Characters Secretly in Love with the Lead | Pride & Prejudice and more

Pack of reds, please. $3.60. New tax on a new warning. Oh, Christ. Tell us the truth, my friend. Did that Clinton inhale or not? What does it matter? That's like if your girlfriend catches you in bed with another woman, then you say, well, we didn't do it. Is that going to matter at all? Yeah, Doug. Hi. Hello. Pack of American Eagles, blue face. $4.25. You pay $4.25 for a pack of cigarettes. They don't put as many chemicals in them. So those are healthy cigarettes. Something like that. Oh, so if there's not as many chemicals in them, they should cost less, not more, don't you think? They put salt, Peter, in your cigarettes, which make them burn faster, which make you smoke more. Which means, at the end of the day, your cigarettes actually cost more, not less. Uh, copy girl, what I think you're actually paying for is the picture of the eagle and the pretty pastel colors. Some reassuring idea about your lifestyle. The rest is pretty much crap. Uh, you want to bet? Sure. $20. I got $20. Easiest $20 ever made. Really? Yeah. That's funny. In a minute, I'll have $40. Okay, we have to inhale at the same time for the same amount of time. Yep. Ready, steady, go. It's my birthday today. Happy birthday. Why aren't you out celebrating? My boyfriend, Lucas, was taking me out for dinner and then to a party. But at the last minute, he gets a gig in Philly, which, of course, he takes, because... Truth is, he's far more interested in being the next Kurt Cobain than being my boyfriend. Who's Kurt Cobain? You're kidding me. What? Smoke. Oh, man. No. Come on. Satisfaction in me being right and you being wrong is more than enough for me. Well, I never Welsh on a bet, so I'll tell you what. I'll take you out for dinner, for a birthday dinner. What do you say? Like a date? No, I didn't mean it like that. I feel sorry for you because it's your birthday and you have no plans dinner. Neither one of those. So Emily is what? Like your college sweetheart? It's amazing how you do that. What? You take the simplest statement and then you twist it with a completely negative connotation. It's really actually impressive. I didn't mean to do that. But I understand. I actually think it's very sweet. I get it. You did it again. Really? Yeah. I don't even know I'm doing it. It's really hard for you to imagine a relationship based on mutual respect without even the slightest hint of whatever you call it, masochism. Well, if your deal with Emily is so gosh darn wonderful, then why don't you just marry her? What's stopping you? Nothing. Wow. She gets in tomorrow. I made a reservation at some fancy French restaurant on the Upper East Side. Oh, my God. You're doing it in front of a room full of strangers? Yeah, I am. What's wrong with that? No, nothing. I think it shows confidence. What are you going to say? I'm still working on it. I don't know. Oh, you should work on it with me. You should practice with me. I'm really good at that. I will be Emily. I'm Emily, your college sweetheart. Is there something you wanted to ask me? Emily. Wait, you've got to get down on your knee. No, I'm not getting down on my knee. She'll like it. She'll like seeing you down on your knee. I'm not getting down on my knee. Such a mistake. Okay. Emily. Yes, William. Don't make me laugh. Emily. Will you, um, marry me? No. What do you mean, will you, um, marry me? I haven't seen you in weeks. You don't look happy or excited about the prospect of our marriage. You're asking me to give up my, my freedom, my joie de vivre for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds. And why should I marry you anyway? I mean, why do you want to marry me? Besides some bourgeois desire to fulfill an ideal that society embeds in us from an early age to promote a consumer capitalist agenda. Oh! Oh, my God! You should have got on your knee. Just shut up. Here. I want to marry you because you're the first person that I want to look at when I wake up in the morning and the only one I want to kiss goodnight because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you marry me? Maybe. I have to think about it. Walk me home. Yeah. William Hayes. Speaking. I'm watching you right now, and I know all about you and your friend Roberto. In fact, I know so much I could bring you both down. Really? Hey. Who am I speaking with? Why don't we meet and you'll find out? Where are you? I'm close by. I don't have a lot of experience with, uh, whatever this is. You're getting warm. Oh, you're hot. You're hot. You are so hot. