Helping Moms Choose Life

When facing an unexpected pregnancy, there are specific barriers that can push women to choose abortion. Well, today we're talking with a pro-life leader who is finding innovative solutions to helping women and families choose life. Stay with us. This is the Moms4America podcast. Each week, leaders and everyday champions tell personal stories, share advice, and tackle the issues most important to moms. Hi moms, I'm Debbie Kerlite, your host, and welcome to the Moms4America podcast. So glad that you, mama, are joining us again this week. Every episode we get together to inspire, encourage, and educate moms in their journey through motherhood. All right, well, let's talk about today's program. Agena Tomes has dedicated more than three decades to walking alongside women and families facing unexpected pregnancies and championing life. After the fall of Roe v. Wade, Gina recognized the urgent need to expand the pro-life safety net and create a long-term care approach. She founded the Guiding Grace Family Support Network. They create novel, scalable services that focus on removing the barriers used against families as reasons to choose abortion. Take a listen. All right, we are so delighted to have you, Gina, on the Moms4America podcast. Thanks for joining us. Thank you for having me. I could not be more excited. Oh, well, we are so committed to life and to the unborn and the next generation that this is going to be a really a great discussion. But first, you're a mama, right? Tell us about your family. I am. I am so excited to be a mom. I actually had my daughter late in life. I had her when I was 43. She was a total surprise. Yes. My mom had me at 42. So I say those late-life babies are really something else. I could not agree more. She is, we call her the gift, and she just keeps on giving. She's just a special young lady. God plans all this for us. I thank him every day. I feel blessed to be able to witness her as her mother and to watch her grow up. She's a gem. Oh, that is so sweet. I love that. All right. Well, Gina, I know that you've spent a lot of your life in the pro-life arena, and you have been called to this ministry. How did that happen real quick before we get into the status of life and abortion and helping our moms carry this baby through and become a mom? When did you get called to this world of fighting for the unborn? Thank you for asking that. I've been in the pro-life movement working and serving for the last 34 years and just felt blessed. Right out of college, I landed a dream job on a housing development site at an organization that housed mothers and really worked towards launching them into stability. From day one, I just found that as a necessity in walking alongside these mothers. I myself was young, and so I served a lot of same-age mothers at that time and just really witnessed the importance of family, the importance of action steps when they were so desperately wanting to choose life. And then I was able to see from a young age of what it actually turned their life into by the choice of life transformed the mother's life when they had support and when they felt supported and when they had resources. So from an early age, right out of college, I always say it was just on my heart, and my heart has never burned out. It keeps burning up, and here we are today. Here we are today, and look what the Lord's doing through your passion that's birthed inside of you. We never know what God's going to do when we say yes, except hold on and get ready to be a part of his plan. So let's talk a little bit about unplanned pregnancies. They're always planned. I really don't know if I really like that term, unplanned, because they were planned, but they were unexpected maybe. Right, right. That's what we're saying today is unexpected pregnancies, yes. Unexpected, yes. So unexpected pregnancy comes along, and unfortunately abortion becomes a part of the discussion, especially if the moms are in a challenging situation. What are some of those barriers or circumstances that cause moms to think of using abortion? Maybe I'm wrong. I really don't think usually women that get pregnant, their immediate thought is I got to terminate this pregnancy. I think somehow psychologically in their mind, they're trying to figure out how can I carry this baby, and it gets to abortion, but I don't know if right in the beginning, or maybe it is, you would maybe know better than this. Unfortunately, you know, and at my age, I mentioned I've been doing this for 34 years, and I've seen our culture change right before my eyes. I've watched it, and I feel like I've been in the middle of it because I've been on the ground working directly with the moms. So at this point in my life, I have a very strong passion and not afraid to share that message on behalf of them with their permission, and unfortunately, Debbie, that it is a part of the culture that the moms that are becoming pregnant or experience this unexpected pregnancy have grown up now in a culture that abortion is promoted. Yeah, that's true because it is the number one birth control right now, and I guess I'm kind of just getting up to speed with it because it is so much more popular, so much more accepted, although there's been great strides now too, but it's become, death has become a part of So the way I explain it is homelessness, addiction, poverty, the breakdown of the family. So those are all reasons why the pro-choice individuals would say, okay, you are not prepared to have this baby. You need to choose abortion, and for somebody who's been, you know, from the human services, the social services perspective, sitting right in it, it is such a lie because then when we work with the moms and we dismantle poverty and we give her resources and recovery so she's tackling her addiction, it is the very opposite. So