Spreading Joy and Strength in Mental Fitness | Author Interview | Episode 129

Doreese Horenstein, welcome to the Bookaholic Podcast. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Yes, I can't wait to present you to the audience today because we're gonna be talking about joy, joy and mental fitness. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So in the times we're in some challenging times, no matter how you look at it, whether you're looking at local, national, international, whether you're looking at money, relationships, the way people have relationships with other ethnic groups or female, male, whatever. What context do you want to look at things? We're living in some challenging times and so with that, there's two things that we must focus on in which you're an expert on and that is of the mental fitness and of joy. So today we're going to talk to you about, first of all, I want to know how you became a mental fitness expert. Tell us about your background. Okay, so hello everybody and that is listening right now and taking that time, special time to be with us. I feel blessed by your presence in the podcast and thank you Deidre for inviting me to speak. I know you, you have so many people that probably knocking on your door. So I feel extremely blessed to be here. My journey started a long time ago. I immigrated from Israel to the United States at the age of 21. I came with $600 and no codes to the West Coast in the month of December to Port and Oregon in particular. Quite chilly. Yeah, and I came, I knew one person in the entire United States. One, one human and I and I didn't realize it then but as my life progressed, I realized the courage that it takes to move and to start something new and sometimes when you're young, you're just saying I'm gonna just do it. A lot of the time when you get older there's all these things that hold you back. And so as a young person I came here and I made the United States my home and I got right into education and yeah, that was my for 30 years. I was in the education field. Yeah, and I thought that would be my entire career and in 2018 I left that world to become an entrepreneur, a speaker, workshop leader, trainer. And the reason I did that was because a few years back my sister, my youngest sister, who is 10 years younger than me and at that time she was 38 years old and she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and or was it stage 4? It was an advanced breast cancer that was very invasive and she had to go through all these treatments, a lot of treatments. And so I was 10,000 miles away from her and I thought okay, what am I gonna do? And the positive human that I am in my core, I decided to do this Saturday night videos that are uplifting videos with wisdom, with nuggets of wisdom that takes her out of the misery that she was feeling at the moment into maybe a land of more positivity. And so I did that for a whole year and that became an impetus of my first book, Moments of the Heart. So for that book to see the light of day, I felt that it was incumbent upon me to actually leave my job in the education and make, yeah, that's the book, and make my mission is to bring that positivity to everybody, not only to my sister, not only to cancer patients and survivors, but to people who just struggle, people who just need a little bit of an injection of positivity and looking at the cup, not only half full, but learn how to fill that half empty with positivity. I think that's a really key thing because a lot of people say, oh, I'm positive because I'm looking at the cup half full. That is not necessarily being positive, that being looking at the realistic, oh yeah, half of it is full. Being really positive is actually seeing what is the opportunities that are ahead of us. And that is how do I fill the cup that is not yet full? How do I continue? And that's where the joy comes. That's where let's go get flowing with joy. And so that's what was the beginning and then I did it in 2019 and then of course, we all know what happened in 2020 and that I needed to pivot. I needed to pivot and that's when mental fitness came into my sphere in the form of positive intelligence. Yes. I became, I took the course and then I decided that I wanted to continue with the course and actually become a certified coach and I was gifted the opportunity to do just that and I became coach number 45 in the world with positive intelligence. And since then I've taken that methodology because in my book, in my first book, it was all about living in the positive realm. It comes and says, okay, live in the positive realms, but your brain and neuroscience have a lot to do with how you then carry yourself and show yourself and behave. So I think that it was such a nice matching of both of those things together and my introduction to positive intelligence. So I told you the whole story in four minutes about how I became that positive intelligence expert. Well, let's break this down for the audience. So everybody always knows about IQ, the intelligence quotient. Okay, it's supposed to be really smart. Then there's EQ that we don't hear enough about, emotion, emotional quotient. And now you're introducing us to positivity intelligence. Yeah, to positive intelligence. Positive intelligence is a science based on four sciences, positive psychology, cognitive psychology, performance science, and neuroscience. Together it creates positive intelligence. Now, EQ, emotional intelligence, is your awareness of how, what triggers you, and how you show up in the world. Okay, what triggers you? Now, positive intelligence is one layer above because it gives you... Oh, it's one layer above. Absolutely. It gives you the tools and the techniques so that your emotional intelligence can sustain itself higher. So an example, you can go to a workshop and let's say they're talking about improving your empathy, because maybe you are lacking in that empathy. And they give you exercises. So, you