Josh Has a Crush

How you doing? I'm doing fine. Did you get the flowers? Yes, I did. Did you like them? They were very pretty. Do you know why I sent them? I know why you think you sent them. It's our anniversary. No, it's not. I'm the sort of guy who remembers those things. No, you're the sort of guy who sends a woman flowers to be mean. You're really the only person I've ever met who can do that. I'm quite something. Yes. I sent them to mark an occasion. Are we really going to do this every year? For I am a man of occasion. I started working for you in February, this is April, and you're an idiot. Well, you started working for me once in February, and then you stopped for a while. Yes. Then you started working for me again in April. That's the one I choose to celebrate, because it's the only one where you started working for me, and it wasn't followed by you're not working, but rather going back to your boyfriend. And how, in comparison to that and him, you can call me mean is simply another in a long series of examples. Oh, shut up. Honest to God, do you ever get tired of the sound of your own voice? No, no, no, no. Well, where are you going now? Sam and I are going to punch up the thing for tomorrow. Hey, we need funny people. Yeah? You know any? See, right there is a joke. It's the oldest joke in the book. I'll say. You know what, 8-0 Annie, I sent you flowers. I think what you're trying to say is, well, thank you, Josh. They're beautiful. How very thoughtful of you. Not many bosses would have been that thoughtful. Really? Because what I think I was trying to say was shove it. Okay. Well, then I guessed wrong. You want me to help with the thing? Yes, I do, because you are such an hysterically funny person. Did you notice how I used Ann there properly? Yes, I did. You crack me up. You know, there are times when, to put it quite simply, I hate your breathing guts. So the flowers really did the trick, huh? Oh, yeah. Josh. Oh! Well, that was predictable. Yes. I'm trying to find that speech Sam sent. You know, we keep them on computer. Well, yeah, sure, I suppose. Except you don't know how to use a computer. Right. Ah, Josh, Josh, Josh. Yes? Joshua, Josh, Josh. What the hell is happening now? You feel, I believe, because you're quite adamant that this job was my second choice. Hey, I'm just grateful we were your last choice. I'm going to give you a little gift right now, which you don't deserve. Donna, if you've got your old Catholic school uniform on under there, don't get me wrong, I applaud the thought. Okay, what I need is for you to stop being like you for a second. Okay. When I came back, you remember I had a bandage on my ankle? Yeah. I told you I slipped on the ice on the front walk. Yeah, and you know why? Because you didn't put down the kitty litter. I was actually in a car accident. You were in a car accident? It was... Seriously, you were in an accident? It was no big deal. You told me it was a late thaw. Yes, I did. Anyway, they took me to the hospital, and I called him, and he came down to get me. And on the way, he stopped and met some friends of his for a beer. He stopped on the way to the hospital for a beer? Yes, and so I left him. Which was the point of my telling you this. I left him. So stop remembering that. What I remember is that you took me back when you had absolutely no reason to trust me again, and you didn't make fun of me or him, and you had every reason to. Donna... You're going to make fun of him now, aren't you? No. Because that's why I didn't tell you in the first place. I'm not going to make fun of him. Good. But just what kind of a dumb kiss were you... He was supposed to meet some of his friends. He stopped on the way to tell them that he couldn't. And had a beer? Does this make you feel superior? Yes. You are better than my old boyfriend. I'm just saying, if you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for a beer. If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights. Thanks for taking me back. Oh, and the flowers are beautiful. The Supreme Court has issued an adjournment report. Detailed in this report... Why would I put it back? Hello. You let anybody up without asking who it is? I thought you were breakfast. You know what? What? John's never asked to see the WLC's high donor database. What? He's never asked to see the high donor database. Or any other mailing list. So, how do you like them apples? I just went to sleep about two hours ago. You think he's using me? Is the sun even out? I just thought you should know. No, not so much. Those pajamas are too big for you. What makes you say that? Well, you got the bottoms off. I know they're too big for me. What are you doing here? Demonstrating, once and for all, that John's not using me to get