Asian Parents DO NOT SAY I Love You - Michael Yo Stand Up Comedy

Now I don't want you to think, I do not want you to think my mom's a bad person. She's an amazing mom. But here's the thing about Asian moms. They never tell their kids they love them. They never show them any emotion. But when they do, you know it's real. I got married late in life. Got two kids. My mom never thought she would have grandkids. The other day, she's at my house watching me play with my kids. She's glowing. I can feel it. She's glowing. She calls me over. I just want to let you know, you are a great father. And then she goes, and I am so surprised. Take politics out of it. I think the world is moving in the right direction. Look at all this diversity in this room. We laughing at the same thing, and that is beautiful. Right? Right? It is. It's awesome, man. It's awesome. But we have to acknowledge some things stay the same. They're just different. A little bit different. Like my son is seven. Comes home from school the other day. He goes, Dad, what's the N-word mean? I'm like, oh man, why? He goes, well, kids at school were trying to make me say bigger with an N. I go, what would you say? He said, I said bigger N. So innocent and sweet. But it made me sad. He goes to a private school, and he still doesn't know how to spell. But it did make me sad. Because I went through this. Right now, still, if I go to Miami right now, I'm Puerto Rican. If I go to New York, I'm Dominican. I went to Hawaii, they were like, welcome home. But I was born and raised in Houston, Texas. They had a different name for me growing up in Houston, Texas. Oh yeah. They called me N-word. They just called me N-word. I was walking to school, they go, N-word. But I wasn't a victim. I was not a victim because my dad went through segregation. He gave me lessons. My Asian mom gave me empathy. I came home from school. My dad goes, what's wrong, son? I go, well, you know this. My dad goes, well, are you an N-word? I go, no, sir. He goes, well, stop letting other people you don't even know define you by their words. Never let them do that again. And I never did. My Asian mom gave me empathy. She goes, what's wrong? I go, well, you know this. My mom goes, I don't like the N-word part. Look at all the Asians, they're like, it's a true, it's a true. I have a great family, man. And I will tell you this, when you have an amazing wife, as a man, you feel useless at home a lot of times. Because if you do something to help them out, you usually mess it up, right? So all I'm responsible in the house is for snacks. All day long, my kids are like, can I have a snack, daddy? Can I have a snack, daddy? Daddy, can I have a snack? I need a snack, daddy. So I just, I'm the snack daddy. They call me the snack daddy at home, but the problem is, they started telling their friends at school, my name was snack daddy. So just like every other parent in this room, you have to read a story. You have to go into school, read a story. I walk into the classroom, all the kids are like, snack daddy! Teacher looks at me, she's angry. She's like, calm these kids down. I look at the kids, hey, shh, you can't say that out loud, all right? Keep it to yourself. I read the story, and of course, I brought snacks, donuts and everything. I give them snacks, right? I leave. About a month later, I'm talking to some parents. I don't know, my wife is making me talk to them. Their kid runs up and goes, snack daddy! Their parents look at me weird. I look at them, and then the kid goes, oh, he told me not to say that out loud. I was like, no diddy, no diddy. Now, before I get out of here, just want to let you know, got a big shout out to a big group of in this room. Very special to me. To all the people 40 and up, thank you so much for coming out. Thank you. I know it's tough. I know it's tough. Because let's be honest, we both thought this show was a good idea at the beginning of the day, didn't we? We had the same plans. You were like, let's go to dinner, let's go to a show. Dinner was over like six o'clock, then you're like, ****. I got to be up for five more hours? We can't do it like we used to do it when we're young. Anybody younger than 25 in this room, that's a guy. Make some noise. 21 years old. Good looking guy, too. 21. 21. What's your name? What is it? Jason. Jason. He too cool. Jason. 21 years old. 19 years away from being 40. Think about that. Here's the biggest difference between Jason and all these 20 year olds than us. People in their 20s, they love unpredictability. Jason don't care what happens after this show. He hasn't even thought, Jason didn't even know he was coming to the show tonight. Once you get over 40, what are we like? Predictability. We know what's happening after this show. I know where everybody over 40 going after this show. Home. Ask somebody in their 20s what they're doing after this show. They'll be like, I don't know, but it's gonna be crazy. That sounds dangerous to me, Jason. That's like me asking a friend where we're gonna eat and they're going, I don't know, but we're gonna get food poisoning. 21 years old. 19 years away from being 40. How's it feel to have no pain in your body, Jason? **** you, Jason. No pain in his body, man. How old are you, sir? Right there. You. Bald head, man. Yes, I'm talking to you. 43. What hurts on you? Everything hurts on him, Jason. Do you know what everything means, Jason? From the top of that man's head to the bottom of his feet. He's hurting, Jason. What's your name, sir? Matt. Let's go back in the day. Back in the first body part to go out. Knees back. What was it? Knees. Matt ain't got no knees, Jason. You know he used to have knees, right? But when you get old, things just go away. You got to understand. They just go. You got it now. They'll go away. How about you, sir, in the hat? How old are you? 64 years old. 64, yeah. See that, Jason? You see they clap for him for no reason. They clap for that man for still being alive, Jason. People ask me what I love about life, Jason. I say time, because time don't care how much money you got, what color you got, or if you famous. It takes us all. Enjoy every single minute, Jason. Because, Jason, I was 35 years old a long time ago, Jason. I'm old. I'm old. I'm old. Lady stopped me. She was 65 years old. She was like, oh my God, you were so funny. I peed on myself. I go, that's a weird thing to brag about. But then I got over 40, and I was like, oh, everybody pee on themselves. I pee on myself all the time, Jason. I'll go to the bathroom, think I'm done, put it back in, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. All day long, dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble. And do I change my pants, Jason? Hell no, I don't change my pants, Jason. That's why I wear black jeans, Jason. I got two kids. My wife was like, what's that smell? I go, must be them. It's definitely not me. See how everybody laughing at Jason? That means everybody got pee in their pants right now. That's why it smells like a daycare in here, Jason. Simple things you can do, Jason. Don't take it for granted. We can do it, but it's a lot harder for us. Like Jason right now can go take a ----, jump up, walk away, no problem. I can't do that, Jason. If I sit on the toilet for too long, I can't walk for 30 minutes. My legs fall asleep. My feet start tingling. I got to wear compression socks to take a ----, Jason. 21 years old. 19 years away from being 40. He's still in his prime. Like Jason still gets hard for nothing. Jason's probably hard right now. Every time I say Jason's name, his dick's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Guess what, Jason? That goes away too. Oh, we're not laughing anymore, are we, Jason? I can't tell you when, Jason. Maybe 20, 30 years from now. Ask your dad. He'll know. You be trying to hook up with somebody. It's not going to happen, Jason. It's not. No matter what you do, no matter how bad you want it, it's not going to happen. You get desperate. You start talking to you like, please, come on, one more time, one more time, one more time. Please. Your dick will be like, no, no. I don't want to play. I don't want to play. Whoever you're with, Jason, they'll blow on it. You'll stick it back in. It's like a Nintendo cartridge. Jason's like, what the hell is a Nintendo cartridge? Thank you, Tippy. Have a great day.