know, when you are getting upset, think about the positive that this person has done, or think of what a loving thing you can do, or measure your tone of your voice. So you're not coming as judgmental, but more of a discernment. Okay, so they give you these tools. And then you go home, and you practice those tools. And you say, however, when you don't connect it to the neuroscience of your brain, because most of the time when we're not empathetic, that means we're more leaning into the left side of our brains. So neuroscience comes and says, you have to shift to the right side of your brain, to the prefrontal cortex of your brain, to where curiosity and empathy live. You can't be, you can't access empathy from the wrong side of your brain. That's where positive intelligence comes in. And we are teaching people a certain kind of connecting to your body. Okay. Pausing, breathing, having all of our senses really alerted, like touch, smell, sight. And that brings you to the level of greater awareness. So then, because you can go to work, and you can be nice to somebody, because you say, oh my god, I just went to this course, and they told me to be empathetic. But it's treated on the deep down level, on the root level. And the root level has to do with your saboteurs. It has to do with your sage. And we have a test that you can take, that anyone can take, that it's a free test, that you can measure your saboteur level. Because that's where, in the root level of all things, is your saboteur's interference with the best version of you. Yeah, so that's how positive intelligence not only complement EQ, but gives you the tools and the techniques. I call it like the secret sauce, right? You gotta know how to not only have awareness about you, but intercepting your saboteurs, and leaning into the strength, leaning into what makes you the best that you can be. A lot of the time, we operate not from our best. So that awareness, and that taking the time, and we always say 15 minutes a day, spread out, of connecting to yourself, in a way, what other people call meditation, we call PQ, which is positive intelligent motion, and you get clarity. You get a little bit more clarity when you are saying, okay, what is stopping in my way? What is the fear that I'm hiding behind, or that is hiding behind my behavior? And with the thought, and then it goes sometimes on a loop, feeling and thought, and it nurtures each other, and then at a certain point, it becomes a behavior. So we go out there, and we show who we are out there. Intelligence is intercepting that place in our brain, so our thoughts not run our feelings, whether we run our feelings and our emotions. And an average person, Deidre, has 6,000, and that's a study from 2024, 6,000 thoughts a day. Oh my god. 80% of our thoughts are negative, based on fear, based of unknown, based of what could go wrong, based of, I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, this person is going to ruin it, my book is not going to launch. All these fears are in our heads, 80%. Oh my gosh. Yeah, it reminds me, Deidre, Brene Brown said that she was asking a question in one of her teachings, and she says, are we humanity, are we a thinking machine that sometimes feels, or are we a feeling machine that sometimes thinks? Wow. I think it's brilliant, and it lines up with what I'm doing all the time. We are a feeling machine that sometimes thinks. Yes, yes. And so that has been my passion, is combining the positive intelligence and the positivity, and that became the foundation of my second book. I love the title, Oink to Joy, Oink to Joy. So that's a play on Yiddish, since you are a Jewish American citizen, so the oink, and then joy, and then also the song Oink to Joy, that's awesome. I love it. Thank you. So tell us a little bit about Oink to Joy. Thank you. We all have challenges in life, right? We all have. Show me one person that says, oh, I have nothing, no challenges. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. It does not exist. And if they stay, I remember one time, I was married six months, and there's another couple that also was married about the same time as we were, and they said, oh, we never argue, we never argue, we just never argue. It's just not the way we do things. And I said, just wait and see. Two years later, we were talking, and she said, oh, we just don't argue. And I looked at her, and I said, it depends how you define it. Everybody argues to some extent. And then, lo and behold, this person, about ten years later, came knocking on my door, saying, Doris, I think I'm going to divorce my husband. I said, why? You never fight. You never argue. How is that? And she says, maybe that's because of that we shoved everything under the rug. Sometimes you need to have a hard conversation. Definitely. And you've been married for a while. I've been married for a while. I know that it exists. So, oy is when things are not good, okay? For an argument, things doesn't go well. It's an oy. Right. It is our choice. It is a human being's choice to not lean and feed on the oy, but rather feed on the joy and have that positivity and look at something and say, how and what do I choose to take from this situation, from this interaction, from this conversation, from anything that was giving me that oy? And for me, living in joy fills my heart with desire, with energy, with the positivity of what tomorrow holds. Even if I don't know what tomorrow holds, it gives me that hope, because I don't think that I could be as hopeful of a person if I didn't have that yearning for joy and joyful living. What would I hope for if I have no joy? And what would I hope for? So, to me, that is a huge part of who I am. Exactly. And so, I was going to say that you are an effervescent. If there's a time to use the word effervescent, it is with describing you. You are the effervescent, joyful person. You know how when you pop the lid to a soda can and it goes, that's