎的呢 Dennis 那是誰 啊 這個夏天將會很棒 我們離開墾丁森林 前往亞馬遜海洋 見證巨大的海鷗 好的 康爾 我們開始了 你不想成為一個大男孩離開公園 就像一個嬰兒 你被帶回公園 嗨 Chuck 嗨 Doris Doris的孩子和Jimmy 康爾還在過著困難的階段嗎 是的 現在應該過不了任何一天了 他幾歲了 29歲 Doris 他已經29歲了 人類或動物 對社會的意識 可以成為偉大的源頭 和偉大的壓力 畢竟 只能有一個Alpha 一個Queen Bee 一個… 喵喵 像是告訴其他喵喵 該做什麼 社會的權力 能夠讓動物生存 並且能夠用眼睛 如同我們在 加拿大森林中看到的 熱騰騰的蜘蛛 他是國際時尚風格中 他就是 Walter 大部分模特都喜歡被看到 而不是被聽到 但當Walter在跑道上 是觀眾被批評的 灰色 灰色 更多的灰色 短的灰色 灰色和短的 灰色 灰色 灰色 短的 短的 短的 不好意思 你剛才叫我什麼 我叫你灰色 因為你穿著灰色 你穿著短的 基本的 垃圾的 無聊的 灰色的 拜託 拜託 拜託 穿上一點粉紅色 再不要再跟我說話 好嗎 灰色 還是灰色 沉沉的灰色 從馬蘭街 到Galapagos Fashion Week This catwalk king puts his gawkers to shame He is Walter You got big old feet Weird smile Ugh Left handed Allergic to hot dogs Still believes in Santa Absorbed your twin in the womb Actually leaves voicemails Haunted by ghosts Not all of that is true If the library is open He will read you for filth He is Walter 嗯哼 So how do I turn on the jets Must be somewhere around here I paid 4500 for these bad boys Better work There we go Ah yeah There it is That feels good on the old tennis injury Yep Oh yeah 嗯哼 Pretty soon Everybody on the block Gonna wanna hang out In my partial in-ground pool Say goodbye to Dennis The sad lonely bear with no friends And say hello to Dennis the bear With the partial in-ground pool Let me just check the temperature 嗯 Yeah Kinda tepid Perfect Now to wait patiently For dozens of new friends to show up In the natural world Food is one of the cornerstones of survival Right up there with air, water And a decent wifi connection Animals, like we humans Can be singularly obsessed with their next meal Jerry Those boneheads forgot my onion rings Again Sorry about that Ugh It's alright I'll make do with these so-called curly fries In the wild Meals provide not only sustenance But a much-needed chance for socialization As we shall witness with this gathering of tundra swan In the Colville River Delta Swear to God If Emily says one thing about us three being late to brunch I swear to God You're late You know I can't make reservations on the app And they won't see this until we all land I swear to God We can have bottomless mimosas while we wait It's gonna be a two-hour wait now Guys Swear to God Can we not fight at brunch OK I just talked to the hostess She's a total bitch Swear to God She says she can't see this until 6pm What Swear to God That's not brunch That's like some other meal or something Swear to God I'm just gonna check for another plate Let's go to Marsh Cafe Swear to God They put a tiny cheeseburger on top of their bloody Swear to God Their wait is even longer You guys were late Now brunch is ruined Swear to God How can you say that Swear to God You guys can't gang up on me like this Swear to God We are so sorry Well this was fun Swear to God Let's do brunch again next Sunday Swear to God Yeah I love brunch Swear to God Thank you for watching Brunch Swans Sponsored by Kirk Patrick's Testicle Powder When your boys need dusting Put your trust in Kirk Patrick's That's our sponsor Swear to God The sounds of the wild can combine To create a veritable orchestra There are the percussive taps of waterfowl The haunting arias of the timber wolf And to simulate a tuba Whatever blasts out of either end Of this large gentleman They all create a symphony of nature One note at a time However The Emperor Tamarin of the Amazon Basin Makes a joyful noise Of a different kind Only got one more ditty in me tonight Pretty ladies and dandy gents Any rootin' tootin' requests Play Marmoset Baby Oh wee I can play that toe-tapper Till the cows come home A one A two Whatever comes the next Yee-haw Well My baby fur is soft and sweet Tails for days and cute little feet But the reason why she looks so fine Her mustache is bigger than mine Oh, dang, nabbit I broke my tail string I was just gonna get to the part of the song With the swear words Even the freewheeling Tamarin Knows that the larger world Is full of uncertainty and danger And as children navigate this perilous realm There is nothing more valuable Than the guiding hand of a loving parent Even if that parent Doesn't have much else to offer Besides new giz Corny jokes And meandering anecdotes These noble, oft-misunderstood creatures Are known as dads Like this paternal dear Near the northern coast of British Columbia Hey, sweetie Come check this out What's that? Dad, what the heck is that? What? You mean my super cool new earring? Why? Who told you this was cool? The new receptionist at work, Jenna Said this was hot No cap You know, cap means lie That's a total cap, Dad What? No Jenna would never cap to me Oh, my God Stop saying cap That word is not for you Ally, sweetie I'm an adult You have a cool dad now You're gonna have to get used to my flex Jenna said flex means I know what flex means Also, and this