by the choice of life and receiving the care that she deserves and desires, I mean, it's always been very black and white in my brain. Choose life and be supported, and it's truly transformative, but our culture has used it as, oh, you don't have enough income, so you must choose abortion, and then they choose that and they walk out of an abortion clinic, and has poverty been solved? Has the breakdown of their family been solved? Has any of that been addressed? And I can tell you firsthand that it has not. That is so true, right? They think, just like, you know, a lot of things in the culture, if I change this, my gender, everything else gets fixed. If I get rid of the baby, everything else gets fixed. But your point is so valid. Who you are in Christ, who you are as your person, all the baggage, the challenges that you may have, it doesn't go away with the baby. It actually only becomes more painful because we know that statistically women never recover from aborting that baby. There's a statistic that I was just reading up on. It's like 60% have said that that was something they didn't want to do and felt pressured, and if they had one person say they would support them, they would have chosen life. So we have a lot of work to do, but I know we can do it. All right. That's a perfect lead-in to the next question, supporting these moms. So in order to, and I know kind of like a lot of us with crisis pregnancy centers, we're like, wow, we go to the banquet, we give financially so they can see the ultrasound, they can do the pregnancy test, they can help that mom accept the baby and carry that baby full term, either for adoption or for raising the baby themselves, get diapers, all that kind of stuff that helps them immediately. But I think we're finding that we have to do so much more to stabilize these moms. And that's what you're talking about. You're talking about the support needed to help these moms build their life. And what are those? I've had the best teachers along the way. And I grew up and served in the maternity housing world for 20 years. And so there's two major forms of social services that our moms can access across the nation, which is the largest is our pregnancy centers. They're on the front lines. They're doing amazing work and they're doing God's work and they're doing a great job. And maternity housing, there's nearly 498 maternity homes spread across the nation. And I don't think people realize that. So I was in the maternity housing world and I witnessed from day one, our program kept getting stronger and stronger and stronger. And in Omaha, Nebraska, we're so blessed because we have maternity housing here that does a great job. So we were welcoming women that had addiction as barriers, mental health, homelessness, and you name it, serving them inside of the home, dismantling those barriers, walking with them through their pregnancy and planning for their future. And when they bridged out, we would serve them through what we call aftercare. So after 20 years of doing this, I noticed, and again, it's so relational and these relationships are beautiful. And I consider them daughters. There's nothing not personal about walking through a pregnancy with a mom who has nobody. And the breakdown of the family is significant. So most of them did not have family. And if they did, it was very unhealthy. And we're called a mentor, right? We're called to mentor. I called us together. He wanted us to be together. And through technology and advancements in our culture, some advancements, most not, it's really a disconnect. So the moms got together and we would talk and we would evaluate. And they said, Gina, we feel a little bit like that next step out. There's a little bit of a carpet that's pulled out for the very first time. And actually, and I'll try to be brief, but it was during COVID. We got through that. We didn't need to close down. We were serving these moms. And at the end of it, I was sitting at the dinner table with them and I said, how is everybody feeling? And here was their feedback. We've never been happier. I get emotional when I say this, but we've never been happier. It was the best time of our life. And it was amazing. And they were proud. And I'm thinking, okay, I need to pause right now and just be quiet because the rest of the nation was panicking, living in fear, scared, afraid of what's next. And yet inside of this beautiful home was family and love and all of these good things. And so I knew we had support. So at that turn, it was in that season, we were just doing so many great things, but after Roe versus Wade was overturned, there were so much confusion. States were changing their laws at a rapid rate. Nobody quite knew what was going on and it was happening fast. And so in light of that, we need to take the next innovative step with these mothers, because when we're talking about changing the culture, that is our prayer, that abortion is unthinkable. We have to dismantle the barriers that make it thinkable. We have 50 years of unraveling to do. And I'm not trying to say that that's impossible. It's possible, but let's start really having the conversation of what these moms need. And those moms are by heart and they need help long-term financially dismantling poverty. They need long-term addiction and recovery. I've lost a couple of them through death and they were isolated at the time. And I promised that we would take the next step in the pro-life movement and lengthen our services, start making a community-based approach. You know, as well as I do, there are churches everywhere. There are people everywhere that want to help. I just think sometimes they don't know how to. And so Guiding Grace Family Support Network is really trying to solve that issue particularly. We want to scale. We want to make it available so that moms and, and