huge. Okay? And so, I say though that we all know there's people that are the direct opposite of you. People who are mired in narcissism. Okay? So, let's take a look at this, from the oy to joy, from this standpoint. Again, on an international scale, we've got different types of world leaders. You've got some world leaders that possibly are more joyful and looking out for the best interest of their citizens. We've got some bully leaders. And then you take it to your own home. And as you were saying about your friend who was never arguing, but now divorced, you've got different couple relationships. You've got different work relationships. There's people, say like you, that look at more joy and look towards that more positive feeling and are passionate about life. But then you've got your direct opposite people. So, what do the folks who are effervescent, full of hope, full of positivity, how do we deal with those folks that don't all don't show their best nature? Because those are also the people that need to be coached by you. Those folks never say, oh, I'm the problem. So, the first thing is, how do we deal with these type of unjoyful people? And then, how do we get these unjoyful people to the table, to read your book, to listen to you speak? How do we do that? Wow. Wow. Okay. I don't know how long you have, but we can spend a whole day. Not all day. I don't have all day. So busy. Number one, let's not, I think one of the key is, let's not be blind to what's out there. Right. That's the first thing. A lot of the time people confuse joyfulness with you are like overly optimistic, you are blind to what's in front of you. Naive. Yes, naive, you're naive. So, the one thing people know, if those who know me, they know that, first of all, my people have been suffering a lot lately, October 7th and all. So, naive will not be how I will define me or people that have been in my situation. Yet, we have a choice. Now, I also believe that the stronger I am in who I am, there's two things that can happen. Let's say I'm coming and I'm meeting somebody who is not joyful. Somebody who is, I call them sabotaged. They're not their best, because honestly, nobody chooses to be a miserable human being. Nobody chooses to be a bag of misery. They don't, but it is what they think is their automatic behavior without sometimes even realizing that's how they show up. So, when you come into a meeting, when I come, I'm going to teach you what I do. I have two options. Number one, I said to myself, Doris, you'll be strong in your positive energy, in your, what I call it, the PQ channel. You'll be strong in that positive intelligence quotient. I come to a meeting, if somebody there is lower on the Richter scale of energy and positivity and joyfulness, two things can happen. One, they could bring me down. You have been into a meeting when somebody is like so down, it brings the entire group down, right? It's like people are hiding. This could happen, or I can bring that person from, let's say he was at minus three, I can bring him to maybe two. Not ten, but I can bring him to two. That depends on me, not on them, not on them, on me. So, if I'm strong in who I am and I'm holding on to that positivity, and I don't let somebody else drag me down, worst case scenario is they stay where they are, and I stay where I am. Best scenario is where I can elevate them a little bit, because I'm still strong. So I'm elevating a little bit. I'm showing them a little bit more. And how do I do that? Number one, I'm actually visualizing. I have a visual image when I go to a meeting, and I don't do it as much anymore, because I'm really hanging around, and being an entrepreneur, I surround myself with people who are open and wanting to grow and develop, so I don't hang around with a lot of bag of miseries. But sometimes, I may have one or two coming into my sphere, wanting to book me to some place, but they're having sabotage situations. Because I'm strong, because I decide, because I choose to be strong in my PQ, in my joy, in my essence, I let myself think that I am wrapped up in oil. There's oil all over me. And if somebody is dripping negativity, think of it as water of negativity, what happens? It repels. That's exactly what I am envisioning. I try not to let them affect me. And I always say, and I always say, it's not about me. When they're being negative, it's not about me. And I think every reader, every listener should be doing this. When somebody comes to you with so much negative energy, it's not about you. It's not. It's about their journey. So, that is really important. And the more I speak, the more I know people who are less joyful than me, they see the benefits. I'm going to give you an example. I spoke in January at the summit, and I was talking about joy. My topic was, be a champion of joy. And I went through all my steps, and it was like a fun thing. And anyway, afterwards, this woman, who is a CEO of a company, and she says, I had the most epiphanic moment of my life. And I said to her, tell me. And she says, I have, I'm an older mom, I have a four-year-old child, and the child is very energetic, and I'm not. I am. I'm more down. I'm more, and my energy, compared to my kid, four-year-old, is like 11, I'm like a 2. And so often, I try to corral that energy and bring her down. And I sometimes even punish her. Four-year-old. Punish her to just be more like me. Like, oh. She says, when I saw you on the stage, suddenly, I saw my daughter, when she gets older, do what you are doing. And I saw that joy, and I thought to myself, how am I daring to stop my child from being their best self? When she told me this, and she says, you've changed the way I'm going to parent from this point on. Wow. I swear, I had goosebumps when she talked. Then, a week later, she sent me an email about what she did when she returned home after the conference, and she came to her daughter, and her daughter greeted her, and they start jumping around the