Compassion is the Foundation of all Healing and Healthy Change

I think with compassion, we think of it as a way to make the external world better sometimes. You know, we'll notice that a life without much compassion, self-compassion, certainly compassion, a lack of compassion for other people, leads to things not really working. And we get to a point where we're like, okay, there's not much option left but to go in and cultivate this thing within myself that has this capacity to hold compassion. And I think in a funny way, the problem with compassion, it's not what people think, people think that compassion means that you're going to become too soft, you're going to become kind of a pushover, you're going to become this really passive individual. And I don't see that as the problem with compassion. The problem I see with it is that with compassion, it works. That's actually the problem with compassion. Things externally start to improve when we are more compassionate. And I mean compassion in a very radical sense. To the point where there's a part within us that we're getting in touch with more and more that doesn't care about the external world at all. It's so compassionate towards it. No matter what's happening externally, whatever our behaviors might be or other people's, but we'll focus on our own maybe. Whatever our own behaviors are, there is a capacity within us to meet it with absolute acceptance. It's radical, right? It doesn't matter what it is that we're doing, whether it's good or bad or it's terrible. There is a capacity within us to meet it with, yeah, there's no problem. It doesn't change anything about who you really are. That's what real compassion is. Now the problem is, once we're in touch with that place and we're letting go of all these judgments, we're letting go of all these demands and expectations and expectations and narratives and plans and outcomes, we're letting go of it all, we're really getting to a radical place where it's like, I don't really care what happens externally. I have the capacity to meet myself with compassion, to find compassion within myself, for myself. And things start to work externally. And that's the problem because then we associate, this compassion thing is really great for the external fixing. And we then turn to compassion, not out of a surrender for trying to fix things, but as a means to get the external things to change because compassion seems to be working externally. So the real purpose, the real way to instill or work with this compassion isn't as a subtle way to fix the external situations of our lives. It's much more radical than that. It's a place we go to, to help us realize that the external things that are happening in our lives don't matter. They don't change who you are fundamentally. It's a radical place of acceptance and non-judgment. Yes, when we are living from that place, more and more things tend to change externally. But that can't be, that's more of an echo of the compassion, right? It's a reflection of the compassion externally. The danger is that we turn this compassion into a tool or we turn it into a problem-solving tool when really, you know, to find the answers to all of our problems externally. If I could just get compassion, then I'll find the answers. And we're really focused on the answers externally. When really, compassion is the answer to whatever problem you have. It's not to go and necessarily change the external thing, although that tends to happen. There's an echo of the real answer, but compassion itself is the answer. Whatever, what I'm saying here is, whatever problems we feel that we're facing in life. Should I do this? Should I not do that? Should I say this? Should I avoid saying that? How can I get happiness there? How can I avoid catastrophe? We think we have to figure it all out. We have to get the right answers. The answer doesn't come from compassion. Compassion is the answer. It's the only problem we have. It's this lack of compassion for ourselves that is the problem. So compassion. And compassion is radical. Compassion doesn't ask you to change a thing or to do a thing. It just looks at whatever's happening and totally accepts it. Completely accepts it. Doesn't try to change it at all. It will lead to echoes. You will get probably little insights or obvious things will come from that place of compassion that you can go externally and do, but that's not the answer. The compassion that led to those insights is the answer. And this is true in something like inquiry, for instance, right? I meant to make a video on this for a while, but I'm a real believer, an advocate for doing self-inquiry, which is the main function for it really is working with our triggers. So something has upset me seemingly externally. An inquiry will show you that that external thing that is affecting you, that has led to the loss of your peace of mind, it has nothing to do with the loss of your peace of mind. That's not causing your anxiety. That's not causing your depression or your sense of unworthiness. That's just coming from this false identity that you hold. And that external thing that's happening is reflecting to you that false identity that you hold. So inquiry is, I think that thing is the source of my dis-ease. Inquiry is, is that true? Right? And you question it and you invariably, if you do a practice inquiry, you'll realize, oh, that thing is completely innocent. It's not that thing at all. And we think it's these insights that we get from inquiry that are the valuable thing. And it's true to a degree. But what's really interesting is what's the source of these insights that I'm getting? Where are these coming from? These truths, these insights, that's coming from a place of compassion. It's coming from your genuine, real self. The relationship you have with the loving part of yourself. That's what's interesting. The insights themselves are not the answer. The answer is the source of the insights. When we are with that, when we are turning to that within ourselves more and more, it's really this growing sense of everything external doesn't matter. Again, a lot of people will hear that and they'll say, this is avoidance, this is denial, this is refusing to look at things externally. It's not about refusing to look at life and look at what's happening. But it's about looking at it directly and realizing, even with this happening, with the anxiety, with the self attacks going on, whatever it is, there's still a place within myself, even when all that's happening, and certainly all the external things, when they're all happening, I can find a place within myself of compassion that is not disturbed. That doesn't see it as something that needs to be fixed or resisted or pushed away or grabbed onto and held onto, grasped. I think that's really what we're all doing here. I think that's the point of all of this. Even while everything is going on externally, while our own bodies are showing these signals of anxiety and fear and guilt and shame and everything else, that kind of false sense of self, that false identity is doing what it does. It's not about necessarily even stopping that. It's certainly not about fixing that. It's just about noticing that, recognizing that, and seeing that there is an alternative within myself that I can begin to cultivate a relationship with that doesn't want to fix it or stop it or resist it. And yes, the external thing, once we are more and more in touch with that within ourselves, the external stuff starts to look different. It starts to more than likely change very often. But that's not the important thing. The important thing is the relationship that led to those changes. That's the thing that needs to be valued, not the changes themselves. So I'm repeating myself. I hope that's a useful insight. The only thing that we're really missing in life is that compassion for ourselves, that radical self-acceptance. That radical part that knows who we really are isn't this small, vulnerable, afraid, guilty, shameful, false identity. It knows that within us. And just making the time to say, that's what I'm going for. Just to be with that, that's the answer. So I hope that's useful. And if you've got any comments or feedback, please feel free to share below. And thanks for being with me. I will see you again very soon. And maybe I'll make more videos on this topic, this radical self-compassion issue. But until then, I will talk to you later. Thanks so much. Bye-bye.