might not be the right way To tell you, but Jenna and I are sleeping together Yep, it's going pretty well Your mom and I are getting a divorce Are you serious? Yep No cap Yeah, we are To make sense of a mystifying, chaotic world Humans often turn to a belief in a higher power Or they channel their existential dread Into believing something really goofy Like the healing ability of crystals For their part, animals cluster together To find comfort in social groups Others, like the African elephant Are just really into dank memes And fire video drops What up, fam? It's me, your favorite prank-playing pachyderm Dirty Dumbo Today I'm getting in it at the mud hole With a classic prank Yo, I think you d-d-d-dropped something Excuse me, you dropped something Go away Yeah, yeah, you dropped your Splashy You little s*** Sir, sir, do you have a second for Splashy Why are you doing this with your life? Dirty Dumbo, what is your problem? Real Dirty Dumbo Dirty Dookie Dumbo Please, leave us alone We're going to a funeral Splashy We're going to a funeral That was sick And if you love Dirty Dumbo And all my splashes Then don't forget to st-st-st-stomp That subscribe button Yo, do people like me? What? And Mama's Leftovers Who just became our new champion And please give a round of applause To our runners-up Who will be served With a side of mashed potatoes And cranberry sauce Animals are driven by instinct But do they have minds Capable of abstract thought? Can they embark on Creative flights of fancy? More importantly Can they accurately predict The winners of NHL playoff games? Because I've got a good feeling About the Ottawa Senators this year Perhaps animals can Test the limits of their consciousness Like this arctic ground squirrel Near Alaska's Yukon River This is exactly what I needed Escape to nature Expand my mind See, I'm fine I don't know why Michael Was so worried about me Taking this stuff by- Whoa Oh, look how bright green Those leaves on that tree are That is so beautiful Oh, my God What the heck Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy It is kicking in This stuff is kicking in Was it too much What does it mean When the leaves start to fly Up the trees like that Does that mean it's too much Oh, man No, no Get a hold of yourself, Larry Calm down, calm down It is fine, it is fine Just let it wash over you Oh, it's too much Washing over me I don't like it, I don't like it I don't like it I need somebody to talk me down I'm losing it Oh, man Somebody completely redecorated My apartment Who are you And what are you doing in my house Oh, God Now I'm being home invaded I guess nobody's coming over To the pool today Oh, man I thought this partial in-ground pool Would make me happier Less lonely But I still just feel like me Maybe it's true what they say You can give a bear a partial in-ground pool But you can't stop a bear From being a pathetic loser Hold up Did somebody steal my clothes I could have sworn I had a towel And a hat And a button down Oh, classic, Dennis Oh, I know what I'm talking about In therapy tomorrow With all my patience Another sojourn into the natural world Draws to a close You witness beauty in its rawest form You found kinship with our distant animal relatives And perhaps you learned something Which I assure you was completely accidental But hey, you never know what you'll get When nature calls Queen! No, another queen! We can't hold them any longer! Fall back, I say! Fall back! We've broken through the gate! Call in the special attack! Call in the special attack! Brace yourselves for anything, men! What on earth are they doing? What was that? That was absolutely the most disgusting thing I've ever seen! Oh dear! Fall back! The enemy is too gross to fight! We did it! We achieved victory the old-fashioned way By being disgusting! Huzzah! This planet, a rarity in the cosmos Is a true miracle Sustaining life against all odds I hate this Luxuriate in nature itself Golden vistas Whistling winds Roaring waters And delight in every note of beauty Each flourish of color Each rumble of wild power I hate this Amidst it all Perhaps the most breathtaking earthly sight of all The animals A host of fascinating creatures Each containing multitudes Stories, perspectives, mysteries Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot I hate this Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot Their voices honor the one-of-a-kind world We all call home A chorus of wild, reverent celebration We hate this Settle in for a journey like no other As we dive headlong into the sights and sounds That explode all around When nature calls The future of a species Rests in the hands of its youngest members Who have sway and influence over us all Which must be