Little House on the Prairie S05E19 The Lake Kezia Monster

Oh, we got no homework, no tests. We gotta some keys here. Come on. Yeah. That should do it. Yes. Let's see. Who's written what to cold, cruel face? Ariados. Now. I'm glad it's time. They're all out of the French quartel corset she ordered. The Venus model, no less. Comfort and elegance combined. A summer corset. Satin striped. Reinforced front steels and two side steels. She'd do just as well with a roll of baling wire. Hi, Gizia. Can we come in? Oh, come in. Hello. There's no more school till the fall, Gizia. We come to your place most every day now. After we do our chores, of course, if you'd like. Like? Oh, I'd love it. You know the welcome mat's always out for you darlings at Lake Gizia. Oh, we'll have a marvelous supper. The four of us. How long are you going to be filling in here for Miss Foster? Oh, she comes back tomorrow. Then we can start fishing and frogging tomorrow. Yeah, and singing sea chandies and listening to all the stories about all your husbands. Oh, yes. Each of them a rare man. Whiskey Jake Curry. Smiling Willie Horne. Harpoon Harry Walsh. And Anson Tommy Baines. Oh, don't forget Anson Danny Ryan. All of them. Good sailors. All of them gone. Gone to the sea. Never to come back. But not forgot. Never forgot. Well, we know you've got to get back to work. We'll see you tomorrow. See you tomorrow. Bye. See you tomorrow. Oh, back to work. Polly, fetch me another letter. This should be a torrid one, Polly. It's from Nancy Ewells Bowen. What are you going to do this summer, children? I'm just going to rest up. Thought you were doing that during the school year. What about you, Nellie? I have no plans, father. I do. It's a surprise for all of you. We're going to have a summer place. A summer place? Why? Well, all wealthy people have summer places to get away from the heat and the bustle of the city. Well, I'll grant you the heat. But what city? What bustle? We've only had three people in here all afternoon. Ah, all the more reason for the children and me to enjoy our advantages. You can easily handle the store. Thanks. Well, just where is this place that you're considering? I'm not considering, Nells. I've already set the wheels in motion. In fact, I've already ordered the summer furniture. How nice of you to consult me. But just where is this house? I told you, it's a surprise. I got one. Whopping big fish. Look at the size of it. I reckon there's enough fish there for a stomach-filling supper. Let's head for the shore and the frying pan. Oh, I'm so full, I think I'm going to bust. Me too. Oh, I ate like a horse. There's nothing better for a man than to catch his own supper. Boy, that sure is true. I usually don't like fish at home. But when I catch it myself, it's delicious. I know what you mean. Tell us a story, Kezia. Yeah, tell us. All right, me pretties. Now, did I ever tell you about our Harpoon Harry Walsh? He was me third husband, you know. How he rose on the back of the Loch Ness Monster. The what? The Loch Ness Monster. A creature so frightening that he became a legend. It's true, I heard about it at school. Tell us about it. Well, you see that harpoon there? That's the very same harpoon he put into the great beast. He'd give it me as a wedding present. Yes, he said he'd hook me good and proper and he wanted me to have the harpoon so that I'd never forget. Well, did he kill the monster? Don't interrupt now. Sorry. Yes, it was November 1832. On a lovely morning, Harry Walsh was on the lake and he spies a tremendous edge coming right out of the water nearly touching the sky. There she blows, he says. There she blows. Oh, there's someone coming. It's him again. Oh, I'll be back. You're wasting your time, Mr. Flint. I'm not paying taxes on this land. I told you that the year before last and the year before that and the year before that. I'm not here to collect the taxes. Oh, well, I'm happy to hear that. They've already been paid. Paid? Who paid them? The new owner. I warned you. You had to pay your taxes, but you wouldn't. It's been auctioned off. What? Well, I sent you a letter about it. I never read me own mail. You should have read it. Look, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. The new owner is going to take possession of the property tomorrow. I'm sorry. Always a castle. And now they're going to cast me off the place. I wanted to spend me last days. They can't do this to you, Kezia. We won't let them. There's nothing we can do about it, love. Why didn't you pay your taxes, Kezia? Well, I didn't have the money. I mean, taxes is like jobs. They're for the young. Who would be mean enough to go and buy your own property right out from underneath you like this? I don't know, lad. I don't know. But I tell you, I'm not going to give up without a fight. Harriet, you can't do this. For heaven's sake, it is over. I've done it and that's enough. But to evict an old woman, we shall be homeless. Oh, Nell. What I did was perfectly legal. I am not talking about the law. I am talking about a human being. Well, I'm a human being, too. And