I want to be clear here because I've done this a long time and I've had very few men come to the table and say they needed help as well. We've had men walk in our door and say, can we, can you help us? You know, my, my wife relapsed, she's incarcerated, this, that's going on and, and we're embracing them and we're walking with them. And so the truth is, is this is very hard work, but I know that we're up for it and I'm seeing miracles every day. All right, more with Gina on new ways to help women choose life for their unborn babies. Hi moms. I'm excited to share some news about our new sponsor, the Herzog Foundation. We know you're passionate about raising patriots and empowering your children with the best education possible. And the Herzog Foundation shares that passion. They're dedicated to promoting liberty through education, freedom, and helping parents like you choose the best educational path. They offer a powerhouse of resources designed to support families and schools alike. Whether you're ready to dive in headfirst to the world of education or simply looking for more ways to empower your child's learning. 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All right, now back to the show. When Romy Wade was overturned, we then pushed everything back to the states, which is where it should be. But the states have got to come around, you know, each state now and figure out what to do with the moms that are in their states and how we can help them better. And I know your message is working with crisis pregnancy centers, working with the church, working with services. And how do we combine this really to make this a powerful movement and helping women carry this baby and, you know, provide help for her? Because I don't even know what would be more fragile is that a woman carrying a baby, not knowing how she's going to survive, let alone her baby. You know, there's so much help needed today. And you're exactly right. So what we do, Debbie, is we have a very professionally, it's a model of care that takes everything that myself and along with several team members have designed over the course of the last few years. So we do a thorough assessment of each family. There's no one family alike. We do everything from housing navigation to case management, to programs and classes every night of the week. The bottom line is, there is no such thing as a quick fix. And so really to impact our culture and to start making the pro-life movement more available to in the middle of our communities and rural communities is to provide longer term care of services. Housing is a gap. Transportation is a gap. And we really have a response for that. We don't expect everybody to jump in their car and drive moms around. And of course, there's volunteer opportunities, but it is a really professionally scaled model of care that goes very far with each family and very long and keeps that relationship open because our ultimate goal and what I've heard from moms that we've served is they now have a relationship with Jesus and they experience what a sense of community and family is, looks like and feels like because it was given to them. They grew up in a culture where it wasn't really available to them or in a family. And so we're introducing that to them and that's relationship based. So Guiding Grace, it is not a crisis pregnancy center and it is not a maternity home. It is a community-based innovative approach that goes lifelong with families and really meets them where they are and dismantles the barriers they're facing. Wow. Talk about a revolutionary approach to this. And again, you are the founder and executive director of Guiding Grace Family Support Network. And how do you address poverty? How do you address homelessness? How do you address addiction? So do you have these like, I did go through your website a little bit, you have these models of restoration or how do you explain that? We have professional services. So I'll go with the first one. Poverty is a big one. Poverty is in every area, but specifically with income. So a lot of our moms that, and especially the population that's really being, dare I say, like almost coerced into abortion is, oh, you have other children, you can't afford this baby. And our mothers are telling us, they've had doctors suggest, oh, there's no way you can afford this baby. You should consider abortion. That is happening. Can you imagine that? You can't afford this baby, so abort it. I mean, we've had families report that to us. It's devastating. So if they are, in most of the families that we serve, it's 99% are below the poverty average. And so we really take a look at their income. There is a reason that they're experiencing that barrier. So through a thorough assessment, through coaching, and when I use the word case management, but anybody in your audience that knows what case management is, it's so complex, but it's very effective. So they are- We can understand that term. Yes, yes. And so they're given a case manager, and then we have employment training classes, and we help them get jobs. We helped a mom secure a job who just, we helped her get her GED, and then she was in our employment training track, which is a 10-week track, and she landed a job that was a very, very good salary with benefits, and it was just because we offered her a little bit of help. So now she's taking financial education. She's in therapy. We're surrounding them with the services that really, really- So good. Yes. I could talk. You have to cut me off because I can keep going. We know that's so good, and we can, it's like putting the pieces together for them, and they just don't have the resources or maybe the skills or- They don't know where to go. A community around them, and I'm sure the church is very helpful. Yes, yes. Churches are very helpful, and how they can come around