why my publicist Keeps insisting that I sign up for TikTok Let us begin our journey In the Alaskan timberlands With the charming interplay Of two black bear cubs I am the ninja master My skills of sneakiness are unrivaled Hey, Randy You're pretending to be a ninja again Who is this Randy? I am but a whisper on the wind A shadow, a specter Yeah, we gotta stop playing that game While we see how long we can hold our breath You've done some pretty serious damage to yourself Ninja From outward appearances, nature may seem chaotic But in truth, there is a delicate balance at play Humankind honors this harmony with symbolic pairings Ying and the Yang The Alpha and the Omega The Tango and the Cash But in the animal kingdom This tricky balance between two different species Plays out in a more literal sense As with this arctic ground squirrel and European viper Hey, hold on, is that... I think it... Is it? Steve? Ah, he can't hear me I'll get closer Is it him? I can't... Steve Hey, Steve What the... Oh, oh my goodness gracious God I'm so sorry I thought you were someone else Woo So, so very sorry Didn't mean to bother you From behind, you just look a lot like my friend Steve Huh? That's odd I'm not your Steve But my name is Steve What? OK, you're kidding Pretty crazy Yeah, yeah, that's crazy Well, good luck finding Steve All right, buddy Sorry again Hm, wasn't Steve But name's also Steve Why? Animals toil, as we humans do To gather resources Support their families And shape their world Even though in most of the footage I've seen These guys are usually just laying around and napping Either way, our animal relatives Like the long-tailed macaque in the trees of Sri Lanka Embrace the importance of a job well done And how do you spell mom again? Uh, M-O-M Right, got it Say, how do you feel about an alternate spelling Like M-A-M Uh, no reason, just curious Now let us plunge deeper Into the mysteries of the wild Behold this awesome majesty The shimmering sands Oh, the big-ass mountain Like all blue Uh, Dame Helen What? Oh, oh, sorry Sorry, Jerry My edible's just kicking in Oh dear Hm, serious Dame Helen Hm But I stand by the sentiment If you want to truly appreciate the splendor of this planet It is best to follow the sea otter of coastal Alaska And take a moment to soak in the beauty Seems like everybody's obsessed with famous folks these days Always talking about Harry Styles Harry Styles this, Harry Styles that Well, the only Harry Styles I care about Is the way my fur blows gently in a cool breeze And why does everybody want to keep up with the Kardashians I don't know Their lives seem pretty stressful to me A lot of text messaging in cars So many cameras, so much manufactured drama That's not my style, man Only thing I try to keep up with Is the present moment And the only reality show I need Is this beautiful breeze But I'm just living that laid-back life Good game Do I have to say it too? Yes Good game Was that so hard? Good game Loser Nice game, nice game Nice game? It's good game, you dummy Good game or whatever It's J.B. Sucker, we all suck anyway Our animal cousins are capable of emotional depths Far greater than their stoic appearances may suggest They can feel joy, despair, or just jealousy Like when their buddy stumbles on a pond Full of fresh turtle droppings Looks yummy Animals can also feel resentment As evidenced by the behavior Of this North American great horned owl So anyways, I says to the guy I says How dare you play our song Frank, who you talking to, champ? I'm talking to this wannabe tough guy DJ He knows damn well this is me and Jenny's song Frank, you're talking to a wall Yeah, I got your wall right here Frank, not again, bro What? What did I do? Wait a second, what are you looking at? Hey Yeah, girl The propagation of the species Also called mating, physical intimacy, or boning Is a singular obsession in both the animal world and humanity And this leads to questionable behavior Awkward misunderstandings And bizarre grooming choices Like this dude here Get it together, my man Clearly, when it comes to mating rituals in the wild Anything is fair game As typified by the Japanese seeker, dear Hey, can you see her too? See who? That woman, there's an old lady over there I think she's watching us No, she's not, you're being paranoid Keep kissing With those agile young tongues to use See, did you hear that? She's definitely watching us I think she was talking to somebody else She definitely wasn't I'm talking to you Now move on to some light petting Maybe graze a boob or a booty Okay, I heard that one Told you Let's get out of here Wait, before you go Rub your antlers together for me Come on, come on, come on, come on Just the tips, rub them good That's yummy