I wanted that leg. Now, here, help me with this thing. It's not what I wanted, but it'll have to do. Harriet, please, if you'll just... Oh, just cinch me up. The problem with you is you don't have a sense of business at all. I mean, it was $50. It was a steal. It's too tight. Oh, Nells, I'll make it a social center. I'll bring culture and grace to the plebeian populace of Walnut Grove. You won't bring it to me. Stealing that old woman's home. You can go out there and spend the summer. I'm staying in town. Well, you'll be sorry, Nells Olson. You just stay right here in town. You'll be miserable all summer long, alone. Yes, alone. The way I like it. Oh, you... Oh, Nells! I see you're finally fit to be tied, Harriet. Nells! Oh, for heaven's... What do you think of it, Alice? You know what I think. Come on, I'm really proud of that moose head. I'm sure the moose was, too. I didn't hear no complaints when we had to meet. The animal wasn't staring at me while we ate. Come on, those eyes are made out of glass. You like it, don't you, Seth? I suppose. Thought I'd get some support out of you anyway. No, I'm sorry. I just can't stop worrying about Kezia. How can they make old people pay taxes anyway? I don't know, Seth. It ain't right. Maybe they'll change it sometime. That won't help Kezia. I'll tell you what, son. Why don't you and I go frogging? That'll take your mind off of it. Okay. Bye, Mom. We won't be long, Alice. Don't worry about me. I'll just sit here and talk to your friend. Are you sure you wouldn't like some more pie, Reverend? What I'd like and what I should have are two different things. Thank you, but no. Figured it'd be Mrs. Olsen that'd take poor old Kezia's property away from her. Yeah, she could hardly wait to tell me. She wants me to come to tea as soon as she gets settled. I hope you said no, Laura. That's all right, Carolyn. As a matter of fact, I told her I had a very full schedule. I am going out there tomorrow when Mrs. Olsen takes possession. I'm just a little bit afraid of Kezia's temper. Boy, she was hopping mad today. I thought my presence there might make things a little more... Christian, shall we say. Can we go with you? I'm sure the Reverend Olsen can handle it. I know I can handle it, Charles. But you know how Kezia feels about the young ones. Might be good for her to have them out there. Whatever you say, Reverend. I will pick you two up at 7. I won't! I won't leave the ship without a fight! Now, Kezia, violence never did accomplish anything. Begging your pardon, Reverend, you're wrong there. It'd give me a heap of satisfaction to run this through that old sea cow like a pea on a spit. I am positive you don't mean that, Kezia. Positive means wrong! From the top of your voice! Here she comes now. Here she comes! She's not going to take my property! All right, children, get her along. She's got that harpoon. Now, Kezia, I've come to take possession of my property. Possession is nine points of the law, they say. And I am the one possessing this property and this harpoon. You keep that old crow away from me! Who are you calling an old crow? You, you beast, wild you! Oh, you little silly toad! Get off my property! A toad? Yes, this is my property! Don't worry, I'll handle it. You get off my property! Ladies, this is no way to be acting, either one of you! This is not Christian! I'll tell you what's Christian! Wait, stop that! Get off, get off! Ladies! Looks like the Reverend was wrong about being able to handle it. Oh, boy! Now, stop it! Before I forget I'm a minister and lose my temper! Reverend, no! Now, that's better. Now, we are talking about Kezia's home. Surely we can work out some kind of reasonable and charitable compromise. Compromise? Like what? Like some way that Kezia could stay on here. Well, I don't know about that. It was the Christian thing to do, Mrs. Olson. Mother, someone's got to do the cooking and cleaning. And all the chores, too. That's very true, children. And as the Reverend says, it is the Christian thing to do. Very well. She can stay. But I'm afraid there's nowhere for her to sleep except in the shed. Kezia? Reverend, I've got no choice. Reverend, I love this place. I've been moving on for 80 years. Now I've got nowhere to go. Except me grave. All right? Settled? Yes. We're sorry, Kezia. Well, anyway, I've got a roof over me head. Some roof. A tall shed. Well, beggars can't be choosers. You will come and see me sometime, won't you? We will. Polly, come on. Come on, children. Come along, let's get the bags out. Bye now, Muriel. Watch me, because this can't be all that difficult, I'm sure. Yellow boat, I will... Oh! Good heavens. Well, only an Indian can shoot these things anyway. Honestly. Harriet, might I try that? Oh, yeah. Kezia! Bring refreshments for my guests. What? Kezia! Good night. I'm sick of hearing me own name. What has been keeping you? You are as slow as molasses. Oh, for heaven's sakes, will you please serve the guests and make some more lemonade and start supper right away, because we're going to have 12 guests. Yes, ma'am. And hurry up, I think. She's going