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I got you. You were gone through the summer. No, I thought so, too, but this crazy thing happened. I mean, I was camping on this beautiful beach in Crete with all these really cool people, and there was this guy that I liked, Paco, brooding and sexy, monosyllabic and totally my type. One night, I'm dancing with Paco, and he kisses me. An incredible deep kiss. He's driving to details. And what do I do? I don't know. What'd you do? I start crying. Of course. I mean, tears are rolling down my cheeks. Of course you start crying. I noticed, because, of course, his hands are all over my body, which felt nice, which made me feel even more upset, because in a flash, I saw our entire relationship, from present to future tense. I mean, the incredibly hot start with Paco basking in my love and admiration. What are we doing here? Uh, I just got to pick something up. Just take a second. And then the inevitable moment, and I don't know why it happens. Hi. I don't know why it happens, but it always does. When all that love and admiration would start to irritate him, and he would find some way to hurt me. I mean, sure, after he'd be sorry. So, I decided to unlock his beautiful lips from mine, remove his hand from my ass, and I walked away. Good move. I walked away, Will, from Paco. No one walks away from Paco. And it felt life-changing, and I realized I had to tell someone. When I realized who that person was, it was so unexpected. Here we are, sir. It's like when something is staring you in the face, and it's like you're too blind to see it. What's that? I have some news for you, too. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are you so upset, huh? Don't you think it's a little weird? We've been writing each other for however long, and somehow you neglect to tell me that, A, you've fallen in love, and B, you've fallen in love. I told you I was dating someone. Dating someone? You just bought a diamond engagement ring for someone. I'm sorry. I think I was just nervous to tell you. Why would you be nervous to tell me? I don't know. I love this girl so much. I'd just really like you to be happy for me. I can be happy for you. Of course I can be happy for you. Poor April. She's like the character in the story. She's always been the friend, but then she realized she doesn't just want to be the friend. She wants to be the girlfriend, except it's too late. What do you mean? Weren't you listening? She came home for you. Hey. Hi. It's me, Will. April? What are you doing here? Uh... Who's that? That would be my daughter, Maya. Bringing your daughter? What am I supposed to do now? Well, you could let us in. I don't think she's going to let us in. I think you're wrong. Come on. Let's go. Let's go. A little while longer. She's going to let us in. Okay, kiddo. Here's the deal. I'm going to count to 30, okay? And if she doesn't let us in, we're going to go home and we're never going to talk about this again. Deal? Yeah. Ready? One. Two. Three. Four. Six. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. If she lets us in, tell her the story like you told me. And then she'll know. Know what? I can't explain it. She'll just know. Twenty-five. Twenty-six. Twenty-seven. Twenty-nine. Twenty-nine and a quarter. Twenty-nine and a half. Twenty-nine and three quarters. What comes after that? But this wasn't what was supposed to have happened. I know. I really thought you would have heard through the intercom. And let us in. Or run down the stairs and say... What story? I kept the book. Yeah? Because it was the only thing that I had left of you. You must be Maya. You must be April. What happens now? You invite us inside and we tell you the story. Okay. Apparently Lady Bathurst is redecorating her ballroom in the French style. A little unpatriotic, don't you think? Miss Elizabeth Bent. Good Lord, Miss Elizabeth, did you walk here? I did. I'm so sorry. How is my sister? She's upstairs. Thank you. My goodness, did you see her hem? Six inches deep in mud. She looked positively medieval. I cannot boast of knowing more than half a dozen women in all my acquaintance that are truly accomplished. Nor I, to be sure. Goodness, you must comprehend a great deal in the idea. I do. Absolutely. She must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing and the modern languages that deserve the word. And something in her air and manner of walking. And of course she must improve her mind by extensive reading. Mr. Darcy. Miss Elizabeth. May I have the next dance, Miss Elizabeth? You may. Mr. Darcy, what are you doing here? Mr. Darcy, I had no idea we had the honour. Miss Elizabeth, I'm a guest here. Though you have no instrument of your own, you're very welcome to come to Rosings and play on the piano forte in the housekeeper's room. Thank you, Elizabeth. You'll be in nobody's way in that part of the house. You mean to frighten me, Mr. Darcy, by coming in all your state to hear me? But I won't be alarmed, even if your sister does play so well. I'm well enough acquainted with you, Miss Elizabeth, to know that I cannot alarm you, even should I wish it. What was my friend like in Hertfordshire? You really care to know? Prepare yourself for something very dreadful. The first time I saw him at the assembly, he danced with nobody at all. Even though gentlemen were scarce and