Hmm She's Doris, the sex-positive No boundaries having Octogenarian Dear, I just want to get your juices flowing From the forests of Japan, we venture southward To discover that the pursuit of a mate Often pits one animal against another In a scramble to propagate the bloodline Or at the very least to find a suitable side piece Even insects like the orchid mantis In the jungles of Malaysia Know this struggle Devante, Tremaine What are y'all doing? Stop! Denise is mine No, she's mine Wait, are you two fighting over me? Denise, look away I don't want you to see me like this No way, I ain't going nowhere I've never had two men battle over me before Keep going You could never please Denise the way I could Yeah, well, I treat Denise like the queen she is Oh my god, somebody stop him This is too hard Dude, you don't want any of this Take it through No Bro, look at my thorax You can't handle this Okay, well, now I'm feeling like I'm not even a part of this Let's not forget the reason we're fighting You both love beautiful Denise You know, this could end a lot faster If you can answer one question Are either of you able to co-sign on a car? Seems like everybody's always worried about politics Latest scandals and the rise of fascism And all that ballyhoo The only politics I care about Is the pile of ticks on my back I gotta get these removed But I don't have health insurance Wish I did So I suppose I do care about politics But, you know, in a cool, detached way Just living that laid-back life Oh, fishes Oh, I gotta stop watching so many nature documentaries Within the animal world Sharpened senses are crucial for survival The observational skills of our animal cousins Have been honed by millions of years of evolution To detect predators or fresh water Or the camera crew that's been recording their every move For some TV show But time can weaken even the strongest of senses As the crested Caracara of Central America demonstrates What do you mean I'm too old to fight? Nothing I just don't think you should be picking fights, Grandpa You can barely see I have perfect vision Just gotta... Where'd you go? Where'd you... Ha! See that little mouse down there? Not a mouse, Grandpa You think I couldn't give that little rodent a butt whoopin'? It's not a mouse Go on, say I won't lie down there sayin' It's a mountain lion, Grandpa You can't fight a mountain lion All right, my tiny, slightly blurry friend Prepare to meet your maker You're lucky The wind is so strong The wind is the only reason I'm not eatin' that mouse right now Too old to fight This is so embarrassing What? Who said that? The beauty of nature is intoxicating Stately woodlands ripe with ambrosial aromas Grand oceans exploding with a bracing effervescence And the turgid marshlands of the hippo Which, if we're being honest Probably smell like total ass But can these earthly pleasures Be too heady for our senses? Is it possible to be so enthralled To the delights of the wild That you lose yourself? One passionate macaque in northern Japan Is about to find out Tell me I have a problem I don't have a problem I can quit whenever I want It's just snow Pure, uncut, natural snow Plus it makes me more fun at parties They say it's a problem It's no problem Hey, hey, hey, that's great It's no problem That's genius I gotta write that down Just one more hit of snow And then I'll write it down Oh, just two more OK, just three more Snow addiction is no laughing matter If you or a loved one needs help We're here for you at Fresh Beginnings Malibu There's no snow here But somebody might offer you cocaine Seems like everybody's obsessed With the latest social media trends Always filming dance videos To go viral on TikTok That sounds like a lot of work The only TikTok I care about Is the steady flow of time Gotta cherish every second We got on this big blue marble All we can do is kick back And enjoy the ride Just living that laid-back life The animals have thrown open the doors To their home once again Metaphorically speaking And beckoned us inside for a visit But now as the shadows grow long Our hosts are handing us our coats And calling us a cab again Metaphorically speaking And ushering us back to our human world We shall commune with them again Our wild, welcoming neighbors For another round of thinly stretched metaphors When nature calls Ahoy, ladders! So, you wanna know how I lost me leg, do ya? All started in Tortuga I was three sheets to the wind one night Preparing to pillage and plunder a nearby port Chugging rum like the thirsty sea dog I am When in from the storm Blackbeard himself walked into the tavern Seeing him in person was pretty neat Then a few weeks later I got scurvy and lost me leg to it Argh! Back to work, scallywags!