us is, this is not, it's another professional organization, so it takes funding, but it takes volunteers. We serve meals. We have child care, so we have Monday through Thursday, we have classes, and it's standing room only. Churches bring meals because these are busy families that are just really working to move forward in life. How do we talk about keeping your child? How are you addressing this with them? What's your message to, I mean, who knows? Who's listening? But about caring that baby and how precious that is and how that's the greatest ministry you'll ever do, and you can, you can become a mom. You can have that baby. You absolutely can, and I believe it is just completely changing the conversation of what has been promoted in the culture before, instead of an argument that tells them what they can't do. I'm taking this from the moms that have explained it to me, exactly what they felt, that this child saved their life and gave them life. They now have a life because they chose life. If they didn't, they would be walking out of that abortion clinic with the same problems, not knowing where to go, and God led them to this mission all across the nation. It's happening everywhere, but, and that should be a bumper sticker, but because they chose life, they now have a life. I mean, and I've never met a mother that said, I regretted having that child, but I have met hundreds of mothers that said they regretted an abortion. Oh yeah. And the healing that needs to take place. We do a lot of that. Yeah. Yeah. Very tough. So you said that you changed the name to Guiding Grace Family because of the network of fathers and men that needed help as well. Let's talk a little bit about that. Brought tears to my eyes. And so I'm so used to working with moms and the door has always been open for fathers, but there's been a little bit of a disengagement and disconnect. And so we've been open just about 15 months. I mean, literally wrote the business plan, launched, you know, 501c3, did all that, hit go and fathers started showing up and, you know, as a human services professional, I mean, I'll wake up at four in the morning going, we need to try this. Let's do that. And my mind just, it goes and goes and goes and tries to come up with solutions with our mothers. But when men started showing up, I knew God was revealing something very, very special in the men. They want to be a part of, we once a month have a round table where we get together and we're like, what's working, what's not working. And this is with our clients and the last month's round table. Um, one of the fathers came and he was very nervous. It's mostly women. And he said, I would like to share, but I don't, I'm a little bit nervous to share, you know, in front of other people. So I wrote something down and he pulls out a five page letter and reads it and we're sobbing. But he's basically saying that as a man, he felt like a failure, his relationship dismantled, and he was caring for a newborn. And he had no idea what he was doing. He didn't have family to support him. He has a past. And he just never knew that something like this existed as a father. And he said he was nervous about reaching out because he saw motherhood in our, somebody told him to reach out to us and he saw motherhood and we're like, we're changing the name. We're early. We can do it. We got to change it to families. Oh, that is so great. And you know, yes, I mean, we don't give the dads enough, uh, well enough involvement, obviously you'll see. Yeah. You'll see a lot of women go ahead and they don't even inform or consult or, and it's that dad's baby as well is that mom's just that she's carrying it, but there's so severely, you know, they're so, uh, attached to that. And if they don't want that abortion, how can we help them become better men, become better fathers, become husbands, you know, uh, and, and marry and, and build families. Um, the other thing I want to talk about is that this isn't in Omaha right now, but how are, how are we expanding this? How can moms that are listening? Cause obviously we don't just have Nebraska moms here. We have moms from all across the country. What's your advice to them and how is your organization hopefully going to, can they, can they copy this in their state? Yes, they can. That's a great question. So we wanted to create something where we could share it. You know, it's not ours to keep, it's ours to share. And we think that the more in line we are with messaging, with mission and with, with even just, you know, like if, if you're traveling from States and if there's a mom fleeing domestic violence and she hears guiding grace, you know, that she's going to know that as a safe place she can go and get the help that she, she desires. And so our, our prayer is that maybe pregnancy centers that want to expand into case management, um, or, or extended programming and classes. We do that so well that we will be able to share this, this model of care with them. Maternity homes, maybe that we've had a lot contact us that want that next level of continued care after care in the community that we can train them and share, share how to do this. They are so, I did it. I did it. I mean, I was, we always say up to our eyeballs, but like my hair was barely above water. Most days you're wearing 900 hats, you're sacrificially serving. And we just want to not make it complex, not have to reinvent the wheel and shapes, you know, share this, scale this with whomever would be interested in. We, our prayer is we're working right now, um, that we may be in another state by the end of this year. So we're going to do another pilot, like, okay, what does this look like in a completely different state? So say some prayers for us. Then we'll make an announcement hopefully and see how that goes. And then, you know, by the end of the year, be