Coldplay turn your Bleak Mornings into songs

We have a load of people on the phone who have got bleak morning stories, and then we'd like you to set them to music. Well, I'll try. Beth, good morning! Beth? Just as I feared, Beth had disappeared. That's it, that's the whole song. Hello! Beth! Hi! Phew, she said we got you! We worried... You almost lost me then! Oh, Beth. We worried that we'd bored you. Yeah. Oh no, no, no, no. Beth, welcome to The Breakfast Show. You're on with Chris Martin. Hi, Beth. This is... Oh my goodness, hello! Where are you, Beth? What are you doing? Well, I'm currently waiting outside my lecture, because it started five minutes ago, but I emailed him saying, look, I'm going to speak to Chris Martin. I think that trumps any lecture, so hopefully, fingers crossed, I can get away with it. What's the lecture now? Business of Music, because I study music. Oh yeah, well, you're talking to the right guys. Come on. What do you want to know? Okay, Beth, so... Beth, what's been going on? We're being too jovial here. Can we have some sad something? Yeah. Just a little... Hang on, I'm just going to set the tone with some... Oh yeah, good. Okay, so Beth, tell us your story. Just to be absolutely clear as well. Chris, you haven't heard any of these stories before going on air. This is... Well, this is the thing. People are like, oh yeah, sure. I don't mind. Some people hate me. I don't mind. No, I'm not saying they hate you. I'm just saying... But it's okay. It's important that... If they think I've heard this before, then that would make me worried. Fine. Because I'm not sure how good they're going to be. Here we go. Sad music. It's four in the morning. I wake up and I have to go to work for six. So I come into work six o'clock, ready to lifeguard, and turns out that it's next week that I'm meant to be working. So I woke up at four o'clock for nothing. That is my sad story. Oh, you're a week early for work. Yeah, gutted. Absolutely gutted. Beth, that is a bad, sad story. Let's take those ingredients and let's see if we can workshop that into some sort of song. Something great. Okay. I don't like that at all. How long have I got to work this out? As long as you like. But she's got to get to her lecture. No, she's fine. Okay, here we go. Probably a week early now, no? It's coming. Don't worry. I'm just waiting for the right mood. Oh, this could be it. At the time when most farmers are still in their pajamas My alarm went off to get me up I was there shirking I was thinking about working As I poured my coffee straight into my coffee cup But I wasn't going to school I wasn't going somewhere cool I was going to my local pool That's what I did Hey! No running or bombing No ducking or diving And sometimes I jumped in a pool To save a little kid To my surprise As the sun didn't rise I realised That's as far as I got. That was the best thing ever. I don't know quite where it came from. That was extraordinary. Oh, and then I get to be called like I'm early for work I feel like such a perk Because I'm early for work Oh, I'm early for work Yeah, I'm early for work I must be some kind of jerk, yeah Got my life, got stuff on I got my little old bands on Oh, the end of this hymn And the joke of it all Is that I can't swim That was amazing Yeah Wow That's it That's the best thing I've got That is... It was extraordinary There's no comp... You can't have any complaints about that Well, no, it makes worth Being 20 minutes late to my lecture Well, I thought 20 minutes I thought it was five minutes Hang on, we're not letting that go No, it's 20 now Oh, no Started at 10 past Oh, I don't mind It was amazing Thank you Sweater off Bye! I'm going to take my sweater off That's fine, we can have a... I might be sweating a bit We can have a... We can have a pause These things make me a bit nervous Well, that was... It was really... That was great But pressure is good Right, so we've got... We've got Mark, who's on his way Hello, Mark speaking Hello, Greg speaking Hi, Mark How are you? How you doing? All right? I'm good, yeah You're on The Breakfast Show And Chris Martin is here Hi, Mark, how are you? Hello, I'm good, thanks How's everything? Yeah What's up, mate? Oh, okay I think we're about to learn that Mark's actually got a sort of... It's not necessarily a bad problem It's a nice problem, which is just slightly embarrassing So can we have some sort of bleak somethings? I'm so sad Sad strumming or something Sad strumming So anything, really Well, I'll put that there, hold on You can start talking, though Well, Mark, so tell us the story What's going on in your life? So I wake up this morning, look in the mirror And realize that I have hickeys all over my neck Well, we've all been there But just not usually when you're nearly 30 And then I remember that I am also a children's nursery manager With 100 children and families that will come in And 28 staff to manage Right, so you've got slightly awkward revealing love bites Can you hear that? Yeah Okay So let's go through this again, Mark Yeah If we have to No, we do, we need to rid you of this Last night you were out and about Yeah, well, I was with a friend of mine Yeah Um, yeah Okay All good Sometimes when you go to the zoo The names of all the animals describe just what they do Sometimes if you go to the park You see a guy with an appropriate name This guy's name is Mark Mark, Mark, Mark The dogs all bark Looks like he had a spark Or some kind of