to kill poor old Kezia making her work like that. Just wish we could do something for her. Yeah, but what? I don't know. Then, prayer rabbit, he scrawls out, dissed away a big man's spit, and with that he tilts over the big tub of sloth water, and when the other creatures heard it come a-sloshing down the stair steps, by jingo, they all heisted themselves out of that house lickety-split. Some went sailing out the back door, some out the front door, some fell out the window. Then, prayer rabbit, he just took and shut himself up in the house and fastened all the windows. And then he went to bed, he did, and pulled the covers up about his ears. If the other creatures were going to get scared and run away from their own house, what business was that of prayer rabbit? Prayer rabbit, he went to sleep, he did. The end. I love Uncle Raymond. Read another story, Ma, please. Not tonight, young lady. You're going to do what prayer rabbit did. Go to sleep, and sleep he did. You best get to bed, too. Not unless you tuck me in and read me a story. I was speaking to the children. Your Ma's right. Come on. Good night, Pa. Good night, love. Good night, Pa. Sure was a good story. Yeah. The way prayer rabbit scared them out of their own house. Yeah. First he shot off his gun. Bang! Then he shot off his cannon. Boom! Albert, I already heard the story. Now could you please be quiet so I can get some sleep? Maybe there is a way we can help Kesey get her house back. How? By scaring Miss Olsen off the property. Yeah. But how? I don't know yet. Maybe Kesey can help us figure something out. Yeah, she knows lots of scary stories. Yeah. See if we can talk to her tomorrow. Good night. Darn! What? Well, now I can't sleep. Good. Now your snoring will keep me awake. You think, and I'll sleep. She swims like a pregnant penguin, she does. Kesey! You're a sight for sore eyes, dearies. Wherever have you been keeping yourselves? The Olsens don't want us here. And we don't want them here on your land, making you work your fingers to the bone. There's nothing much we can do about it, loves. Maybe there is, Kesey. Maybe we can scare them off the property. But we don't know how. Yeah. We were figuring maybe you'd have an idea. Yeah. You've been everywhere, seen everything there is. Could you think of something that would scare the pants off of them? I wish I knew. Hey, wait a minute. Remember what you told us? About the monster? What was his name? Loch Ness. Yeah. The Loch Ness. What if there was a monster in this lake? What if there was? Stop that snoring. What is that horrible noise? Oh, I don't know. But I'm gonna... I'm gonna find out. Don't just stand there. Come on. It's him. Who? Him? I call him the Lake Kesey Monster. Lake Harriet? What monster? Oh, something like them monsters they have in the Scottish lakes. They call them lochs. Ah! Nonsense. There's no such thing as a monster. I read about those monsters in school. There's one in Loch Ness. A lot of people saw him. Oh, yeah. Like the terrible fearsome thing that lurks in these waters out there. Did you ever see him? Shiver my timorous child. I see them every month since I've been here. Yes. Like clockwork he starts that infernal bellowing. Getting ready to rise on the night of the full moon. Yes. Seeking human fodder, so the story goes. In revenge for a mate who was killed over a hundred years ago. Do you expect me to believe such an outlandish tale? You can believe it or not, it's your monster now. What do you mean it's my monster now? Well, he goes with the property and his curse. It's probably why the clerks pulled up states and went to California. Abandoned the place before they was devoured. Why didn't he come after you? He did. Slavering, slurping every month. Why'd you stay? Well, I had no place else to go. Not like you, with a fine place of your own in Walnut Grove. Besides, he didn't like this harpoon, he didn't. Well, you want to know what I think, Kezia? I think you are a monumental liar and you're just saying all this nonsense to try and scare me off my property and my lake. So do I. Me too. Now, I think that it is nothing more than a sick cow making that noise and if I hear any more nonsense about monsters, you will be fired. Children, to bed. You can stop now, lads. Her ladyship wouldn't buy it. Darn. But thanks for trying all the same. Well, I best get to bed now. I've got a big day tomorrow. Good night, all. Good night, Kezia. Aw gee, what are we going to do now? Well, you know what they say, seeing is believing. So? So we'll make a monster she can see. What kind of monster? Oh, one that'll really scare Harriet Olsen out of her pants. That I'd love to see. Well, we best be getting home now. I'll tell you on the way. I'm sure there's no such thing as monsters. Go to sleep, Lily. What's that? It's only Mother. Oh yeah. Good morning, Mr. Olsen. Good morning, Laura. What can I do for you? How much glue and tacks could I buy for 15 cents? Glue and tacks? What are you working on? Well, it's a special project. Sort of an invention. Well, I'll tell you what. I like to encourage children's educational projects. I'll just donate whatever you need. Thanks, Mr. Olsen. I'll need about a gallon of glue and about a couple pounds of tacks. Must be quite a big project. Oh, the bigger the better, I always say. Well, anything else? Well, could you spare about 10 yards of burlap sacking? 