My Fiancé Broke Off Our Engagement Because Of My Money Habits

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. I just went through a breakup over money and I want to figure out how to heal from it and move forward. Oh, so sorry. How long was the relationship? A couple of months. We had just gotten engaged. Oh, what happened? So my, I guess now ex-fiance, he is a very anti-debt person, which I agree with. I have a lot of debt. I have student loan debt and credit card debt, both from taking care. I put everything on hold after my dad died a number of years ago and I was taking care of the family for a long time. And my siblings were still in school. And I was 19 when that happened and just sort of got into a lot of debt afterwards. And so I have not, it's so money is like very emotional for me because I don't have a good, I don't have a good relationship with it. My family doesn't. And so when it came time to start going through the finances, it just, it didn't go well. Oh, wow. So he panicked. Did he panic around the amount of debt there is or did he panic of your current, you know, your current way of seeing money and how you deal with money currently? It was over the behavior. The number itself wasn't concerning to him. It was the behavior and my relationship with it. Yes. Oh my gosh. Okay. So he ended it. Was there any, was there any conversation around, Hey Rita, you know, if I'm gonna, if I'm going to go down this road of marriage, I want us to be on the same page. I want us to be a team. You know, would you, would you be open and consider handling money differently? Like, did he give you options or was it a pretty like closed case? It was, it started off with some options, but it ended up being pretty close case. Okay. How old are you? 28. How many serious relationships have you had? You've worked too hard to get control of your money just to let strangers control your data. Every online signup discount code and free trial comes at a cost. Your information and delete me helps you take back control. Their privacy experts find your personal info on sketchy data broker sites. They delete it and they keep it gone. Meaning you stay in charge of what's yours. So protect your privacy and get 20% off an annual plan at join delete me.com slash Ramsey. That's joined delete me.com slash Ramsey. How many serious relationships have you had? I've been, um, I've dated seriously for a couple, I don't know, a couple of relationships. I had, um, a five-year relationship in college and then, um, three and a half years in my twenties and then earlier twenties. Um, and then this was the, this was the most recent relationship. Okay. So not your first heartbreak, but this one was the most serious in terms of, Hey, we're going to, this is leading towards marriage and he's the one kind of thing. Yeah, very much so. Yeah. And what are your current money habits that he was like, I'm out, I can't do this. Um, he was concerned because, so I have, I, I moved recently for a job and my, my family moved with me and I, I knew because we were selling our house that I was going to have to take sort of a short-term hit to, to move, um, before the household and my family could move out here with me. So, um, he was concerned that after I had like, even after I had left my house that I had still accrued some debt. Um, and, um, the, um, I did, yeah, I, I, and, but I have, so I'm, I'm doing the baby steps right now. I'm in baby step two. Um, and I have my emergency fund saved and I'm paying down my, my smallest debts right now. Um, so that was that. Yeah. So, so I am making progress. Um, but it, I guess it, maybe it wasn't enough progress or I don't, I don't really know the flavor now. Um, but it's sort of like my, my worst fear has always been like, I, because the situation with my family has been really bad for a long time. Financially, I have had a long standing fear that I have no control over my money and this sort of like brought it back up again. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. He like broke up with the, the most vulnerable part of you and your fear. Yeah. Did your, why is your, why did your family move with you? What's the, what's going on there? Um, my, so my, um, my sister moved, we, my sister and I moved to the same, um, location to get, she got married and then, um, I moved out here for a job and my mom who is, um, somewhat retired, um, sold the family house back where we were, um, in our hometown, um, to move out as well. Um, because she wanted to be close to her grandkids. Was any of that a red flag for him? Yes. Okay. Yeah. I'm just trying to place, cause it's interesting to talk to you, Rita, because I'll, I'll be very honest with you. You're kind of on the ends of your, you're the person in the relationship that we usually don't get the call from. We usually get the call probably from the ex-fiance who's like, Hey, I'm engaged. I'm nervous with these money habits. You know what I mean? Like, should I continue? You know what I mean? So to get the person that got broken up with because of the money, we don't usually get different. We don't get that side. So I'm trying to, in my head, cause I want to be on your team, right? I'm like, I want to be able to help you and us help navigate this. I'm just trying to figure out if what he saw was legitimate or if he's too legalistic, you know what I mean? And broke off a great thing too early. I don't know. And I probably won't know in this call, but I'll just. And you may never know. That's the hard truth is you can replay this a thousand ways and it's not going to get you any closer to your future. And so the, you asked, how do I heal? Well, learn, learn from what broke and rebuild trust in yourself and then create the habits and become the person that you want to be the person who changes your family tree. It actually gets out of debt and doesn't use it anymore. And so this just might be one of those fork in the roads where you look back and go, man, that was a pivotal time in my life. And it's not a fun way to learn the lesson, but now, you know, and you can do better. And so I think a lot of this is your own healing journey of, you know, it's counseling and Jesus. That's, what's going to heal you at this point on top of the good budgeting habits and getting out of debt. And I think what's hard to stay true to your plan is money can become such an identity marker in us. And it shouldn't be, you know, your money, your money mistakes, your net worth. Like none of this is who you are as a person, right? It's a reflection of our behaviors and our habits and all of it. But in our society today, it's become such an identity piece. So I want you to break that apart from you that the money mistakes that I've made, even the habits I'm in that are not great. It's not who I am, who I am is something so centered that cannot be shaken, right? And then that, out of that flows a healthy Rita, which hopefully in return has healthy boundaries with money, is able to say no, is able to sacrifice and get out of debt and all of that. So it's so easy. And I can hear from your, even your story, those being so married, your identity and money and all of it, it's so closely linked into who you are. And I would work at kind of starting to pull that apart because it's not who you are, your net worth, your money mistakes, none of that is your identity and who you are. I keep hearing John Deloney in my head saying, you are worth being well, you are worth being loved. You're a person who can have a healthy relationship. And a lot of this is detaching from maybe unhealthy family baggage and going, Hey, I need to move on with my life. There's been a lot of codependency that has been toxic and it's time I need to grow. And so I'm going to send you a copy of Rachel's book, know yourself, know your money. She talks about the different money classrooms and how you grew up. I think it will be a part of your journey. So hang on the line. That'll be our gift to you, Rita. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.