I'm SCARED!

[Music] Good morning, guys. Welcome to today's video. I am alone. Sam's gone to the doctor's appointment. Girls are gone. I hate being alone. I grew up in a big Okay, I'm not alone. The birds are trying to tell me I'm not alone, but I grew up in a big family. I'm not used to being alone. On the weekend, I got another blanket. Isn't it gorgeous? It's so sad that I'm ripping out a part, but I can't stop myself. Even when my kids were younger and I would say and I was working all the time and I say, "Sam, I'm like, I really need to have a rest or I need to get this house cleaned up. you got to take the girls and do something with them while I get everything done. And he would I would be like cleaning my bedroom and I would hear him outside doing stuff with the kids and then I'd be like I'd drop everything and I would go out there and I'd be with them too. Like I'm not used to being alone. When I was young, I had lots of kids in my family and then I had lots of kids. But look at this. I walk outside. This is how my life is, you guys. I just walk outside and I see hay sitting here ready for me to take down to the barn. You know who does it? Sam. He sets us up for success. Would it be nicer if he just took it to the barn himself? Yes. Don't you get out. Don't you get out. You got hay in your mouth. Woo. Anyway, I really do think like God is preparing me for this new journey of life. the life where my kids are growing up. The boys grew up so much faster than the girls. The girls are taking a lot longer. Listen, this is not free hay. Back off. I really like how Nico's growing up, though. I really like it. We cut his hair too short. That's what I was trying to tell you yesterday and didn't get it out. But look at him. He looks cute. And the wrinkles on his neck. Like he is cute. When the girls move out and are gone, I know it's going to be me and the animals. Mostly me and the goats. And I I'm okay with that. Like that's what I plan. That's what I love. But I'm literally trying to resist it, though. Like I don't I I want the girls to do all the fun stuff with me. So I finally convinced Sophie to show goats with me. So we're so excited. She's going to show Nico. She's been working on it so hard. Oh no. Don't come in. Don't come in. Get out. Thank you. So, I looked up online on at the place that she can show Nico. There's only three shows in Ontario where you can show bucks. Can you believe that? And I thought that I found one, but I was wrong. Turns out the only show we could show him at is over. It was in June. My plan was that the buck the place I thought was the going to have a buck show, it was going to be first and we were going to go there and Sophie was going to show Nico and I was going to watch everything she did and then I was going to go. I'm scared to go to the show by myself, you guys. Like I've never showed a goat before. I've never showed Well, I have showed a horse before, but I don't want to do it by myself. I want somebody to do it with me. I really want to do it, though. So, she's not going to get to go. She's not going to get to show him. So, that means that the first show is going to be me and little baby Posh. I know God is pushing me to go out there and do stuff on my own because that's what's going to happen. Sam will be with me. Sam will always support me and be with me and we always do all of our stuff together. But I wanted like somebody to show with me and I have a friend and I've talked her into showing with me and she says she's going to show with me. I don't know. I have to talk to her. I don't think I have a feeling she won't. Anyways, pray for me guys cuz this whole journey into showing it's going to be hard. I really want to show Nico. There's only one other show that he can go to and it's the Royal Winter Fair. Do I think he's Royal Winter Fair quality? No. So, I don't know. I think I think we could take Ziggy to the Royal. Do I think he would win? Not necessarily. But I think he has like a nice body and a nice frame. I think he could go. I don't know. We're going to just see what happens with Sophie and Nico. But yeah, I'm alone. That's the whole point of this story. I have found two new mock buckets, though. I found them at yard sales, you guys. And they're super heavy duty. The ones that I have that I bought for the horses, they're like shorter and wider, and they're thinner somehow. These ones are like super heavy. They're just called utility buckets. I love them. And I love that they're different colors. So cute. Anyway, this is noon check. This is what I do. This is usually Sophie comes with me to do noon check. It's funny. I open the door to come out and as I'm opening the door, Posie acts like acts like she she acts all nonchalant. She's like, "Yeah, you're coming out. I'm going in." And then she steps up onto the thing and then as soon as soon as she sees that I'm closing the door, she starts to make noise and she's not happy about it. Who's laying down? Oh, little Oakley. Hi, babies. Whoa. So, anyways, [Music] about Cricket. Still can't tell if she's pregnant. What do you guys think? You think she's pregnant? I showed her yesterday running in. She definitely looks pregnant. Like some of them look fat. Like look at that. She looks fat, too. She is the fattest one out of all the babies. Don't bite me. But Cricket just looks different. Whoa. Sorry, Pose. All right, let's just wait until she gets this out of her system. She's trying to get everybody off the She's really feisty. Like her holy moly. Her whole personality has changed recently. Huh? We lost. Look, she's mad. Her hair, her hackles are raised. Oh, the udder. [Music] I don't know. It looks bigger. But so this is the problem with the udder. An udder growth would tell me like, "Yeah, she's got hormones going on. She's pregnant." But she's also chubby and a chubby goat can have an udder. [Applause] Usually they nap at this time. Clearly, I've come into some I've