I Tried to Follow a Pro on His Local Trails

I've failed you. After promising to manage risk more responsibly, I put my trust in this guy. Four-time Red Bull Rampage competitor, Remy Battaglier. He promised coffee followed by a ride tailored just for me, as in blind gap jumps, doubles, and steep slabs stacked one after another. Either Remy misjudged my abilities or he hasn't been paying attention. It's been four and a half years, two kids, and two injuries since I've last ridden anything I've got a lot more to lose now, and I take risk more seriously, but it's possible Remy knew exactly what he was doing, and thus eased into it. After making us both a cappuccino, we began our ride on the funnest thing possible, a loam trail. This is, to me, the most fun I can have on a bike. I don't want you to follow me, I want you to go first. A loamer is a brand new trail with the upper layer, known as loam, still intact. Loam has incredible traction, and it even sounds amazing. Oh yeah, this is so good. I'm getting in it. Wow, this is steep, this is awesome. I haven't ridden a loamer in so long. Riding a steep loamer is also the funnest thing mathematically possible, but it's short lived. After a few weeks, the loam wears away and it becomes normal dirt, which is still fun, but without the same novelty. Oh my god, this is a hoot. This is so good. There were times where I'd come out of a turn, and then there'd just be a void. I couldn't see anything, and so I'd slow up and peer over the edge, and I'm like, alright, I guess that's supposed to work. And then you drop in, and they put a catch berm right where you need it. You gotta just trust the builders. So at this point, Remy was proving to be an excellent guide, and he noted we would be visiting some little jumps. Those jumps are kind of right out of a corner. So the wood ramp takes you into the jumps? Yeah, so you want to stop right after the wood ramp. Here we go. Okay, a little step down. And then, okay, those are proper doubles. Yeah, they get bigger as we go. Yeah, let's check them out. This step down is pretty straightforward. This is long and low. Step down also. I might be getting into the territory where when I'm way out in the woods, 3,000 miles from my house, and not having jumped a lot lately, that I might want to give a second thought about. Here's where Remy's real skill kicks in—subtle tactical encouragement. Do you want me to do it first by myself so you can have a look? Yeah, why don't you do it, that would be awesome. The most hurt that I've been this trip is scraping my pedal on the back of my calf when I was moving my bike into Airbnb. So I've been doing pretty good with this new me and the risk assessment, but then my emotions want to do these jumps. Just for fun, I'll do the first one. It's just a step down. Yeah, just rolling in seems like enough speed to do this, because you probably even want to break into the second one a little bit. I'm definitely not going to do the third one, that would be breaking my own promise pretty bad. Alright, dropping in. Yeah, that was great. I know these are in my wheelhouse, and I know that the third one's going to go right, but I'm just not going to do it because I'm having a great time, and I want to continue having a great time. That sounds good. Smart move. I was very impressed by your stopping technique here, because you have a lot of speed, you shut it down in like two bike lengths. Yeah, it was pretty much a stoppie all the way down the landing. I went out on A-line and I was like, it's been so long. This is way more technical than A-line, I'm actually surprised that you would do that. Main thing I'm worried about is kind of a steep landing. If I undershoot it, there are obvious consequences, and if I overshoot it, it could be a trip to the hospital. So where I see it is, if you case it, you ride the front wheel, and you slam head first on the berm, you're going to come to a stop. Yes. Those to me are like the most dangerous type of crash. Yeah, I have nothing to prove nowadays. I'm really happy to just say no and ride another day. I always tell people, once you do something once, do it over and over so you can really build in that muscle memory and that experience so you actually get better. So you can lock it in. Before I knew it, I was hiking back up for another test run. Alright, I'm going to follow Remy through the first two jumps for a little footage. Those are too fun to not do again. Ready? I'm ready. Let's do it. I know it'll work. Let's go through there once more. I'm still not going to do the third one, but maybe I can get a better shot. Okay. That's what I'm going to do again. Yeah. I couldn't help it. Oh wow. They're too good. Yeah, but are you going to keep making me do