10 yards of burlap? Well, let's see. We've got... Why don't you just take what's left here? At least 10 yards. Is that all? Let me think. I know it's an awful lot, but a couple of Roman candles? Roman candles? That sounds very interesting. How about three of them? You never know when you might need a spare. Gee, I don't know how to thank you, Mr. Olsen. Oh, take nothing of it. Glad to help. I just hope the project works. If it does, you'll hear about it. Good. Thanks again. All right. Good luck. Hey, what are you up to, village? We've come to get some scrap wood. There's a whole stack of it over there. Take what you need. Thanks. Thanks. Building something? Yes, sir. Like what? We haven't decided yet. You sure were lucky at Olsen's. We can make the monster as big as we want now. How long do you think it'll take? Well, we have to get it done in three days. That's when the moon will be full. In the meantime, we'll just keep scaring him a little bit. Keep him thinking about the monster. Oh, I can't wait until that full moon. We'll work on it at a clubhouse. We don't want our folks finding out. Right. Well, Pa wouldn't mind. We can't take that risk. Albert's right, Laura. The only thing worrying me is building that head. It's got to look real scary. Yeah. Hey, I got an idea. You guys go ahead. I'll meet you at the clubhouse. Come on. Home early today? Is Pa home? No, he's making a delivery to Sleepy Eye. That old moose head sure looks ugly up there. Sure does. Pa shouldn't have put it in the house. I told him that. Why don't we take it down? He probably won't even miss it. I'd love to. Well, why don't we? We can always put it back up later. After all, Ma, it's your house, too. You're absolutely right. Andrew, take it down. That bathing suit sure looks like a hot-air balloon. What did you say, Peteya? Oh, nothing, ma'am. Just that I'll have snapped all these beans by noon. Uh, well, you'd better. All right. Now I'll get Willie. And, Andy, you get Nellie. Mrs. Olsen, it's all yours, Laura. Let's go. Oh, darling, I'm sure it's just nothing but a crab. Some little crab in a bath! It almost bit my leg off! Do you know what it is tomorrow? Do I know what tomorrow is? Of course I know what tomorrow is. It's Thursday. Yeah, and the next day? Well, obviously, it's Friday. The moon will be full. Oh, get back to work. Now, Willie, darling, I'm sure that there's... There is no monster. Now, I tell you what I want you to do. I want you to go into town tomorrow and tell your father to give you the shotgun. But if there's no monster... Oh, don't argue with me! Just do it! The monster's coming! The monster's coming! Oh, for heaven's sake, that awful bird! I'm gonna shoot it with a shotgun! For heaven's sake, I thought you'd never get home. I'll get you some supper. Never mind, I'm too tired to eat. I'm just gonna go on and get some sleep. Where's Andy? He went frogging again with Laura and Albert. Yeah, well, I'm gonna get me some rest. Where's my moose head? What are you doing? Honing me harpoon. Why? Oh, does it every month. Force of habit, as you might say. Harpoon tonight! You trained that bird to say that? Me, Mum? Yes! No, Mum. Polly has a mind of his own. You've heard the old saying, you can't teach an old parrot new tricks. That is not a parrot! What are we having for supper tonight? Fish. A very large fish. An enormous fish. We'll start preparing it. Any guests? No. No guests. No one will come out here anymore. Someone has been telling them about our monster. There are no monsters here! For heaven's sake! Harpoon tonight! Absolutely not. I am not going to give you that shotgun. But if you don't give it to me, Ma will just come here and get it herself. All right, all right, I get it. Absolutely ridiculous, this monster business. It serves her right for taking that old lady's land. What are you doing here, Willie? I thought you'd be swimming today. Not me. I'm not going that lake. The monster bit me. You're kidding. Here's the shotgun. Thanks. What does he need the shotgun for? His mother thinks she's going to shoot a monster. But isn't that kind of dangerous? Not really. Just between you and me, I loaded it with blanks. Be quiet. I'm eating. I imagine he will, too, tonight. Is everybody ready? All set. Line back here. You don't want to miss a thing. You told Kizzy not to worry about the shotgun, didn't you? Yeah. Let's go. Coming in. To see how brave this monster is. Aren't you coming? No, Mum. I'll just stay here and pray for you. Oh, yes. Shh, quiet. It's so huge! Come on, let's go see Kizzy. We did it! Hallelujah! Came out to see what all the fuss was about. And I got to laughing so hard, I fell in the lake! Never! Why don't you clean yourself up and stay and have some supper? We're having a large fish. An enormous fish. I don't mind if I do! Whoo!