walked into something. Hi, baby. A little Py. Do you want to go to a show with me? She says she says no. But Oakley wants to go. wants to. So does Winnie. Millie Winnie. Winnie wants to go. She's like, "Oh, go. I'll win. Yeah, I'm surrounded by blonde bombshells. And my little buckskin." Oh. All right. Come on over here and sit with me. Come on, you can come up. Oh, no. She can't come up. Come on, you can get up. Yeah, you did it. You did it. Anyways, I'm at the point now where I'm pretty sure she's pregnant. She hasn't gone into heat. So, oh my gosh, honestly, her udder isn't like growing so much that it's a definite udder. It could just be fat. She could just be fat. They get like chubby a chubby udder when they're overweight. These are all my girls. All my girls hanging out with me. A little posh. So, even though I'm nervous to show, even though I'm scared to show, I'm not scared. I just I don't want to do it the first time by myself because I don't not know what I'm doing. And I don't have anybody to go with me. Like, I have nobody that's experience to show me. And I'm not used to that. Even though people do it all the time. Like, when my girls were showing, we had coaches. I we paid for people to to teach them how to do it, to do it with them. I got nobody paid to teach me. I hate to pay somebody to teach me, but there's nobody to teach me. I do not know a single person that I could even ask or pay to teach me. The shows that we're going to go to, even though they're accredited, they're tiny. They're small shows, so I shouldn't be afraid. And I've been to them, so I know that they're like super casual and go people are so kind and I know they'd be like, "Just show me what to do and stuff." And I've been watching a million videos. Like, I get it. I know what I need to do. I just don't want to do it for myself, but I'm going to do it. You guys, God is pushing me and I am going to do it. And I remember I showed Stella, if you weren't here for the Stella thing, we got this horse for Sophie and she was kind of a rescue. Kind of a rescue. And a lot of the kids on our channel, I wanted to show that I wanted to show them that even when you're the underdog, like she was the underdog, that you can still show and be successful and that you still every life has value. even if you're a rescue. And so I showed her and we got second place. Sophie beat me. There was like another adult in the class and maybe two more kids. So three, five of us. There was five of us, I'm pretty sure. The video is here on our channel. And I got reserve champion. I got two seconds and a first. And Sophie got two first and a second. And I felt like this before I went to that show. I was like so stressed out. The shows are getting closer and closer. And then like I have people and so I'm going to go to this show and it's going to be embarrassing cuz I don't know what I'm doing and then I have like you guys watching so it's not like I'm just going to go and can just get through it. I have to like I don't know you guys. I don't know. I'm 55 years old. Should I be doing this? I feel like yes, I should be because when the girls are grown up and the girls are gone, I'm going to have my grandkids and Sam and then the goats. We're going to keep the horses, too. But I'm not going to be showing the horses, but I'll have Sam and the goats and the grandkids. And I'm going to trick I mean train my grandkids to go to shows with me. Even if they want to show horses, I'm going to try and get them. I think Ari will really get into the horses. She really likes it. And but they live far, so it's hard. But and even baby Lily is she like I want to get them to show all this stuff with me. But for now, it's all on me. And that's a lot of pressure. You want to do this? Anyways, little Posh, she has great parents, so she's a good candidate to go to a show with me, but she's little. She's small for her size, even a little like her sister. She's a sister. My friend has her sister, and she's way bigger. She's gorgeous. And she's the one that I want to show with me. So, I got to message her and say, "Listen, the show's coming up and you're going whether you want to or not." But then I feel bad cuz I don't know what I'm doing. Then I'm leading her to do what to do stuff that we don't even know. And we're going to do it. It's I'm super stubborn like that. When I set my mind to something where I really want to do something and I set my mind to it, then I can't talk myself out of it. Even if I'm scared, even if I'm nervous. Some of you guys show. I wish you could come. I wish you could come to my show. I just want to go get used to it. I want to get into the habit of it. I want to learn the show process so that as our goats get going like as we get better and better at stock that I the more that the more we keep moving that I can show I want to show all of our goats. I want to like I want to show it's in the blood you guys. My girls love showing and I want to show. Oh my gosh, she just peed two times in 5 minutes. If that isn't a sign, I do not know what is. I'm going to say her udder definitely looks bigger, but she's gained weight, so it could just be that. All right, anyways, enough of that. I know I'm probably driving you all crazy. Get an ultrasound. That's what everybody always says. It's not It's not fun if you can't guess. Is she or isn't she all the time? It's like this big huge surprise. Just like finding out the gender of your baby. I love when people keep it a secret. Keep it a surprise. I do not know what's happening though, but the goat field is aggressive today. Super aggress. Oh my gosh. What the heck? She's literally going to kill that bench. Holy heck. I've never seen that before in my life. I told you something's changed. She just rubbed up against Blossom and rubbed necks with Blossom. This whole herd is changing, you guys. >> Just the way you are, just the way you came. Don't you know that you're beautiful?