jumps? No, no, no. I was pretty fired up after clearing the line, but I still can't decide if it was smart or just lucky. It's worth noting I ended up doing it twice. We continued our descent down the mountain, and Remy, being the good guy he is, gave me a rundown on what was coming up. What I love the most about this trail is that the total climbing amount is zero meters. It's got tiny drops, tiny jumps, some rooty sections, a couple of rocks, some lob, it's got a bit of everything. I really enjoy this one. I don't know about you, but if somebody's warning me about 10 different features on a trail I've never ridden before, at best I'm remembering three and actually noticing two. And of course, he insisted I lead. Ready? I'm ready. Let's go. Okay. I buzzed my ass. This stuff is so good. Here we go. Wasn't in the right gear for that. Zero meters. That was at least a meter and a half. That was awesome. I was stoked about that skinny line. And to have you just make a 90 degree turn and flat drop it, that's so awesome. When you told me you had never come to Squamish, I was pumped because I was like, okay, I'm going to take him on a ride that's, you know, just redefine what good mountain biking is. I think. Yeah, this is awesome. I see why this is the best. Okay, let's do it. Yeah, that's always how you get got. Not on jumps, not on blind drops. That's where it happens. Is it a big mandatory jump? No. A right under, a left under, and then there's a log. You can just drop to stick to the right. Because if you go to the left, it's like a big gap. And then there is a ladder bridge. Do not go fast. Stay to the right of the log and go slow on the ladder bridge. Exactly. Okay. All right, let's do it. Yes. Okay, I don't know when this log is coming up. It said go to the right. Oh, here it is. I think there was a log. Okay. Now I think I can trust the trail. Okay. Oh. Okay, I got to regroup because that thing pulled my pants down. This is how you know you're dealing with an amateur. All right, I'm going to keep my butt out of my back tire. Good advice not going fast on the ladder bridge. Because that would have been a lot of extra speed to hit that next transition. You give good advice. Remy, I should listen to you more often. You're running well. Thank you. Like those trails, this is a proper double black. Yeah. Wow. I honestly don't know what log you were talking about to go right on. It was right before the one that dropped your pants. Okay. But the rest of our descent was chock full of fun flow trails without too many surprises. Oh. So beautiful out here. We took a break for lunch with plans to hit the slabs afterwards. And I was excited because I thought I knew what was coming. I'm a little bit nervous. I got to be honest. The stuff we rode this morning was pretty scary, but it was in my wheelhouse. It's been a while since I've been out on slabs. And what's interesting is that it's a completely different experience than what you did this morning. He looks like he's coming up to us, actually. Yeah. And then his friend's over there. Alright, so we're going to start climbing and hit some slabs. This is kind of the most iconic part of Squamish, and so I'm dying to see it. There's one slab in Squamish that's more famous than all the others, In-N-Out Burger. I figured that's where this was headed. Oh, this keeps going on and on. Out here, I think I'd want to climb all day. Doesn't even feel like we climbed. Super enjoyable. For some reason, I always remember what climbing was and it is. I didn't even take a sip of water yet. It's amazing. It's basically like low grade, low speed, very awkward terrain. But people here love the trail. In my opinion, it's like the worst trail to ride in the entire world. Like every time I come here, I feel like a complete beginner. So, may I let you go first? Okay. You can judge by yourself. I'll try my luck. Well, you'll see. I see what you mean. This is definitely tricky. I'm glad I left my suspension locked. But the one we should look at is right here. Oh! Yeah, my instinct would be to come down here. For some reason from here, it looks more rideable than from up there. That high line over there looks pretty doable to me. You know what? I'm going to do a set slide. Nice! I think you had a great idea and this seems more inviting to me. Oh yeah, dude! You made it look easy. I'm glad the tree's there because on the other side, there's a bunch of jagged rocks. I think I'd rather head into the tree. I think my strategy is going to be creeping even slower than Remy did and get myself lined up. And if something goes wrong, then I'm just kind of jumping off my bike awkwardly and like sliding down some dirt. But the plan is to get it. So if you came up to something like this on a trail, I