ready to really share this with whomever may be interested in it. So right now it's the beginning stages. It's a vision for across the country. Um, what is your website there just in case people want to come either talk about bringing this to their crisis pregnancy center or their church ministry, or how can we help expand this? Anybody could reach out to guidinggracemotherhood.org. So guiding grace, all one word, and we will be ready to share this. And, you know, whether it's an addiction in addiction and recovery center, whether it's a church who wants to do a smaller version of this in their, in their small community or large community, we really tailored this to be, you know, ready to go. And something that is extremely powerful that dismantles the very barriers that once caused a culture of abortion. So the, the model is there. It's working in Nebraska and it's available to take around the country for those that have a passion for this. And maybe like you said, a built-in network already at a church or a crisis pregnancy help the moms that are pregnant with an unexpected pregnancy handle these issues from poverty to homelessness. Um, and that why, and there's a lot of things that you cover and you help moms with finding jobs, skills, all these things that are just essential to helping them strive or strive and thrive, I should say. And I want to clarify something because you mentioned something and I'll be quick about this. It's for pregnant mothers and parenting families, whether it's a single or single dad. So if there is, if there is a mother out there and she has a two year old and a 10 year old, she gets services. So what we're trying to do is advance the pro-life movement so that it, it encompasses families because those moms are telling us that they were courageous enough. They chose life, but they still need help. And that's where we want to grow and go. Oh, I love that. That's true. We can't just concentrate on them, but the ones that's, you know, are in this situation and raising kids need the help and the support as well. What advice do you have for our moms when it comes to, uh, talking to an, to a friend, maybe that's in an unplanned unexpected pregnancy? How do we handle this conversation in today's world? I would handle it very lovingly by meeting that woman or family, where she's at and telling her that she has a nation of concerned and caring people that believe in her, that are praying for her, that are praying for her family, that have resources and that know that God designed her to reach her full potential and that she can do it. And she's got support around her and that we love her and that it will be the greatest choice that she makes. Beautifully said it is. And I wish, you know, now that, and I, and I know that so many moms are in this situation, they just don't know how they could ever do it. And they just think it's impossible. It is not. God has called you for such a time as this. It is the greatest ministry, the greatest opportunity. You just got to get through it. Yes. You got to get that baby here and you got to know that nothing's ever going to come between you and that child and mama bear just needs some really good help and support. So I so appreciate what you're doing. Moms for America thanks you. And we're just so supportive of getting these hubs, uh, these all across the country, network, network, network. Thank you so much. We are so in the, in the moms of America, this, um, organization, you are all so inspiring when I heard, you know, a number of people talk, it's just, we, we really appreciate everything you were all doing and we want to be a part of it and we make such a great team. So thank you. We sure do. Mamas helping mamas. That's really what, what we're called to do because no one understands it more than another mom. And no one really cares about another mom, like another mama does, because we just know how special motherhood is. And thank you for what you're doing. And I just can't wait to see this expand all across the country. Moms check out their website, see if you can help in your state, your community, talk to your churches. Uh, let's reach out to those with unexpected pregnancies. Let's help these moms thrive, um, and just build their families, uh, to love Jesus, uh, and love our country. So thank you so much, Gina. Thank you. God bless. Thanks again, Gina, for all your work on behalf of the unborn and the great services. I can't wait to see this expand all across the country. And all of us, all of us want to be doing more to help these moms that are in an unexpected pregnancy. So, um, thank you moms for being a part of today's program. We really hope that we can wrap our arms around you as a mom, help you grow, help you with all the resources that you need to raise your children. There's a lot of things coming at you as a mom, uh, in today's world, and we're here to support you. Uh, when I go across the country, I say, well, Moms for America, it's the ultimate support group for conservative moms. We have everything that you need at momsforamerica.us. Every topic that you're talking about in your home or at your kitchen table, we've covered it either through webinar or a podcast, uh, brochures, all kinds of information. Uh, we have a plethora of information on our website. So please go ahead and take advantage of it. It's free. We're here to help you. Uh, we say this every week from Moms for America has it all. All right, moms, uh, again, go to momsforamerica.us, sign up, join the movement. And as always, let's keep changing our country one home at a time. All right. Thanks moms. And I'll see you next week. God bless. A special thank you to our sponsors, the Herzog Foundation and Tuvu. The views and opinions expressed in this program are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of the Herzog Foundation.