the women's vote. You're flaky. You know that? You're quite the flake. Not once has he asked to see the database. I was done with this fight a month ago. Never asked us to sponsor a fundraiser for him. It's early. It's January. You think it's too early to start raising money? No, I'm saying it's five o'clock in the morning. I offered him a slot to speak on safe haven laws. He declined. He hardly ever takes photo ops with me. He always takes photo ops with you. Yes, yes he does, but he never runs them in his congressional newsletter. How do you like them apples? We're going to stop with the apples soon, right? Admit that you're wrong and that his relationship with me has nothing to do with politics. I admit it. You mean it? No, of course I'm right, and his relationship with you has everything to do with politics. He's a power dater. That's what power daters do. You know how I know? Because you're a power dater? That's right. Well, you know how I know that you're wrong? Because you looked in his eyes, saw his soul, and confronted him in a moment of human honesty? That's right. Then he was sure to tell you the truth. He didn't have to. Why? Because he asked me to marry him. How do you like them apples? I don't know. He asked you to marry him? Yes. And you want me to talk you out of it? You don't have to talk me out of it. I said no. Good. And then I told him I thought we should stop seeing each other for a while. Really? Yes. Okay. Now you're nervous. No, I'm not. Josh, you and I have spent four nights with each other. I didn't break up with him for you. I'm not pathetic stalking woman who, you know, does things. We spent six nights with each other. What are you counting? I count them all. Who's four? You just upped and proposed? Yes, Hamlet. It's called being decisive. No, Ophelia, it's called a political asset. What does it matter now? It doesn't. And that's all you're going to say? I'll say more when you call me in 30 seconds from your cell phone. You know, the most insecure guy I've ever met. You're pretty sure of yourself. You'll call me from your cell phone. That's where the real conversation always takes place. You can't afford pajamas that fit. It's laundry day. See ya. Time number one was on the steps in front of my apartment when you kissed me. It was snowing. Time number two was when you came over after the State of the Union. Time number three was at your house when you put on your bootleg tape of the Stones at Wembley Stadium and put on your feather boa and sang the Lucky Talk Woman. Time number four involved a variety of... Josh, I'm going to stop you right here, okay? Leo? Yeah. Anybody else in the office? Hey, Josh. Hey, Margaret. We've got a problem in Vieques and a caucus in Iowa. Why don't you come on in to work, hmm? Yeah. I've got you booked on Meet the Press, Crossfire, and Taylor Reid. Taylor Reid? Nobody else is doing it. That's good staff work. Hey. How's Donna? She threw me out. Her mother's driving her crazy and her IRA boyfriend is plotting sedition. Maybe it was seduction. Probably both. Dashing photojournalist? Yeah, I think the professional term is wanker. Listen to you. Too much BBC. Too much sauerbraten. So, Leo's still down here? Yeah, he's in his office. Why doesn't he have a camp dinner? So, where do you want me? How's Donna? Better. May be able to fly in a few days. Get up to Camp David. Tell her who's climbing the walls thinks the president's going to give away the store. When are you coming up? Tomorrow. Maybe the day after. Everything okay? Syrians are blowing enough gaskets to open a new subcontract. They want a resolution at the U.N. Stop by my apartment, pick up some clothes, I'll drive straight up. This is Joey Lucas. This is her assistant, Kenny. You're running O'Dwyer's campaign in 46? Yes. Sam Seaborn. Hi. Don't be Zeigler. Hello. C.J. Craig. Hi. I know who you are. I was just telling her about Kiefer's numbers. I've seen those numbers. We shared the California polling data. And? Kiefer asked the wrong questions. His poll said 80% of the people, when asked if they favored her flag burning amendment, said yes. Which is roughly the same percentage of people who'd say they'd favor sending litterbugs to prison. He never asked them how much do they care. Please, please say that you did. How good am I looking to you right now? That depends on the California numbers. 37%, or less than half of those who said they'd favor the amendment, rated the issue fairly or very important. 