there was more than one young lady sitting down without a partner. I knew nobody beyond my own party. Oh, and nobody can be introduced in a ballroom. But, William, I need you. I love conversing easily with people I have never met before. Perhaps you should take your aunt's advice and practice. Mr. Darcy, please do be seated. I'm afraid Mr. and Mrs. Collins have gone on business to the village. This is a charming house. I believe my aunt did a great deal to it when Mr. Collins first arrived. I believe so. She could not have bestowed her kindness on a more grateful subject. Shall I call for some tea? No, thank you. Good day, Miss Elizabeth. It's been a pleasure. What on earth have you done to poor Mr. Darcy? I have no idea. Miss Elizabeth, I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you. I had to see you. I have fought against my better judgment, my family's expectation, the inferiority of your birth, my rank and circumstance, all these things, and I am willing to put them aside and ask you to end my agony. I don't understand. I love you. Most ardently. I thought you were in London. No. No, I'm not. No. We were not to come. It's a business with my steward. I'm in Derbyshire with my aunt and uncle. And are you having a pleasant trip? Very pleasant. Tomorrow we go to Matlock. Tomorrow? Are you staying at Lambton? Yes, at the Rosencrown. Yes. I'm so sorry to intrude. They said that the house was open for visitors. I had no idea. May I see you back to the village? No. I'm very fond of walking. Yes. Yes, I know. Goodbye, Mr. Darcy. My sister, Miss Georgiana. My brother has told me so much about you. I feel as if we are friends already. Oh, thank you. What a beautiful pianoforte. My brother gave it to me. He shouldn't have. Yes, I should. Oh, very well then. Easily persuaded, is she not? Your unfortunate brother once had to put up with my playing for a whole evening. But he says you play so well. Then he has perjured himself most profoundly. No, I said played quite well. Oh, quite well is not very well. I'm satisfied. I couldn't sleep. Nora. My aunt. Yes, she was here. How could I ever make amends for such behavior? After what you have done for Lydia, and I suspect for Jane also, it is I who should be making amends. You must know. Surely you must know. It was all for you. You are too generous to travel with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night and it has taught me to hope, as I had scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed. But one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you. You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love and love and love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. Well, then. Shut the door, please, Elizabeth. The lady of the house let you in, did she? Yeah. Lovely obliging girl. I just thought I'd pop back before the reception to see if she's better. This is good. Listen, I've been thinking. I think perhaps we ought to take Mum out for her birthday on Friday. What do you think? I just feel we've been bad sons this year. OK. Sounds fine. A bit, you know, boring, but fine. Hurry up, big boys! I'm naked and I want you at least twice before Jamie gets home. Oh, I find you a perfect lady to clean the house. This is Aurelia. Ah. Bonjour, Aurelia. Bonjour. Je suis très heureux de vous avoir ici. Unfortunately, she cannot speak French, just like you. She's Portuguese. I think she's ten years too young to remember there was a footballer called Eusebio. And Molto Bueno is Spanish. Right. Anyway, it's nice to meet you. No, right. Silence is golden. As the tremolo said. Clever guys. Although I think the original version was by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Great, great band. Thank you. Oh, God, it's half the book. Oh, no. Just, just leave them. Please, they're not important. They're not worth it. Stop. It's all just rubbish. Just leave it. Oh, God, she's in. Right, and now she'll think I'm a total spaz if I don't go in too. ****, it's freezing. It's not worth it. It isn't bloody Shakespeare. Just stop, stop. I really must do copies. You know, there better not be eels in here. I can't stand eels. Don't go. What the hell is that? I have to go to work. It's better. Ah, right. Maybe later I should... Sure, sure. It's my favourite time of day. Driving you. It's the saddest part of my day. Leaving you. Thank you. It was... I'll miss you. Your slowness. Hitting the machine. Your... My concern. This is not the real... This book is here because you've lived under me. I would like a pie of cherry. I would like a one-day travel card. Oh, my God, I have a terrible stomach ache. I think I'm going to throw up. Milton Keynes has many vandals. This is a... A fish, not a man. I like it a lot. Good evening. Mr. Barros? Yes. I'm here to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. What? You want to marry my daughter? Yes. Hurry up. The man is here at the door. He wants to marry you. But I've never