Best of Henry Cho： Modern Parenting, Participation Trophies, and Bicycle Helmets ｜ Henry Cho Comedy)

So I have three kids, my wife and I. We have two boys and a little girl. A buddy of mine had four boys. He finally had a girl. His first thought was hallelujah. So they named her Hallie. Isn't that sweet? So my daughter's name is vasectomy. And we call her Snippy. It's Snippy Cho if you're keeping score. I suck on that joke, man. But when I wrote it, she was a little girl, you know. People used to say in public, they'd walk up and go, oh, you must be vasectomy. She's this little girl. She's like, I guess. I don't know. Now she's a teenager, man. Just the other day, she goes, thanks, dad. That man over there just called me vasectomy. Well, if it's going to pay for your car, I'd shut up. She's awesome, man. Clap if you have kids middle school or younger. Who has kids middle school or younger? How many kids do you have, man? Two. What are the ages? Nine and ten. Boys or girls? Boys. Oh, there you go. Two boys, back to back. That's what we did. Boys are easy to raise. Just got to wake up and run around and break stuff. Then God gave me a daughter. Rock my world. It changed everything. I had to learn how to listen. Pay attention. Listen. Care. My boys do not understand the daddy-daughter thing. They don't get it. They're like, dad, you spoil her rotten. I go, yeah, I sure do. She gets the things she wants. I go, yep, sure does. She wants a pony. You're going to get her a pony? I go, yeah, I'll get her a pony. They're like, can we get a new Xbox? I go, no, got to save money for a pony. What are you, crazy? Get out of my house. Stop eating my groceries. What are you doing? You spanked your boys? No? Have you ever? No? All right, bring them back here. I'll pop them for you. I'm going to snap. You'll read about me. What happened to Henry Cho? He got arrested. He spanked 25 kids in Walmart. Clap if you got spanked growing up. I want to see who got spanked. Anybody get spanked? Everybody okay? Yeah, pop your kids. We protect them too much. I'm guilty too. Three times, guilty, guilty. Car seats I'll give you, 100%. But like bicycle helmets, come on, man. Bobby can't ride a bike. That's Bobby's fault. Clap if you never wore a helmet. Who never wore a helmet out there? Everybody okay? Yeah, see, Bobby ain't here because Bobby ain't supposed to be here. That is nature's way. That's why we have so many stupid people walking around. They're all wearing helmets. We have no way to thin the herd. I know you didn't want to laugh at that. That's a joke, people. Chill. I don't wish any harm on any child unless he can't ride a bike. That's a joke. Just, gosh, pop your kids. When you're home tonight, just wake them up and pop them. And they'll go, what was that? Mr. Cho said to pop ya. Merry Christmas. I have to be honest with you, though. I've never spanked my daughter. Never have. If she did something wrong, I'd just spank one of the boys. They're like, what was that? Yeah, you should have been watching her. Do you boys play sports? Yeah, what do they play? Baseball and football. Those are real. I thought you were going to say something like, you know, tennis or something. That's an activity. Sports aren't the same, man. They're not. I coach Jackson's baseball and basketball teams when they're about the same age. 7, 8, 9, 10. That whole range. We were pretty good. We weren't great. We never won a championship. But he has seven trophies just for showing up. You know why he has seven and not eight? Because that last year, that last season, the trophies came to the house and I told my wife I'm not going to give them out. I threw them away. She goes, you've got to give them out. I said, no, somebody's put a stop to this. That last game, we got beat 18 to 2. They could care less. They just lined up for their trophies. They're like, hey, Coach Cho, where's our trophies? I go, you know what? You don't get one this year. They're like, why not? Well, because you're a loser. Now put your helmet on and get out of here. Go get your snack. Who started snacks? I didn't have a snack my entire childhood. Pre-game, halftime, post-game, orange slices. Gotta have orange slices. There's a snack list. I had no idea there was a snack list until my first practice ever. I told all the parents we're not having snacks. This mom ran me down in the parking lot. We got that snack. There's going to be a snack list. I said, we're not having snacks. No, we're going to have snacks. See, Jeremy can't play a whole game without a snack. Jeremy needs a snack or Jeremy can't play the whole game. I'm going, Jeremy's not that good. He'll never play a whole game. Why don't you all eat at home and come late? How about that, huh? Kids, sports and snacks, you know what started all that? Soccer. It did, because you have a snack when you're playing soccer because your hands are clean. Explain that to your neighbor on the way out of here. Are you on the snack list? Yes. That really wasn't a question. It was a comment. Walmart. I'm kidding about the sports. Give them all the snacks they want. They need them. God forbid they go an hour and a half without them. But you need to pop them. Is that your husband behind you? He's clapped every time I've said pop them. You're running out of time.