12%, or less than a third of that group, said that the issue would swing their vote. The only place this war is being fought is in Washington. You're looking very good to me right now. I thought so. Good to meet you. Nice meeting you. You have any idea how big you just scored with Toby and Sam right now? Yes. But still. What? I think if you want to have the president stand up and say something about flag burning, I think he should say people shouldn't do it. I think he should say that it's a form of protest that for a lot of people is terrible and troubling. Your poll says that? I said that. And so do a lot of people. Vox Populi, Vox Dei. The voice of the people is the voice of a dog. The voice of God, Russell. God. Yes. I came here with someone. I'm sorry? I came here with someone. Okay. I should go. I have to go. Wait. Will you call me sometime next time you come out here? Absolutely. I will call in advance of my coming. It was really good to see you. You too. Just because she said she was with somebody? She said she was with somebody. Oh, Josh. Donna, she's with somebody. She could have just been saying that. Why would she just have been saying that? For the allure. Oh. Go see her before we leave. It's one in the morning. Knock on her door. I'm going to knock on her door at one in the morning? Yes, because you're whisking back to Washington and you had to see her one more time before you left because God knows what fate awaits you once you get there. Are you okay? Yeah, they're your rosebuds, Josh. Donna, I'm not going to knock on her door. Were you just clucking like a chicken? Was that what that was? Yeah. I could knock on her door if I wanted to. I don't have her room number. Yes, you do. Phone message. First of all, don't do that thing anymore. The phone message. Phone message. And? Tom, I'll be down in one minute. Hang on. How's she going to know I'm knocking on the door? There's a button outside. The light flashes. I'll be there in a minute. Josh. Al. What can I do for you? You know, I got the wrong room. I don't think so. You looking for Joey? Yeah. Oh, she's right here. No, I'm not. I was stopping to say a quick goodbye. Don't bother. Who's out there? I wanted to say a quick goodbye. We're taking off. And thank you for talking to us tonight. That was helpful. She said goodbye. I know. Donna? Yeah? Can you get me the most recent memo from the DPC on the welfare-to-work initiatives? Yeah. I'm seeing Amy again tonight. Second date? First date, really. Last night was more of a, you know... Scheme. Yeah. Good, because the second date's usually where the wheels come off the wagon for you. That is so false. What are you doing? A late drink. Where are you going? Wilson's. I like that place. I know. Why? Well, for one thing, the piano player only seems to know one song. What song? Little Things with Fur Better Hurry. Chicks and Ducks and Geese Better Scurry? Okay. Sorry with the fringe on top. Whatever. It's like I'm on a hayride. What are you doing? I'm trying to figure out if you have to pay for the plane ticket to Phoenix. It was official travel. Yeah, well, it doesn't really seem to make a difference. What does the rule say? An employee may not use contract airline rail passenger service provided under the contract with the General Services Administration C Part 301-15 Subpart B of this chapter. What's the problem? Well, let's set aside that there's no subpart B. The rest of it uses a sentence structure with which I'm not familiar. Just put it on my credit card. No, see? I think that's what this is designed to do. I think it's designed to break a person's spirit. And damn it, that's my job. We're getting beat by the system. We are the system. We suck. Yes. I need the welfare to work memo. How many words in the Gettysburg Address? 266. And the Ten Commandments? 173. So you really wouldn't think you'd need 6,000 to discover how a plane ticket gets reimbursed? No. What's going on? Welfare to work. I was happy when you said this morning that you recommended the censure. Your face didn't register much. I'm thinking about the speech. I figured. Don't ask me how it's going. I wouldn't. It's in the larva stage. You can't rush these things. It's not like putting a hammer to a nail. I need some pie. You should go get some. Come with me. Okay. Don't ask me about the speech. Wouldn't do it. How'd it end up going last night? With Amy Gardner? Yeah. Very, very well. Here's the memo. Thank you. You know Amy's seeing somebody. I do know that. You know who? No, and I don't want to know. Yes. Now that you mention it, who? John Tandy. Really? Yeah. Really? Yes. