How To Apologize

[Music] [Applause] [Music] have you ever done something wrong well who's asking oh no turns out we've all done something we regret something that damaged a friendship or hurt someone else you heard our friendship and when you do it's natural to feel guilty your conscience kicks in and tells you to make things right you're gonna have to make things right but the question is how do you even do that usually the first step is to apologize it's not easy but it's the right thing to do and it will save you from lots of unneeded relationship grief today we're giving you five tips on how to apologize number one consider your actions the first thing to think about before you apologize is this consider whether you actually did anything wrong now we're not saying you should try to rationalize your behavior and come up with some grand scheme as to why you don't actually owe someone an apology well you see what happened was don't do that but sometimes you haven't actually done anything that you need to apologize for silence is violence wait a second i didn't do anything wrong surprisingly some people will be upset with you when you do good never apologize to appease a bullying mob or because you've spoken what is true and someone disagrees with you apologize apologize you apologize apologize speaking the truth and standing against the crowd to do what's right is not wrong it's important to distinguish between true guilt and pressure from others if your conscience tells you that you've done something bad you should stop and think about it other times you may not actually realize the harm you did if someone tells you that what you did is wrong listen carefully to what they say with humility and empathy sometimes people don't say anything when you hurt them but their attitude towards you changes they may stop talking to you or just show discomfort when you're around pay attention when people change their behavior towards you oftentimes it can be good to ask have i done anything to upset you yes people will appreciate the gesture i appreciate your gesture [Music] wow number two identify the wrong if you know you did something wrong determine exactly what you did do your best to identify it by name don't just move on with your life as if nothing happened and keep making the same mistake over and over examine yourself and consider your actions carefully it takes courage but it's worth it think about how your action violated a common standard of behavior like the ten commandments and the human dignity of the other person think about it do better what was your motivation was it jealousy selfishness silliness or just ignorance ask yourself what you should have done instead number three admit the wrong once you have clearly determined what you did wrong go to the person as soon as possible tell them firmly what you did and why it was wrong it's not enough to just say sorry you hugged me sorry sheesh some people treat apologizing like a tool to get a monkey off their back i said sorry but a true apology comes from the heart you have to recognize three things one you did something wrong two the wrong hurts someone else and three you regret the wrong you did telling them in person is best but a written apology could also work it may help to write down what you want to say before speaking to the other person in essence say i'm sorry for stealing your car include why it was wrong in your apology it was wrong and i broke the eighth commandment of the law of the lord that wasn't right i just wanted to apologize don't excuse what you did and don't seek to justify why you did it i wouldn't have done it if you hadn't angered me and put it right in front of me bro any attempt to make it sound not as bad as it was will sound insincere and your apology will be and should be refused don't shift blame to anyone else for your actions no matter who else was involved you are responsible for your own choices good or bad take responsibility for yourself admit what you did and acknowledge the hurt or damage the other person suffered number four ask forgiveness it might seem like a little kid thing to ask for forgiveness now boys just apologize to each other but it really is a lot deeper than that this may be the most important step when you've wronged someone else you become indebted to that person you've taken or deprived someone of something they were owed if you lie you've deprived someone from knowing the truth if you've stolen you've deprived them of their property if you degrade someone else you've deprived them of their dignity since it was your actions that caused it you are responsible for restoring that debt you need to repay and get forgiveness of that debt ask directly i am so sorry can you forgive me wait for an answer and give the person time if they do not answer right away if they accept look for a way to show it such as shaking hands or a friendly hug if they do not accept perhaps try again later if they continue not to forgive you just let it go you can't control the other person as long as you do the right thing that's all that really matters don't get bitter or angry because they don't respond the way you want them to well fine be that way boy don't you yeah probably shouldn't do that you have made a sincere attempt to reconcile and the rest is up to them number five work to make it right and not repeat the wrong sometimes the wrong we do causes a lot of damage that's a lot of emotional damage oftentimes it's not enough to just say sorry excuse me that's mine sorry take action to repair damage as much as possible such as payment for broken property hey i'm sorry here's some replacement snackies or correction to what has been said to others in order to repair the wounded person's reputation this is called making amends or restitution if you don't know how to make it right ask the other person if there's anything you can do but more importantly make a commitment to yourself to stop whatever harmful action caused the problem in the first place no we're not reversed this is called repentance in other words turning away from destructive behavior and trying to do what is right if you end up repeating the wrong repeat the apology process again and with each wrong look for ways to grow as a person and put your mistakes behind you so let's recap what we've learned number one consider your actions were they right or wrong number two identify the wrong clearly be specific number three admit the wrong to the other person number four ask forgiveness number five work to make it right and not repeat the wrong thanks for watching this how-to video for prageru we hope you learned something new we'll see you next time if you're not watching this on prageru then you should be or else the grim reaper will come and get you when you're not looking yeah i think you should wear this i think that belongs to the girl who wears the pickle suit i think she's over there look look she's right there no i'm not falling for that you should try living in a mountain for 40 days and see how you feel ah he smells like pickles i got a beefy sorry golly jeepers batman where that monkey come from who sent this monkey yeah you're gonna have to make things right here bunny