How I Healed My Relationship With Food (The Real Story + What Actually Worked)

If you're currently struggling with your relationship with food, this video is for you. I have had a journey, so there are some trigger warnings, and I will be talking about sensitive subjects, and so if this is something you cannot handle just yet, or this may trigger you, please click out of the video right now. Hello, if you're new here, my name is Maria, and I talk a lot about things regarding health, regarding food, just all that sort of aspect, and in today's video, I want to talk about how I healed my relationship with food. So, the real story, and what actually worked, because it's not just a one thing fits everyone, everyone has their own journey, and this is mine, and if I can only help one person out there, that is already enough. I have got some notes written down, so if you see me facing a little bit to the left, well, you're right, I'm just looking at my notes. Part one, the backstory. So, in 2020, was my eat less, move more phase. So, I wanted to be thinner, I was constantly comparing myself to people I saw online, some fitness influencers, and as we know, 2020 was COVID, so we were all more online, hence why I saw these people, and I was like, I gotta look like that. I didn't know that half of them were edited, I didn't know it was posing, it was lighting, it was all these different things, but in my mind, it was just, I wanted to be thinner. So, I ate less, I trained more, I ignored hunger, fatigue, and mood changes, all because I wanted to look healthy, but what actually happened is, I felt drained, I felt anxious, I felt exhausted, and that set the stage for metabolic stress. So, 2020 was the starting phase. When I give you the info, I also want to give you some science, so that you know why these things happened. So, what I did, I did chronic under eating, and this slows your thyroid, so your T3, you've also got lower lipton, and you're raising cortisol, and high cortisol means more cravings, weaker digestion, and blood sugar swings. So, all these healthy habits became survival mode habits. And then we have 2021, the calorie tracking and low calorie food era. So, this is where I weighed everything, literally everything I had. If I had one almond, that was weighed, to the gram. I lived off low calorie food and low nutrient food. I thought that low fat was good because it had less calories. I didn't know that we needed fat for our brain. That was nothing that I cared about. All I cared about was calories. If it was just made of chemicals, I ate it. I only cared about the calories. You know those like 40, not 40, but like 4 calorie noodles? I ate those with, for example, tomato sauce. There was no nutrients in that. Of course, I was going to feel terrible after, but all I cared about was those numbers. It's just a number game. And I lost my period. I lost energy, confidence, and emotional stability. My body was just running on fumes. And I knew that I lost my period. Like, obviously, obviously, I was like, oh, okay, something is a bit off. But I didn't really care because to my brain, I was still not thin enough. I didn't think that I looked good yet. I still had to be thinner, even though I lost heaps of weight and I was pretty thin. I still didn't think it was enough, so I kept going. Even though my body was asking for help, I lost my period. I felt like absolute crap, but I still kept going. And if you are there right now, I know what you feel like. And I know it's not a good place to be in. In the science terms, basically, I had low energy availability. And this led to my body shutting down non-essential processes. So fertility, hair growth, warmth, like all these things. So I was cold. My hair was falling out. And I lost my fertility because my body wasn't feeling safe. Your hormones don't regulate to conserve energy, hence why these things happen. And restriction also keeps your adrenaline high. When you get fake energy, masking burnout. And then we have 2022, the binge restrict cycle and metabolic crash. Binges increased as restriction tightened. I didn't start off by having a binge restriction cycle to begin with. It was sort of on birthdays or on Christmas, on special occasions. I would have these cheat days where I would binge so much that I literally threw up. I ate a whole glass of peanut butter. I ate so much cake. I ate all these things that I wouldn't allow myself to eat. And I ate so much that I physically had to throw up to feel okay. Because I was so full, I couldn't even fall asleep. And so that led into the binge restrict cycle. My hair started thinning. I was bloated. I had digestive issues. Constantly thinking about food. Hormones completely disregulated. And basically food just became the center of my life. In science terms, basically, binges are a biological rebound from restriction. It's like the less you have something, the more you want it. And ghrelin also rises when the calories are too low. Which then increases those intense urges for food. Because your body is literally asking for more energy. Blood sugar instability also happens. Which means more cravings and more overeating. And your nervous system is stuck in supper mode. Which leads to hyper focus on food. Because all your body's thinking about is food. Because it wants to be safe. As it doesn't feel safe right now. And then 2023, I had absolute rock bottom. I deleted the tracking apps. I stopped chasing perfect eating. I admitted the old approach wasn't working. And my first honest step towards healing. I started looking more into necessary things that my body needed. So I thought about, well, I don't have a period. Do I want kids in the future? I absolutely do. So I must focus on my hormones. And then I started realizing that a healthy body doesn't... It's not going to be the thinnest. And I realized all these things I was hyper focusing on about before do not matter. They absolutely don't matter. The only thing that I see positive in my whole journey was how all of those years led me to where I am now. I know so much more. I know so much better. And I can help people now. I now have the knowledge and the ability to help others out of that binge restrict. Or just that restrict. Or that calorie obsession. Because if we think about it, back in the day, who knew what a calorie was? Nobody. But now that people know that what calories are. That we're supposedly low fat. We're not really healthy, are we? Because we need healthy fats for our brain. Our brain runs