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting, and I'll tell you why. Why? Because John Tandy is a... I'll tell you why, seriously. Why? Because they started seeing each other shortly after Ann Lieberman announced she was going to make a primary challenge in the 20th district. Really? Yeah. Oh, so... I don't think he's courting Amy Gardner. I think he's courting women. I don't think you're right. Why? Because that's ridiculous. Really? No, it's not ridiculous. Of course you're right. Hey, who's the president having dinner with tonight? Friends are having. Good, because when you're in his kind of mood having dinner with your wife's friends is just what you're hoping for. Folks love taking pictures with those. Almost like the real thing. Almost. They talk a little less. Don't say that too loud. His wife is going to want one. May I help you? I'm Josh Lyman. I'm here to see Will Bailey. He's expecting you. Follow me. The vice president's not missing the J.J. dinner either. If he has to break a tie on the ag bill, he'll do a quick round trip on Air Force Two. Yeah. How's the Santos jug or not? Juggering great. Just opened our New Hampshire offices. I understand if there's a tidal wave, you can paddle your way to safety. Our money's going into the field. Mind if one of my deputies sits in? It's your meeting. Would you step in here, please? So why'd you want to see me? Hey, I've got that list of free media events for New Hampshire broken up by media market. There's some of the targets go over the border, too. Come on. Hi. I don't know why people cling to this antiquated notion of states. For the purposes of presidential campaigning, we really live in the United Media Markets of America, don't we? Yeah. I'm not going to waste your time. I'm sure you have boats to sink. The truth is we're all friends. We're all good Democrats. None of us wants a bloodied nominee, and I know you don't want to attack the president's record, also known as your record, also known as the vice president's record. He did clap at some of those bill signings, didn't he? Live on national television. Yes, he did. I'm proposing a clean campaign. No attacks. A preemptive truce. I love what you've done with the place. It's like the Mao Tse-Tung School of interior decorating. If you're saying you're not willing to rule out negative attacks on the Bartlett Russell administration, I've got to tell you... I'll take it to the congressman. He decides what we rule in or out. Good. Great. Can we not make this a thing? It's not a thing. Look, I'm not saying it's going to come without a cost. Education is at the heart of everything that we care about. Competitiveness, opportunity, equality. Shouldn't we figure out what we need first and then get into the details? So you're saying no tax increase? Ma'am, what I'm saying is... Hey, Ronna. Actually, it's Donna. And it's Ronna. No, really, it's Donna. I'm quite certain it's Ronna. It's Donna, Donna, it's Ronna. Can you give us a minute? You should stick around. It all campaigns like some Dr. Seuss nightmare. One fish, two fish, dead fish. We fought the good fight fish. As opposed to the cat in the imitation cowboy hat fell flat. Go ahead. Hop on, Bob. You should be with me. I don't want to campaign. You're right. I let Russell seduce me with mindless perks like a salary and actual political support. And what make-work job do they even have you doing over there? Media targeting for the Northeast and Pacific Northwest. Fine. We're still the ones with the gutsy education plan, the ones speaking the truth about the New Hampshire primary. You know what Russell's been speaking about on this trip too? I didn't know chipboard could talk. White Mountains preservation, MTBE, textile conversion, local issues. You mean pandering. I mean what voters want. Campaigns are about them, not us. You told me that. Like to deliver my old truism? Close. Letters from Russell's supporters to the DNC urging them to protect the New Hampshire primary. You ought to deliver some of those truisms yourself. At least you could do a semi-to-one with a noose. Now maybe Will's right. Maybe you aren't a man of destiny. I just wish you'd filled out a little sooner or so. Mr. Lyman. Yeah? A call for you. A Mr. Brown. POTUS on the line? This is Josh Lyman. Liz tells me you look like hell. Yeah, well, hell's just another word for far from home without your mittens on. Sorry about what happened with Doug. If you ever have daughters, Josh, don't let them run off and marry pinheads. He's in a tough race. That deserves it. Nah, you took a bullet for me. I'm the one who didn't want Doug to run. I was just doing my job. I know it looks like I'm for Russell, but I want a vigorous primary. I know that, sir. If I speak out, it sends all kinds of wrong signals. I know. Take down these numbers. Numbers, uh... Now take them down. Six to 24 over six. And this is... New Hampshire's dropout rate. Fell from six-lowest in the nation to 24 in the last six years. Their highest in the region now. I haven't done enough. Santo should say that. People have to know why he's talking about education, why he's in this. What he's running against. I haven't done enough. Might as well beat me.