Your Relationship is Not Gonna Work - Comedian Donnivin Jordan - Chocolate Sundaes Stand Up Comedy

We in LA and LA is the worst population of dating. This ---- is not working for none of us. If you're on a date right now, I can promise you it ain't gonna ******* work. This ---- here, two weeks. This, Friday. This, February 13th. Because he gonna come up with some ---- because he don't want to **** with you on the 14th. This nigga right here, tonight. I'm just, it's not working and it's none of y'all's fault. It's not man's fault. It's not woman's fault. It's our fault. We don't talk enough. We have to talk to each other. We're not talking. We just like each other and we go off attraction and a ******* vibe. What the **** is that? I was with him and we just caught a vibe and I sucked his dick. That's cool. We take the head and that's that. Thank you. But what do you know about me? You know, we have to talk and ---- like women stop on their first date. If you feel like he's a potential and you like him, don't go find his ****. Don't go all dolled up. Don't put on no ******* makeup. Don't go in your best dress and your heels and all that ----. **** that. Show him the worst of you. Don't put on no makeup. Tie your hair up. Put on some sweats, an old t-shirt and one shoe. One ******* shoe. And show up to the date. He gonna look at you and say, you forgot your other shoe. You tell him, no nigga, I found one. Now I know y'all like, damn Donovan, why? Why the **** would we do that? Because you're showing us the worst of you. If he still likes you after not seeing no makeup, your hair not done, the ---- y'all show us six months down the line and we got to look at you and be like, oh ----, this is the bitch. Then you made it up. I can't believe you would ******* leave me, bitch. I didn't know you looked like this. But if you showed him on date one and he still want to **** with you, that's a good man, Savannah. That's a good man. He look at you and see, let me tell you something. Women, sometimes y'all be ******* yourself because y'all look too good and the man you want look at you and we'd be like, I can't even **** with her. She's too much. She out of my ******* league. Good men know where the **** we stand. I know who in my league and who not. I was in church today praying. I know a lot of people pray for money. Y'all pray for cars. Y'all pray for houses and ---- like that. I pray for something so simple and I hope God give it to me. I asked God to give me the confidence of an ugly nigga. Said, God, if you please just give me the confidence of an ugly nigga. Cause let me tell you something, ugly men don't give a ****. They will holler at everybody. I got a homeboy named Reggie. Let me tell y'all something. Reggie looked like a gargoyle. This nigga don't even speak English. He growl. What's up Reggie? Rough day? Reggie ugly as a ************. That's my friend though. That nigga got so much confidence. Let me tell you something. Beyonce could walk through this door right now with Jay Z. Reggie got so much confidence. He will walk his ass over there. I would have to stop Reggie and say, hey my nigga, don't go over there. That's, that's ******* Beyonce. Nigga don't give a **** nigga. She only with that nigga cause she ain't seen me nigga. I want that ----. But men who kind of look like some, we know our ******* league. We know where the **** I'm staying. And sometimes y'all be looking too good. Y'all might like me, but you ******* beautiful. I be like, I can't even. **** that. She got a red bottom thong. And your, your red bottoms probably fake. You probably patented it on. And you need a nigga like me to help you paint the other shoe. Who got to spend all that ******* money for some red ----. You ain't have red bottoms, blue bottoms, yellow bottoms, orange bottoms, pink bottoms. You bitches can't **** with you baby.