10 Tips to Take Back Control After a Toxic Relationship

Hey everyone, I'm Lisa Blath, therapist, author, and life coach, and today we're going to talk about how to handle emotional triggers, especially if you're in the withdrawal stage after a toxic relationship. I work with men every day who are stuck in the emotional aftermath of a toxic relationship. Maybe you've gone no contact, maybe you've been discarded, or maybe you're trying to let go but you keep getting pulled back. Regardless of your situation, this video will give you 10 tips to get your emotions under control and take your power back. Now, you undoubtedly already know that she wasn't good for you, this relationship wasn't good for you, but that doesn't necessarily stop the obsessive thoughts, the emotional spikes, or the intense lows, those cravings to reach out even though you already know that it always ends the same way. This is where emotional triggers come in and if you don't learn how to manage them, they'll keep hijacking your nervous system and pulling you back into the destructive patterns that you're trying to break. Now, before I get started, I often get asked why my videos are aimed at men and the reason is because almost all the resources out there on narcissism and narcissistic abuse are geared towards helping women. But the truth is men are out there suffering too. Okay, so let me start by explaining that an emotional trigger is anything that sparks a strong emotional reaction. What's happening is your nervous system is responding to something that reminds you of past pain. Maybe it's not even just from this relationship, it could be from earlier in life as well. Your nervous system stores emotional memories, especially from unresolved trauma or attachment wounds. When a current experience resembles that past pain, even if it's subconsciously, it can trigger a massive emotional reaction that hijacks your whole nervous system. And when your body goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode, you're not thinking straight, you're reacting, you're spiraling. You might make it worse by checking her social media, by rereading old messages, looking at old photos, and fantasizing about the good times while momentarily forgetting about the chaos, the lies, the emotional whiplash. And that's what a trauma bond does. It keeps you chasing the high even when it's destroying you. So here are 10 steps to help you get control of your emotions and to take your power back. Step one, know your triggers. So start paying attention to what sets you off, whether that's a text, a certain song, or like I said, just being alone. These are emotional landmines when you're going through this type of breakup. And the more you can spot your triggers, the less likely you are to get ambushed. Don't just think about it. Drop into your body. Ask yourself, where am I feeling this in my body right now? Is it your chest, your jaw, your gut? What does it feel like? Is it tight? Is it heavy? Your body often reacts before your brain can even catch up. So learn your system because if you can catch the warning signs early, you can take control before the emotional spiral takes you out. Step two, name the emotion to neutralize it. Once you recognize that you've been triggered, the next move is to name what you're feeling. This might sound super simple, but it's one of the fastest ways to shift out of emotional overwhelm. So just say it in plain language. I feel angry. I feel scared. I feel rejected. When you do this, you activate the logical part of your brain, the prefrontal cortex, which helps reduce the emotional flooding. Step three is to ground yourself physically. So when you're emotionally triggered, your mind either shoots into the past or into the future. What if she moves on? What if you never feel normal again? And grounding can bring you back to the present moment. So plant your feet firmly on the ground. Breathe slowly and deeply. Look around and name five things that you see. And you can also leverage your environment. So keep a grounding kit handy that could contain calming music, a quote that brings you back to your values, a scent or an object that reminds you of safety. Somatic tools like tapping, placing your hand on your chest, or squeezing a stress ball can also help signal to your nervous system that there is no threat. You're just feeling big emotions and that's okay. Step four is building emotional stamina. So you are going to feel pain, cravings, agitation, anger. That's all part of the withdrawal process. But it doesn't mean you're going backwards. It just means you're detoxing. So in addition to grounding, you need tools to build emotional tolerance in those times of distress, which unfortunately can last a lot longer than just a few moments. So it's not about eliminating pain. It's about giving yourself breaks and the bandwidth so that the pain doesn't take over. It's about learning to ride the emotional waves without getting pulled under. So cold showers, exercise, breath work, even just stepping outside for a few minutes. These are all small shifts that can interrupt the emotional flood and remind your nervous system that you've got this. You can do hard things. You can take your power back. Now you don't have to breathe or meditate for hours. Just two to five minutes of mindfulness or a body scan a few times a day can strengthen your nervous system so that when real triggers hit, you're less likely to spiral and more likely to stay steady. Step five, use logic to interrupt the emotional spiral. When you're triggered, the emotional part of your brain hijacks the logical part. To flip the switch, do something logical. Count backwards from 100 by sevens. Solve a simple math problem or play chess. This can help pull you out of the emotion and back into rational mind. Step six, lock down the basics so that sleep, food, and exercise. Boring, I know, but lack of sleep makes your brain foggy and it makes your emotions erratic. Bad nutrition messes with your blood sugar, your mood, your energy. Lack of movement leaves stress hormones stuck in your body. So even 10 minutes a day of walking and stretching can help reset your nervous system. And if you're leaning on alcohol or drugs to cope, be honest with yourself. That is not recovery. That's emotional outsourcing and it keeps you stuck. Your nervous system cannot stabilize if you're constantly numbing it. Step seven, prepare for known triggers. Don't just blindly walk into a landmine field. If you know her birthday is coming up or you'll be seeing mutual friends soon, plan for it. Visualize the situation. Rehearse how you want to respond. Write a short script if you need to. Set boundaries ahead of time. Bring your grounding kit and prepare an exit plan. You don't need to eliminate the trigger altogether. You just need to be ready for it. Step eight, do a post-trigger debrief. So after you've been triggered, take five minutes and ask yourself, what was the trigger? What did I do well? What would I change or improve next time? What obstacles might I face in the future? What strategies can I use to overcome these challenges? And write it down, journal about it. That's how you will stop repeating the cycle. Debriefing turns the emotional chaos into useful data that you can use to achieve better outcomes. Step nine, reach out wisely. So talk to someone who helps you level up, not spiral further down. Avoid people who feed your outrage or reinforce unhealthy patterns. And if emotional triggers are a recurring struggle for you, it might be time to talk to a therapist or a coach who can help you untangle the deeper roots and create real sustainable changes in your ability to regulate your emotions. Step 10, create an emergency plan. When you are triggered, your brain's not working right. That's why you need a plan in advance. Write it down. So what are your top grounding techniques? Maybe you want to include a few lines that help you stay grounded. For example, I've been here before. I can handle this. You might want to include all the good reasons you need to let this person go and who you can reach out to if you're spiraling. Keep it brief and handy. Pull it up when an emotional storm hits because you don't want to have to think about these things while you're in an irrational, impulsive emotional state because you won't make good choices. So make those decisions in advance. Everyone has emotional triggers and you can't always avoid these triggers. But you can train your mind and your nervous system to respond differently. Every time you regulate instead of reacting or reaching out, you get stronger. You rebuild trust with yourself. You take your power back. Thanks so much for being here and if you found this video helpful, please like, comment, subscribe and consider sharing it with someone who might need to hear this today.