house, like greeting, and she says, I jumped in a way that I've never jumped before, screaming to my top of my lungs to mention. And she says, and you know what happened? She actually became more quieter, because I let her be her, and then she was okay. And then she was okay. I'm on no hands. It was unbelievable. And so, yeah, and I asked her, may I share your story? And she says, absolutely. You can even put my name, but I don't do that. Just the story, I think is paramount. Now, why? This woman was open, and when she saw me, she saw her the person she loves, that she doesn't understand. And now, wow. Then, that story alone is worth what you're doing. You know that you're in the right lane, the right space, the right, you're doing something for the world, just based on that one story. Thank you, my dear. That's how I feel. I feel that my mission, my mission in life was always to educate, and inspire, and bring the best out of people. So, for the first 30 years of my life, I did it in an educational setting. I ran a school for the last 16 years of that. And then I decided that, really, the world is my classroom. And how does that then show itself? By me speaking on stages, by me going to people who would not necessarily enter my building for my education, but me entering their world. And that really is the drive behind everything I do. The second book that I wrote about choosing to be your own champion, is that combination of, how do I choose the choices that I make? How can a person make choices that would yield them the result, the ROI that they want, the return on investment? And then I take choices that maybe sometimes, for some people, are simple, but it's not so simple. Because to do consistently over time, even choose kindness, choose to educate, choose to be a leader, choose to be positive, choose to love. All of these choices that we do every day, we have the opportunity. And with each every choice, we give another ray of light into the world. When you make wonderful choices that elevate you, guess what? It elevates the universe. Right. Not only you, it elevates me from far away. Because that energy comes through. Right. It reverberates. Now, you say that choosing to be a life champion, what sets it apart is that it's a six-step playbook. It guides readers through intentional choices that align with their deepest values and personal strengths. Now, so again, there's always people that turn to self-help books. I have a sibling who I've heard say, oh, I'm not gonna read that person's self-help book. I don't want them to tell me what to do. It's a trick to click to talk about how in the world do we get this book in those folks' hands? It could be, don't look at it as self-help. Look at it as a story of someone that went through many choices. And what does it resonate, what resonates within you about this? Look at the book from teaching you the science of your own brain about how to shift your mind because you may not want a self-development book yet. You have had challenges, you had always, you had struggles in your own life. So maybe by reading what I have with the workbook that is attached to that book, so when people get my book, they also get a workbook. Right. Do you do to make your life better? Whatever that is, you don't have to, don't look at it as self-help. Look at it as your own development. You do not want to develop, then hey, then I'm out of that. It's, there's, as we can say, we can bring a horse to water, we can't make them drink. Exactly. Exactly. When is your wonderful book going to come out? When will we be able to see choosing? My pre-launch is happening May 22nd in a physical space, but it will be live stream and on Facebook, but also live stream. And I will, those who are in my orbit, which means if you sign up for being an ambassador, the ambassador list, which I have emailed you, which I hope you can put it in the notes of this, is those people who are going to sign up, they're going to know what's the link. How do you choose? How do you join? If you, if they so happen to live in the Portland metropolitan area, they can physically come. Yeah. And then the book in Amazon and all social platforms will be on October 17. And yeah, so we'll have a time from May where they can purchase it from me with a personalized copy for me. Okay. And if they want to wait and purchase it on Amazon or Barnes Noble, they could do a pre-order. Okay. When they apply to that, when they sign up for the ambassador, they're going to get a gift. They're going to get several gifts. One of them is the ebook, right? Yeah. The ebook is going to be ready to go. And for them prior to October 17, and they're going to actually get a card game with the idea. Yes. I have it here. Yes. Yes. Six steps playbook to making the right choice for you. Yes. Yes. So I'm going to send that to, and by making the right choice for you, it is really to become your best self because the best choice for you is how you show up in the most amazing, beautiful way. And so they will receive this gift as well. And maybe we will do a webinar, some kind of a virtual pre-launch where everybody can, once they have my book, they order it, they have my book in their hands. And we could do a book talk and Q and A. But only this will be able to happen only if they sign up for an ambassador. So they'll know what's going on. Exactly. Doris, what we're going to do is we're going to have your contact information in the podcast show notes and in the videos description box below. And we wish you all the success in the world. And I'll tap back into you later on this year. And perhaps we can do another collab as your book comes out. So I am so grateful that you exist, Ms. Evervescent. And we need more joy. People need to know more who they are and how they can tap into it. And I thank you for being the person that's leading us there. Thank you so much for appearing on my show today. Thank you so much. Thank you. Love to everybody. Yes. Thanks.