What Has Valve Done??

The most precious substance in the universe is tech news. He who controls the tech news controls the universe. The tech news must flow! Valve has pushed out what they describe as a small update to Counter-Strike 2 that wiped out nearly $2 billion from the game's player-driven economy overnight. The October patch quietly changed how trade-up contracts work. Instead of having to buy expensive stuff, you could just trade in a bundle of cheap crap for ultra-rare knives. This teensy-weensy update single-handedly detonated the Steam community market overnight, sending the value of long-hoarded items into freefall. Bloomberg reports total losses of over $1.75 billion in under 24 hours. In perhaps the greatest redistribution of wealth in video game history, well-to-do players on social media are showing several thousands in losses, whilst the little guys are actually coming out ahead. One lucky user's inventory of previously low-tiered skins is currently being valued at $3 million US. But why did Valve do this? Well, this would stimulate a bunch of transactions, and they do make a kickback off of each sale, but Valve wouldn't do that, right? No, no! Literally no, they must have some other reason. But maybe. Microsoft just pinched off its fall co-pilot release, and amongst a handful of updates for Edge, they introduced Meeko, a new optional visual presence. It didn't take long for every tech news site to draw parallels between Microsoft's blobby new mascot and Clippy, Microsoft's old office assistant. I'm not sure Meeko can become as beloved or memed on as Clippy, but Clippy never changed colors to reflect your interactions. For an amorphous blob, Meeko's growing on me. Wouldn't be the first. And another thing that's growing is Microsoft's Edge browser, which finally got a bunch of AI features that were announced back in July. In Edge's new co-pilot mode, you can use co-pilot actions to set up AI-assisted multi-step tasks for the browser to complete. And the Journeys feature lets you save projects without bookmarks, relying on co-pilot's memory of your searches to jump back into a project. Like with OpenAI's recently released Atlas browser, co-pilot does require permission to access your private data, and you'll see queues when co-pilot is active in your browser. Speaking of Atlas, the timing of these Edge updates coincides with OpenAI trying to make AI browsing cool. But they're not off to a great start, as Atlas is being called agonizingly slow. Atlas was supposed to bring about vibe-lifing, but by not letting you do online banking or visit the New York Times, people are thinking it's more of a vibe killer. Not chill, Atlas. I'm going back to Boomer browsing. The vibes! Mm-hmm. In other Microsoft news, we may have found the smoking gun that led to Xbox's recent price hikes. According to a report from Bloomberg's Jason Schreier, in fall 2023, Microsoft's Master Chief Financial Officer, Amy Hood, told the Xbox division to target 30% profit margins, or accountability margins, as they apparently call them. This is an eye-watering number, considering gaming companies reportedly maintain profit margins closer to 17 to 22% most of the time. The aggressive targets apparently compelled Xbox to introduce significant policy changes to keep up, which has resulted in layoffs and price hikes. If they really wanted to make some money, they should release Halo 1 PlayStation, which is exactly what they announced literally right before we started shooting this video, which is so cool of them. We didn't have time to dive deep, but essentially a full remake of the Halo 1 campaign is coming to the Xbox Store, Steam, and PlayStation 5 in 2026. As Phil Spencer probably said, "'Please buy multiple copies, please.'" He probably said that. It's not all bad looks for Xbox though, as old Philemus Spence just told Japanese gaming publication Famitsu, in the last year, Xbox's playtime has increased by around 20% in Japan, a region notorious for hating Xbox. Unfortunately, it's still mostly bad looks for Xbox though, because some YouTubers claim the new ROG Xbox Ally handheld systems perform better and smoother with the SteamOS like Bazlite Linux OS instead of the Windows OS that comes pre-installed. Cyber Dopamine and ETA Prime both have videos on the subject with similar findings. Windows just isn't quite comfortable on handhelds yet, but you know where you may be more comfortable? You will be, on our sponsor, Rove Lab, makers of the M1, a modular and lightweight sofa that you can carry into your house or even your small apartment by yourself. And you don't even need to go to the gym and get mad swole, ripped or yoked, juiced or jacked, unless you wanna do those things anyways. But again, it's not necessary for this because the M1 sofa blossoms out of its compact box, ready to enjoy. No tools or confusing instructions involved. Sections of the M1 sofa can be added or rearranged at any time. So you can just enjoy the plush high density foam construction and durable, easy to clean upholstery like this or this, or I don't know, like this. I'm not gonna tell you how to set yours up. I am gonna say get up to 60% off during Rove Lab's Black Friday event at our link in the description. Don't fear quick bits. Quick bits are the mind filler. I will face my quick bits. I will permit them to pass through me and over me and in me. Apple says its beloved app tracking transparency feature, the one that stops apps from following you around like a clingy X, might soon be disabled in Europe. The company claims intense lobbying efforts in countries like Germany and Italy could force it to withdraw the privacy tool to the detriment of European consumers. This statement comes after a probe launched by German, they love their probes, back in 2022 and fines from France's competition authority back in March of this year. When will these socialists stop? Don't you people want the freedom to be exploited? The American way? Yeehaw! And in what might be the most shocking Apple news this week, the company is developing a new app migration kit, a framework to help users move their data from iOS to Android. You know, the opposite of what they usually want their customers to do? The tool, quietly detailed on Apple's developer site, would let apps securely transfer user data between platforms. The reason? Likely EU regulatory pressure. That's what causes all good things in this world. Though Apple hasn't said that outright. Either way, Apple removing their head out of their ass a little bit more is good news for everybody. Forget what I said at the end of the last story. Samsung and SK Hynix are reportedly raising memory prices by up to 30% according to Trendforce and Hangyong. This increase hits both DRAM and NAND flash, the stuff that powers your RAM and SSDs. The reason? Surging AI demand and long-term data center contracts gobbling up supply. Great news for chip makers, but terrible news for anyone planning a PC upgrade. At this rate, your next 16 gigs of RAM might end up costing more than the game you bought it for. Just joking, those are going up in price too. Nike has revealed Project Amplify, a new line of powered footwear designed to enhance leg and ankle movement. The shoes feature built-in actuators and motion sensors to assist with every step. But the design is giving Marty McFly mags crossed with your dad's prescription knee brace. Nike's cinematic promo shows glowing futuristic athletes, but explains nothing about how they work. I assume over the air updates. Nike Air, I'll see myself. Thank you. An FBI investigation is alleging that NBA players, coaches, and alumni were involved in a nationwide poker conspiracy straight out of a heist movie. The scheme involved luring wealthy people who wanted to play cards against celebrities, such as 2004 NBA Finals MVP Chauncey Bullops into underground poker games, where everyone else was in on the plot to take the target's money. Aren't NBA players rich enough? The FBI alleges that the perpetrators relied on technology like rig shuffling machines, cards with marks on them that could only be seen using special sunglasses or contact lenses, and naturally, x-ray frigging tables to cheat. Apparently, the victims were hustled out of at least $7 million. I guess you could say these gamblers were really ballin' out. Now, seriously, I should leave. But you should stay, or come back again, on Monday for more tech news. I know there's another episode coming, because oddly enough, my co-writer quoted Lynch's dune when he told me to restore tech news production or live my life out in a pain amplifier. I've gotta call HR about that. No gum jabars at work, pinball! Darn!