on fat. We need high cholesterol levels. Because we just need that for our brain. And so when I started focusing more on healthy fats. On proteins. And blood sugar. On working with my hormones. So hormones. So cycle syncing. All these things. I started feeling better. My hair started growing back. And it's so... It's nice and healthy now. I've got long nails. I've got all these things. All these signs of health. My period came back. Because I started focusing on these things. So that leads me into... That was like a peace sign. That leads me into part two. What actually healed me. Nourishing instead of punishing. I stopped under eating. I know it's hard. And you have to go little steps. You have to start eating a little bit more. You have to shift your mindset. So when you're eating something. Just know that you need to eat a bigger portion. And I definitely think it's not a problem. With you struggling to eat a bigger portion. It's that mental block. I could eat a lot more. But it was that mental shift of allowing myself to eat more. And keep reminding yourself why you're doing this. You're doing this for your health. I added protein back into every single meal. Before, because I was just focusing on calories. It was basically just high fiber, high volume meals. But when I added protein. It allowed me to feel full. And also healthy fats. As I said, I added healthy fats. And I added nutrient-dense carbs. So slow digesting carbs. And just had full meals. And I started focusing on real ingredients. Real whole foods. Instead of having all this processed junk. I started focusing on real ingredients. That actually keep me full. And really nourish my body. And when I, for example. If I want a cookie. I will make a cookie. But I will use real ingredients. And I won't punish myself for having that cookie. And I know it's made with real butter. It's made with honey. It's made with maple. And I know these are higher calorie foods. But I also know that these are way more nutrient-dense. Than that low calorie chemical food that we eat. And I know that's actually going to do something good in my body. And it's going to keep me full. If it's made with real food. It's going to keep you full and satisfied. And I started supporting hormones. Instead of suppressing them. I started cyclistic. I started not stressing out about things. And I started living like a female. I started doing all these things for my hormones. Because everything is basically based on males. But once you start really working with your hormones. You notice so much more. And you notice all these little things. And how they really change the way we live. The way we exercise. The things we eat. All that calms down. Guess what happened? My energy slowly returned. Science time waste. Basically adequate calories. I know I don't focus on calories. But you do have to eat enough. And this restores your thyroid hormones. Your warmth comes back. All these things go back into place. Protein and fat stabilize blood sugar. Which means lower cravings. If you don't know. Basically in my mentorship. Well anyway. I basically tell women. Focus on healthy protein and fats first for your meals. So have those two things first. We do also need carbs. I'm not saying carbs are bad. I'm just saying have them after. Or don't have them on their own. Always pair them with a healthy protein and fat. That is such an easy rule. But it's so good. And it's going to really change your life. Then eating enough lowers cortisol. And this can help you to restore ovulation. And balance your cycle. Number two. Learning to eat without fear. This is the hard part. This is the part where we really have to think about. It's not a physical challenge. It's more of a mental challenge. Unless there are certain eating disorders. Where it's also a physical challenge. But most I would say it's a mental block. So some things that could help. Slow down meals intentionally. So if you struggle with binging. Just eat a bit slower. Be more present. Don't distract yourself on your phone. What I like to do. This is a really fun hack. Pretend like you're a master chef. Like you're judging a meal. And you're like getting all these different flavors. All these different things. And just really being present in the moment. This is honestly a really big one. But stop planning the next meal while you're eating. I'm not the only one that did this. Basically you're eating your breakfast. And you're already thinking about what you're having for lunch. That's not good. Be in the moment. Eat your breakfast. Then maybe five hours later you have your lunch. Eat your lunch. Another five hours later you'll have your dinner. If you have proper meals. You can go five to six hours between your meals. No problem. They just need to be really really nutritious meals. And satisfying. And I mean you can of course you can have snacks. I'm not saying don't have snacks. But I'm just saying you don't have to constantly be snacking. If you have proper meals. And be present when you have those meals. Because mindful eating reactivates satiety cues. Your body will know how to trust you again. Prismatic activation. So rest and digest. Improve digestion. And slower eating increases liptin sensitivity. Making you feel fuller early on. Again liptin and ghrelin are your satiety and hunger hormones. So basically they control how hungry you are. And how satiated you are. Number three. Letting go of good versus bad food labels. Now I know my approach. I focus on certain foods that are more nutritious. There are things that will be better for our body. That I preach. I don't want you to be so stressed about certain foods. Because that stress as I said is going to be way more harmful than actually eating that food. So if you know once a year you'll have some seed oils. Fine. Have those seed oils and move on. Once a year you'll have refined sugars. It's okay. Move on. But don't label food as good as bad. In the way that will lead to restriction. And that binge response. Like you can have food that is more nutritious and less nutritious. But allow normal foods without guilt. And allow life to be life as well. Don't only focus on those things. Like be happy and be in the moment. Because happy people live longer than stressed people. Even if the stressed people eat a technically healthier diet. The happy people will live longer. Because stress is the worst killer out of everything. Number four. Rebuilding trust with my body. So I learned hunger and fullness cues again. One problem