Marsha Warfield - Ageing solved it all

I was retired for about more than 15 years. I stopped counting at 15. But I was just sitting at home bothering people on Facebook. Because that's what you do when you retire nowadays. Facebook is the 21st century version of sitting in the window yelling at people. Get off my page. You take that to the other side of the internet. I was trying to lose weight. I really was. I was giving it a really good effort, you know, with the summer and all that kind of stuff. And then one day when I was pulling some skin off some chicken, it dawned on me, hey, they make bigger clothes. You should have seen me wrapping that skin back around that chicken. I got some bacon and some toothpicks. I had some cheese and peanut butter. I was going to fry that chicken. Because see, you don't realize stuff till you get old. When you're young, they fool women. They trick us. They make us think that we have to be thin and tight in order to be doable. And then when you're in your 60s, it comes to you. It's like, hey, I've seen a lot of fat women with babies. So I'm not really trying to lose weight anymore. Because for one thing, you know, weight, lesbians love big women. Fat is a chick magnet. They see you, they be like, hey, big mama. You hungry? And I'm like, I could eat. Because I am gay. You can stop speculating behind your hands in case you're just wondering. You know, people do that. They think I can't hear. Like, she is gay, ain't she? Wasn't she gay on night court? No, Roz was not gay. I'm gay. But I didn't come out until when I came back to doing stand-up about four years ago. I came out on Facebook. So I didn't grow up in the culture. You know, I was in the closet with the glass door. You know, the people you see on the red carpet with their brother. I was one of those people. And so I don't know all of the gay rules and stuff. I don't understand all of the butch, femme, stud, fud, whatever it is. I don't get it. I mean, look at me. I have on a man's hat. But I have on makeup, lipstick, bra, panties. I am wearing a strap-on.