think I would just do it and I would come out okay. But talking about it and looking at it gives me the heebie-jeebies. I just got to come in controlled and make smart decisions. Alright, I'm dropping in. Oh! Might be overthinking it. There's just a void on the other side of that. Okay. It's a line. Seth's first attempt. Yes! Yeah, dude! That was pretty good! That'll get your blood pumping. That gave me the heebie-jeebies, but it worked. That was the first time either of us have done that line. Yeah. Thanks for greasing it for me. I've redone forever that middle line. I'm not going to lie, I have no interest in that middle line. But now that I know what the Seth's line is. Heck yeah. Oh, that was super fun. Wow, look how cool it looks with all that moss. God, I love this place. Managing risk is about probability. The more risks you take, the higher the probability something will happen. Going down the spine. Nice one, dude. So, here's a matter of time. I'm glad I didn't go into that blind. I actually tasted it pretty good. That could have been bad. At this point, I figured Remy had thrown his worst at me. I was feeling good, and I was getting excited for In-N-Out Burger, arguably the most famous rock slab and mountain biking. But when we turned the corner, it was immediately obvious. This was not In-N-Out Burger. This was something else entirely. I don't have a lot of experience on rock slabs, because there's not many rock slabs where I live. This is much harder than In-N-Out. I would love to see your line down this, because I don't even know where I would go. I jump from here, and I land on the slab. Yeah, that's crazy. This was the most scared I had been all day, because it wasn't the slab itself, it was the eerie realization that Remy's tone had changed. It's pretty intimidating. If something goes wrong, you will get hurt. He wasn't goading me, not even subtly. You can't really see, probably on camera, how it dips, but this is definitely, uh, this is a lot more difficult than In-N-Out Burger, right? I mean, In-N-Out Burger is just a slab. Don't get me wrong, he was happy to answer any questions I had about riding this slab, but he was clearly putting the ball entirely in my court. We hiked the line, we talked through every option, and I was behaving like someone who was going to ride it. But when I scrambled back up to the top and looked down, the fear vanished, because I knew there was no way I was riding this stupid thing. You ready? I'm ready. Oh yeah! How was that? That was good. I was not as in control as I should have been, but it surprisingly wasn't that scary. That doesn't look like something you can ride on a bicycle, this is preposterous. What the? What the? I know that Remy can jump into this slab and nose wheelie down the entire thing, but he led me in on the safest line at a completely manageable speed. This madman who goaded me into riding doubles in a remote forest and sent me blind over creek gaps had led me to victory safely. I couldn't help it. They're too good. And then we were off to a sight to behold, In-N-Out Burger. Look at that freaking view! Oh my goodness! Wow! I gotta say, Squamish has got better views than Whistler. You live in paradise, Remy. It's been a while since I've needed to ride dangerous stuff to make a living. I've had some big videos over the years like riding the white line in Sedona, but these days I can just restore bikes in my workshop and review weird products all day. Rides like this, they're for me, and while I love sharing them with you, they're actually the most selfish thing I do. I've taken risk more seriously. I've got more to lose now than ever before, but riding bikes gives you feelings you can't get any other way. Longest mountain biker, famous rock slab in the world. And we're gonna go way slow. Okay. Try and keep it slow. Really slow. Okay. And now there's two trees. The grip is there. You just don't want to go over your handlebars. And then it gets chunky! Oh, that is so cool! That is an experience! Well, that was like perfect technique. All on your front brake, like you drop your heel. You know how to do that stuff. Oh! That was spicy! Remy and I have known each other for a few years and talk regularly, but I had never ridden with him at length, until that day in Squamish. For most of the time, Remy followed me, so if you want to see the same ride from his perspective, he's got one heck of a video on his channel. And if you haven't already, check out the stuff he rides on his own time. Thanks, Remy, for a ride I'll never forget. Thanks to you for coming on this adventure with me. I hope you learned something, and if not, I hope you at least found it entertaining. Thanks for riding with me today, and I'll see you next time. Oh, yeah!