fight Oh, Mark, Mark, Mark Did you go and meet some kind of vampire last night? Did you get a mosquito bite? Oh, Mark I don't like this one Oh, no, that's I could do better than that It's Brit No, we were really into that No, no, no, no, no It was amazing No? No Oh, we were there on it We were, Mark, we were I was in We were there We were there with it Anything that's got my name in it repeatedly, that's gotta be a winner Yeah I loved it I'm sorry, that's not good enough Well, I mean, you're the boss, but I loved that I'm really not the boss That was, that was great I'm sorry I was trying to get to a place where the teachers laugh And he said it was a leopard print scarf, but I couldn't get there That's where it would have ended I couldn't find the bridge to it We're so close And then I rhyme bark with Mark, that's terrible Is it? Yeah Well, these aren't, these aren't to be released And also, I don't really think that's a problem I gotta be honest with you, I can't do something unless I really sympathise And I don't Because that's a luxury problem It's not bleak at all, it's just awesome Yeah Just put a scarf on and stop moaning Right, there you go Mark, we're done Lewis, good morning Hi, Greg Hi Hi, Lewis You are on with Chris Martin He has keyboard in hand and he is ready to go with your story Now, I want you to be honest with us You heard what happened to Mark just then Chris will judge whether your story is sad enough And then he may or may not play a song for you That's what this has turned into That's fine So, Lewis, would you like some sort of sad tinklings as you tell your story? Definitely, yeah Yeah, okay Okay, some sad tinklings No, I'm not doing that No sad tinklings? No sad tinklings You just want it to be straight up? This is going to be straight up Okay No twist Right, let's go I dropped my asthma inhaler down the toilet and now it has wee on it What am I supposed to do with that? I'm... I used to be an international superstar I know, I'm sorry What the hell's happened, man? I had to put my hand in it after that as well I got it Okay, give me more details Has your daughter got a mother? Okay, well, I don't think she's going to stick around That might be the bleakness Brilliant Okay, at least we got something good Okay, this is it, this is work shopping, isn't it? This is it, teasing the story out Give us some more details, Lewis More details? Well, there you go, Lewis, another appropriate name Loomis I had to get the daughter's potty, put my hand in, put it in the potty so I could put it in the dustbin My wife's always telling me to drink more fluid as my wee is always bright yellow, she says A lot, too much information, but... Thank you, sorry Okay, here we go, ready? Yeah There's a reason why you should never be asking A man to be multitasking Because we get things so back to front We can only really do one thing at once Yes, we got two hands and we got two legs But you can't make an idiot juggle eggs I don't know quite what that means when I said it So maybe just forget it Here's what really happened I went downstairs to relieve myself I saw my inhaler standing there on the shelf I was trying to take care of my bladderly health I thought I can manage both of these things at once myself But my wife came in, oh, she's so poor At least that's what she looked like when she saw my wee all over the floor She said, go and get them up I'm starting grieving She said, you don't pee straight, that's why I'm leaving It's gonna be a lonely, lonely Christmas without you All right Now I'm living on my own All because I couldn't pee in the appropriate zone I feel like such an idiot, such a clown I don't know why men get so embarrassed to pee sitting down It makes so much sense, just seems smart Doesn't require any kind of, what's it called, ambidextrous art Thank you, yeah Anyway, that's me That's really all I got If you're sad, I hope you're not That's it, it's called Lonely Christmas And the moral is, either pee straight or clean it up Yeah, agreed Lewis, how do you feel? I mean, there's a lot to take in there, isn't there? It's tragic, I made it much more tragic, I'm sorry It's mad It is mad, yeah I wanted to join in, which I suppose is a good mark of a good song Yeah We could be lonely this Christmas Yeah, it's called Lonely Christmas Lonely Christmas Lewis, thank you so much for telling us your story and I hope you enjoyed the bespoke song done by Chris Martin Thank you very much Thanks, Lewis All right, have a good day Thank you One of my favourite bits out of the Lewis song was when you went, anyway, that's me And I feel like that could be something that you incorporate into your live shows Just at some point just go, anyway, that's me Well, that's really all our albums I should say at the end of all our albums Goodnight, Wembley Well, that's me That's me It's Fix You Well, but it's funny because you realise even if you're not doing interviews and stuff we're not really doing many interviews at the moment Everything's in there in the songs And the truth is I love doing stuff like these bleak things because that's what songs are for Yeah They're trying to say how you feel about something or empathise with how somebody else is Yeah And that's all they do They're all they need to do If you enjoyed this then please like and subscribe it and click the bell icon to keep up to date For more great audio and video from the BBC you can listen on the BBC Sounds app and watch on iPlayer