Simple Ways to Make Your Husband Feel Loved

Hi, it's Erin Smalley, and I want to talk to you about five things a husband needs from his wife, from you. Number one, he needs you to take care of yourself. And I know that sounds silly, amiss. We're talking about what your husband needs. But what we know to be true is if a wife is worn out, exhausted, burned out, she's not going to have anything to give her husband, her kids, her friends. And so first and foremost, please take care of yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, straight out of the greatest commandment, love the Lord your God, heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. As is such a key word because it's saying, yes, love others, but the as is love yourself too. So do that physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, so you have something to give. How can you do this? Just a quick tip. Even driving here today, I knew I was dragging, I was tired. And so I turned on one of my favorite praise and worship songs, just blasted it, sang with it. I let it soak into my soul and it just rejuvenated me. So for women, take care of yourself. So even like throughout the day, let's say you have small kids and they're napping, lay down and take a nap yourself, or like sit and read something that you enjoy. Have a cup of tea, simple things like that. Just doing those little things throughout the day to really be intentional about caring for you can make all the difference. Number two, he needs your affirmation. It's interesting because Dr. Orbach followed 373 couples for more than two decades. And it was super interesting because as she studied them, she found one thing that husbands who are affirmed by their wives have a more satisfying marriage. And so when I heard this research, I was like, oh, that's simple because it's just one affirmation per day. Your husband longs to hear an affirmation from you. I would think Greg would come to work, he'd come to focus, he'd get affirmed throughout the day, I'm certain. But what the research says, it doesn't matter if your husband is being affirmed by colleagues, by same-sex friends, like, hey, great job on that presentation. Bottom line is who he wants to be affirmed by is you. And as you affirm him once a day, it makes him enjoy your marriage more. So to me, it was like a win-win. I was like, hey, that's easy, I can do that. So I encourage you, affirm him, watch for things that you see in him, in his character, in his personality, how he's living his life, something about him that you're noticing, and then speak words of life over him. So number three, he needs your respect. And 1 Peter talks about how as a wife respects her husband, how that influences the overall state of the marriage as well as your husband. We have great influence and we're battling our spouse for leadership within the house. You know, it doesn't go well. And typically that's what we do as women, we want to take over. If he's not doing it well, then I will. And it's remembering we're called to respect. And so what does respect look like? I would even ask your spouse, ask your husband, what does it look like for me to respect you? How would you know I'm respecting you? And get that feedback. That's great information to have to make sure that you're showing up in a way that actually is speaking respect to him. And just an opportunity again to influence the overall state of our marriage. So number four, he needs your friendship. And you think about most couples, unless it's an arranged marriage, start as friends. The research is clear that when a husband knows that his wife is his best friend, he's twice as satisfied with the marriage. That's huge. So really it's looking back, what did we used to do when we were dating and engaged, early married? What was it that we did as friends? I know Greg will often say, I know you love me, I know you're committed to me, but I really want to know you like me. Because if you like me, we're friends and he wants to be best friends and I want to be his best friend. And so it really is being intentional about what did we once do as friends? Maybe you're still doing those things, watching movies together, watching shows together, going out and dates and having fun. Last night we went to a play and it was a great time. I did have to go home at nine o'clock because I was exhausted. So set the boundary and went home, but we had a blast together. And so really it's looking at what can we do together as friends? What did we used to do and how do we put those things in practice today? And number five, he needs physical touch and sexual intimacy. And you know, God made us differently as men and women. And I know typically people believe like, oh men, they want sex all the time and women, you know, and actually the research shows today that 25% of women have a higher sex drive than their husband. But it really is having a conversation with your husband. Is it physical touch? That's a love language for him. Is that something that helps him to feel loved? And so it's exploring that. Maybe it's your love language and really talking about how do we navigate this? You know, are we hugging? Are we kissing? Are we making eye contact? All of those things matter. Are we connecting emotionally at an intimate level? And are we having sex? Intimacy is a gift that God gave us for marriage and it's a blessing to the marriage. And so, you know, if we're not intimate, if we're not having sex, why not? What's getting in the way? And that's something you can go after together to seek what is really going on. What's getting in the way? Is it a hormone issue? Is it a medical issue? Is it a mental health crisis? Is it trauma? Is it a disconnection in the marriage? And so really I encourage you go in and talk to a licensed Christian counselor if that is an area in your marriage that you're wanting to grow in. So these five tips aren't a checklist. I know as I've spoken to moms groups across the country so often as I'm sharing tips for the marriage, you know, I didn't realize that it's like a checklist. The moms are going, yeah, I do that. I do that. Really what this is, I want to empower you to influence your marriage. You have more influence than you can imagine. And if there's distance right now or maybe you're going through a season where you've drifted, you're feeling like married roommates, utilize what you have the most control over and that's you. With these five things, you have great influence and I want to empower you to utilize your influence in the marriage because as you show up in safe, kind ways specifically that speak to your husband, wow, all bets are off. You can't control what he does or doesn't do. I always say do these things regardless of what your spouse does or doesn't do and utilize the influence that God has given you. So I know I just offered five simple tips. There's so much more to talk about. We're going to link to some resources down below, including the book I wrote, 10 Things A Husband Needs From His Wife. We have so many resources here at Focus on the Family and we'll link to them below, but feel free to ask questions. We love reading your comments. So again, we want to engage with you. We want to hear your comments. Feel free to comment below because we want to help your marriage thrive in Christ.