that I had. Which I still sometimes have. Is I am hungry. And I will have one spoon or one thing of food. And then I feel full after. Like I could stop eating right now. But I know I technically have to eat more. Because I know my body needs more. And that is just something that you have to sort of play with. And feel those hunger and fullness cues. And you're not going to go from this to this. And be back like with your intuitive hunger signals. Does that make sense? So you're going to have to. It's a journey. You're going to have to start listening again. And working with your body. And eat before you get redness. All these intuitive fasting things. For example you will. So let's say you only eat when it's 12 o'clock. And you're really hungry at 9. You'll push it out with black coffee. Which first of all raises your cortisol. Then your body is stressing out. Because it wants food. But it's not getting any. And then once it's 12 o'clock. You're gonna start going bingeing. Because you feel restricting. And not listen to your hunger cues. So eat when you're hungry. Stop when you're full. Unless you're like me. You had that problem when you eat one bite. Eat so you know you're giving your body enough nutrients. And then wait till you're hungry again. And even if you're hungry an hour after. That could be a sign that maybe your meal wasn't balanced. Maybe your blood sugar went through the roof. Maybe you didn't eat enough. Those are things that I focus on in my mentorship. Where we play with how much to eat. What to eat. And sort of seeing how your body reacts. And tracking those responses. Number five. I educated myself. Which was the missing piece. As I said, 2024 was deep learning on metabolism. Hormones. The nervous system. I just understood what restriction failed. And what the body needs to feel safe. Knowledge replaced fear with confidence. And nutrition finally made sense. And this is why I do this. I want to give you that knowledge. I want to help you forward. And I want you to get out of that binge restricting cycle. Because it's not fun to be in. And now we move on to part three of this video. Which is present day. Where I am now. 2025, 2026. So, I feel genuinely free around food. The other day I made sourdough chocolate chip cookies. And I knew that technically they are more calorie dense. Than a protein low calorie chemical cookie. But I just felt genuinely free. I had one cookie and I didn't feel the need to binge. I ate it. I knew it was nutritious. And because there is more energy in it. It kept me fuller than just having a low calorie. Some different kind of cookie. I paired it with some cottage cheese. So I had my healthy protein and fat from the cottage cheese. Then I had my cookie for dessert. That was my breakfast. And it kept me full for hours. Because I knew it had really good ingredients. And this is where I want you to get to as well. Having those foods. And genuinely feeling free around it. My cycle is regular. My energy is stable. I have no more food noise. And eating is just peaceful. And simple. And nourishing. I just feel happy in the freedom I have. And yes, I have gained weight. This was me before losing weight. This was me after losing weight. This is me now. Yes, I have gained weight back. But my body needs that weight. It needs that weight to be healthy. And to feel safe. Because when I was at my skinniest. My body wasn't thriving. I didn't have a period. My hair was falling out. I was cold. I felt like. I felt miserable. But now that I've gained some weight back. I feel. I feel amazing. My hair has gone really thick. And really luscious. Got long nails. Got a big smile on my face. And I feel happy. And that is where I want you to be. And I know that currently. Skinny talk is getting really popular. And a lot of people. Well a lot of women. Are trying to be the thinnest version of themselves. Which I want you to be the strongest. And healthiest version. And that is most likely not the thinnest. If you are where I was. You're not alone. And you're not broken. Healing takes time. Patience and nourishment. Not restriction. You rebuild trust meal by meal. And that's just how it starts. It starts with little things. And little changes. That will make that huge shift in your life. If you are interested in more information. You can subscribe to the channel. And if you want to go even further. I have a three tier mentorship program. Basically tier one. You just get the recipes. So you get blood sugar friendly recipes. You get healthier types of recipes. More nutrient dense. Family friendly. Meal prep. All these different recipes. Christmas recipes. Which I did a whole cookbook on. All these different recipes. That is tier one. And then tier two. You have my five month mentorship. Well that is a. Well I call that five week. But it will probably take you five months. So in that you have hour long videos. You have really. So you got heaps of information from videos. Like this. So these are sit down videos. And then I go through some resources with you. So every single video will have a resource. That could be a guide. That could be a tracking sheet. And you basically shift your whole life. There is again. There's some mindset shifts. There is some pantry shifts. There's some like toxic things in your household shift. There is how to balance your blood sugar. Hormones. All these different things. So that is tier two. Which will also include weekly Q&A calls. And then tier three is one-on-one coaching. So if you want to go even deeper. We will work one-on-one. We'll do calls. I will give you personal guidance. Feedback and all these type of things. So I will be your mentor. And that will be tier three. And if any of those tiers interest you. You can click the link below. And it'll take you to my school community. Well school mentorship. And you can choose which tier you want to start with. You can always upgrade or downgrade. Depending on where you are. And if you just want to keep the free info. That's okay. I post recipes. And I also post information like this on YouTube and Instagram. And do monthly giveaways on there as well. If you currently don't have the state. Or the capacity to join the mentorship. Which is all good. As long as I can help you. We're all good. I just want to give you information. And yeah. I hope that this helps at least one person out there. Like and subscribe to this channel. And I'll see you in my next video. In 2026. And I'm filming this in 2035. On Christmas. And I'll see you in 2026. Bye!