seen a fatter man. What does that matter? And now you're going to sell me any guy, aren't you? Sell? Who are you talking about selling? I have to pay. Excuse me, I have to talk to the other daughter, Aurelia. She's not here. She's at work. But I'll take her there. You stay there, huh? Can't you see I'm staying? Good evening, Aurelia. Good evening, Jamie. Beautiful Aurelia. I came here to ask you to marry me. I know I'm crazy because I don't know you. But sometimes things are very clear to me. I don't need proof. I live here. You live in England with me. But it's for England, girl. Maybe you know Prince William. You marry him. Of course I know you're not as crazy as I am. Of course I think you're saying no. But it's Christmas and I just wanted to know. For God's sake, say yes! What did you say? Yes, of course. Bravo! You learned English? Just in cases. Jesse? Yeah? I'm starving, so could you... You want me to get you lunch? You should probably lay off the burgers. You're not going to be 22 forever, you know. You'll think I'm good. He's good. You're good. And the chess match continues. Hey, this is my new mix, so if there's anything you wanted to play... Yeah, okay. I'll put it on the palm. Okay. What's up, weirdo? Okay. What's this? As much as I love spending time with you stacking CDs, and I do. I love it. Like, more than life. Figured we could do some other fun things that don't make us want to kill ourselves, right? Yeah. So, I brought some movies. Jaws, E.T., The Breakfast Club, Star Wars, and Rocky. Best scored and soundtrack movies of all time. That's what I want to do when I grow up. I want to score movies. Bring people to tears, you know, blow their minds. I feel like only music can do that. Yeah, you must really sweep your girlfriend off her feet. Oh, I don't have a girlfriend. What? You have juice pouches and Rocky. Okay, so what do you want to watch first? Can we do something else? We could relive my parents' divorce. Or visit a gynecologist. What, do you not like movies or something? Like any movies? What the hell is wrong with you? How do you not like movies? Not liking movies is like not liking puppies. They're fine. I just get bored and never make it to the end. The endings are the best part. They're predictable. Like, the guy gets the girl, and that kid sees dead people, and Darth Vader is Luke's father. Oh, right, so you just happened to guess the biggest cinematic reveal in history? Vader in German means father. His name is literally Darth Father. Huh. So you know German. Well, now I know why you don't like fun things. So, uh, I just find songs that have the same chord progressions and create a track that blends them together. So, like, this is the new bass line. And this is matching up downbeats. Oh, I'm talking really loud. Um, that's me singing. This is really good! Now I'm the one yelling, right? That is amazing, Becca. Thanks. So, I brought this over because I want to watch you watch the end of this movie. And then I can die a hero. You have a habit of making yourself at home. Did you know that? Yeah. The Breakfast Club, 1985. Greatest ending to any movie ever. This song launched Simple Minds in the U.S. Could have been a Billy Idol song, but he turned it down. Idiot. Perfectly sums up the movie. It's equally beautiful and sad. That is fascinating. Right? Tell me, what does Jed Nelson eat for breakfast? Oh, well, like all misunderstood rebels, he feeds on hypocrisy. Sure. And black coffee to help with his morning dumps. You're an idiot. I'm full of fun facts. You should let other people tell you that, right? And an athlete. And a basket case. A princess. And a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club. You're missing the ending. Sorry. It's good. I'm sure the beginning is... The white girl is back. And I'm out. Pleasure, Kimmy Jin. Excuse me. Will you call my name? As you walk on by. Will you call my name? Tomorrow, let's do it tonight. Forget what I want you tonight. Grab somebody sexy. Tell them, hey. Give me everything tonight. Take advantage tonight. Because tomorrow I'm off to do battles before my princess. But tonight, I can make you my queen. And make you blow until you miss it. Things ain't the way they ain't grown with money. Keep blowing. I got it locked down like Lindsay Lohan. Put it on my lap, baby. I make you feel right, baby. Can't promise tomorrow, but I promise tonight. Darling. Excuse me. But I might take a little more pressure tonight. I might take you home with me if I can tonight. Baby, I'm taking you home again tonight. Because you might not get tomorrow tonight. Oh. Can't stop. Don't you? Oh, let's do it tonight. What a show. I think we have just seen some a ca pla history being made, John. And from an all-female group, Gail, I could never have called this one. Never? Well, you are a misogynist at heart, so there's no way you would have bet on these girls to win. Absolutely. I told you. Endings are the best part. You're such a weirdo.